The So Unknown
by Slywolf9
Summary: I didn't plan on staying with Bella long after Edward left, but suddenly the days turned into weeks, into months. It was perfection and happiness, and nothing could take it away. Then one day Edward came back. JasperxBella
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter One**

I slumped against the seat of my truck, feeling the whole week settling over my shoulders. The rain beat a steady pattern against my windshield, and I lost myself in it for a few minutes. It was musical almost, musical like _him_.

At the first stabbing in my heart I forced myself out of the door, grabbing my bag and stepping out into the cold, wet rain. It didn't take long for the rain to douse me, and a chill to crawl up my spine. It was therapeutic almost. At the very least it only added to my sense of numbness. It was Friday, and I didn't have nearly enough homework to get me through the weekend, as usual. I sighed and made my way carefully to the front door, grabbing the hidden key and unlocking it.

I slung my bag down on the closest chair, stopping myself before I remembered that it was _his_ chair. That he looked like Adonis sitting there, his ruffled hair and toned chest…"No," I told myself. I grit my teeth against the gaping hole in my chest. "Think about something else."

Charlie had had a hard week, so I figured he could use a good dinner. Pot roast was always one of his favorites. The preparation was easy enough, and I stared out the window as I let the oven heat up. The rain had let up greatly, and a few rays of sunlight were struggling through the clouds. My eyes scanned the forest automatically, looking, but knowing they would find nothing. A sparkle. I snapped my head back to the left and strained my eyes. There it was again. A sparkle, like that of a million rays of sunshine reflecting off the biggest, clearest diamond.

My heart palpitated, and despite my better judgment, hope welled in me. It wasn't possible, there was no way…I closed my eyes and reopened them, staring at the spot once again. It was gone, and with it all my hope. I took a steadying breath and counted to fifty in my head in Spanish. The numbness seeped throughout me once again and I sighed in relief.

It wasn't the first time I had seen that sparkle since, but I seemed to be seeing it more frequently lately. The bell on the oven sounded, alerting me that I could put the roast in. I set the timer, grabbed my bag and hauled it to my room to do some Calculus while I waited. The assignment was short, only ten problems. It was going to be a very long weekend.

Monday morning seemed to come fast enough, or did it? I can't really keep the days straight anymore, they all sort of just blur into one long, continuous day. The only difference is nighttime, where the nightmares return. Last night had been exactly the same; running through the forest, falling down numerous times. But I still ran, still hoped, and woke up sobbing. Charlie's fist slamming down on the table shook me out of my reverie.

He was sending me home? To Renee? "What?" I asked, my face crumpling. I hadn't done anything wrong, I'd been the perfect daughter these past few months. Not a toe out of line, exceptional dinners, good grades. It seemed like everyone wanted to get rid of me. Unconsciously I folded my arms tight around my chest. So this was about my lack of a social life. Well, I could fix that.

"I'm going to watch a movie with Jessica this week," I lied. Well, it would be easy enough to make this the truth. Charlie didn't seem to believe me, and that sparked my long dormant anger. "I'm perfectly fine. We're going to Port Angeles. Friday."

My sudden return of emotion must have shocked Charlie, I guessed, because he let it drop after that. I scrubbed my bowl clean and placed it on the rack to dry off. It was definitely going to be another long week.

**

Friday came quickly enough. Between my part-time hours at the Newton's' camping store, the drudgery of school, and avoiding Charlie at home, it was almost a relief when Friday came. The ride to Port Angeles was okay. Jessica mostly babbled on, but I had long perfected my skill of making the appropriate affirmations or exclamations at the right time, so she didn't suspect anything.

The movie itself was gruesome. I was surprised that Jessica was even able to stay the whole time. She was sweating by the time we left the theater, and hungry. We decided to walk; everything was much too close to drive. I hadn't noticed Jessica stopped babbling until we were already in the middle of the darkened alley, passing on the opposite side of a bar with some men standing outside.

The lights of the fast food restaurant were shining ahead, and I could tell Jessica was eager to get out of this darkened strip and back to where people could see us.

"Hey girls, can we buy you a drink?" one of the men yelled.

Unconsciously I was doused in fear. This was almost like the last time. Almost. Except this time no one would be around to save me. I opened my mouth to retort; never something you should do in a dark alley with no one around, when I heard it. It was the same as ever, velvety and musical, and so real. _"Don't, Bella."_ I stopped dead in my tracks and looked around, just to make sure. But no one was there besides Jessica and the men outside the bar.

It only took me a minute to analyze why I had heard the voice in the first place, and then I made up my mind.

I moved closer to the men. Sirens were going off in my head, a clear warning, as a sense of déjà vu settled over me. I took another step closer when I heard it again. _"Bella, don't. Stay there,"_ he urged. _"Run, now!"_ It was intoxicating, all at once the high I so desperately longed for and yet the breath of fresh air that opened up all my long-closed off emotions. I had to hear it again. I stepped closer. The voice growled in my ear and it was heaven.

"Bella!" I could hear Jessica's frightened voice, inching backwards. She didn't want to be here, but she didn't feel right leaving me either.

"You go, Jess. I'll meet you at the restaurant." Another wave of déjà vu. I had definitely said that before. I was close to them now, close enough to see their grimy faces. Every step closer I took I could hear his voice roar in my ear, trying to convince me to leave. Each step closer also bolstered the men's confidence. They stepped towards me.

"Hey, can I buy you a drink?" His voice wasn't low; it was the strong tenor of a man maybe in his early twenties. These were not the same men from last time. A wave of disappointment crashed through me and I stopped in my tracks. The voice in my head was reduced to a few snarls.

The men took another step forward, closer now, I could smell the alcohol emanating off them, and it all snapped me back into reality. Fear erupted in my heart and I could almost hear his voice sigh with exasperation. I scrutinized the men once more before replying, "Sorry. I guess I don't know you."

I turned to leave then felt a hand shoot out and squeeze my wrist. I gasped in shock or pain, I can't be sure, and then it happened.

The voice in my head roared just as I heard another feral sound rip the silence of the night somewhere from the dark, and then I felt myself fall forward. I braced myself with my hands, feeling a sharp twinge as they absorbed my shock from the fall. I whipped my head around and saw the men behind me double over as if they were punched, and fall to the ground. And for one fleeting moment I saw him.

I noticed his eyes first. Dark gold, fading to black around the edges. My heart leapt to my throat and I was paralyzed from the shock. And then I took in the hair, a dark blond in color, but much too light for _his_ hair. But it wasn't Carlisle either I realized, the name sending little stabs of hurt all throughout me. And then he turned to face me and I let out a little surprised gasp. He looked furious, his eyes boring into mine as he stood, tense, livid. He opened his mouth to say something but then clenched his teeth together. He glanced to his right, hissed, and with one more death glare at me disappeared.

Wait! I wanted to scream. I felt like I'd been sucker punched. I started hyperventilating as sobs began to claw their way out. I heard the distant patter of footsteps and turned to glare at the intruder that had scared my savior away. It was Jessica, and she had a policeman with her. Jessica? I hadn't even noticed when she left. She looked frightened, then relieved that I was still safe. But the look of reproach in her eyes told me I would be in trouble.

The police officer helped me up then looked over at the men. He let out a low whistle, apparently under the impression that I had incapacitated the offenders. But it was all a blur. I couldn't think, I could barely breathe, and my eyes were stinging with tears that were trying to fall. The officer was saying something to us, but I didn't understand, and then Jessica was dragging me away. We skipped getting food and went straight to her car where Jessica angrily slammed her door and turned on her engine, waiting impatiently for me to put on my seatbelt. The ride home was a furious silence, but that was fine, because my mind was replaying the incident over and over again.

I could feel my protective walls break down, feel the numbness fade and all my emotions creep back into me. It was too late now, I realized. I knew I wouldn't be able to build up my defenses again, and I almost didn't want to.

Jessica didn't say a word as I stepped out of her car. Yes, I'd definitely get it on Monday. I opened the door and Charlie called out. "Bella?"

I must have muttered some affirmation, because he turned around again to watch the game on TV. I walked up the stairs to my room, feeling exactly as if I was in a dream. But I couldn't have been dreaming. The snarl of rage had been too real, even when compared to the one I heard in my head, and I had definitely not handled those men all by myself. I could feel myself hyperventilate as I once again began to think about them, all of them. Alice, Emmett, Esme, Carlisle…Edward. I couldn't help it any more, and a sob broke free of me, while I futilely tried to force it back down. Now that I was alone in my room I could feel all the emotions raging free, a hundred times intensified from how long they'd been buried. The hole in my heart ripped open again, and I clutched my hands to my chest to try and hold myself together.

I stumbled over to the window, staring out into the dark night, searching for him. My weak human eyes couldn't see him, or maybe he really wasn't there. No, I knew he was there. "I know you're there," I whispered, knowing he could hear my soft voice over the patter of the rain. "Don't do this to me. Don't hide. Please. _Jasper_." I held my breath for a few moments, but nothing. I knew I wasn't imagining things; I knew that Jasper had been there, had saved me just like Edward had before. And then the memories all came flooding back to me, and I slumped to the floor, sobs wracking my body.

That night the nightmares were back worse than ever. Except this time, a new character was in them. He looked exactly as he had when he saved me, his eyes so dark gold that they were fading to black. I kept running to him, trying to catch up, but he kept disappearing anytime I came close, only to pop up again, hundreds of feet away from me. Jasper. I woke up screaming his name.

**

The floodgates were open now, and I could feel every emotion searing through me relentlessly. Each little change of emotion brought a new onslaught of feelings, intensified a million times. My thoughts were possessed. I could only think about his honey hair and dark eyes, the shock, hurt and excitement that burned me every time I did. Jasper. He was here. Of course, that led me to other thoughts, roads that were perhaps better left un-traveled. Thoughts along the lines of "If Jasper is here, then maybe so is Edward."

His name had be gasping for breath, my heart constricting. I had never said his name so much in the four months he had been gone, other than the first week. The first week filled with false hope that he would return, contrite, and tell me he still loved me, that he always had, that it was all a lie. But then the weeks had dragged by, and I hadn't heard the slightest whisper of him, or any of the Cullens. A clean break indeed.

The weekend passed uneventfully, and I was beginning to feel as though I had imagined the whole thing. Jessica's attitude on Monday told me different. She was, to put it bluntly, pissed. The whole day she glared at me, never responding to my attempts to make peace. Angela and Mike were much more responsive to my sudden breath of life, though. Angela hinted towards hanging out soon, and Mike asked me rather callously on a date, but something in my expression must have had them backtracking when I politely told them I had other things to do at home as of the moment.

My thoughts weren't at school in the least. Every moment was spent analyzing the situation that had occurred in Port Angeles. Jasper appearing out of nowhere, the feral snarl that had ripped the air, his dark eyes. And yet, despite it all, he seemed completely in control of himself. But the biggest question that had plagued me was how did he find me? I was beginning to think that all those little sightings of something sparkly, something very akin to Edward's skin in the sunlight, were just that; a vampire's skin. But of course that would mean that Jasper was stalking me.

It was a silly notion, and I tried to shake it from my head. But it made sense. All these months, the past three to be exact, I had always noticed something to be a little off. The numbness I had so easily escaped into, the feeling of not being alone. The drive home was automatic, my mind wrapped up with my new train of thoughts. The other Cullens must not be back. If they were, then it would not have been Jasper who had come to my rescue. I pulled into my parking spot and sat staring at the forest for a moment. I tried to reassemble my thoughts, to try and keep myself together. My hands gripped painfully at my sides, nails digging into the skin. For a moment, I could almost recapture the numbness I'd had all these months. It was blissful, until it brought to light my earlier theories.

Theories. That's what I seemed to live on.

My eyes strained into the forest, but I couldn't make out anything shiny. Depression crashed over me like a wave, and I called out in desperation, "Jasper?" It wasn't loud, but he would have heard it. I was sure that my intense emotions would have been ravaging him right along with me; if he were here that is. "Jasper." Louder this time, not a question. He was there, he had to be. He couldn't simply crash back into my life and then disappear once he had disturbed the shell I had created around myself. It wasn't fair, and I didn't think I could handle being left alone again. My breathing hitched, and I began to hiccup. I didn't think I could handle anyone else leaving me again.

I gripped myself tightly, stumbling on my way into the house, and nearly falling down the stairs as I ran to my room. I collapsed on my bed, my body shaking violently from the sobs that were erupting from my mouth. I lay on my bed for a long while, reveling in my anguish.

I hadn't known I had fallen asleep until I heard the door bang downstairs, alerting me that Charlie was home. I felt around groggily, trying to reach my light, and my blanket slipped off me. Funny, but I didn't remember putting it there. Finally I found the light. It was six 'o clock now; Charlie was home late. And hungry. I leapt out of bed, a bad idea. The room was spinning, and I had to sit back down. Charlie was coming up the stairs now. He peered into my room cautiously.

"Hey, Bells."

"Hi Dad. Sorry, I just woke up. I'll make dinner now." Was it me, or did he seem unnaturally happy?

"Don't worry. I picked up some pizzas. We're downstairs. Maybe you want to clean up?"

I nodded and he left. We? Who else was here? I chanced a look in the mirror, something I had not done for who knows how long, and cringed. The girl before me was exceptionally pale, dark shadows under her eyes, and unhealthily skinny. I grimaced at my swollen, red eyes. That's why Charlie had wanted me to clean up. I went to the bathroom to scrub my face and brush my hair before heading downstairs. I immediately saw what Charlie meant by 'we'.

"Hey Bella!"

"Jake!" I cried, surprising myself. Joy surged through me and for a moment I was breathless. I couldn't rationalize why I was so happy to see Jacob, I didn't know him all that well after all, but seeing him standing there near the bottom of the stairs, his outline almost too big for the frame to accommodate, I was unbelievably happy. I hurried down to greet him, and ended up tripping over my own socks.

Jacob caught me, and I was surprised at how warm he was. Of course, I'd only ever known cold arms. I banished that thought as quickly as it had come. I looked up to smile at Jacob and caught him wrinkling his nose. I was suddenly self-conscious. "What?"

"Bella, are you wearing perfume?" he asked, his nose wrinkled in disgust.

I looked at him perplexed. "No." I could feel the blood rush to my face.

Jake seemed to contemplate for a moment before he shrugged and then crushed me in a hug. It seemed he was just as happy to see me, as I was to see him. I let him lead me to the kitchen, where we both grabbed some pizza and got to talking.

Hanging out with Jacob was like taking a breath of fresh air after being underwater for too long. It was refreshing, enjoyable, and I felt like I needed more. I was sorry to see him and Billy go, but it was a school night after all. Not that Jacob seemed too concerned, he'd be just as happy to spend the night. But it was getting late, and I still hadn't done any of my homework, not like there was much to do; I'd finished my English paper days ago, so Calculus was my only challenge. Applications of Derivatives. I shivered.

Saying goodbye to Jacob was harder than I expected; it felt exactly like the sun disappearing to leave me with the blackness of light. My face, always an open book it seemed, must have betrayed me, because Jake promised he would come visit again soon. I smiled at him as he left, and stood there in the doorway even after they had been gone for a while. I could feel the emotions bubbling under the surface, yearning to break free once again.

"Have fun?" Charlie's voice startled me, and I jumped backwards tripping on one of the shoes left by the door. "Sorry, Bells," Charlie told me as he helped me up.

"It's okay," I mumbled. "Yeah, it was really great to see Jake." Charlie was pleased, I could tell. I felt a little pain on my palm, and I lifted it up to inspect it. There was a thin line of blood blossoming over it, and I looked around to see what I might have gotten cut on. After a moment of deliberation, I settled with the sharp corner of the doorway, and I hauled myself upstairs to clean out the shallow cut. The cut was bleeding a little more now, and it stung when I cleaned it out, first with soap, and then with peroxide. I put a bandage over it (we had a healthy stock in the cabinet), and then reached to grab my toothbrush. I had already put the paste on by the time I looked back up to the mirror, and then I froze. I clenched my eyes shut, trying to control my breathing, and I was thankful that the door leading to the bathroom was shut now.

Jasper stood behind me, tense and worried.

I stumbled back against the sink, my toothbrush clattering to the floor. Jasper held up a hand, his palm facing me, as if to show he meant no harm. I almost laughed at the notion. My knees felt weak and I felt myself sliding down to the floor. My heart was working overtime right now, as we stared at each other. A wave of calm washed over me, and I found my voice to speak.

"Jasper?" It was a dream, a hallucination. Surely I should have already had this mental breakdown by now. But then why was it Jasper and not Edward who had shown up? The vampire standing with his back pressed against the bathroom door nodded. A little, hysterical giggle escaped my lips. I really must have gone crazy. Well, as long as I'd gone crazy…

Jasper did not move as I rinsed off my toothbrush and re-pasted it. I stared at him as I brushed my teeth, and he stared back. He was still as a statue, but looked so very real. The longer I stared at him, the more sure I was becoming that he was real. Then my emotions would flood through me, and I knew it was just another hallucination. I was probably already in my bed, dreaming. I rinsed my mouth and looked back up at the mirror. Jasper was still there, gazing at me with a strange intensity. I turned around to face him.

I should surely be going into shock, but I felt unreasonably calm. Probably Jasper's doing. I bit my bottom lip, unsure what to do. I shook my head, muttering, "Just a hallucination."

Jasper moved from the doorway as I pushed past him to go to my room, and he closed the door behind me. I sat down on my bed and looked at him expectantly, but he didn't seem inclined to say anything. I patted the bed, and Jasper sat down next to me, stiff and regal. I sighed and asked him, "Jasper, can you stop trying to calm me? It's a bit annoying."

I regretted it almost instantly. With one raised eyebrow, Jasper watched as the emotions hit me full on. The first thing I felt was bewilderment. Fear certainly, and apprehension. The dominant emotion was pain, though, and I saw Jasper wince as these emotions swirled around in me. I gasped, clutching my heart once more. The hole that had seemed so small and insignificant when Jacob had been around suddenly ripped open, and a new wave of hurt washed over me. Surely this was unfair, some mean trick played by a vengeful god. Time was supposed to heal your wounds, ease the grief. But the pain was as acute as ever, and I could feel the tears slide down my cheeks as I clenched my jaw against the myriad of feelings.

It was unbearable, and Jasper must have felt it that way too. The moment I ground out, "Calm, please," I felt my emotions ebb away until they were just lingering below the surface, still tangible, but not so potent anymore. I stared at Jasper for a moment then sighed. I still hadn't done my Calculus homework, but now I knew I would never get it done. This was all too dream-like, exactly the way I felt about Edward. I felt that if I looked away from Jasper for more than two seconds he would disappear.

"Bella." It was musical, deep and smooth, satin almost. My heart leapt to my throat, and I was glad, then, that he had me sedated with his calming waves.

Against my better judgment, before I could really realize what I was doing myself, I leaned forward and ran my fingers across his cheek. He was cold, but very much solid. It had been so long since I'd felt the coolness of a vampire, and it seemed to burn my skin, rather than freeze me. I stared into his eyes, a warm light honey now. He'd been hunting. "Jasper?"

He nodded once, and I felt my heart constrict, all other thoughts abandoning me, as I stared at this god-like creature before me. I flung my arms around his neck, squeezing tightly, and felt Jasper stiffen. He smelt delicious, there was no other word for it, and I breathed him in greedily. He really did smell as good as…any of the other Cullens.

It took me a moment to realize that being in such close proximity must be hard for him, and I let him go immediately. I tried to form the questions my mind so desperately screamed, but the words got all jumbled up and died on their way to my mouth. At last I settled on, "Say something, please?"

I needed to hear his voice again, just to make sure I wasn't dreaming. In many ways, my whole time at Forks had begun to seem dream-like, and this meeting was no more real than I felt any of my days with Edward had been. His name brought another round of grief, and I was gasping for air again. "Bella, calm down."

I tried to get a hold of myself, but to no avail. I bit down on my tongue to keep from crying too loudly, I didn't want Charlie to check on me, and stared at his face desperately. "I just-I feel like I'm dreaming. I feel like you're going to disappear," I whispered. The very thought once again wracked me with grief, and I didn't think I could take much more of this. I slumped back against my pillows, covering my eyes with my hand. I'd already cried so much today, and my eyes were stinging at the few tears that were forming once again. "Jasper?" I asked, groping around on the bed until I found something cold. I let out a little sigh. He was still here.

I kept my hand over his, just to make sure that I wasn't dreaming the whole thing, to make sure I wouldn't wake up to find myself even more broken than before. One Cullen was better than none, I thought dryly. Jasper was very tense, I could feel it just from his hand, but I could also feel the tension in the air between us. I didn't say anything for a long while, but soon enough I was getting chilled just from the feel of his hand. Jasper acted before I did, pulling the blanket up over me, and I stared at him in surprise. Realization slowly dawned on me. "You put the blanket on me earlier." It was a statement, not a question, but Jasper nodded anyway.

I half-smiled, but it turned into a grimace. I hadn't smiled in so long, I felt like I had forgotten how. I was suddenly exhausted, and wanted nothing more than to just close my eyes and let the deep blackness consume me. Jasper clicked off the light that was close to him, encouraging me to fall asleep. I grit my teeth and forced my eyes wide. I would not fall asleep. If I fell asleep now, he would be gone in the morning, and I would be worse off than before. "Why are you here?" I asked, trying to keep my heartbeat at an acceptable rate as I waited for his answers. "Where is everyone else?"

Jasper immediately hedged my question. "It's late, you should sleep." I scoffed. Nine o' clock was hardly late, but I could feel my eyelids drooping all the same.

"You didn't answer my questions," I insisted, tightening my grip on his hand, as if that would help. If he wanted to leave, he could break free from my grasp as easily as I could bite through a cracker.

"You didn't do your homework," he replied. I sighed in frustration and he laughed quietly. He was right though, I hadn't. Math was a difficult subject, though, and Mr. Varner kept strict records of our homework. I tried not to think about how Jasper's laugh reminded me of Edward's, and I thought of another thing to say.

"Are you going away again?" I asked timidly, my voice riddled with insecurity. I hadn't been good enough for Edward to stay, so why would Jasper? I meant even less to him than I did to Edward.

Instead, Jasper asked me his own question. "Aren't you…upset with me?" My eyes snapped open, I hadn't realized they had been closed, and I stared up at Jasper's face, shock becoming the dominant expression now.

"Of course not!" I said passionately. It was absurd, why on earth would I be mad at Jasper? He still looked skeptical as the seconds ticked by, and I grew slightly aggravated, if not exasperated. "Why would I-_how_ could I be upset with you?" I asked him, my tone one of incredulity.

Jasper stared at me for a long time, until I felt myself beginning to slip into unconsciousness again. I shook my head to wake myself up. "I just thought, with what happened," he finally muttered. I knew I wouldn't get more out of him on the matter, for now. Before I slipped totally into oblivion, I had to ask, had to know one thing.

"Are you going to be here in the morning?" Desperation colored my tone, and once again I was truly glad that Jasper was able to feel the emotions of those around him. If he could feel the ardor of my plea, perhaps I could convince him to stay. "Please," I begged.

Jasper's eyes tightened, and he set his mouth into a line. "I don't know." Those innocent words sent another round of tumult over me, radiating towards Jasper. A look of pain flashed across his handsome features before he looked back at me again. I could only imagine the look on my face, but it had Jasper backtracking immediately. He seemed resigned now. "All right. Yes."

My heart fluttered a little bit, and another wave of peace washed over me. "Thank you," I breathed, my eyelids suddenly weighing down on me and forcing my eyes shut. I could feel Jasper's cold hand under mine still, and I gripped it more securely in my own, trying to convey how much I needed him to stay.

"Sleep," he told me gently, his voice already sounding far away. I did as I was told.

**

It was another grey, drizzly morning that I awoke to. My eyes were puffy and sore, and I felt a headache pounding violently, beating my brain against my skull without mercy. I slowly opened my eyes, not wishing to be up, but knowing school was waiting for me. I grimaced and slowly sat up. Something was off, but I couldn't quite figure out what. I glanced at the clock. Six a.m. I wracked my brain to try and figure out what was unusual, and then it hit me. Jasper. He was here, he had been in my room, he had promised to be here in the morning, and…he was nowhere in sight.

Disappointment beat down on me, and I took a few steadying breaths. He wouldn't lie. Jasper really wouldn't do this to me, would he? I worried my lip as I glanced around the room. It was one hundred percent vampire free. I shook my head, willing myself to block out the emotions again. A hot shower would do me good.

The hot water streaming down on me clamed my nerves, and seemed to bring back that old feeling of numbness, and I sighed in gratitude. Nothing seemed out of place when I went down to greet Charlie and eat breakfast. Everything was exactly the same on my drive to school. And the day passed by without incident. Maybe I had been dreaming, I decided. But then Calculus came along, and Mr. Varner asked me for my homework. I flushed and stuttered out a reply, but he still demanded to take a look.

I pulled the paper out of my bag and handed it over to him, eyes downcast. After a moment he set it back down in front of me with a little approving sound, and I stared at the paper. There it was, all the work in my handwriting, and, from the looks of it, all correct answers too. It was all I could do to keep from having a breakdown right there in class.

I raced out of the parking lot after school ended. My mind was racing, my heart only slightly behind. I could barely think straight, and so when I pulled off the main road and towards a house with an adjacent garage, I was just as surprised as Jacob to find myself at his house.

"Bella!"

It was the strangest feeling, I determined, the way my world suddenly seemed sunnier, a better place whenever I was around Jacob. And I smiled another real smile. "Hey Jake!" A bone-crushing hug, and I was gasping for air.

"What are you doing here?" Jake asked me, a goofy grin plastered across his face.

"I-I don't know," I admitted.

It didn't faze Jacob in the least. "Well, you're here! I've got to show you the Rabbit. I'm nearly done," he replied, easily grabbing my hand and dragging me towards the garage. It was so easy, so free, and I let him.

**

"Hey, Bells, where you been?" Charlie asked me the moment I set foot in the door.

"La Push," I replied. I wasn't expecting the big grin he gave me and it threw me off. I smiled back at Charlie cautiously.

"Billy says you and Jake hung out all day," Charlie mentioned, turning his attention back to the TV.

"Yeah. Sorry about dinner." He just waved me off. My good mood was wearing off fast. I still had a new Calculus assignment waiting for me, and the despair that had been so prevalent in my life was returning, no doubt due to the sudden absence of Jacob's presence. I grabbed a Pop-Tart out of the pantry and trudged upstairs. Not the healthiest dinner in the world, but I was too worn out to care. The impending destination of my room seemed to merely bring back what I'd been doing my best to avoid all day. Jasper. Or rather, the lack of him.

The door clicked shut behind me, and I flopped down onto my bed, dreading not only doing my homework, but finishing it, because then I would be left to think, and thinking lead to painful memories. I turned over, willing myself on, and was shocked by the sudden appearance of a blond-haired god staring at me from my rocking chair.

**A/N:** Well, I couldn't help but try my own Jasper/Bella story. I've gotten a bit into this one, but looking back I'm beginning to dislike it; the characters seem very OOC, etc. So any criticism would be great! Thank you for reading this!


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two

I smiled at Bella's shock, the way her heart stopped for a moment then began to race as she stared at me. Perhaps I was smiling too widely, because suddenly she was backing up against her headboard. "Bella?" I asked softly. She was staring at me with her mouth slightly open.

"Jasper?" she asked me, her tone somewhat accusatory. I cringed slightly. I suppose I deserved it, after breaking my promise. I stood up slowly and walked cautiously over to her bed, sitting down as far away from her as I could. "You weren't here this morning," she whispered.

I grimaced. "Forgive me, Bella. But I wasn't sure if my staying was truly the right thing to do."

"What changed your mind?" Ever the perceptive one, I thought. Edward was right; you couldn't hide anything from her.

"You." She was confused. "Your emotions, your…well being," I tried to clarify. I sighed, unable to find the right words. "Bella, you're desperately unhappy." She flushed, ashamed, and I had to clench my teeth against the delicious scent of her blood. She was silent for a few moments, her emotions swirling around with such intensity that I had to focus my energies so as not to react to them. Therefore it was a few minutes before I realized she was crying. "Bella!" Humans were so fragile, I thought, so unpredictable.

"I-I'm sorry," Bella said thickly, trying to wipe away her tears, to no avail. She focused on her breathing for a few moments, while I watched in horror as her tears continued to flow. Bella gripped her chest as she began again, "I'm r-really happy to see you, Jasper. I'm just upset because I miss them so much." There was no need to say Edward's name, we both knew who she missed the most. A little sob escaped her lips and I was hit with the intensity of her feelings once more, my head reeling. Out of habit I reached out towards her, grasping her arm, and she pulled herself closer to me.

A new scent hit me, one not very pleasant at all. I sniffed at her curiously; the scent was so disgustingly strong that it even masked Bella's own enticing scent this close. I had to hold her at arms length, unable to make out an apology as I felt her rejection, and I wrinkled my nose. "Where were you today?"

"La Push," Bella answered, looking up at me with a little furrow in her brow.

Ah, now it all made sense. "I'm sorry Bella, would you mind taking a shower first?"

"What?" she asked, blushing. She sniffed herself. "Do I smell bad?"

"It's not you, exactly," I tried to explain. "Bella, it isn't my place to tell you. Please, just take a shower." I used my most convincing and reassuring tone, and it worked. Bella nodded and gathered up her things, throwing me another look as she walked out the door. I took in a deep breath when it closed behind her, trying to clear the repulsive scent out of my mouth. Well, if there was one way to keep Bella safe around me, I think I'd just found it. Just have her play with werewolves all day. I shuddered at the thought.

I casually looked through Bella's backpack, opening her binder to see what her homework was. Calculus again. I'd already taken the subject more times than I could count, so it was easy for me to scrawl out the correct answers in Bella's hand. She would probably forget about it before the actual class, anyway. I tucked it back into her bag and sat cross-legged on her bed, gauging the emotions around me. Charlie first. Calm, for the most part, a bit tired. A sense of pleasure and hope that was overshadowed by the worry he felt for Bella's state of mind and health. Understandably so, I agreed. Bella really was not coping well.

Then Bella herself. Mostly low feelings, I noted with a frown. Worthlessness, sadness. Yet there was some excitement, a tiny bit of joy. I wondered if that had anything to do with me, but shook my head. Bella should be furious with me, not ebullient at my return. She made no sense at all, and I felt myself grow frustrated at my lack of understanding. This is surely how Edward must have felt. I stopped that thought before it went any further, and focused on the small details of her room while I waited for Bella to return. It was exceptionally neat, an effort to keep herself distracted in idle hours, I knew. So tidy, the room felt uninhabited, though I knew this was where Bella spent most of her time.

The door creaked open and Bella stepped inside, dripping hair, sweatpants and a fluffy sweater. She tugged self-consciously at her clothes and I smiled at her. The night was going to get a lot worse before it got any better. I patted the bed next to me and she sat down obediently. Again I waited as she picked through her own thoughts and feelings to ask me her questions.

"You weren't here this morning," she finally said.

"I needed time to think things through," I replied. "I'm sorry I broke my promise." Bella nodded, picking at her bed cover and refusing to meet my eyes.

"You're alone?" The words screamed, Is Edward with you?

"Yes."

"Do they know you are here?"

I hesitated. If I answered this question, things would definitely take on a different turn. I stared at Bella, taking in her emotions, and I knew that if I still had my heart it would be in anguish. I soaked up her emotions, leaving a calm nothing in their place before I answered. "No."

Bella was silent for a few moments. "Huh," she muttered to herself. "How long have you been here?" she asked.

"A while," I replied. Bella wanted a more definite answer. "Since October."

"Three months," she said to herself. Suddenly Bella sighed, a little frustrated. "Jasper, are you doing this?"

"Doing what?"

"This! I don't feel any sort of emotions at all. I thought maybe I would feel surprised or at least upset, but its just numbness. Like it has been for…oh!" Her face lit up in sudden comprehension. "For the last three months." Bella looked at me then, her face soft. "Jasper, have you been following me around?"

I swallowed nervously, another human habit I had learned to perfect. "Yes." Her eyebrows lifted slightly, and I could feel myself letting her emotions seep into her again. My next words followed in a rush. "Your emotions have been so strong, so _painful_. I was worried about you, Bella. And I thought that no feelings would be better than all these intense ones," I confessed, waving my hand about the air as though I were showing her tangible replicas of the emotions she usually felt. "It was so painful, I couldn't let you suffer like that."

Bella reached out and took my hand in hers, tears slipping down her face again. "Thank you," she breathed. She held my hand up to her face, exposing her bare neck so casually that I froze.

"Bella," I cautioned, trying to convey to her that being so close was beginning to become a problem.

"Oh!" She dropped my hand instantly and scooted back a bit further from me, pink splotches appearing on her cheeks. "I'm sorry, I forgot how hard it was for you."

I sat there for a few minutes, forcing myself to take in her scent and forcing back the venom that pooled in my mouth. I gave her a weak smile when I was ready, trying to lighten the mood. "So you're not mad that I've been stalking you?"

Bella laughed, a somewhat strange and unfamiliar sound now. "I've had my share of vampire stalkers," she replied. "You're not the first. So no, I'm not mad." She pulled up her legs to rest her chin on her knees as she stared at me. With triumph I realized that she was calm, content. "What are you going to do now?" she asked me. "I mean, I'm sure Alice has had a vision by now of this, and that means Edward," again the name was a bit forced but she continued, "will have read her mind and figured it out too. I don't think he'd be too happy about that." She tried to sound nonchalant and failed miserably.

I gave her a pained smile. "Edward has told Alice not to see you anymore," I explained. "And Edward has also taken a vacation by himself."

I could feel the hurt once again swirling around Bella, but she shook her head, trying to clear it. "But she can still see you," Bella pointed out. My eyes narrowed a little in annoyance. Must she always remember every single detail? "Jasper? Is everything okay with you and Alice?" Hesitant now.

I gripped my jeans tightly in my hand, not wanting to break any part of Bella's bed. "Lets just say that I've asked for a little privacy for the time being," I replied. Bella fluctuated between curiosity, hesitance and acceptance. The latter soon won out, but she grew even more still.

"You didn't answer my other question."

I closed my eyes for a moment. Why did she have to think vampires were omniscient? Honestly, none of this would have happened if she had just stayed out of trouble. Indeed, I would probably still be happily, what? Stalking her? Yes, stalking her until she grew old and no longer was bothered by our disappearance from her life. "What do you want me to do?" I countered, staring down at her curiously. In truth I was a bit frightened. For the past several months my whole existence had been contingent upon this one human girl, and I didn't know what I'd do if she asked me to leave. Go back to Alice, I suppose, but it would be strained. I couldn't very well be on my own; the feelings of depression and hopelessness that Alice always smoothed away would resurface. If I stayed with Bella, at least for the time being, then I would be able to focus on taking her pain away instead of my own.

"Stay," Bella said, firm and hopeful. She looked up at me expectantly, and I could hear her heart thudding loudly in her chest in anxiety.

"Stay," I repeated, and she smiled in relief, adjusting herself more comfortably on her bed. I moved closer to her, close enough to place my hand over hers and intoxicate her with lethargy. "Sleep Bella," I told her softly.

And this time there was no worry or hesitation, only a sense of relief and trust. "Night, Jasper," she mumbled into her pillow, while her hand curled around my own.

"Sleep well," I responded, clicking off the light and grinning to myself. For now, at least, I had a purpose.

**

The transition was easy, effortless. It was almost as though Bella and I had known each other our whole lives. The first few days were rough. Bella still had nightmares, but now that I was within reach of her physically I could ease them, and she would turn over in her sleep, calm, and smile into my palm. The first three mornings when she awoke she would glance around wildly until she found me sitting in her rocking chair, whereupon she would smile at me, and my heart, if it was still alive, would have swelled with joy. Then the embarrassment of having to take care of her human needs.

I picked out some clothes for her while she freshened up, and politely turned away while she changed. I would wait until Charlie left the house before joining her downstairs, watching in amusement as she swallowed down her cereal. She was eating again, for that I was glad. Another quick run upstairs to brush her teeth while I warmed up her truck for her. She was surprised the first day when she saw me sitting in her antique, but I smiled at her and explained, "What else am I going to do all day? Someone has to make sure you don't accidentally meet your fate."

She snorted at that, but climbed in anyway and drove at an excruciatingly slow pace to the high school. "Are you sure you're going to be okay? I mean, I'm sure you could be doing a lot of other things, and-"

"What do you think I've been doing these past three months, Bella?" I asked, amused. Again she colored slightly and huffed haughtily. It was early still, but I could hear the line of cars starting to trudge their way to another day of school. With my normal speed I exited the truck and opened the door for Bella, offering her a hand to ensure she wouldn't slip on the slick ground. "Be safe," I teased.

"I'll do my best," Bella said sarcastically as she let go of my hand. She was in a good mood for most of the day.

After school was another matter. I waited patiently in her truck, bent low so as not to be seen, but looked up curiously when I felt Bella's strong irritation charging towards me. I leaned over and opened the door for her, taking her backpack and setting it on my lap. "What's wrong?" I asked, curious.

She glared at me and I held my laugh in check. "You did my homework again," she said instead.

I couldn't help chuckling now. "You're not angry about that. What happened Bella?" I asked again, ducking lower as we pulled out of the parking lot. Once we were on the road I rolled down the window, needing the fresh air to clear my mind of her blood. What torture Edward must have gone through.

"Boys!" she cried suddenly. "They think that just because Edward left that suddenly I'm all available and just dying to forget about him," she fumed.

It was an outburst, but once the words were out she realized what she had said and her grip on the wheel tightened. I sent a wave of calm over her, and she smiled weakly at me. "Mike Newton again?" I asked to distract her from my brother.

"And Tyler," Bella grumbled.

I laughed again and Bella shot me a dirty look. "I could always take care of them for you," I replied, flashing my teeth.

Bella gave me a horrified look. "But then there would be such a lack of fine men to choose from," she replied in mock horror.

I feigned hurt. "You seem to have forgotten both Jacob Black and myself," I replied charismatically.

Bella laughed darkly. "Do forgive me," she muttered, and then was silent.

After that our routine became more defined and predictable. I would find her some clothes while she hurried about in morning routine, make her some breakfast if Charlie had left early, then let her drive us to school at snail's speed. After school she would quickly do her homework, which I always insisted on helping her with. If time allowed I would lead her through the woods, pointing out various herbs and wildlife and giving her various information on them. She seemed quite surprised by my knowledge, but enjoyed the little lessons nonetheless.

The only change in our schedule happened about two weeks in. Bella had just gone out to check the mail, and I was engrossed in reading the current novel of her English class. It happened so suddenly that I was taken off guard. There was a slight sound of flesh being torn, a gasp from Bella, the sound of her heart skipping a beat, and then the mouthwatering smell of blood. Bella stuck her finger in her mouth, dropping the half opened letter to the floor and staring at me with wide eyes. I could feel the thirst clawing at my throat, and I cursed myself for not having hunted the entire time. Bella had argued that I needed to, that my eyes were getting too dark, but I just kept putting it off; and now it might be the end of her.

I gripped the table so hard that I heard it crack, and I shut myself off from all breathing or smelling. The monster inside me roared with desire as I stared at Bella hungrily, warring with myself. I stood up quickly and she took a step back, her eyes widening in fear. I clutched at my throat and pushed past her, out into the cold air, the whole time the monster within me raging and trying to convince me to just go right back in there and drink her dry. I ran as fast as I could with the little bit of rational thought I had left, far north, into the remote regions of Canada. I grabbed the first animal that crossed my path, a fox, and then followed it with a moose. I was full by now, though my thirst was not quite quenched. I could hear the monster within me trying to persuade me to just go back to the house. No one would know, and I could make it look like an accident.

I snarled viciously, uprooting the nearest tree. Yes, I wanted Bella's blood, but I wanted Bella alive more than anything now. To hear her heartbeat, whether too fast, skipping or just firm and strong, for her to grasp my hand at night, for her to accept me, despite the monster I was.

I stayed away for three days, until I was able to convince myself that I really did not want Bella's blood at all. When I finally returned to Forks, late on Thursday night, I was immediately hit by the sad state that Bella had been reduced too. I tapped softly on her window, gaining her attention although it was already well past midnight and she should be asleep. She flew to the window, throwing it open and launched herself at me.

"I'm sorry!" she wailed, and I was afraid Charlie would wake up. But no, he was still snoring soundly in his bed. She clutched onto me with relief, apprehension and joy emanating from her, and I walked slowly to her bed to settle her down.

"No, _I_ am sorry, Bella. I didn't mean to leave you for so long. Look at me." I waited until she fixed me with her watery stare before continuing. "I should not have waited so long to go hunting, I should have had better control around you. I should have been able to return much sooner than this, and I'm sorry."

New sobs erupted from her chest and she buried her face in my shirt. "I thought you weren't coming back," she gasped out.

I sent calming waves at her, and Bella's hysterics calmed. "I won't leave until you want me to," I promised, lifting her off my lap and going to tuck her into bed. She pulled me down next to her and grasped my hand in what I figured was a death grip for her.

She wiped her eyes and gave me another wet smile. "I hope you don't mind staying for forever, then," she sniffed, her eyes drooping now as I forced lethargy upon her once again.

I smiled at her warmly, touched by her words, but a new worry beginning to form in the back of my mind. Bella's forever did not seem long enough in contrast with my own definition. "I don't mind," I told her gently as her eyes drifted closed. I moved to brush some hair off her face and was once again assaulted with the disgusting scent of dog. I growled slightly in spite of myself and Bella peeked open an eye to look at me, confused. "You've been to La Push?" I asked, forgetting for a moment to keep Bella sleepy.

She squirmed slightly, a bit of color returning to her face, that I determinedly ignored. "I'm not so sad when Jacob's around," she confessed. Through her hazy thoughts, something seemed to occur to her. "You don't like the way he smells," she guessed.

Better a half-truth than a lie. "I don't," I affirmed. Bella struggled to get up.

"I can take a shower," she suggested, trying to find her way out of the blankets.

I squeezed her hand gently. "It's already one o clock, go to sleep," I responded, and sent another wave of exhaustion over her. Her eyelids drooped willingly this time, and she held my cool hand up to her face.

"Night Edward," she mumbled, and fell into unconsciousness before I found the time to revive myself from the shock.

The pang of jealousy was new to me, well it's source anyway. I brushed the feelings aside though and carefully tried to extricate my hand from Bella's without waking her. I glanced down at the sleeping girl next to me and sighed unhappily. Perhaps I was getting too involved in her life. My thoughts took me away to Alice and I felt another stab of loneliness. I missed her terribly, but couldn't bring myself to face her. She had tried to hide the strength of the sadness she felt from me at leaving Bella, but it failed miserably. I knew her inside and out, and the guilt was eating me up.

So I left during one of her hunting trips, leaving everything and a note. _Please don't look for me. I need some time, I don't know how long. I love you. I miss you. Jasper_

I knew she deserved more than a note. She was my mate after all. But I couldn't help but feel guilty and resentful at the desolation and undertones of accusation that she tried to hide from me so desperately, that everyone did. So I up and left while they all went on a hunt together. Edward had been long gone, so there were none the wiser. I could only imagine what pain I must have caused them, caused Alice. Only she would understand the deeper meanings of my note, to know how the others' superficial forgiveness and kindness only served to exacerbate the problem, and for that I truly loved her. Alice knew me best, and I only hoped that she could someday forgive me for the mess I had caused, and the pain I inflicted for leaving her.

The sky was already lightening to another dismal morning, and I knew Bella would be exhausted but still insist on going to school. Luckily she hadn't had any nightmares and slept peacefully for the few hours she was allowed. By the time six rolled around I roused her gently, and she fought with the sleep still lying over her system.

"Bella, you have to get ready for school," I said softly. "And take a shower."

Her eyes shot open when she heard my voice, panic immediately replaced with relief, and I smiled at her. She reached up to touch my face, staring into my eyes, and sighed sleepily, "So beautiful." Her head fell back against the pillow, and I was shocked into stillness for another moment. Had she just said I was beautiful? I shook my head at the weakness of human eyes; clearly she couldn't see all the scars marring my body.

This time I carried her over to the bathroom and set the water running. While it was still cold I took the showerhead in my hand and faced it at her. Bella spluttered awake and gave me a withering look. "Hey!" She took in the sight before her, then flung her arms around my neck, startling me into dropping the showerhead, where it hit the side of the wall with a loud thump.

A knock on the door alerted us to Charlie. "Everything okay in there, Bells?" he asked.

Bella called back, "Yeah, Dad. Just dropped the showerhead." I imagine Charlie shaking his head with a smile as he walked away. "Jasper!" she breathed, hugging me tightly. I wrinkled my nose against the smell of werewolf again, and she pulled back, noticing my stiffness. "Oh, sorry!" she said quickly, then struggled to get down.

"I'll wait in your room," I replied, turning around to let her shower in peace.

Before I turned the doorknob she called out, "You know, we're going to have to do something about your clothes. You've been wearing the same ones since you've been here."

I grimaced slightly at that. To Bella I'd only been wearing the same clothes for two and a half weeks. For me, it had been three months. I shut the door behind me quietly and stole back into her room to wait. Unfortunately for me, Bella had nothing my size.

**

Another week had passed by, and it was my time to hunt again. Normally I would have tried to go when Bella was at school, but Bella had decided that today was a good day to stay home sick. "Will you be okay?" I asked her, placing another glass of water on her bedside.

"I'll be fine," she told me. "Really, the worst of it was over by this morning, now I'm just congested."

I paced nervously around the room. "But will you be okay while I'm gone?" I asked again, trying to convey what I meant.

Bella sighed, catching on. "I think so. You are coming back, aren't you?"

I could hear the desperation creeping into her voice again, feel it in the way her body tensed, and I stiffened. "Of course, Bella," I practically crooned to her. She smiled, but I wasn't convinced. I closed my eyes for a minute, thinking quickly. I knew she would be in a sad state if I left her by herself, but I really did need to hunt, lest we have another replay of the last time. Last time…My eyes flew open and I ordered her, "Go visit Jacob."

Bella's mouth dropped open, and she stared at me. "What?"

"Didn't you say you were happy when you were with him?"

"Well, yes, I suppose," she said, flustered.

"Good. Now call him up and tell him you're coming down." I admit, I was using my persuasive powers just a little. Bella merely nodded and excused herself from the room, stumbling down the stairs to the kitchen. I heard her call the Black residence and greet Billy. I glanced at the clock. It was already two thirty, so Jacob should be home by the time she got there.

"Okay," Bella said, and I could detect the happy undertone that her plan had added to her persona.

I smiled at her tightly. As much as I hated to leave her in the wolf's den, I really didn't want her to have another regression. "Okay," I agreed, stepping closer to her window. Normally she would have touched my hand, anything really as a reassurance, but my eyes must have been dark enough for her to stay away. Bella's smile faltered a little bit as I moved to jump out the window, and I turned to give her another reassuring smile. "Don't worry, you'll see me in the morning," I soothed before leaping down.

**

I tried not to hunt too far away, in case I would have to come back. I knew that Bella would be safe with Jacob, for now at least. Luckily he still wouldn't be able to discern my scent as a vampire's, but I knew not to push my luck for too long. There was an old, stray bear that wandered near me about an hour into my hunt, and I took it down quickly enough. I grimaced as the blood, thin and sparse due to age and ill health, slid down my throat. I would definitely have to find something better.

The sky was beginning to transition from night to day when I finally food some more food. An adult fox, sliding smoothly through the underbrush, trying to evade me. No such luck. The fox was much more refreshing, his blood hearty and meaty, and when I finished my meal I was satisfied. I paused for a minute in the forest I found myself in and sat down to think.

I needed to make a decision eventually. I couldn't exactly keep following Bella around her whole life. Someday I would undoubtedly return to Alice and the Cullens, and Bella would be broken once again. Hopefully I could fix her well enough before then, wean her away from our lifestyle. She was so very attached to all of us, even myself, and that couldn't be healthy. I suddenly wished very much for the same thing Edward had asked of her, to move on and be happy, to forget. She would definitely be better off if she forgot all about us. But she didn't want to, and I couldn't blame her.

I could always feel the way Emmett idolized Rosalie, adored her, and worshipped her even. He had just before he died, perhaps known her for an hour in his human life, and he was still head over heels for his wife. Bella had already known Edward for nearly a year; there was definitely no way she would forget him. Despite the rash behavior of my brother, although Bella had no physical tokens of their time together, she had her memories, and dreams. Nightmares, I corrected myself, because dreams should never cause anyone to scream and cry like that.

I ran a hand down my face, suddenly weary. What on earth was I doing, getting mixed up in all of this? I should have just let her be. But I couldn't. Despite what Bella claimed, I knew that it was my actions that set Edward off, had caused everyone such unhappiness, and I cringed to think of it all. Maybe that's why I couldn't leave her alone. I had brought some ruin into everyone else's life, was it so bad to try and bring some _out_ of Bella's?

A bird screeched near me, startling me out of my musings. I could just see the sun on the horizon and knew I had to get back. Bella would undoubtedly freak if I weren't there when she woke up.

**

Bella was turning around in her sleep fitfully when I returned. Again, the stench of werewolf hit me full force, but I walked over to the rocking chair and sat down anyway. As usual I calmed her down, and she stopped struggling, her features smoothing out. "Jake," she breathed. Interested, I moved closer to Bella, searching through her emotions. There were bits of sadness and worry, but mostly happiness.

"You certainly have a natural affinity for mythical creatures," I told her sleeping form. Whether it was my breath blowing across her face or the sudden sound of my words, I'm not sure, but Bella's eyes slowly opened.

She stared up into my eyes for a moment, slightly confused, noting the light shade of gold they were. After a moment of two she brought her hand to my face and touched my cheek. "Welcome home," she smiled, then closed her eyes again. Such happiness; it was practically bursting forth from her. I wondered for a moment if perhaps she had once again mistaken me for Edward. After all, Bella and I were just barely friends; I doubted my return could mean so much to her. Then she smiled in her sleep again and said my name, and I was dumbfounded. Maybe this is why Edward had loved her so much.

I smiled in spite of myself then walked to her closet. There wasn't much inside; a few pairs of jeans and a handful of shirts, a jacket or two. I searched through the pile until I found one of Charlie's old flannel shirts. I grimaced slightly; flannel was definitely not one of my favorite styles of clothing, but it was either flannel shirt or no shirt, and I begrudgingly buttoned it up. It fit well enough, perhaps a bit small, and I unbuttoned the top two buttons to relieve the stress. Both Alice and Bella were right; I really did need new clothes.

I tossed my soiled shirt on top of Bella's dirty laundry and sat back down in the rocking chair. I waited out the next hour or so until Bella woke up reading one of her books. I heard Bella yawn and stretch eventually, and I looked up from over the top of the book to smile at her. Always smiling, I was sure I'd never so much as waved at her during the time she and Edward were together. "Good morning."

Bella bolted upright and stared at me, a grin finding its way onto her face. "Jasper!" she said excitedly. "I thought I was dreaming." I sat there as she gathered up her things to take shower; I guess she had noticed my scrunched up features after all. She paused to look at me on her way out, taking in the flannel shirt and dirty jeans. Bella pursed her lips thoughtfully, staring at me, and then looking quickly to her closet and back again. Finally she sighed. "Okay, we're going clothes shopping today. I can't have you running around stealing Charlie's clothes anymore. I'm glad it's finally Saturday."

I made a face to show my displeasure. At least it was the one thing that both Bella and I resented together, the torture of clothes shopping. "I only stole the shirt from your closet," I pointed out. "It was you who stole it from Charlie."

She grinned at me anyway. "We can get through shopping together, Jasper. You're a vampire, I'm sure you can survive anything."

"Right," I agreed sarcastically. Anything that wasn't shopping. I had just turned my eyes back to the book when it hit me, once again. The smell of Bella's blood.

* * *

**A/N:** First off, thank all of you for showing an interest in this story! It's been difficult lately trying to set things in motion, so I truly appreciate all your suggestions and kind words! I hope that this chapter turned out well, I seem to have a continual problem of how to make the two realistically click. Still, I hope you all enjoyed the chapter and will continue to read! Thanks to all my lovely reviewers!!


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter Three:**

Things really couldn't get worse, could they? I thought worriedly, panic rising in my throat. Of course it could, a little voice said sarcastically in the back of my head. Why don't you just go ahead and slice a big gash open on your wrist. My nostrils flared slightly, angry at the little voice.

Suddenly a quick rapping at the door startled me, and my heart just about jumped out of my chest. "Bella?" His voice was low and smooth; it was beautiful, even in its worried undercurrent, and I unconsciously backed up closer to the tub. "Are you all right?"

I tried to find the words, but they were caught in my throat, a mixture of embarrassment and fear. With Edward this had never been a problem; he'd controlled himself so well around me all the time, but Jasper was another story. I knew that even the slightest bit of my blood bothered him, so what was I going to tell him now? Yeah, Jasper, everything's just great. If you don't mind, I'm going to bleed for about a week, so maybe you could just hold your breath?

I guess I didn't answer fast enough, because the knob suddenly turned, and I hastily wrapped my towel around my waist, mortification and panic wrapped up into one continuous emotion. I tried to reach the door in time, hold it closed, not that it would have helped, but Jasper was too quick. "Wait!" I cried, too late.

It took all of about three seconds for Jasper to understand. His eyes swept the bathroom first, perhaps looking for something broken or sharp nearby, then landed on my discarded jeans and underwear, and finally swept across my lower body where the source of blood was coming from, before snapping up to my face. "Oh!" I never thought I'd see Jasper flustered, and I was sure that if he still had blood running through his veins, it'd pool up in his cheeks as mine was currently. "Sorry!" And he slammed the door shut while I stared on in horror.

Ugh! I wrapped the towel more securely around me and silently cursed the female monthly cycle as I quietly tiptoed back to my room. Jasper was staring out the window, which was open, undoubtedly to cleanse himself of the scent of my blood. He acknowledged me by half turning in my direction.

"Jasper? Are you okay? I mean, I could-" I could what exactly? Stop bleeding? Hah! That was likely. Then a thought occurred to me; if Jasper had been following me for three months then surely he must have been through this before. "What did you do the past three months then?" I asked, at a loss for how to broach the subject pleasantly.

Jasper shifted uncomfortably. "I wasn't really near you, so it wasn't so bad," he told me. I shivered to think of how terrible it must have been for him whenever he went to school, with all those teenage girls bleeding all the time, every month, for years and years.

"Will you be okay? Do you need to leave for a while?" I asked, hoping fervently that he would say no.

Jasper turned to me, respectfully keeping his eyes on my face. "I think I'll be okay," he said. "It just took me by surprise. Just don't get offended if I keep my distance a bit?" he asked, worried.

"Of course not! Anything," I replied. He shot me a painful smile and I hastily added, "Right, well. I guess I better stop torturing you with both Jacob's scent and my own then," and I ran out of the room before I could humiliate myself any more.

The hot water was wonderful against my skin. I took the offending piece of clothing in with me and scoured it clean of blood, then proceeded to shampoo my hair. Strawberry shampoo was my staple; I'd been using it for longer than I could remember. Jasper and I could still go shopping, that is unless he couldn't stand being around me. I shivered despite the steam. It had less to do with the thought that Jasper wanted to drink my blood and more the fact that he might leave again. I hated to be so dependent upon Jasper, I'm sure it wasn't fair. But he was my only link to the Cullens right now, and I clung to him like a life vest.

My thoughts strayed to Jacob and I smiled. He'd always been friendly, but now more than ever I appreciated just how happy he made me feel. He was so warm, a breath of fresh air. The innate reward, like the first gulp of air after being under water for too long. I was beginning to get a bit worried though. Was it wrong of me to also depend so selfishly on Jacob? But I loved his bear hugs, the way he would so casually hold my hand, the way he ruffled my hair. It was so natural, and it felt nice. I toweled off and quickly dressed, grabbing another couple of tampons to bring with me. I walked back into my room and felt my heart loosen a little when I saw Jasper still staring out the window, now humming a melody to himself. Funny, I hadn't known I'd been so worried.

"Are you ready to face the great challenge of clothes shopping?" I asked him, trying to keep the mood light.

He turned to me with a playfully dour look. "I guess I have no choice," he said resignedly. I marveled at him for a moment. He was tall, perhaps two inches taller than Edward, but still perfectly sculpted, another Greek God in the flesh, or stone or, well whatever it is vampires are made of. He noticed my stare and raised his eyebrows questioningly. His hair looked very soft and I had the strange urge to just run my hand through it.

"That shirt looks nice on you," I said instead, trying my best to fight the heat creeping up my neck.

Jasper scoffed a little. "Well, shall we move along then?" he asked.

"Yeah, let me just tell Charlie."

"He's already at work," Jasper replied.

"Oh." I felt slightly guilty. Ever since Jasper's arrival I had done nearly nothing except spend time in my room with him. I shrugged it off and made my way downstairs.

"You should eat first," Jasper requested. I opened my mouth to protest but he cut me off. "I need to go pick up something. I'll be back by the time you finish your meal."

No one could refuse that persuasive voice, so I sat down to a bowl of Cheerios, drizzling some extra honey on top. I scribbled out a note while I ate, in case Charlie came home.

_Gone shopping. Will be back by dinner. _

_Love, Bella_

There. That would be good enough. I was rinsing out my bowl when Jasper suddenly appeared behind me. "What did you get?" I asked him.

He held up a roll of cash, easily five thousand dollars, and I gaped at him. Sometimes I forgot just how much money the Cullens had. That means he had to have gone back to their old house. I swallowed against the lump in my throat and tried not to think about the hole threatening to rip open in my heart once again. Instead I turned to Jasper and asked weakly, "Who's driving?"

"You say that as if it matters, with how fast your truck can go," Jasper responded, a teasing smile adorning his features.

"Oh, ha ha. Lets all make fun of Bella because her truck can't go 200 mph," I replied grumpily, stalking past him and into the passenger side of my beloved truck. I shivered slightly against the cold, but rolled down my window anyway as Jasper came to sit beside me, and the engine roared to life. I was going to do my best to be mindful of Jasper's discomfort around blood. This was going to be a long week.

**

We decided on Port Angeles. It was the closest city with enough clothing stores, and we were both eager to get this over with. Jasper directed us to the local mall, and we headed to the department store closest to us. I couldn't help but notice the stares Jasper was getting, the sudden burst of giggles, and the not so quite whispers as we passed by, and I fought against my low self-esteem for the umpteenth time. Judging by the amused smirk on Jasper's face, he noticed too. I hunched my shoulders slightly, suddenly wishing that I had at least worn something more attractive. Even in dirty jeans and a too small flannel shirt Jasper looked every bit the stunning movie star.

I sneaked another glance at him as we walked towards the store's entrance, and noticed his frown. He cast a look at a group of pretty girls across the hall, and they smiled back at him widely. Jasper quickened his step, and I hastened to keep up, tripping over my feet in the process.

We wasted no time in finding him some jeans. They were dark blue, and I was sure Alice would feel proud, even if they weren't designer. Alice. I felt another stab of loneliness, and stole a furtive glance at Jasper. He must miss her terribly, and Alice him, and yet here I was capitalizing him. Jasper paused as he reached out for another pair of jeans, tilting his head to the side. "Bella?"

I tried to erase my guilt, or at least hide it from Jasper, by turning it into enthusiasm. "Nothing. Why don't you try those on? I'll go look for some shirts." I shooed him to the changing room and made my way to the shirts. There were some nice polo's, and I picked out a dark blue one. The next thing I grabbed was a white button up, then a couple of plain t-shirts in different colors. On my way back to the dressing room, I grabbed a sweater just for the heck of it, and a jacket. The least Jasper could do was keep up appearances in the off chance that he ventured into the open.

"That many?" Jasper asked behind me, amused. In my bewilderment I dropped my pile, and Jasper's hands darted out to catch them.

I shoved them at him then stalked away to sit down on a little bench outside the fitting room. "Oh just try them on already," I muttered, and Jasper obliged me.

Jasper took his time torturing me, trying on each shirt and showing me, asking what I thought. Great. Perfect. Great. Really, as if he needed the reassurance. Jasper smirked at my annoyance, and stopped before me, buttoning up the flannel shirt once again. I couldn't help myself from following his hands as they slowly covered up the hard planes of his chest. I mentally slapped myself. This really was not appropriate! Edward was right; vampires really were the perfect predator. "If you're so bored, you could go look for some clothes for yourself," Jasper suggested in a serious tone.

I glared up at him. "That's all right, I think my wardrobe is full enough." It was a lie, and we both knew it. I hadn't bought anything new since I'd been to Forks, other than a coat and some socks, but I really didn't want to go bra shopping with Jasper.

Our banter must have attracted a saleslady, or maybe it was just Jasper's ridiculously good looks, and she hastened over to us with a smile that was a bit too friendly in my opinion. "Anything I can help you with?" she asked, glancing in my direction, but stopping to openly stare at Jasper.

I was about to refuse when Jasper spoke for me. "Yes, I'm hoping you could help us find some new clothes for this young lady here."

I spluttered. "W-what? No!"

The saleslady, Amanda according to her nametag, was too entranced by Jasper to refuse. I was struck by a sense of déjà vu, and I gripped at my heart. Did all vampires have to be so…dazzling? I couldn't resist Jasper's firm hand on the small of my back, and so I let myself be led to the women's section of the store. Jasper was unrelenting, picking out twice as much for me than I had for him, aided by the saleslady. Three pairs of jeans, a dozen blouses and, to my horror, a dress.

Here I vehemently drew the line. "Absolutely not. A dress? I can barely get around in jeans, and you expect me to maneuver around with that flowing deathtrap?" My pleas were ignored, however, and the saleslady showed me into the dressing room. I grumpily tried on the different pairs of jeans; one of them was too long, and the other too tight. I tried on the first top and stared at the mirror for a moment. "Pink!" I called through the door, mortified. Hot pink nonetheless.

"What are you talking about?" Jasper asked. I stepped out of the cubicle to show him the ridiculous top. Jasper's eyes danced with amusement, and I felt myself grow hot, feeling indignant. "That looks good on you," he told me innocently and I wanted to throw the offending blouse at him.

"No thanks!" I cried, twirling around and stomping back into the stall. The other shirts were hardly any better, although I did find a nice warm purple long-sleeve, and a green thermal that suited me well.

I was about to step out of the fitting room when Jasper called, "You haven't tried on the dress."

I scowled but put it on anyway. It was satin, a sapphire blue. It tapered at the waist then blew out into waves, falling just above my knee. The straps crisscrossed in front in front to be tied behind my neck, and I felt a little bit exposed.

"Let me see," Jasper called.

"No."

"I'll just come in if you don't." I bit my lip, weighing the possibilities and decided to step out before he broke down the door. I couldn't look him in the eye, my face a nice shade of pink. "It's beautiful," Jasper told me, and I looked up at him at last. "Blue really suits you." Of course it did, I thought a bit sadly. I turned around and walked back into the little room and redressed in my original clothes. Jasper thanked the saleslady and added my pile of clothes to his own, heading towards the checkout counter.

"Jasper," I half-whined, mortified once again.

Jasper gave me a stern look. "Really Bella, what else am I going to do with this?" he asked, waving a few bills in front of my face. I clenched my mouth shut, knowing he was right but upset about it all the same. The checkout lady was no better than any of the other females in the mall, trying to coax information out of Jasper via signing up for a membership card which he declined. I was glad to finally get out of there.

I hadn't realized how time had flown; it was already noon by the time we stepped out of the store. "Are you hungry?" Jasper asked me.

"No," I replied, stopping to sit down at a table near the food court. My traitorous stomach growled just then, and I didn't look up to see Jasper's smug look.

"What would you like?" he asked.

I glanced around, but nothing really seemed that appetizing. "Just some pizza I guess," I said. "Hawaiian, if they have it." I liked the pineapples for some reason.

Jasper placed the bags on the seat next to me and went off to order my food. I took a moment to scan around the room and noticed the same group of girls that Jasper had frowned at earlier. Just my luck, they were headed this way. I looked around for Jasper, finding him the last in line, although it wasn't very long. To my surprise, the group of girls got in line behind him. It wasn't until they started talking to Jasper, or rather trying to, did I get upset. Alice would definitely not be happy if she saw a bunch of girls trying to hit on her husband, and I frowned in their direction.

Jasper turned in my direction, probably feeling my anger, and gave me a tight smile. The girls followed his gaze and their eyes met mine. Immediately I knew they had changed their whispered conversation from Jasper to me, and I frowned. Just being here with someone so handsome must be a crime in their book. The blond one, probably the leader, had the nerve to tap Jasper on the shoulder and gain his attention, just as he finished ordering. He must have said something to her, for she frowned, glancing in my direction again. My frown only deepened as she continued to talk to him.

Of course she didn't know that Jasper was already taken, but I was never one to listen to reason, as everyone around me had continually pointed out. After ordering her own slice, the girl persisted in bothering Jasper, and I half wanted to go over there and take him away. Finally, Jasper grabbed my slice of pizza and said something else to the girl before stalking over to me. Very deliberately he set down the soda and pizza he had bought me, and then leaned over and gave me a peck on the lips, then grabbed my hand, moving it to rest in his atop the table. I stared up at him, thoroughly shocked, and barely noticing the ugly faces the group of girls behind him were making.

"Eat," Jasper insisted. I just gaped at him. "Bella," he said again, his voice satin as he determinedly stared into my eyes. "Please eat."

When I still showed no signs of life, he lifted up the pizza and shoved the tip into my mouth, until I was forced to bite down lest I start gagging. Jasper waited for a few minutes until he sighed and sat back in his chair, releasing my hand. He threw me an apologetic look before he explained. "I'm very sorry about that," he told me. "That group of girls over there was very determined, even though I told them I was here with you. One of them kept insisting on taking my interest, and I told her that you were my girlfriend. She didn't believe me, and so I had to prove it to her."

"Oh," was all I could manage, my face flushing a nice pink. "Okay," I said lamely, sipping my soda and not looking him in the eye.

Of course he noticed my discomfort and ducked his head to look me in the eye again. "Are you mad at me?"

"No," I told him quietly. "I'm just a bit embarrassed, and well, shocked." I gave a feeble laugh.

"Thank you, all the same. And I promise I won't kiss you again without your permission," Jasper told me, chuckling to himself.

I only nodded my head, not trusting myself to speak. I tried to focus on my slice of pizza, the hot dough and cheese, but my mind couldn't get over the little incident. The sudden feel of cold lips on mine. It sparked something in my heart, and unlocked a little piece of me. I tried not to think of it, so my heart wouldn't rip in two right here in the mall, but I couldn't help but think of Edward again, and the way his lips used to possess mine, passionate but gentle all the same. Jasper's kiss was only a quick touch, his cool lips pressed to mine for only a half-second. It was so very much like Edwards, and yet something entirely new…and exciting.

**

We had decided to leave the mall after a quick look in the local Border's, at my request. My copy of _Wuthering Heights_ was in a sad state, its pages falling out, and I loved it so much that I had to buy myself a new copy. Jasper bought the book for me, against my desire, along with another book that he had picked out. I tried to read the cover, but whether intentionally or not, Jasper kept the book covered from my sight. The ride home was uncomfortable at first, probably due to my own rampant thoughts and raging feelings, and Jasper tried to lighten the mood and keep me distracted.

I must have fallen asleep at some point, because when I finally awoke, the sun was low in the sky and we were just entering the town of Forks once again. I yawned and stretched, reenergized now, and looked at Jasper thoughtfully. "I can't imagine not sleeping," I mused, more to myself.

Jasper laughed anyway. "After not sleeping for more than a century, I can't imagine what it's like to actually sleep anymore," he told me, his eyes still watching the road.

"A century?" I repeated, amazed. "You're old." His lips turned up at the corner, but I could tell he wasn't going to say any more on the subject, so I let it drop. After all this time I still knew very little about Jasper, both his past or presently. Charlie's cruiser was already in the driveway, when we pulled up. I grabbed one of the bags to make a show for Charlie when I walked in, then remembered I had shut my window before we left. "I'll go open it up," I told Jasper before forcing open the door.

I hadn't noticed the downpour while I was in the truck for some reason. Maybe the roar of my engine blocked it out, or maybe I was distracted, but I was soaked within the time it took me to make my way to the door, find the key and let myself in. "Hi Dad!" I called as I ran inside, grabbing the wall for support as I pulled my shoes off my feet.

He was busy yelling at a game on the TV, so I wasn't sure if he heard me. I walked upstairs quickly anyway, in a hurry to let Jasper in. My door was open, which was curious, I usually left it closed; I guess Charlie had looked inside. Walking into my room was such an automatic thing for me that I didn't give it a second thought as I threw open my door. What did make my head reel, however, was suddenly slamming into something, or someone. Someone very warm and tall. Large hands shot out, grabbing my waist to steady me. I looked up into the eyes of Jacob Black.

"Jake!" I yelped. He grinned down at me; he seemed to be going through a continual growth spurt.

"Hey Bella. Didn't Charlie tell you we were here?" At my confused look he continued, "Billy and Charlie are watching the game together. So how was shopping?"

I grimaced a little as my mind raced, trying to come up with a way to tell Jasper not to come up yet. Maybe if I whispered. I wriggled out of Jacob's grasp, and walked to my closet to hang my clothes. Jacob was behind me. I hung up my new shirts and folded my jeans over another hanger, then froze as I pulled out one of Jasper's shirts. I tried to stuff it back in the bag, but Jake was quicker, easily grabbing it out of my hands. "Who is this for?" he asked.

My mind raced, and I said the first thing that popped into my mind, "A gift!" Jake looked at me, unconvinced. He held it closer and then sniffed it, making a slight face. "What?" I was beginning to get irritated with all the face making today.

"It smells bad," Jake told me. I sniffed it myself and was surrounded in Jasper's sweet scent. I couldn't quite place the scent, but it still smelled wonderful to me. I raised an eyebrow at Jake then stuffed it back in the bag.

I stared pointedly at Jake, but he just grinned back at me. "Can I have a minute to myself?" I asked finally.

Jake seemed to snap out of some sort of trance and smiled sheepishly at me. "Sure, sure," he intoned, striding out of my room and walking down the stairs.

I shut the door behind him, and immediately walked to the window, throwing it open against the steady downpour. "Jasper?" I called out, knowing he would hear me anyway despite the increasing roar of the rain and wind.

He was at my window in an instant, the other bags clutched in his hand. His nose wrinkled and again I was a bit bemused. Honestly, I personally think Jacob smells just as good as Jasper, so why all this nonsense about not liking the other's scent. "Jacob." It wasn't a question, and I nodded. Jasper handed me the bags and I placed them under my bed for now; no need to explain to anyone why I had several pairs of guy outfits in my room. Jasper muttered something, and it sounded suspiciously like, "At least I won't be tempted by your blood for a while."

Jasper made to leave again, and I had another panic attack. "It's raining," I stated, as though he didn't know already.

Jasper merely snickered at me. "And?" I opened my mouth to retort, but I couldn't find anything to say. "I'll be back, just let the room air out for a while, all right?"

Jasper moved back towards the window, and before he had even gone more than a step, my door swung open and I heard Jacob's deep voice from behind me. "Bella?" he called, and I spun towards him, fear spiking through me. How on earth would I explain having Edward's brother in my room? I opened my eyes, ready to face the worst.

* * *

**A/N: **Well, the chapters will probably be a little shorter from now on, but I hope they still please all you wonderful readers! First off, I want to thank all my reviewers for being so wonderful! And I'm so pleased that this story has so many Alerts!! Secondly, I just wanted to warm all of you that I absolutely adore Jacob, so he will not be ignored. I think it impossible to ignore Jake's part in this story, after all he played such a huge role in Bella's life. Indeed, Jake will be merely adding to the complexity of Bella's life, as I'd assume would happen either way.

I hope that you guys have enjoyed this so far, and if you have any questions, please just ask! I love your reviews and will always respond to them! 3


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter Four:**

I had been so distracted by the stench of werewolf and, to a lesser extent, Bella's blood that I hadn't heard Jacob approach. I jumped through the window the instant the doorknob turned, just in time to see Bella spin around and feel a burst of panic break through. I really was pushing my luck now. I ran a good distance from the house, far enough away not to cause any undue stress, but not so far as to leave Bella unguarded. It would take mere seconds for me to come to her aid, if they occasion arose. It didn't.

I waited patiently, straining my senses to catch the activities of the house. Bella's panic eased into relief, then a surge of happiness. Downstairs I could hear the muffled shouting of Charlie and Billy, but Bella and Jacob had seemingly decided to stay upstairs. The minutes ticked by, and I found the rest of my unoccupied mind straying to my previous musings. I really couldn't stay here forever; Alice was bound to have a vision of me sooner or later. She was so attuned to me that it was almost like a permanent station for her ability. My thoughts trailed on for a good while along this path, until I eventually heard Bella calling my name.

I sprinted through the trees then leapt up to her window. I wanted to gag, and I would have, although nothing would have come up. I covered my mouth and nose with my hand, glaring around the room, half expecting Jacob to still be standing in the corner. Bella came near me, but I gently pushed her back.

"I'm sorry, I wasn't thinking. We were in here the whole time, is it really that bad?" I nodded, not having enough air to breathe, and shot a furtive glance out the window. Bella looked at me, conflicting emotions flashing across her face. "It's okay if you have to leave for now," she said quietly.

I stared at her, gauging her emotions. She really didn't want me to leave, but with my hesitance I could feel her resolve growing. She began shoving me towards the window, and I let her move me, although I didn't feel a thing. "Look, I'll be okay. One night, big deal." She was trying to convince herself, and I smiled in spite of myself.

I leaned out of the window slightly, taking in a breath of rain-dampened air; it was much better than the smell of her room at the moment. "Sorry about the water," I told her, noticing the little trail I had made with my dripping clothes. "I'll be close." Then I jumped out the window again. Instead of returning to the place I was before, I decided to venture out a little more. I was running along, my body moving automatically, when I found myself at our old house. It was still magnificent, despite the wild weeds that were growing out of control and crawling up the steps to the porch. Alice had always been so particular about appearances; she would have hated to see the house in such a state.

I quickly began pulling out the weeds, tossing them into the surrounding forest. It took no more than a few minutes. I walked cautiously towards the house. The door was unlocked, as I had left it this morning, and how Edward had left it all those months ago. I stole into the living room, now devoid of most of our earthly possessions. The dining table was still there; it was large and would have been more of a nuisance to move than if we bought a new one. I walked up the stairs for the second time today, taking in the strangeness of the blank walls. It was so empty. And so was the room Alice and I shared, except for a dresser, and some of Alice's garments still hanging in the closet.

I walked over to the clothes, each step causing a little ache. I missed her terribly. I ran my hand over one of the sheer fabrics, lifting it up to inhale. Alice's scent still saturated the clothing, and I clenched my jaw against the sudden pain I felt in the place where my heart used to beat. I really had no reason not to just go back and see them all again. But then Edward's face flashed into my mind, and I came up gasping for air. I hadn't felt such a level of despair coming from him since he had to leave Bella the first time, when James was tracking her. With it came the flood of guilt that I had been holding back. I still cringed to think of my lack of self-control and I sunk to the ground, depressed. If I'd been looking for a reason to avoid my family, well, this was it. There was absolutely no way I could go back to them until I had redeemed myself. If ever I could.

**

I jogged back to Bella's house slowly as the sky began to lighten. I broke into a run when I heard her screaming. Bella was still asleep, another nightmare no doubt, and I silently kicked myself. How could I have neglected her in one of her most vulnerable times? I knelt down next to her, laying my cool hand on her face, trying to soothe her. It wasn't working. Bella was still thrashing around the blankets in agony, screaming, and tears were running down her face. Quick footsteps alerted me to Charlie's imminent arrival, and I dove under the bed just in time.

He was shaking Bella by the shoulders, trying to wake her. "Bella, honey, wake up. It's just a dream. Bella?" He was worried, always worried. I focused once again, trying to send out calming waves, and it seemed to work a little. "Bella? Sweetheart, I'm right here, it's okay." Bella's screaming stopped, and I guess she woke up a bit.

"Dad?" she asked, her voice thick with sleep and emotion.

I could see the pained smile on Charlie's face in my mind. "Hey Bells. You scared me. I haven't heard you screaming like that for a couple of weeks now."

"Sorry," Bella mumbled. "Did I wake you?"

I heard Charlie shift, probably standing up again. "No. Actually, I'm going fishing with Billy and Harry today. I'm actually running a bit late. Will you be okay?"

"Yes," Bella said, her tone collected and calm now, probably from years of practice. "You go have fun. Be careful."

"I'll see you later," Charlie called, already heading out of the room.

Bella waited until she heard the front door close and the cruiser rumble to life before she called out my name. I was in front of her in less than a second, but it didn't startle her. Tears were steadily streaming down her face, and she was curled up with her knees against her chest, trying to keep herself together. "Bella?" I asked, concerned.

She tried to say something back, but only managed to cut off her sob halfway through by burying her face in her hands. Her body was shaking violently, and her pain was excruciating. "Bella, I'm here. It's okay."

She was shaking her head back and forth, her face still in her hands. "He's gone," she kept muttering to herself, and I wasn't sure if she knew she was talking out loud. I reached out and pried apart her hands, forcing her to look up at me. Her eyes were red and she had dark circles under them.

Bella was weak in my grip and I found her collapsing, tears still pouring out of her eyes and her body quaking so violently she seemed in danger of hurting herself. I moved to sit on her bed and pulled her against me. She fell willingly into my arms, pressing herself against me tightly, one hand going to clutch at her heart. Edward, I thought. I was shocked again to see just how much his leaving had affected her. I rocked Bella back and forth, warring with my thirst for her blood and the need to calm her down, bring her back from the brink. The latter impulse was winning out, and Bella eventually calmed after much rocking and soothing on my part. I thought she had fallen asleep again and moved to lay her down on her bed, but she surprised me by suddenly grabbing my shirt, unwilling to let go. "Don't," she pleaded.

Still, she was weak and beginning to shiver against my cool temperature. I laid her gently down, pulling the covers over her, then lay down next to her. Maybe putting my arm over her was a wrong move, because she suddenly turned around to face me, her head burying in my shirt and new sobs breaking forth. I cradled her in my arms again, slipping one arm beneath her to hold Bella more securely to me as she tried to calm herself down. After a while her grip on me relaxed, and she shifted backwards to breathe better.

"Edward used to hold me like that," she whispered, her voice hitching and some more tears sliding down her cheeks. I waited for her to continue, but she didn't.

"I should have stayed," I told her, guilt coloring my tone. I didn't want to force her to talk about it, but I was aching to know. "Was your nightmare bad?"

Bella was silent for a long while. She turned over in my arms to stare at her door. "It was about him," she told me. I nodded against her, holding her a little more closely as I felt another wave of pain. She was silent for another stretch before she spoke again. "It was just like reliving that day all over again. He just kept repeating the words over and over. 'You're not good for me, Bella. I don't want you.'" Bella struggled with her breathing for a few minutes, and I knew she was crying again. "I've always known I wasn't good enough for him," she told me thickly. "But to hear him say it…It's just…I can't…" Bella buried her face in my arm, and I could feel a fresh flow of tears soaking through my shirt.

So that's what Edward had said to her. Surprisingly I was angry, not just at Edward but at Bella as well. "You know that's not true," I murmured, trying my best to keep my voice soothing and not irate.

But Bella shook her head, sending another fresh wave of her scent over towards me and I had to focus on the fact that I knew her, that she wasn't food. I had never been this close to her before, and for so long, it was torture. I clenched my teeth, forcing myself to breathe in her scent. It was delicious, and I felt my mouth fill with venom. Surprisingly, the thirst wasn't so bad now, and I wondered what had caused the difference.

"If that was true," Bella said, her voice breaking my trance, "then he wouldn't have left me." I froze, and Bella noticed the difference. "Jasper?" she asked, craning her head to look at me.

I avoided looking down at her. "He left because of me," I whispered, agonized.

"Stop it!" Bella cried shrilly, and in my shock I looked down at her. She was angry, heat creeping up her cheeks, though her eyes were still watery. She was so close, I could feel her pulse under my hands, the warm blood flowing. Stop it! I repeated in my head. I forced myself to focus on her chocolate eyes again. "Jasper, I swear that if you don't stop this nonsense about it being your fault, then I will-I'll…I'll hit you!" she threatened, and I chuckled.

"That wouldn't hurt at all," I told her, though we both already knew that.

"I don't care," Bella told me, still fuming and not appreciating my humor. "I'm serious, Jasper. "It wasn't your fault that I'm so clumsy. I can't even open a letter without getting hurt," she huffed, annoyed.

"It's not your fault," I pointed out. "I should have better control by now." Here Bella struggled out of my grasp, then got up to glare down at me. She headed for the door, and I could tell she was still irked. Perplexed I called out, "What are you doing?"

"I'm going to go take a shower while you sit there and learn to be reasonable," she shot back, not bothering to turn around. "I'm tired of everyone telling me it's not my fault, because you know what? Sometimes it IS." She slammed the door behind her.

I stared after her, confused. Where on earth had that come from? I sat there and racked my brain. Well, maybe my family and her own father and friends, had told her continually that none of the little mishaps were her fault, not the James incident, not all the little moments of klutziness, and more poignantly not Edward leaving her. I guess it did get a bit old after a while. If you couldn't blame others, and were told not to blame yourself, then you really had no scapegoat. Bella, in all her low self-confidence, always blamed herself. She could never blame anyone else, so perhaps being told not to blame the person she was blaming (herself) rubbed her the wrong way.

I closed my eyes and flopped back down onto her pillows in the most ungraceful fashion. Ugh, they still smelled of dog. I quickly stripped the bed of its linen, then gathered up Bella's clothes and threw my own into the pile for good measure. I quickly redressed with one of my new outfits and brought the pile to the laundry room. I threw them in the washer and grabbed another set of bed sheets and pillowcases to redress Bella's bed. This I did slowly, trying to kill time, then walked to her closet and pulled out another comforter. I was lounging in Bella's rocking chair by the time she creaked open the door, wrapped in a towel.

"I forgot my clothes," she muttered, flushing red.

I practically ran out of the room, the scent of her blood torturing me once more, and waited until she opened the door again to let me back in.

"You changed the bed," she observed as she sat down on the side.

"You're clothes are also being washed," I informed her.

"Oh, thanks," Bella muttered, embarrassed. Bella was biting her lip and staring at me, unsure. "Jasper, can I ask you something?" I didn't move from my position in the doorway, but nodded my head to affirm her question. "Well, I was just wondering why have you been so open? It's just that…before…" Bella seemed to struggle there, but I understood. "Well, you were always so distant, besides the time in Phoenix. It's just that afterwards, you always seemed so, I don't know, averse to me."

I sighed slightly. "Edward had asked me to keep my distance," I told her. She frowned. "It's not that he didn't trust me," I assured her. Not that he had much reason to, I thought with a grimace. "It's just that being around you so much, well it's always so tempting. And we all know how good my self-control is," I told her, giving a rue smile. "I didn't mean to offend you in any way, Bella. It was easier on me to not be so near you anyway, and I probably would have done so, even if Edward hadn't asked me."

"Wasn't it hard in Arizona too, though?" Bella persisted.

"Not as much as you would think," I responded. "When I'm focused on something, like trying to calm you down, then bloodlust is sort of forced to the back of my mind."

"Mind over matter," Bella said quietly, playing with a loose string on her blanket. She looked up a bit shyly. "Thank you, Jasper. For, well putting up with me. For looking out for me too. For being near me. It really means a lot." Her voice broke on the last word.

"Well, you do seem to need a lot of looking after," I told her. "Bella, I've been wondering something for a while. Why is it that you persisted in talking to those men in Port Angeles?"

Bella flushed now. "You're going to think I'm crazy," she muttered.

"I'm sure it's no more insane than telling someone you converse regularly with a vampire," I told her.

Bella was worrying her bottom lip as she decided how to answer. "When I got closer to them," she told me, her mind going back to the incident. "I suppose you could say the closer to danger I got, well, I hear him. I heard Edward's voice." Bella shook her head, as if the idea was ridiculous to herself as well.

"You heard his voice?" I asked, curious.

"Yes. He was warning me," she laughed slightly. "Telling me not to go any closer to those men." Bella's whole demeanor changed as she recalled the event. "It was intoxicating," she breathed, more to herself than me. It was then that I realized just how addicted to Edward, hell, to all vampires she must be. To put herself in blatant danger just to hear an imaginary voice was definitely not healthy. "He took away everything," she told me suddenly.

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"My birthday present, my photos of him, everything I had." Bella was warring with her emotions now, trying to keep them in check, and she unconsciously pressed her hand against her heart, a signal I had long since recognized as being close to drowning in the pain.

It seemed that no matter what we talked about, it all somehow ended up in the same place: Bella's birthday. It had been a momentous day for more than one reason, and again I felt the guilt slam into me.

"It hurts so much, Jasper," Bella whispered, her eyes glistening. "I miss them so much. I miss Edward." Even with my enhanced hearing I could just barely make out her words.

"They miss you too," I told her. "Carlisle, Esme, Emmett, Alice. Even Rosalie misses you. Edward misses you," I told her softly. "I missed you."

Tears were streaming down Bella's face once again, and I was somewhat shocked that one human could cry so much. Bella looked up at me, helpless, and I knew that my heart would have ached for her. She bit her lip, holding her arms out slightly. I crossed the room to her bed and engulfed her in a hug. She cried again until she fell asleep.

**

After the Nightmare Incident, as I liked to call it, Bella and I fell into an easy intimacy. Bella seemed to always be pushing closer, as if testing my limits. She tried to get as close to me as she could, for as long as she could, until I would have to excuse myself from the house and take a nice refreshing jog to clear my mind. The next time I went hunting, Bella visited Jacob, but had the graciousness to shower before I returned. She always seemed to happy with him, as if her world brightened a little each time she saw Jacob.

Some days we would spend lounging on her couch downstairs, waiting out the hours until Charlie got home watching the cooking channel, or one of Bella's old movies. She religiously stayed away from anything romantic, and I secretly thanked her for that; neither of us was well fit to deal with our feelings on our loves. One day Bella got it into her head to try and teach me to cook.

It was a fairly simple dish, teriyaki steak. Bella hovered over me, much as Esme would have, the entire time, and was slightly put out that the dish turned out to be fantastic. "Stupid, perfect vampire," she muttered, trying a little bite of meat. I watched in morbid fascination, still able to see the pink, and was as much disgusted, as I was fascinated. Bella noticed my stare and asked haughtily, "What?"

"I just can't imagine eating something so revolting," I told her mildly.

Bella's eyebrows arched up. "You know, you probably ate this once too, Jasper. No matter how many years ago, you were a human once also."

I shrugged at her, giving my best Jake impersonation. "Sure, sure." Bella slapped my arm playfully and went to set up the plates. I could hear Charlie's cruiser in the distance and I excused myself to go upstairs to wait until Bella came up. Her room was some sort of sweet, safe haven for the both of us. Even when she did nothing more than struggle with her homework or type up a reply to her mother's latest email, it was a place where we could sit in the comfortable silence of each other's company and forget the pain of reality for a few hours.

I lay on her bed while I waited, arms tucked behind my head, staring up at the ceiling and trying to trace patterns from the stucco. Like a gentleman, I jumped up when Bella entered the room and offered the bed for her to rest on. Bella sat cross-legged near the head of the bed and motioned for me to join her. I mirrored her position at the foot of the bed. I knew what this behavior entailed, and it was perhaps one of the least delightful moments of the day for me.

"How old were you when you were changed?" Bella asked me.

"I was twenty."

"What year was it?"

"1863."

Bella was quiet for a while, pondering my answer. "Jasper, were you in the Civil War?" she asked.

"Yes," I replied, and realization seemed to dawn on her.

"But those scars, they're from vampires," she stated, tracing her own scar with her index finger.

"Yes," I replied again. I didn't mean to be so taciturn, but I wasn't what you would call eager to talk about my past.

"How did you and Alice meet?" she asked me.

I was taken by surprise at this, but answered her anyway. "Alice saw the two of us meeting in a diner one day. When that day came, I walked into the diner and there she was, sitting on one of the stools, her body facing the door. She skipped up to me, as if she'd known me her whole life, and said, 'You've kept me waiting a long time.'" Bella smiled as she imagined the scene; no doubt it she must understand exactly how I had felt that day. Alice had simply skipped into Bella's own life, as if they were already best friends, and taken her by surprise as well.

Bella closed her eyes for a while and leaned back against her headboard. I watched her, taking in her features once more. They were tranquil for the most part. The shadows under her eyes were not nearly as pronounced as they had once been, and she was now back at a healthy weight. Her skin was still incredibly pale, nearly translucent. Bella's hair was long now, just several inches shy of her waist, a nice warm brown with strands of red. One lock of hair was dangling in her face, and on impulse I reached over and brushed it back. Bella smiled at me, her eyes still closed, just taking in the peace. I was slightly shocked by the naturalness of the motion; Alice's hair was too short and perfectly groomed to fall out of place like that, and God forbid I should ever commit such an act with Rosalie or Esme.

I suppose that was the real difference between Bella and the rest of us. We were all so perfect, as she put it. Frozen into the most picturesque form. Bella was free, always changing, always surprising. Unrefined and wild, untamable, much like her hair. I felt a surprising rush of tenderness for the girl before me, and I suppose Bella felt it, because she reached out and took my hand, holding it between her own two. She squeezed my hand gently, her fingers absently tracing along my scars, and I fought the urge to wince. I knew Alice didn't really mind my scars, but I always wondered what Bella thought.

"Don't they bother you?" I asked quickly.

Bella opened her eyes to gaze at me. "Do what bother me?"

"My scars." It was so low it was almost a whisper. Bella frowned, then looked down at our hands. I could see the stark difference between the two; hers were soft and warm, free from blemishes except for her single crescent shaped scar, while mine were so numerous it looked as though I was wearing some terribly out of fashion shirt.

"No," Bella told me quietly. "I think they are a part of who you are. I mean, I don't know how you got them, but no matter what you think, they aren't ugly or revolting in the least." Bella looked up at me shyly. "I think you're beautiful."

My eyes tightened a little. I broke from Bella's grip to unbutton my shirt, revealing the extent of my scarring. "Beautiful, Bella? I look like Frankenstein's monster."

Bella's shock was so fleeting I was almost sure I had imagined it. She reached out a hand slowly, reaching to trace a scar along my clavicle. "So many," she murmured. Bella looked up at my face until I met her eyes. "Jasper, you are beautiful both inside and out. Really." She held my gaze until I had to look away, my own emotions too conflicting for me to decipher.

"Why?" I asked her. "Why do you idolize us so much?"

Bella scoffed. "I don't idolize you." I gave her a mocking look and she grinned sheepishly. "Well, maybe a little. But you're just amazing. I mean, you look like a model, you're great at everything you do, you're intelligent; I could go on for days about all the ways I am fascinated by vampires."

"We are killers, Bella," I reminded her.

Bella's jaw squared, and I could tell she was getting into her stubborn mode. "The past is the past. What matters is what you are doing now," she told me primly, crossing her arms across her chest.

I sighed. I could tell that this was quickly going to become one of our deadlock arguments, and Bella wouldn't relent. It was easy for her to see us and say such things; after all, she'd only met us once we'd become vegetarians, and civilized. I was sure that if she knew anyone, myself especially, before we had joined the Cullens that she wouldn't be so forgiving. She couldn't fathom ripping into the soft flesh of a human being, gulping down the blood as it pulsed sweetly into your mouth. But I could. The memories were seared into my memory forever.

**

Time seemed to pass too quickly whenever I was with Bella. Today was a downpour, really, and bitingly cold for humans. Bella nearly froze to death despite her two layers of clothes and large jacket. After seeing Bella off to school I decided to spend time in the forest nearby. One of the very best and worst aspects to being a vampire was this: you had unlimited amounts of time on your hands. And if you didn't have a mate, well, time was rather dull. I decided to try and hunt, something fairly close, probably a deer or bird, just to state my thirst that had been creeping back up.

My animal instincts took over, and I was soon lost in the monster that roared within me. I must have traveled far, because when I finally came back enough, it was snowing. I glanced at the watch I wore on my wrist and realized I had better hurry back; Bella would be getting out of school in half an hour. As I neared the town again, I noticed that the rain had stopped, but the weather had turned so bitter that the roads were slick with ice. I crept back into Bella's truck just in time, the bell ringing about three seconds later.

All the students of Forks filed out, even the most graceful losing their footing every now and then. I should have realized that as an omen right there; if Angela Weber, usually so graceful and stable could slip on some unseen bit of ice on the ground, Bella was more than one hundred percent sure to do the same. Still, nothing seemed wrong as I watched Bella make her way towards her truck. Then Mike Newton ran up to her, sliding a little as he came to a halt by her side, some ten feet away from me.

"Bella!"

"Hello Mike," she said, sighing a bit. I couldn't understand how she could tolerate the boy. I shook the hair out of my eyes to refocus on Bella.

Mike shifted his backpack on his shoulder then grinned at her goofily. "So I was wondering if you'd be my Valentine tomorrow."

"I-sorry, what?" Bella asked, obviously too stunned to reply coherently. You'd think after the sheer amount of rejections Mike had received from Bella that he'd quit.

Mike's grin just got wider and he shifted his weight to his other foot. "Valentine's Day is tomorrow. Will you be my Valentine?"

Bella stared at him, her mouth gaping. Even I could tell by the way her brow was slightly furrowed that Bella was trying to think of a way out of this one. "Oh, Mike. Thank you, but I uh, already have one," Bella finished lamely.

I could see Mike's shoulders droop, and feel his spirits plummet. His grin was wiped off his face, and he frowned a little. Bella started backing up towards her truck, still facing Mike with something akin to an apologetic smile on her face. Again, this should have alarmed me, but I simply reclined in the truck, watching them from just outside the window. It happened so suddenly, that if I weren't a vampire I wouldn't have caught it.

Bella stepped back onto a thick sheet of ice, and started to fall backwards. Mike, realizing what was happening, grabbed her around the waist, protecting her small frame from harm. I don't recall getting out of the car, probably in some vain attempt to catch Bella myself. Then the most delicious scent overwhelmed me, and I fell rigid, fighting with my instincts.

Mike's outstretched arm, which had absorbed most of the shock from the fall, had been scraped across the ice, tearing it open and letting a nice pool of blood gather on the clear surface. Bella looked up into my face, her eyes wide, as she mouthed the words "Jasper, no." She struggled free from Mike's grip as the poor boy moaned from his place on the ground. Bella scrambled up to me, and I watched in fascination as the blood dripped onto the ice, my bloodlust growing exponentially every moment.

Bella slammed into me, catching my interest for a moment. Her heart was beating wildly, and she was trying to push me back into her truck. Her efforts were entirely wasted on me, and I took a step closer to Mike. Bella's warm hands flew to my face, and she tugged at me until I looked down into her eyes again. Her heart skipped a beat as she stared into my eyes, and I was sure she could feel the frenzy brewing behind them. "Jasper, don't. Let's go. Please. _Jasper!"_

It's futile, I wanted to tell her. The monster was roaring loudly inside me, aching for just one drop of the boy's sweet blood. I could feel the heat from Bella's hand, her fear spiking through me, then suddenly something else. Surprised, I looked down to see Bella's lips against my own, her breath filling up my other senses, and I was momentarily dazed. This seemed to be just what she had hoped for, and she took my momentary weakness to push me with all her might through the open door of her truck. I fell back in, and pulled up my legs quickly as Bella slammed the door shut. She ran to the other side, roaring the engine to life, and was speeding out of the lot.

But my own mind was racing, swimming, spinning. As the scent of Mike's blood became weaker and weaker, my senses focused on a new one, much more sweet and tempting this time, and I could feel the bloodlust clawing back up my throat. Bella turned towards me, her hair flying around her face, and blowing air at me. I looked at her with hungry eyes and fixed onto her scent, the sweet pounding of her blood, suddenly craving it more than anything in the world.

* * *

**A/N: **Ah, Jasper, what have you gotten yourself into?! Well, thanks for waiting guys. I've been having some writers block, but cleared it up by writing a chapter starring Jake's POV, which you'll see in due time.

I want to thank all of my wonderful reviewers and those of you [79 wow!] who have this story on alert! It really means a lot to know what you guys are interested in this story, so thanks! So let me know what you think by clicking tha tlittle button down there! Thanks!


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter Five:**

I walked into school, less enthusiastic than I had been just minutes ago. It was always like this, whenever I had to go to school, without the company of Jasper, time just seemed to drag on and on. Jessica had been adamantly ignoring me since the day of the incident, after blowing up at me the first couple of days, and now my only friends seemed to be Angela, Ben and of course, Mike. It didn't occur to me that there was a lot more excitement in the air today, a lot more blushing and awkward conversations. Mike chatted me up more enthusiastically, but that was only natural.

Lunch came as a sweet reprieve; it meant that the day was more than half over, and I could go home and relax with Jasper. Maybe I'd even visit Jacob. Jasper had hunted recently, but he'd probably be fine without me for a few more hours.

"Bella?" Mike was talking to me, and I focused my attention on him, giving him an apology and asking him to repeat what he said. "I just asked what are you doing tomorrow?"

I frowned, a bit exasperated. "I'm coming to school. Why?"

Mike's reply was cut off by the sound of the bell, and I hurriedly gulped down the rest of my lemonade. I made my way to my next class with Angela and endured the next hour with waning patience. By the time the last class of the day rolled around, I was about ready to run out of this place. I spent the majority of the time staring out the window. It had stopped raining, but the temperature had been dropping all day, and I could feel the nip even swathed in as many layers as I was. I could see the shiny spots of ice spotting the ground and I inwardly cringed. Just getting to my truck unscathed would be a miracle in itself at this rate.

My mind began to wander as the teacher droned on in another lecture about politics. I spent most of the lecture pondering what I'd do when I graduated. Now that Edward (would it ever get easier to even think his name?) had left, I guess I would go to college. But the sheer amount of days that lay ahead of me, decades more of life seemed entirely too many, and I felt a well of desperation open up. Life without Edward wasn't much of a life at all. My thoughts inevitably turned towards Jasper and I had to remember to beat down that hope as well. It was entirely too much to think that Jasper would stay with me for too much longer, which is why I had been trying so hard to get closer to him recently. I knew Jasper had limits, but I couldn't help but try and sit closer to him and just touch him. This had never been much of a problem with Edward or Alice, even less so with Carlisle, though I doubt I'd ever hugged him more than once. It was only Jasper that posed the problem. I knew I was pushing my luck whenever I sat too close, but my number was theoretically up the day I met Edward anyway, so why bother trying to be careful now?

The bell rang suddenly, startling me into knocking my books to the floor. Angela tried to help me collect them, but I shooed her on, knowing that she almost always rode with Ben after school, and not wanting to keep her held up any longer. It took a few minutes, and I accidentally gave myself a paper cut on one of my loose sheets of paper. I searched through my bag, took out my little bottle of hand sanitizer and a band-aid and cleaned myself up. I really had to be more careful.

By the time I got outside, the parking lot had cleared out considerably. I was only a few feet from my truck when I heard someone yell my name. "Hello Mike," I greeted, sighing. All I really wanted was to get into my truck and go home. And more importantly, spend some time with Jasper.

"So I was wondering if you'd be my Valentine tomorrow." I gaped at the boy in front of me. Valentine? What was he talking about?

"I-sorry, what?" I managed to stutter. Of course I'd heard him clearly, but he reiterated for my benefit.

"Valentine's Day is tomorrow. Will you be my Valentine?" He had to be kidding. After all the times I turned him down; he really must have gone crazy to think that I would say yes. Had I done anything to encourage him? I filtered through the last couple of days, trying to decide, but no. I couldn't think of any instance in which I had been overly friendly.

Mike was still staring at me, a goofy grin on his face, and I knew I had to think quickly. I had to think of some way to turn him down. I opted for the only explanation I could think of, never mind that it was an absolute lie. "Oh, Mike. Thank you, but I uh, already have one," I told him, feeling myself flush with my lie. Hopefully he'd think I was just embarrassed or happy, or anything really.

Mike frowned at me. I knew he was on the verge of asking me who my Valentine was, and I couldn't let that happen. I really should have been paying better attention or at least been more cautious, especially with my abysmal grace. I stepped back, and my foot landed on a slick surface, sliding beneath me and I felt myself falling backwards. Mike reached out to grab me, warm and strong, and I was completely unharmed as Mike absorbed the brunt of the fall.

When I finally opened my eyes, Jasper was standing stock still, his eyes wide and his body tensed into a somewhat crouching position. Fear coursed through me as I realized that Mike was bleeding onto the pavement, his arm scraped from the rough surface of the ice. I watched as Jasper inhaled deeply, and when he opened his eyes once more they weren't the calm, careful eyes I'd grown used to. Jasper stared down at us, and I thought it was a miracle he hadn't moved yet. "Jasper, no!" I tried to yell out, but I still hadn't gotten my air back.

He didn't acknowledge me at all, and if I was going to save all of our lives, I knew I had to distract him. I struggled free of Mike, telling him a quick sorry, and threw myself at Jasper. He never lifted his gaze from Mike's bleeding arm, and he took a step closer. I grabbed his face in my hands, and tried to force him to look down at me. When he finally did, his eyes were completely devoid of any remnant of the man I'd grown so close to. "Jasper, don't. Let's go. Please. _Jasper!" _I was scared, my heart working double time. Jasper just stood there, completely still, and I knew I had to do something to distract him long enough to get him out of here. It was instinct really, intuition, when I pressed my lips against Jasper's.

I breathed against his mouth, hopefully distracting him from the scent of Mike's blood, and it seemed to work. Jasper looked down at me and I felt his body go slack. I didn't waste any time in pushing Jasper backwards, through the open door of my truck. Jasper seemed to come to a little bit, and I slammed the door shut, before running over to the driver's side and starting the engine. I drove at least a mile away before I turned towards Jasper. He was staring at me with hungry eyes, not quite himself. He reminded me very much of the night of my birthday, and I could feel dread well up in me. This time around I didn't have Edward or Emmett or anyone to save me should Jasper lapse in his control. "Jasper?" my voice cracked with the intensity of my fear. At last I was beginning to appreciate just how lethal these vampires were.

Jasper's knuckles were white he was gripping his jeans so hard. "Pull over," he instructed me through clenched teeth. I could see he had stopped breathing.

"We're only two miles from school," I told him, worried that he might go back and find Mike.

Jasper turned on me with a viscous look. "Bella, if you don't pull over right now, I can't guarantee that you'll make it back home," he growled, and I could practically feel the way he was warring with himself. "I won't go back, but I need to get away from you. Bella!" His voice was so pained that I did as he told me. The moment we stopped, Jasper fled from the car, disappearing without so much as a glance backwards.

"Jasper!" I called, knowing it was futile. All at once I wished for nothing more than to be a vampire myself. There was no way I could comfort Jasper as Alice might have, without making things worse with the temptation of my blood. A new fear seized me then, and I could feel myself drowning. Would Jasper leave me now, like Edward had so many months ago? The fear was greater this time, poignant to the point of driving me insane. Because I knew that this time, no one would come back for me.

**

I must have driven automatically, because I couldn't recall turning off the highway to make my way to La Push. It was as if my very being gravitated towards Jacob these days. I pulled into his driveway, cutting off the engine and waiting until he came out to greet me. He must have pulled me from the car and brought me inside, because the next thing I knew I was sitting on his couch, engulfed in his arms.

"Bella? What's wrong?" Jake asked me, wiping the tears from my face as they steadily slid down. I couldn't answer him, my throat was caught and it hurt even to breathe.

I didn't tell him what was wrong that day, and he didn't ask me again. Instead, he spent the entire visit trying to calm me down and get me to laugh. It worked. Being with Jacob was so easy. My heart was barely hurting by the time dinner rolled around. "Oh crap! I didn't call Charlie!" I exclaimed, rushing for the phone. I had just picked it up when it rang. "Hello?"

"Bella!" Charlie sounded so relieved that I felt guilty.

"Hi Dad. I'm so sorry; I completely forgot to call you. I'll come home now and make you dinner."

"Now Bells, I can manage making it myself. I did live alone for more than a decade," he told me. I thought he sounded just the tiniest bit pleased. "You just take it easy. Tell Jake and Billy I said hello."

"Okay, I'll see you later," I told him before the line went dead. I sighed and turned around. "I guess I ought to go home," I told Jacob. I didn't feel like going home at all. Not when I knew that I'd be going home to an empty room. My heart squeezed tightly and I struggled to catch my breath.

Jake was immediately by my side, taking my hand in his own. "Ten more minutes?" he asked. I gave him a tiny smile.

"Ten more minutes."

**

I returned the next day, but it was me who got the surprise. Jacob was waiting for me outside, a box of chocolate in one hand a rose in the other. "Happy Valentine's Day," he told me, grinning irresistibly.

I took the gifts, blushing. "Thanks, Jake," I mumbled. "You didn't have to."

He just smiled at me, and I felt a rush of tenderness for him. "So does that mean you'll be my Valentine this year?" he asked.

I just laughed, feeling my heart swell. "Of course," I told him, and he picked me up and twirled me around.

We walked around the beach, where Jake showed me the tidal pools and caught some of the tiny fish with his hands. I couldn't help but notice how tall he was now, probably a foot bigger than me, and he just seemed to keep growing. His hair was long and shiny, pulled back in a ponytail, and I wanted to run my hands through it. I could even see his muscles rippling under his shirt. "What is it?" Jacob asked, catching my stare.

"You're beautiful," I told him impulsively and immediately blushed a nice crimson.

Jake grinned at me. "So are you, Bella." Suddenly he frowned. "Let's go," he told me, grabbing my hand.

"Why? What's wrong?" Jake didn't seem to want to answer me, so I pressed on. "What is it Jake?"

He stopped and looked at me, then glanced over my shoulder. "It's Sam and his gang. I just really don't like them. And now Embry is hanging out with them to, and he won't talk to me. He's just totally different. And Sam keeps treating me differently. Like he knows something I don't, or like I'm going to join his stupid gang."

Jake sounded like he was going cry, and I felt my heart ache a little for him. "It's okay Jake. You don't have to join his gang. You can live with Charlie and me, although I don't think you'll fit on the couch anymore." Jacob just laughed, then scooped me up and hopped down the rest of the rocks, landing gracefully on the soft sand. If I had done that, I'd probably break my leg.

**

I spent the next week going to Jacob's house every day after school. By the fifth day, my panic was beginning to get out of control. It wasn't made any easier when Jake kissed me. Well, my forehead at least. I pulled back from him quickly and looked up at him. "I'm sorry," he mumbled, but I knew he wasn't sorry at all.

I sighed and struggled out of his hug. It was wrong of me to keep being with Jake like this if he thought that I might like him, and I had to set him straight. Easier said than done. "Jake," I began. I hesitated; if I told him I didn't like him that way, would he still want to hang out with me? I knew that if Jacob didn't spend time with me that the hole in my heart, now two holes, would rip open. They always started to tear the moment I was away from him anyway, and not seeing him at all would be the end of me. "Jake, you know that I can't-not after he-" This was too hard, but I had to let Jake know.

"Sure, sure," Jake interjected, and I could tell he was irritated. He stared at me very seriously then. "Bella, I just want you to know that I will always be here for you. I would never leave you, I promise."

"I know," I mumbled, felling all choked up. How many times would that promise be made and not kept?

I left quickly after that, using my neglect of Charlie as an excuse. Dinner was quiet and I deflected Charlie's questions for the most part. That night my nightmares were unrelenting. I was searching in the forest again, running after someone who was much too quick for me. First it was Edward, who then turned into Jasper, and finally Jacob. I woke up crying hours before the sun rose and couldn't fall back asleep. Instead of wasting time lying in bed, I went downstairs and got some ingredients out to make Charlie a real breakfast for once: Pancakes, scrambled eggs and bacon.

"That smells great, Bells," Charlie greeted me about an hour later. I piled a stack of pancakes on his plate, adding a healthy serving of eggs and several strips of bacon.

"I got up early," I told him. I grabbed a pancake for myself and settled down to eat with him. It was quiet for a while before Charlie cleared his throat to get my attention.

"Me and the guys are going fishing this weekend," he informed me. "I'll be gone for two days." I nodded at him, trying to look enthusiastic or interested. "Do you have any plans this weekend? Maybe you could visit Jake."

I blanched and dropped my fork. La Push was the one place I didn't want to go for a couple of days. "It's okay; I've got a lot of chores to do. Laundry and homework, you know." Charlie was opening him mouth to protest, so I made something up. "And I was thinking of going to the mall to buy some more clothes. I couldn't find anything really good last time."

"Who are you going with?" Charlie asked me. I knew he wanted to tack on, You could ask Jacob.

"Angela," I said quickly. Well, since Jessica wasn't talking to me, and I definitely was _not_ going to ask Mike.

"All right, then," Charlie said, appeased for now.

For once I dreaded the end of the school day. Since I decided not to go to Jacob's house, and since Charlie would be leaving for two days tomorrow, I was faced with countless hours of alone time. The day was over before I realized it had really begun. By the time I remembered I was supposed to ask Angela to the mall, she was long gone.

That night I focused on making an extravagant dinner for Charlie. He seemed thoroughly pleased when he came home to the aroma of prime rib, mashed potatoes and peach cobbler baking in the oven.

Dinner was an easy affair, Charlie more interested in his fishing trip than my day, and I indulged him by listening to his stories. I took my time doing the dishes then got started on some laundry. Still, it was only eight thirty by the time I had finished loading the second batch of laundry and I sat down to try and distract myself with some television. There was nothing good on, but I kept my mind focused on some pointless storyline of a war movie. About twenty minutes into it there was a knock on our door. Charlie was already upstairs so I went ahead in answered it. Jacob stood there, his form nearly too big to fit into the frame of the doorway.

"Jake!" I was happy but displeased at the same time. It seemed all my efforts in avoiding him would be in vain. Ah well, at least he was better than Mike.

"Hey Bella," he greeted me as I stepped aside to let him in. "You didn't visit today, so I just wanted to check and make sure you were still in one piece," he joked but I could detect an undercurrent of hurt.

"Oh," I said feeling guilty. "I wanted to make Charlie a good dinner since I've been so neglectful lately. There's still some peach cobbler if you'd like some," I offered.

Jacob grinned. Of course he would. He sat down at the table while I piled the baked good on a plate. "Any plans this weekend?" he asked. Why did he have to ask?

"Yeah, I'm going to the mall with a friend," I said quickly. At his furrowed brow I continued, "Angela. Clothes shopping, you know." The lines creasing Jacob's forehead instantly smoothed and he dug into the cobbler happily.

I was grateful for the company, but it wasn't long before I began to feel sleepy. I suppose it was when I started nodding off on him that Jake decided it was time to go. I walked him to the door and mumbled sleepily, "'Night Jake." He gave me a hug goodbye and lingered a bit longer than usual, but I could have just been imagining it. I trudged up the stairs, cursing how many there were. Charlie was already snoring loudly in his room when I opened my bedroom door.

With a jolt I suddenly found myself wide-awake. Jasper was sitting on the window ledge, moonlight reflecting off his pale face and looking every bit a Greek god. My heart skipped several beats and I merely stared at him. "Jasper?" I whispered. Surely I must be hallucinating.

Jasper turned towards me, and I could feel self-loathing and shame rolling off him. "Bella." He couldn't meet my eyes, but I was too happy to care.

My throat seized up and tears sprang to my eyes. I wanted to run over to him and hug him, never let go. I wanted to scream my happiness, or perhaps just faint from the sheer exhilaration I was feeling at the moment. "You're back." My voice sounded pathetically happy and hopeful even to myself. But something was off. "Jasper?" I took a step towards him but he flinched. "Jasper!" My previous elation melted into desperation, and suddenly the tears that were threatening to fall weren't happy ones. "You-you're not going to leave me, are you?" Like Edward. It wasn't said by either of us, yet it hung in the air thickly.

The world was suddenly spinning, the edges darkening and I stumbled back onto my bed, trying to control my breathing. It wasn't fair. Things had been going so well and now they were crashing down on me, once again. All because of my clumsiness. I wanted to scream now in frustration, and I'm sure my own self-loathing was beginning to match Jasper's. All at once I could feel waves of calm trying to spread through me, but I fought it off. "No. Stop!" I sat up and stared at Jasper until he returned my gaze. I was _not_ going to let this happen again. "We can work through this," I told him.

Jasper's laugh was bitter. "Bella I tried to kill you. I was going to drink your blood and not think twice about it. How could this possibly work out?"

He was right, of course. I was just a human, and he was some perfect entity. He was predator, I was prey. But he was Jasper! He wasn't some nomadic vampire like James who killed on a whim. "Because I know you can, Jasper. I trust you. I have always trusted you." Jasper shot me a pained look.

"Whenever I am with you, I never forget how much I want to drink your blood, Bella. It's intoxicating. What if one time, and once is all it would take, I just give in. There is no one who would be able to help you. To stop me."

I fought through the panic Jasper's words rose in me. "You will stop." What could I say? He was right, and yet wrong. Jasper wasn't a murderer. He was guarded, cautious, but gentle. And he cared.

Jasper was angry, frustrated even. "You don't get it!" he growled, turning on me and stalking closer. "I. Will. Kill. You." Jasper's face was only an inch from mine, and his words rang out clearly, resounding in my head. He was feral almost, like the first time I saw him after all those months. A jolt ran through my body, fear probably, and I forced myself not to back down.

I thought of Charlie and Renee. Angela and Mike. Jacob. People that loved me and would be devastated if I died. But those thoughts were clouded out by Jasper's visage. Of all the happiness that he'd brought back into my life after Edward left. I thought of how hurt Jasper was still, how tortured. And I was happy; staring into the face of a man that could potentially kill me, I was happy. "That's okay," I whispered, staring up into his amber eyes.

Jasper blinked. "What?"

I closed my eyes and sighed, thinking of all my memories from the past year. "That's okay."

"Have you gone insane?"

My eyes snapped open. "One thing you vampires don't seem to understand," I hissed, suddenly irritated, "is that one day, some way or another, I AM going to die. I could be 99 years old, or it could be tomorrow. But every second that ticks by brings me closer to death. I will die, whether by your hand or not." I softened then, trying to read Jasper's face, but was unable. "And if I got to choose my way to die, I think I'd prefer it be by you."

I was worried now that I had said too much, had been too impertinent. Yet he seemed to cave. His shoulders slumped and he sighed, drawing back from me a little, but sitting across from me on my bed. "I don't want to hurt you," he told me, resigned.

"Then don't leave."

His eyes bored holes in mine, but I'd had much practice with forcing myself to look back anyway. Suddenly Jasper leaned in close, and my heart rate kicked into high gear. A glimpse of his face told me he was determined, but for what? Fleetingly I thought he really was going to kill me and I froze in fear. But Jasper merely cupped my neck in one hand and rested his head on my shoulder on the other side, breathing deeply. Flashes a previous memory came back to me then, of a similar instance, but with a different vampire, in a different time and a different place. I closed my mind off to the floodgate of images rushing my brain and tried to focus on the present: Jasper, not Edward. It was Jasper who was breathing in my scent, trying to gain some resolve not to kill me, to desensitize himself to my blood, to get used to being close to me.

After a few moments the intimacy of the moment struck me. Here in the darkness everything seemed magnified: the silence, my heartbeat, the cool hand pressing against my neck gently, Jasper's face, his lips pressed against my throat in an almost kiss. A new feeling seemed to erupt from within me, and my traitorous heart began working over time again. I didn't want to disturb Jasper, but I needed a moment to clear my head of these not so innocent urges.

I could feel a blush rise up my neck and flood my face as I worried that perhaps Jasper would be able to detect my sudden change in feelings. He pulled back, eyes a bit unfocused and gave me a worried look. His eyes searched mine for a moment, but eventually Jasper's face relaxed into a calm smile. He brushed my hair back over my ear with the hand that had been resting along my neck and a ghost of a smile lit up his eyes. Looking at him I felt a sudden rush of love and caring for the man before me. Jasper smiled at me more widely then, and I could feel some of same sort of feeling being reflected back at me. I leaned my cheek into his hand. It was cold, but inside I felt warm. Jasper didn't tense or pull away, so I was encouraged to ask my question again.

"So you'll stay?" I didn't open my eyes for fear of his answer.

"I'll stay."

Those two syllables were the absolute sweetest I'd heard in as long as I could remember.

* * *

**A/N: **Hey guys, I am SO SORRY for the wait! I know I promised this like a week ago, but things have been really busy, and I'm afraid they will be really busy for the next coule of weeks. I've got AP exams next week and the week after, so don't expect an update until they are over. But I do want to thank all of my wonderful readers, reviewers, and people who have put this story on alert! I'm so glad it's had such a wonderful response!

I'm working on getting more dialouge in here, and also beginning the love relationship between Jasper and Bella. I'm really insecure about this, so please, I would appreciate ALL criticism, comments or support! Thanks you guys, and I'll plough through the exams so I can get the next chapter out!


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter Six**

Sometime as the sky was beginning to lighten Bella's breathing became deep and even. For the longest time we had sat there unmoving, Bella's cheek snuggled into my palm, her eyes closed contently, affection radiating off her. Her dark hair fell down her shoulders, tickling my arm as it brushed against me softly. At last she shifted, uncomfortable, but still content. I grabbed some pajamas for her and turned away as she changed. Bella was still sitting upright on the bed, looking at me when I turned around.

"It's late," I told her, readying myself to use my powers if necessary.

"I don't have school tomorrow," she countered, her chin jutting defiantly.

"You don't want to mess up your sleeping habits. And you look like you need a good night's sleep," I insisted. She'd probably been having nightmares.

"I don't want to." Bella sounded like a whining child and I chuckled slightly.

"Why not?" I asked at the same time I rose to force her under the covers. Bella knew better than to try and resist, but it was more than that. She suddenly seemed very small, anxious and a bit defeated. I frowned. "Bella, what's wrong?" Perhaps I had scared her too much earlier. I didn't mean to, but she just needed to understand the danger I posed to her life. I brought the covers up to her chin but she grabbed my hand before I could pull away, tugging at it until I let her bring my cool hand to her face.

She held my hand to her face and breathed in my scent. Her eyes were closed now, but her cheeks were wet. "I'm scared."

I felt affection flood through me. Bella looked so vulnerable, her tiny frame quivering and pain still etched across her features despite my calming waves. "I won't let anything hurt you," I promised.

"Not that," she muttered, burying her face in my hand and gripping it even more tightly.

I was perplexed now. "What, then?"

"I'm scared that this is just a dream. And that I'm going to wake up and I'll find out that none of this was real. No vampires, no Edward. No you." I knew my heart would have clenched had it still been beating. "And I don't want it to have been a dream."

I leaned down next to her, brushing the tears from Bella's face gently. Always gentle, I couldn't allow myself to hurt her again. Her nose was turning pink and her breathing labored from trying to control her tears. I decided then and there. "I'm real. I'm here. I won't leave you. I promise."

Bella peeked up at me and smiled, her chin still quivering slightly. She brushed some hair from my face so that she could look into my eyes and hit me with the full force of her emotions. It was staggering, the love and adoration that was spilling forth from her. I didn't deserve this; no one could ever deserve such a love. "Me too," she mumbled sleepily. "I won't leave you. I promise." And she fell asleep.

It might have seemed insignificant to Bella, this little exchange of promises, but to me it was one of the most important moments in my existence. I cradled her face long after she had fallen asleep, stared at the human before me in amazement. I wondered if this is how Edward felt. To have someone so innocent, so perfect, love you and trust you, even when you could kill them with more ease than drawing a breath. To have them find comfort in you, think you were remarkable even though there was nothing incredible about you in the first place. How could Edward leave this? How could I?

No. I would protect her, especially from myself. I sighed. God I sounded terribly cliché. I studied Bella all the while she slept, memorizing the contours of her face, how her dark lashes fluttered whenever she talked in her sleep. I got a little thrill of excitement when my name came forth from the jumble of Charlie, Renee, and Jacob's. Of course, this didn't quite explain the jealousy I felt when Bella murmured Edward's name, as though she was caressing it. I had to hide in Bella's closet when Charlie peeked his head in then crept over to give Bella a kiss on her forehead sometime around 5 am.

While Bella still slept I shrugged out of the clothes I'd been living in the past week and put on a fresh set. I had no idea what we'd do today, but I wanted to be ready for anything, so I stole downstairs and flipped through an old cookbook to find a breakfast recipe. After settling on crepes, I was frustrated to find that I was lacking a few of the ingredients. No matter, I could run to the store and be back before Bella awoke. Or so I thought, until I felt the tumult of emotions as I neared the house on the return trip.

I didn't think twice as I discarded the groceries on the table and scooped up Bella, whispering soothing words to her as she hiccoughed into silence. "I told you I wasn't leaving," I told her gently as she tried to stem the flow of her tears on my shirt.

"I'm s-sorry. It's just a habit I guess," she half joked. "Ugh. I cry too much."

"Why don't you go clean up?" I suggested, and Bella nodded, climbing the stairs to grab her things for a shower. So this was the first obstacle, I thought, as I brought out the remaining ingredients for the crepes and began measuring and mixing them. Get Bella secure enough in my promise to know that I wouldn't run off the first chance that I got. Easier said than done.

**

I'd never been one to appreciate the dark much, but lately I couldn't have been more grateful, or confused for that matter, by the blackness that surrounded us. Charlie being gone on a fishing trip left the house quite a free and safe place for me to stroll around in. We ended up watching movies on the couch of the living room. In jest I had tried to frighten Bella by playing a scary movie, something about vampires [just to be ironic], and turning off the lights. It had been fine for the half of the movie, until Bella had gotten up to use the bathroom. When she returned she stumbled on her way to the couch, landing on top of me unceremoniously. Normally I would not have thought any more on it but for the sharp jolt of electricity that shot through me upon contact with her soft skin.

I froze, my mind going blank for a moment as I fought with more primal instincts. This was Bella after all. I shouldn't be feeling anything for her, more than sisterly affection. And yet the almost unquenchable desire to stroke her face, run my fingers along her jaw, feel the warmth of her skin on mine burned at me.

"Sorry," Bella mumbled, pushing off of me and sitting down on the other side of the couch.

"It's what I'm here for," I tried to joke, but it sounded forced. Bella sat rigidly on the other side of the couch, her eyes staring at the television, but her hands were clenched and folded under her arms and she was biting her lip worriedly. I forced my eyes back to the screen but ended up just thinking anyway. I must have imagined the shock, the sudden tension between us. Bella was probably just frightened by the movie. After all, I loved Alice and Bella loved Edward. Despite everything that fact still rang true.

No matter that Alice had let me go away. That Edward left Bella. The love between both pairs was unbreakable, that much was true. It was just this damned darkness. After all, I was no stranger to the heightened passions that erupted in human teenagers when the lights went down. But this was just preposterous. I was a vampire, more than a century old, and yet here I was contemplating kissing Bella senseless, my brother's love and wife's best friend nonetheless!

A little part of me argued that I could use those terms loosely. Edward had all but abandoned the family, and Alice…I gulped, unable to think any more on that topic. No, I loved Bella, but it was platonic. I loved her like Emmett loved her, a little sister and nothing more.

Despite my new resolve, the second half of the movie was still hell. I didn't watch it at all, and it didn't seem Bella was either. It was relief when the movie ended and I quickly rose to turn the lights back on. It was late now, and Bella was yawning. I followed her up the stairs and waited patiently as she went through her nightly routine. "At least I know I don't have to be afraid of vampires," she muttered, climbing under the covers and reaching over to turn off the bedroom light. I was loath for her to do so, and my suspicions proved me right. The moment the lights clicked off I could feel desire pool into me.

"Bella," I said softly, crouching down next to her.

"Mmm?"

"I'm going to go hunt," I told her quietly. It was as good an excuse as any. She peeked up at me, her brow furrowing in worry once again. "I'll be back in the morning. I won't break my promise." She sighed contentedly then and snuggled deeper into her covers.

I jumped out the window and took off, as far away from the Swan house as possible while staying within the state. I drank heartily from a couple of deer. At least I was able to quench one thirst that night.

**

Inevitably Monday came, and Bella was loath to go back to school. Bella insisted that I stay home, but I ignored her warnings and drove her to school myself. It was just my luck that Mike Newton would be waiting for her on this day of all days. For a moment he stared at me and Bella swore softly under her breath. "I told you to stay home," she muttered, and I could feel the growing tension within her.

Surprisingly I could feel intense waves of jealousy coming off the Newton kid, and it amused me slightly. When I heard him mutter angrily, "All this time and I still haven't gotten my chance," I cracked a smile. Bella shooed me off, but I merely drove a bit down the road, parked Bella's truck on the side and ran back to catch the rest of Mike's interrogation of Bella. I swiftly climbed up one of the trees and canvassed the scene below me.

"What are you doing with Jasper Hale?" Clearly the platitudes had already been said, and now Mike was jumping head first into what he wanted to ask. Never had much sense, that one.

"What do you mean?" Bella asked, defensively.

Mike stared at her shrewdly. His confusion was clear on his face; you didn't have to be an empath to see that much. "I mean, are they back, the Cullens? I didn't ask last time, because I thought, I dunno, that maybe I was seeing things. That maybe it wasn't him, but…_Jasper Hale_." My name was an accusation, almost as if he was questioning whether or not Bella and Edward had broken up and she was with me. I dismissed the strange thrill of happiness at the thought.

Bella grabbed the front of her shirt, and I could feel the pain beginning to surface again. I growled softly, but didn't interfere. I didn't want to give myself away. "No, they aren't back," Bella said slowly, and I could tell each word was physically hurting her to say.

"Then why did Jasper Hale drive you to school?" Mike insisted.

"What does it matter who drives me to school!" Bella exclaimed, anger getting the best of her at last.

"So you're seeing Hale now!" Mike accused, and I could tell that not only was he jealous, but frustrated and upset as well.

Bella's eyes narrowed. "Who I see or don't see is none of your business," she replied acidly, her voice dangerously low.

"You kissed him!" Mike cried, his temper getting the best of him. For a moment I was stunned; when had Bella kissed me, exactly? I wracked my brain, the images floating up easily. The first time had been that quick peck I gave her to discourage the other girls, then the ice incident. Ah yes, I suppose that you have looked like a kiss to anyone other than Bella and myself. I focused back on Bella to see her looking both dumbstruck and indignant, her cheeks a nice pink.

"Mike Newton, you have absolutely no right or authority to talk to me like this," Bella said quietly.

Mike seemed to sense the danger and back tracked. "Look, I'm sorry Bella. I was just surprised is all." He held up his hands, palms facing her in a gesture of surrender. "Forgive me?" Bella glared at him still, shifting from one foot to the other, glancing around as more students filed in. "Do you really want to be stuck with Jessica all day?" he asked teasingly and Bella snapped her head up, horrified.

"All right, fine," she conceded, and Mike grinned like an idiot. How could she put up with him?

"Great!" Mike enthused, and slung his arm around her shoulders as though the little incident had never happened. "We can face Jessica's Fascist Rule of Gossiping together!" Bella laughed, and my eyes narrowed. I had the sudden urge to jump down and forcibly rip the two apart. Seeing Mike sling his arm so casually over her shoulder, to hear her laugh at him so easily brought my temper to the surface. How Bella could switch from wanting to hurt him to being his friend again was beyond me. It took a moment to process, but then oh god. I realized I was jealous.

The rest of the day wasn't any better. The more I watched, okay stalked, Bella, the more I had to analyze my own feelings. I had come to rationalize my sudden, unexplained emotions as those of an older brother being overprotective. I didn't like the way Mike tagged along beside her all day like some lost puppy, how Tyler walked her to her class after lunch, or the way Eric would chat her up as they walked to the last class of the day. My mood had turned foul, so when I picked up Bella later that afternoon I was a bit gruffer with her than I intended.

"Had a good time at school?" I asked bitingly.

Bella sighed, seemingly oblivious with my mood. "I guess. Mike was a bit annoying though." I smiled despite myself, suddenly appeased. Bella finished buckling herself in and I revved her truck to life. "How was your day?" she asked. Had I still blood flowing through me, I'm sure I would have flushed slightly.

It was great; I spent it stalking you from afar. "It was fine," I replied, pulling out and carefully keeping my eyes on the road, fighting the urge to run over Mike Newton as he walked across the way, his back to me.

There was silence, and I looked inquisitively at Bella as I pulled onto the highway. She was biting her lip, a line of worry creasing her forehead. "Bella?" She looked up at me, her eyes searching my face for a moment before she took a deep breath.

"Aren't you bored?" she asked, the words rushing from her mouth before she could lose her nerve.

I stared at her incredulously. How could I be bored? She was so interesting; I knew exactly how Edward felt. "Never," I replied.

"Okay," Bella said, playing with one of the straps on her bag.

"Aren't you bored with me?" I asked jokingly, but curious nonetheless. Surely she could do better things than spend all her time holed up in her room at home with a vampire.

Bella's head snapped up and she gaped at me. "Bored?" she asked, looking at me as if I was insane. "How on earth could I be bored?"

I chuckled. "Now you know how I feel," I told her, secretly pleased by her reaction. Bella colored a little but still smiled as she stared out the window.

Still, I had to admit that the time not spent with Bella was exceptionally dull. With no Emmett to wrestle with, Esme to coddle me or Alice to…well without anyone else to talk to I suppose things got a bit…dull. "Let's go for a walk," I told Bella as soon as I pulled up in the driveway.

"What?" Bella asked reflexively, and I waited a moment for what I said to sink in. "Oh, all right." I waited outside while Bella put her bag away then sighed impatiently when the phone rang. At last she made her way outside. "Sorry. It was Charlie. He said he's not going to be home for dinner because he had to go up to another county to help the police department with something."

That was good at least. We'd have more time to hike without Charlie worrying about where Bella was. I figured that her woods were as good a place as any to start, seeing as how we'd get where I wanted no matter where we started. The walk was spent in companionable silence for the first part, Bella tripping on the occasional root. After about half an hour of silence she finally spoke.

"Where are we going?"

I pointed to the top of a nearby mountain. "Right there."

Bella gaped at me. "You expect me to walk all the way up there?"

"Of course not," I told her as I grabbed her arm and slung her across my back. "We're going to run." Bella's shrieks were mingled with fear and excitement, but she kept her eyes closed the entire way. It took an hour to get there, because Bella had to sit down several times for feeling nauseous.

"Sorry," she gasped, her head between her knees as she tried to ground herself once more.

"We're almost there. We can walk the rest of the way if you'd prefer," I tried to encourage.

"Yes," Bella replied, slowly standing. I turned and began leading the way up the mountain when I felt a tug on my shirt. Looking down I could see Bella blushing, her eyes averted. "In case you forgot, I'm incredibly clumsy." How could I forget? I wanted to ask, but was stopped when Bella's hand found my own. "Is it okay if we walk like this? It helps my balance."

My mouth dropped open in shock for a moment at the feel of her warm, small hand in mine. I managed to turn the tender moment into one less serious by chuckling slightly. "Of course." I wondered if she felt the fire on her own skin that she ignited on mine.

Bella was right in respect to her clumsiness. We had barely gone twenty feet when she tripped on a stone and fell in a sitting position. Embarrassed she tried to let go of my hand to brush herself off, but I snatched her hand back in mind and pulled her up in my arms. Bella let out a rather undignified squawk and I grinned down at her. "Don't worry, I'll go slow." Still she clamped her eyes shut and didn't open them again until we got to the top.

"You can look now," I told her as I reached the level ground at the pinnacle. Below was a sea of green, misty white clouds swirling just below us.

"You never cease to amaze me," Bella muttered, her hands still interlocked behind my neck. "We're so high up."

I sat down quickly, causing her heart to jolt. "I won't let you fall." Bella crawled out of my lap to sit down next to me, and silence reigned for a stretch as we watched the sun make its descent in the sky. "I used to come up here to be alone sometimes," I confessed to her. Bella didn't speak, just let me feel her surprise and hear her unasked questions. "And for privacy," I amended. "When you're stuck in a house where your own thoughts and decisions aren't private, _ever_, it gets tiresome."

"I think I know what you mean."

"And it's calm. I don't have to be flooded with a hundred other emotions."

I dared a glance in Bella's direction as the sun slipped behind the horizon. She seemed content, her face free of any worry, and the feeling swallowed me whole. I could sit here for eternity with the promise that Bella's feelings brought to me. Her hair blew slightly in the breeze, surrounding me in a thick wave of her scent. The blood lust was still there, I doubt it would ever go away, but it was less; it was bearable.

The rain came suddenly and with a vengeance, darkening the sky completely after only fifteen minutes after sundown. Bella shrieked, trying to shield herself to no avail. I felt a tug on my shirt and I looked down to see Bella shivering. I grabbed her hand to pull her to a nearby cave and felt the electric shock come back full force. Bella shrugged out of her heavy overcoat and used the damp material to try and dry her hair. The rain was coming down in torrents, and while this wouldn't have bothered me I knew I couldn't bring Bella all the way down the mountain in one stretch; the rain was coming down hard enough to hurt her.

Sitting there side by side with darkness pressing in on us felt very private. I knew I should be worried about Charlie, about him coming home and not being able to find Bella. But some other part of me reasoned that we still had several hours before he got home. And besides, I couldn't help myself from stealing glances at the girl shivering beside me. I removed my own coat to remove the underlying sweater and handed it to Bella. She tried to refuse but I pulled it over her head.

"I'm a vampire. Weather doesn't bother me."

Bella struggled to get her arms through the sleeves then worked on tugging her hair out from underneath the cotton. The sweater wouldn't hold any warmth yet, but it would protect her from the chill winds. I reached over and pulled her hair out for her, idly noting in the back of my mind that I could never do such a thing with Alice. And there it was again, the strong flush of excitement flooded through me as I felt her skin, the heartbeat thudding gently.

"Jasper?"

My eyes snapped back to Bella's face, taking note of the worried look. The warm eyes, rosy cheeks and lips. Oh god, they looked so inviting. I did it before I knew _what_ I was doing. Hell, I'd never been one for self-control anyway, according to any other member of my family, so why start now?

I used the hand still locked in Bella's hair to pull her closer to me but stopped a millimeter away from her, my eyes searching her face while I tested her emotions to determine if I should go ahead or stop. It took all but a fraction of a second, but it was long enough for me to decide that it was okay. I pressed my lips against hers softly; they were warm and inviting, and her scent swirled around me in an enticing way. I slanted my lips over hers, pressing firmly but gently against her mouth, exceedingly careful as I recalled just how breakable she could be.

I was worried for a moment. Bella didn't move she just stared at me with open eyes, shock radiating through her entire being as I tried to coax her lips to life. After another second I began to pull back, fear suddenly coursing through me that I had made the wrong move. But the instant that Bella registered my movement she pressed forward, her hands finding their way around my neck and into my hair.

She was enthusiastic to say the least, her mouth yielding to mine easily as I traced her bottom lip with my tongue. She opened her mouth willingly and fought for dominance with my own tongue. And god! Bella tasted so sweet. She was so soft and delicate and warm and _delicious_. I felt a new hunger awaken within me and I struggled with myself for a moment. If I didn't stop soon I wouldn't be able to stop at all. And yet Bella's tongue was coaxing mine, her hands moving from my hair to my shirt, timid but curious as to what was underneath. I moaned as her warm hands slipped under my shirt and left a blazing trail up my chest. I definitely had to stop this now.

"Bella," I breathed, breaking free of her mouth. She merely tried to recapture my lips, and I had to gently pry her hands free of their explorations and hold her still. Her eyes widened and I could feel the beginnings of fear and rejection spiking up within her. I leaned against her, burying my face in the crook of her neck and breathing in her scent again. I nearly lost my resolve then and there. "I think I finally understand how Edward feels," I muttered for my own benefit, half-hoping she would here, half-scared she would.

I noticed the flesh of Bella's neck redden slightly, the sudden wave of confusion and nerves strong enough to cause me to look up. Bella had a hand pressed against her mouth, her eyes wide. She dropped her hand, meaning to say something, but no words came out. Realization hit me then, as the passion of the moment seceded, and I felt my own face take on a worried look.

"Bella, I'm sorry, I couldn't help myself."

"No!" she cried, startling me. "I mean. It was great, I just. I feel…I mean, Alice and Edward…" she trailed off, her eyes downcast as new emotions of sadness erupted from her.

"Oh." There was nothing else to really say, and I was now beginning to feel guilty about the whole thing. But I didn't regret it. I tried my best to send some calming waves towards Bella as the rain thundered on. It worked well enough if we didn't catch each others eye as we surreptitiously looked at one another. It worked well enough for the twenty minutes that we spent waiting for the rain to let up. At last I determined that the rain had slowed enough to not cause Bella any physical harm if I ran down the mountain.

"Come on," I told her, helping her stand. "Put this on." I handed her my coat and she tugged it on over my sweater. I opened my arms for her and she hesitated for a moment, caught between embarrassment and fear. Then she stepped forward and I pulled her up into my arms. "Hold tight," I murmured to her then took off down the mountain.

The return trip was much quicker, and Bella didn't even ask to be put down once. Luckily Charlie wasn't yet home as I slowed to a walk on the Swan driveway. Once inside I sat Bella down on the couch and she finally opened her eyes. I ran upstairs to get her a blanket and grab her pajamas while she began peeling off the layers of soaked clothing.

"What would you like to eat?" I asked, strolling into the kitchen as she pulled on her pajamas.

"I think there is some leftover lasagna," she called.

I opened the fridge, my nose wrinkling at the unappealing food. And they thought drinking blood was weird.

* * *

**A/N:** First, I am so sorry about the terribly long wait! I thank all of you who have waited patiently to read this! Secondly, ugh! I feel so blah about their kiss, what do you guys think? I mean, I've been trying to find a way to do this, and this is all I came up with. I don't know! Please let me know what you think!

Thanks to Katja1982, whose review let me add a bit more to this chapter in regards to Mike.

So let me know what you guys think, and if you have any suggestions and comments or questions! Thank you all so much!


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter Seven**

There is a certain ache that never really goes away, no matter how much time has gone by. Perhaps you haven't thought about it for a while, and yet the moment you do, your heart gets heavy and it's hard to breathe. It's the ache that comes from longing for something so much but knowing you can never have it again. It's recalling the love and joy and remembering you don't have it any more. And then it's gone.

**

"Bella, your emotions are making me dizzy," Jasper commented, leaning against the wall and putting a hand to his head as though he had a headache.

"I'm sorry," I mumbled, unable to look up from tracing circles on my covers.

Jasper sighed and came to sit down at the foot of my bed. "I think we need to talk," he told me, sounding just as excited at this prospect as I was.

"About what?" I replied, concentrating on making a perfect circle.

Jasper touched my hand with his own, stilling my movements and was quiet until I looked up at him. A thrill ran through me when I took in his visage, and I did my best to force it away. "About what happened."

I flushed at the memory. Having Jasper so close wasn't exactly helping my thoughts or heart rate either. "I feel guilty." For the briefest moment I thought I saw pain flash through Jasper's eyes, and his hand twitched on mine, as though he was about to move it away. "Because I enjoyed it," I amended hastily, immediately coloring a bright red.

Jasper slid his hand off mine anyway and he looked away. "Alice and Edward," he said softly, knowing where this was going.

I nodded my head jerkily, my heart clenching at the thought of them. "I still love Edward," I told him softly. "I always will."

"And I love Alice," Jasper added, matching the level of my voice, though Charlie had been asleep for the better part of an hour already.

"She is my best friend," I continued.

"Edward is my brother," Jasper added solemnly.

I sighed. "And that's why I feel so guilty. Because I really enjoyed," here I had to work up my courage to say it, "kissing you. So now I'm confused about that. But it was exciting, and half of me hopes it'll happen again. But then I feel apprehension, because if it does happen again, I don't want to hurt Edward and Alice." I paused, trying to discern Jasper's face to no avail. "And a little part of me still hopes that it will happen again. I'm sorry for throwing all these emotions at you."

"I know exactly how you feel," Jasper responded, then chuckled a little. "I meant to say, I feel the same way."

My heart leapt into my throat at the notion, and I tried to beat down the hope that was threatening to break free. "You feel guilty about it too?" I offered.

"And confused. Apprehensive. Hopeful."

My heart was racing now, but I had to put up one more defense, one last fear that was haunting me. "Didn't it feel wrong to you?"

Jasper blinked in surprise, sitting up and staring down at me. "Is that how it felt to you?" he asked me, his voice a bit clipped.

"No! It's just-I thought maybe-I mean-"

But I couldn't finish my sentence, not that I could have otherwise, as Jasper lowered his head to mine and inched forward slowly. I held absolutely still, frozen from shock, until his lips pressed against mine gently. My emotions broke loose then, but Jasper reacted before I could. He pulled back quickly, leaving the kiss tender and chaste before I could turn it into a passionate one.

I flopped down onto my bed, embarrassed, and covered my face with my hands. "Did that feel wrong to you?" Jasper asked, and it was timid, fearful even. Apparently he was just as confused and worried about this as I was. The revelation gave me courage, and I sat up to answer him.

"Not at all." Jasper smiled at me tentatively, and I couldn't help the smile that found its way to my own mouth. It faded just as quickly. "Jasper, what happened with Alice?" I asked before I lost the nerve forever. He tensed then, his eyes tightening, his body taking on an almost defensive stature. "It's just that I don't even know why you're here, and it doesn't really make sense to me. It's just…did something happen? I sort of figured it would be the only reason you would bother to come back…"

Jasper shifted, uncomfortable with the situation. I waited patiently while he deliberated, but had to prompt him again before he spoke. "Bella, that night of your birthday, I almost killed you. Alice had a vision of it, and even though it only lasted a moment, it tortured her and Edward. You were lucky enough that night to have Emmett and the others there to control me, but I wasn't able to calm down for hours afterwards. You don't know how it tortured me, Bella. And it never really went away.

"I wasn't myself for a while. I was so upset with myself that everything, everyone's emotions seemed magnified. Alice's and Edward's depression certainly didn't help me with that." Jasper paused to look at me for a moment. "You have to understand Bella, that our family loves each other very much. I know they didn't blame me and weren't angry with me on the surface, but I could feel it. With every forced smile or half-hearted attempt to include me in family activities. I know Alice loves me, but I could still detect her underlying feelings. The little flashes of accusation and exasperation." I opened my mouth to protest, but Jasper held up a hand. "Alice loves me, don't get me wrong. Her love overpowered everything else, but after a while, all the little things just added up. I couldn't stand it there any longer: Edward's abyss of desperation, Esme's fake smiles, Alice trying so hard, Carlisle so forgiving. It was suffocating.

"They usually went hunting together, while Edward and I stayed home. But one day Edward decided to leave the family. The moment he left the house I felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders; I was able to breathe free air for a while. I don't really know why I did it, but the next thing I knew I was writing a note to Alice. I told her I love her, that I would miss her. But I asked her to leave me alone for a while, no tracking, no visions, nothing. And I left."

I contemplated Jasper's words for a while, trying to sort out all the details. "But why did you come here?" I persisted after a bit. "You could have gone anywhere."

Jasper sighed, looking away again. "I was only going to check on you. I wanted to make sure you were okay, to tell the others some good news when I returned."

"But I wasn't," I finished for him.

"Bella, I could feel your emotions a mile away. But they weren't oppressive like Edward's. Your sadness, your hurt…it was more like it was just laid out on a table, there for someone to notice, but not the centerpiece demanding attention. That night you had a nightmare, and I was frightened for your well-being. I went to calm you and it worked. You must imagine my shock, after a month or more of having my abilities on overload, unable to do anything but feel, I was able to soothe you, something I could no longer do in the Cullen house. It was…wonderful!

"I followed you for a few days after that, soaking up your emotions and trying to calm you, and it seemed to work. You didn't look any livelier, it seemed to be the opposite, but you were beginning to go about life again. You went to school, did your homework; occasionally you would talk to Charlie. Before I knew it, my 'just checking up for a couple of days' had turned into weeks, then months. In fact, I was thoroughly surprised when you told Charlie you had plans to go to Port Angeles with Jessica. I thought that you were getting better at last. Well enough, at least, for me to go hunting and leave you alone for more than an hour.

"I didn't know you were going to leave right after school or I wouldn't have hunted so far away. It wasn't a very successful hunt because I was distracted, and by the time I got back you still weren't home. I decided to check up on you in Port Angeles. And just in time it seems."

"Yeah," I replied, my mind replaying the scene as Jasper talked. Jasper had stayed for me, to make sure I was coping. I smiled a little at the notion, Jasper as my Guardian Angel. "Thank you," I said instead. "For staying, and well, everything."

"You're welcome," Jasper replied, quiet for a moment. Then, "Will you tell me about Edward? What happened when he left? I know we talked about it once, but I was curious as to the whole story."

I blanched, my mind automatically setting up a block to that particular day. I wanted to refuse Jasper, but it seemed only right to tell him, after he had indulged me. But first, "You said that he was depressed?" Jasper nodded. I frowned as I thought this over.

"What is it?"

"It doesn't make sense," I muttered, my mind trying to wrap around the new information and failing miserably. Sure Jasper had said that Edward was lying, but still…

Jasper looked at me inquisitively and I steeled myself to tell him the story. "We took a walk in the woods that day," I began, and my mind, despite my efforts, when on auto-replay. "Edward had been acting distant all week, and I was both afraid and angry. I had meant to talk to him, but he beat me to it. He told me he was leaving. At first I thought he meant us, as in I would go with him, but he told me differently."

I took a deep breath, trying to plow through the explanation as painlessly as possible. "He said that he didn't want me anymore. That I was no good for him." Despite my earlier conviction, tears were already pooling in my eyes, sliding down my cheeks in a fiery trail. "H-He told me, 'We won't bother you again' and I realized what he meant just before I asked him. Alice had already left she was with you. 'A clean break' were the words he used. He made me promise not to d-do anything stupid. And then he k-kissed my forehead and he was gone."

I wiped the tears away from my face, furious that I had begun crying, ashamed that I had admitted the words out loud. I felt as though my heart had been ripped open again, reliving the experience in full for the first time in so long. Then Jasper's cool hand came down to cup my face and wipe away the tears. Without a word he gathered me up in his arms and rocked my on back and forth until my hysteria subsided.

"I'm sorry, Bella," he murmured against my hair. "Edward didn't tell us…we never knew…" I nodded against his chest, trying to control the intensity of my emotions. Jasper drew me back a little to peer down into my face. After a moments deliberation the words came out. "Bella, you know he was lying, right? You know that Edward loves you more than anything."

I shook my head, unable to comprehend what exactly Jasper was implying. It was as if this knowledge didn't fit with what I believed; it was a piece of the wrong puzzle. Trying to force the two to agree simply did not work.

"You don't believe me?" I shook my head in response to Jasper's question. Sighing in frustration Jasper complained, "Humans just don't understand." Looking down at me again his face changed into an unreadable emotion. "But maybe someday you will," he said so softly I almost didn't catch it.

My eyelids suddenly felt very heavy, and I wanted nothing more than to just welcome the dark arms of sleep. "You're still not very subtle," I mumbled through the descending fog.

Jasper merely chuckled as he adjusted me on the bed and pulled up the covers. "Good night, Bella." With the little consciousness I had left I took note of how Jasper made to leave. Half asleep I grabbed his arm and tugged him down until he was settled next to me. I curled up to his side, still not immune to the calming effects of his powers in my semi-conscious state.

I sighed happily when Jasper put his arm around me, so very much the same and yet entirely different than how Edward used to. "This feels…" I fumbled around for the word, unable to think quickly in my state. "Right." I allowed myself one last smile before slipping into the confines of sleep.

**

It was surprisingly bright when I woke up, and despite being wrapped in my blankets I was oddly chilled. I fought to open my eyes for a few moments, willing the sleepiness away. "What time is it?" I managed to mumble out.

"Ten."

My eyes shot open as a few things crossed my mind. One I was late for school. Two the voice that had answered me was surprisingly nearby. And three, I had a difficult time sitting up seeing as Jasper's arm were still draped over my shoulder. "Jasper!" I cried, my heart rate doubling as adrenaline rushed through me and my face colored.

"Yes?" he replied, and I was both irked and flustered by his calm manner.

I opened my mouth to retort, but found myself unable to speak as his golden eyes enraptured mine. "You're dazzling me," I muttered breathlessly. Unfortunately I took that moment to glance at the mirror. "Ugh." My hair was tangled from sleep, and I'm sure I had morning breath. I struggled to get free to escape to the bathroom.

"You look fine," Jasper assured me as he pulled me back down.

"You need your eyes checked," I said to his shirt. "Why didn't you wake me up for school?" I asked, lifting my head to see him.

"I was enjoying this to much," Jasper replied, and I ducked my head in embarrassment. I made to get up again, but he held me more firmly in place. "Don't."

I shifted to look back up at Jasper, but his eyes were closed, his breathing even, almost as if he were asleep. Instead I cautiously draped my arm across his chest and snuggled more comfortably against him. Despite the coolness of his skin, I was perfectly comfortable. It was all at once novel and exciting, and yet felt perfectly natural, as if we had always lain like this. I'd never been one to believe the clichés of relationships. 'It seems all wrong, but it feels so right' was never one of the quotes I lived by, but it seemed to ring more true every moment.

I thought then of Edward and Alice, but surprisingly I pushed the thoughts away quickly enough. What mattered right now was Jasper. He was here; he was real. For now.

My stomach growled loudly in the silence of the room. Jasper's chuckle reverberated through me. "Do you want to get cleaned up while I make breakfast?"

I sighed, cursing my human needs and the impending loss of the situation I was reveling in. "Yeah." I forced myself to leave Jasper's embrace and stumble out of bed. In honesty I was glad to have a few minutes to freshen up. Fighting with my hair was never easy, but today seemed especially difficult. After several minutes I gave up and opted to wash my face and rinse my mouth out.

"What would you like to do today?" Jasper asked as I sat down at the table. He flipped the pancake onto a plate and set it beside me, taking a seat opposite me.

"Well, since I'm ditching school, we should do something stupid and reckless," I joked.

"Bella, I'm sure questions will be asked if _I_ am the one that brings you to the Emergency Room," Jasper replied.

I stuck my tongue out at him as I drizzled some syrup over my stack of pancakes. "Thank you for breakfast," I said to fill the silence.

"Anytime."

"Well, there is one place I've been wanting to go," I confessed as I finished my last bite.

"Where?" Jasper prompted in response to my silence.

I bit my lip hesitantly as I went to wash my dish. "Well, Edward used to take me to this meadow. I'm not exactly sure how to get there." I chanced a look at Jasper, but his face was emotionless. Suddenly feeling the urge to explain myself I added, "Sometimes I still feel this is all a dream. I think I'd just like to go there and…I don't know. I just want to go."

Jasper shrugged his shoulders in a non-committal fashion. "If that's what you want to do."

I could tell Jasper wasn't thrilled to go on this adventure with me, but I was grateful for his acceptance of it all the same. I hurried to get dressed and gather what I might need. As an afterthought I grabbed my camera before heading back down the stairs. Jasper allowed me to drive at human speed, something altogether impossible for any of the other Cullens, and was silent the whole ride. At last I stopped at the end of the dirt road and got out. I stood staring at the trail for a few minutes, unsure.

"Bella?"

"I don't know where to go," I confessed. And now that I was here, I wasn't sure I wanted to look for the meadow either. It would probably end up backfiring on me, as all my plans seemed to.

Jasper placed his hand on the small of my back and urged me forward, offering me a smile. "We'll find it. I have eternity."

I looked up at Jasper and gave him a tight smile. The problem was I didn't.

**

We didn't find the meadow that day, or any of the other days the rest of the week. After another failed trip Friday afternoon I sat grumpily at the kitchen table, waiting for the spaghetti noodles to boil.

"What's wrong Bells?" Charlie asked from the doorway, hanging up his coat and gun belt.

"Hiking. I keep getting lost," I answered before I could stop myself.

Charlie's interest surprised me. "Hiking? Bella, don't you pay attention to the news?"

I turned around to face him. "What?"

Charlie frowned at me from the fridge. "There have been a lot of bear sightings lately, and some campers have disappeared. I don't want you hiking anywhere away from home until its all cleared up."

"Bears?" I asked surprised. Not that a bear would be able to harm me if Jasper was there.

"Yeah. The woods around here seem to be having a bear population problem. Had to go up with the team the other day and check out a scene," Charlie told me.

"Huh." I'd have to be more careful about when I went hiking then. The pot boiled over then and I hastened to take the lid off.

"You haven't seen Jake in a while, have you?" Charlie asked.

"No." I've been doing a fantastic job of avoiding him, I wanted to add.

"Maybe you should visit him this weekend. You stay here too much," Charlie suggested.

"Maybe," I repeated. Charlie seemed satisfied with that answer.

After dinner Charlie turned in early. It had been a long week for him and he wanted to catch up on his sleep. After doing the dishes I made my way back to my room and found Jasper lounging on my bed reading my history book.

"You know, Charlie complains about me staying in this house too much. If he knew about you, I'm sure he'd take that back," I told Jasper, going to sit down at the foot of my bed. Jasper offered me a smile. I took a moment to analyze him. "What's wrong?" He'd been moody the past few days, more withdrawn and silent than normal.

"Nothing."

I frowned at him. "Your eyes are dark. Maybe that's why you're so crabby," I suggested.

"Ha ha," Jasper responded, sarcasm thick. Then he sighed, closing the History book and running a hand through his hair in the same moment. "I do need to hunt," he admitted.

I nodded. "When will you go?"

"I could go tonight and be back in the morning."

The offer was tempting, but I knew I would be depriving Jasper of a good hunt if he were limited to those few hours. "Why don't you go tomorrow? I could visit Jacob and you could take your time."

Jasper's face brightened a little at the notion. "Tomorrow then."

Jasper returned to the book as I brushed my teeth and changed into my pajamas. He shifted over on the bed as I slipped in next to him; after Monday he didn't bother to sit on the chair across from the bed anymore, and I wasn't exactly complaining. Our level of intimacy had retreated somewhat nevertheless. Mostly I would lie close enough to Jasper for us to be touching; yet neither of us would actually move to hold the other. But sometimes I would wake up at odd hours and feed Jasper's cool hand running through my hair or brushing my face. Of course I would fall right back asleep, and when I would wake up he was exactly where he had been when I had first fallen asleep. Then I was never sure if it was real or had been a dream.

Tonight started off as though it would be the same. As I snuggled under the covers Jasper clicked off the light. But then he shifted on his side and I felt his arm drape over me. My heart palpitated and he said softly, "Bella?"

I turned around to face him, craning my neck to look up at his face. "Jasper?"

He stared down at me for a while, his expression brooding. His brows drew together as he tucked a lock of hair behind my ear. His expression was troubled, but he didn't need to say anything. I knew what he was thinking; I'd been thinking about if often enough myself. But it was so easy to forget about the outside world when I was with Jasper. All other ties seemed to be cut, and my being revolved around my time with the vampire that was playing with the ends of my hair.

I lifted my hand to rest on his cheek. "I know." I swallowed thickly as I tried to express my own feelings. "Right now _you_ are my life, Jasper. Edward is…gone. And I know you love Alice. I love Alice. But right now, this very moment and for as long as I possibly can, I think I'd like to just stay like this. For now."

Jasper's hand came up to cover mine where it was still pressed against his cheek. He leaned into my touch, his eyes closing as he sighed into my hand. His features smoothed out as he accepted my words. "For now."

Jasper drew me closer but allowed my thick comforter to keep me warm. He rested peacefully once again, looking asleep for all intents and purposes. My last thought before my eyelids drooped shut and the darkness enveloped me was that 'for now' would never last long enough.

* * *

**A/N: **Sorry for the long wait! From now on Jasper and Bella's relationship is going to begin developing into a romantic one, so I hope all will enjoy the ride! But now that their relationship is in motion, the plot will begin to thicken and problems will arise. So let me know what feedback you guys have! Thank you all so much for reading this and even more love to those of you who leave a review!


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter Eight**

There was nothing more beautiful than watching Bella sleep. Ever since I began to lie next to her she hadn't had any more nightmares, though she would still mumble in her sleep sometimes. Every time my name slipped past I would thrill to it, and spend the rest of the night hoping to hear it again. Often Bella would toss in her sleep, her hair fanning across her face. I would take the opportunity to brush her hair back off her face, and sometimes she would open her eyes, others she would simply lean into my touch.

For once I truly dreaded the return of the sun. It would be the first time I was away from Bella since the mountain incident, and my whole being seemed to repel this idea. I was now beyond desensitized to her scent. If I was being honest with myself, Bella called to me in a different way; a way I never would have thought possible.

Bella stirred slightly as sunlight began to peek through the window. I tightened my grip on her a bit more, not quite ready for her to wake so soon. But then she snuggled closer to me and I felt the tension ease out of my shoulders. Somewhere in the expanse of my mind images cropped up. Alice, Edward, Carlisle, the rest of the family. I wondered where they all were now, wondered what would happen if they were to see Bella and I like this.

For a moment I entertained the idea that they would never find out, and I could spend countless days with Bella. But a more realistic scenario invaded the pleasant thought. One where Edward returned to reclaim Bella, and I found myself back at Alice's side. Oddly the idea was both alluring and repelling. The past months had been devoted solely to this human girl, someone so vulnerable and tender, a completely new experience than I was used to.

"Jasper?"

Startled I looked down into Bella's chocolate eyes. "Good morning."

Bella stifled a yawn with one hand and rubbed her eyes with the other. "When are you leaving?"

"When you're ready to visit Jacob."

Bella sighed then and snuggled deeper into the comfort of my arms. "Five more minutes then."

I smiled slightly and used my free hand to brush the hair away from Bella's face, throwing it over her shoulder and exposing her neck. For a moment my instincts took over. The creamy white of Bella's neck called to me, her heartbeat resounding in my ears, and the warm pulse of blood undeniably flowing through her veins. My mouth was already on her neck before I realized it was there. I snapped my mouth shut and instead placed a quick kiss on the exposed skin.

Bella yelped in surprise at the touch and sat up straight, her cheeks flushing a bright red. I couldn't help but laugh. "Sorry," I managed to say, sitting up alongside her.

Bella gingerly touched the area that I had kissed, her cheeks still a nice pink, and muttered distractedly, "I'll go get ready."

I heard the shower turn on but opted to stay in Bella's room lest Charlie wonder what I was doing here if I decided to make breakfast for Bella. Instead I planned out my hunting trip. With the whole day ahead of me I could venture up to Canada if I wanted.

Eventually the water shut off and Bella returned, her hair still dripping. She sat on her bed as she toweled off her hair. "How long will you be gone?"

Bella's voice was nonchalant, but she couldn't hide her true feelings from me. "I'm not sure. Perhaps tomorrow morning."

Bella nodded her head pensively. After a moment she hung her towel on the back of her door and turned to face me. "Well…have fun," she offered, her voice chipper, but her eyes sad.

I turned to the window, preparing myself to jump out. I sighed as I turned to face her. "Don't do anything too reckless," I half pleaded. I suppose this is exactly how Edward always felt.

Bella bit her lip to keep her jaw from trembling. "I can't promise anything," she joked, half a smile trying to work its way onto her face.

For a moment fear swept through me and I lost my resolve to go hunting. What if something did happen to her and I wasn't there to protect her? Lord knows she's been in more trouble than one human should have to suffer in a lifetime. I moved quickly enough that Bella was startled to find me in front of her. I took her hand and placed it against my face, reveling in the warmth it held. "Be safe," I murmured. Bella nodded her head mutely. I kissed her palm and left before I could find another reason not to go.

The run up to the border of Canada was expedited by my nerves. I never liked to leave Bella alone for long. It was still cold in Canada, despite it being the middle of March. A light snow was still falling, adding to the thick layer already adorning the ground. It took a while before I was able to catch any scents, but at last my instincts began to take control and I slipped into predator mode.

I spent a long while following the trail of arctic fox. It twisted through hills and under hidden tunnels, but at last I caught up. I stalked forward stealthily as I prepared to take my prey. The vixen was pure white, its figure blending easily into the landscape. I crouched down and was just about to pounce when a quick movement near the fox stilled my movements. A tiny figure shot forward from the bushes and skid to a halt near the vixen. For a moment I watched as the kit cuddled up to its mother, capitalizing its moment alone before four other young foxes tumbled forward to share the little patch of berries their mother had found.

Sighing I stood from my crouch, the snow crunching below me as I did so. The sudden sound alerted the family to my presence and they took flight. Instead of chasing after the family I resigned myself to find another trail. This time it took longer. I spent a few hours chasing cold trails until at last I caught a fresh scent. A Canadian Lynx.

I was lucky; it was young and healthy, ensuring ample blood. It was an easy hunt, almost a challenge. I had to chase it up a tree, but from there I had it cornered. I broke its neck quickly before sinking my teeth into the silver fur. The blood pulsed thick and meaty, a result of the lynx's absolute carnivore lifestyle. I drunk the lynx dry, the burning in my throat slightly appeased. But it wasn't enough.

After discarding the corpse I went back on the hunt. Again it took me a while to catch a fresh trail. This time it was badger. This hunt was more of a challenge. The badger was able to dig itself into the ground every time I got close, but at last I was able catch him in time. I was satisfied now, but still felt that there was room for more. However the sky was dark and the stars were out; it was time to start heading back.

The thought of Bella grounded me once more, as the frenzy subsided somewhat. Still, I took the run back to Forks slowly, hoping to catch another animal along the way. The more I fed now, the longer I would have before I had to hunt again. I was deep in the Washington forest before I was lucky enough to catch another animal. It was a buck, well into its adulthood. The familiar taste of its blood was welcoming, and I lapped greedily until he was dry.

The sky was already light by the time I entered Forks. I took my time to make it back to the Swan house, running deep in the forest in an effort to avoid human eyes. I was within a mile of the residence before I smelled it: werewolf. Dread filled me then, and I raced back to the house. The window was still open wide and I did not waste time in scaling a tree to jump through it and land with a soft thud on Bella's floor.

My eyes canvassed the room quickly, searching for any sign of danger. When I couldn't detect anything I let my eyes alight on Bella's bed and found her twisting fitfully in her sleep. Relief washed over me as I took in her form, unhurt physically, but emotionally turbulent. I nearly melted in relief as I sank down next to her on the bed. I placed my cool hand on her cheek, trying to calm her.

"Bella?" I called gently, my ears straining to keep track of Charlie's snores. He was still deep in sleep, so I called louder, "Bella?"

Her face was scrunched up in a mixture of worry and fear, and I shook her awake. "Jacob!" she gasped, her arm reaching out as if to grab him. She looked around wildly for a moment, and I grabbed her outstretched hand in my own. "Jasper!" she whispered, almost inaudible.

I nodded, perturbed by her behavior. But Bella collapsed into my arms, exhaustion and tears permeating the air. Chagrined I rubbed soothing circles on her back and murmured, "It's all right, darlin'. I'm here."

After a few minutes Bella pulled away, wiping her eyes with her sleeve. I could tell she was upset, but I couldn't quite figure out why. "Jasper?"

"Yes?"

Bella stared at me for a long while, as if trying to determine something. At last she spoke again. "What do you know about Jacob? About the Quileutes?"

My eyebrows arched up in surprise. "What do you mean?" I asked in an effort to avoid the subject.

Bella's eyes narrowed dangerously and I knew I wouldn't get out of this one unscathed. "Are they really werewolves?" she asked slowly, exaggerating the last words in skepticism.

I sighed and ran a hand down my face. At last I looked back at Bella, who was simply staring back at me, waiting for a response. "Yes."

"Oh." I let the information sink in, feeling the shock resonating throughout Bella. Suddenly it changed to dread and…determination. "I have to talk to Jacob."

My mouth opened in surprise. "What?"

Bella started to get up, moving about the room to grab a new set of clothes. "I need to talk to him."

My mind worked quickly, trying to find a reason for her to stay. "It could be dangerous," I managed.

Bella laughed, but it wasn't kind. "And hanging out with a vampire all day is the safest thing in the world?" she asked, irony lacing her tone.

I pursed my lips, unable to respond with a better reason. Bella was right after all; I was quite the threat to her life. "Werewolves, especially young ones, are erratic and unable to control their transformations. He might hurt you."

Bella's face crumpled then and she sat down next to me on her bed again. "Jasper, please. I need you to understand. Jake is my best friend. He won't hurt me."

"How do you know?" I countered, still swamped with fear that something might go terribly wrong.

"I just know. Just like I know that you won't hurt me."

I deflated then. It was true; as much as I was loath admitting it, Jacob did love Bella, and far be it from him to cause her any harm. If it had been perhaps a few months later, when he was more accustomed to his new state I wouldn't have worried so much. By the looks of it, Jacob had only turned maybe a month ago at the latest. This was definitely a danger zone. But it was Bella's choice, and I was under no authority to stop her. And I couldn't go with her.

"Don't upset him," I finally told her.

Bella blinked in surprise. "What?"

"If you're going to go, I might as well give you a few tips. Don't upset him, especially don't anger him. If you would please, try and stay a bit away from him; in the case that he does transform, you'll be safer if you have some distance." Bella nodded, taking in all that I was saying. "And maybe take a shower. You don't want to go about smelling like vampire."

Bella's eyes widened then. "Oh!" she moaned. I waited for her to continue. "Jake came into my room last night. I bet he was able to smell your scent all over the place. Oh god." Bella dropped her face into her hands, the beginnings of stress staring to get the better of her.

I pulled one hand away and held it firmly in my own. "Bella, be safe. I wouldn't be able to forgive myself if anything happened to you. Remember what I told you." I smiled at her then, trying to lighten the mood for the both of us. "Now go take a shower. You reek of werewolf."

Bella cast me one more worried glance before she grabbed her towel and went to do as I said. I grimaced then, trying to block the earthy scent from my nose and mouth. It was definitely laundry time.

**

Time seemed to be playing a cruel joke on me as it ticked by slower every second. For as many years as I'd been alive I swear time had never gone quite so leisurely. It was exactly at times like these that I wished I could sleep, to wile away the hours in a quick fashion. The more time passed by the more worried I got. I was frozen to my seat near the window, all traces of human charades long gone.

I should have been doing something to distract myself, but my mind was working overtime, imagining a thousand different situations in which Bella might find herself in trouble. At long last, the sun slipped below the horizon, and as the stars emerged I could hear the chug of Bella's truck in the distance. These last few moments were the most excruciating and yet relieving.

I was outside the house and opening Bella's door before she had even had the chance to park. She practically reeked of werewolf, but relief that she was back was overpowering my other senses.

"Bella," I breathed, closing my eyes and breathing in her scent as best as I could. It was her absolute silence that had me really scrutinizing her. "Bella?"

Her eyes were wide, a look of pain etched into her face. "Can we go inside?" she whispered.

I disentangled her from the steering wheel and lifted her carefully out of her truck. I opted for the door, knowing that Bella wasn't particularly fond of heights, and carried her up to her room. Charlie wasn't home yet, but would undoubtedly be making his appearance any moment now. Bella clung to me desperately, her breathing becoming sharper with each step closer to her room. By the time I managed to sit her up on the bed tears were swelling in her eyes. "Bella, sweetheart, what happened?"

Bella let out a strangled sob, pulling her knees to her chest and crying into her hands. Flustered, I tried to send calming waves at her to no avail. "Bella?" I asked, tentatively trying to sweep some hair back from her face. Instead she curled herself in closer, as another wave of tears overpowered her. I struggled to keep my own calm demeanor and not be sucked into the pain Bella was currently radiating.

"Things didn't go well with Jacob?" I prompted. Bella shook her head. "Do you want to tell me what happened?" Bella nodded her head and made the attempt to calm down.

Bella turned to face me on the bed, rubbing at her eyes to clear her vision. "W-when I went there, things didn't go s-smoothly. B-but then I told Jake I didn't mind him being a werewolf. We talked about it for a long time, b-but then, he asked about the vampire scent in my room. I-I couldn't lie to him," Bella beseeched me, her eyes pleading.

I nodded my head in understanding, though dread coiled up within me. "What happened?" I urged when she didn't respond. Bella opened her mouth to continue, but another strangled sob made its way out instead. She clutched at her heart, much like she did when she thought of Edward, and this warning sign was enough for me. I pulled Bella close to me, cradling her between my legs so that she could curl up and tuck her head under my chin. For a long while she merely cried into my shirt, and I had to wrap a blanket around her when she started shivering. I rocked her back and forth slowly, whispering soothing noises into her ear as she tried to get a hold of herself.

I froze when I heard Charlie come home and make his way up the stairs. I quickly disentangled myself from Bella and ducked inside her closet as Charlie opened the door of her room. "Bella?" he asked, and immediate became worried. I watched as he stood awkwardly in the doorway, half stepping towards her as he deliberated what to do. "What's wrong honey?"

I was surprised when Bella managed to answer. "Jake and I got in a fight."

"Oh." Charlie shifted uneasily, then crossed the room and patted Bella's shoulder a few times. Both Bella and Charlie took this as an intimate moment, and for a moment I could feel the love radiating off each human. Then Charlie stepped back and said gruffly, "I'll be downstairs watching the game if you need me."

I slipped out from behind the closet door as soon as Charlie shut Bella's door. Bella curled up on the bed, hugging a pillow to her as I sat down next to her again. I waited patiently for Bella to begin her story again.

"When I told him that you were here, staying with me, he started shaking. But then I remembered what you said about not making Jake upset, so I soothed him. But after that, he got all defensive and mechanical. I think he went to tell Sam, because when he got back, his face was that cold, bitter mask once again. We argued for a while, but at last he told me, 'We can't be friends Bella.' I was so shocked, and upset. He told me that he couldn't be my friend if I was going to stick around with his only and mortal enemy.

"I asked him not to do this, told him that he had promised he wouldn't leave me. And for a moment he was my Jacob again. He hugged me, asked me to stay with him. But I told him I couldn't. When he let me go, he was the new Jacob again. 'Goodbye, Bella.' And then he left, walked away into the forest and didn't turn back. I found my way back to my tuck somehow."

Bella pressed her face into the pillow, her tears soaking the pillowcase quickly. I sat staring at her for a long moment, guilt eating me up. "Bella, I'm sorry."

Bella lifted her head to look at me, her brows pulling together. "What?"

"It's my fault that Jacob can't be your friend," I told her.

"Don't say that!" Bella cried, sitting up fully. "Jasper?" she asked me, her voice soft and scared. At last I looked at her. "Don't leave."

Ah, she was always so perceptive. "Bella, how can you want me to stay here? I've disrupted your life so much."

Bella closed her eyes tightly, fresh tears sliding down her cheek, as she pressed her hand to her heart once again. "Don't do this." I didn't respond, and she opened her eyes. "I want you here," she said fiercely. She reached over to tug at my hand. "You can't leave."

I stared doubtfully into her eyes. I knew that I should. Everything would probably fall into place once Bella's life was vampire free. But looking into her warm brown eyes, with all their determination and passion melted me. "I'll stay for as long as you want me here. I won't leave." After all, I'd already promised.

Bella calmed down after that, her breathing returning more to normal. She leaned back against her headboard, closing her eyes as the stress of the day finally caught up to her. Her face was still a mask of worry, hurt and hopelessness drawing her brows down. I took this moment to lift Bella and pull her under the covers. "You should sleep," I told her gently, laying the thick covers over her.

Bella opened her eyes to look up at me, searching my face. "What am I going to do about Jake?" she asked, her voice defeated.

As much as I hated to do it, I knew that this was a friendship that Bella needed in her life. "We'll work it out," I sighed. To think that a vampire would try to get along with a werewolf. Next thing you knew, mermaids were probably going to start swimming along the coast.

"Yeah," Bella sighed, her eyes fluttering closed. Then she was asleep.

I clicked off the light, my eyes instantly adjusting to the sudden change. I sat down on the chair opposite from Bella when it hit me. Jacob was here.

My mouth worked to form a snarl, my body taking a defensive position automatically. I glanced at Bella, relieved to find that she had slipped into a deep sleep so quickly, before I jumped through the window to meet Jacob in the outskirts of the forest behind Bella's house.

He was in human form when I caught sight of him, wearing nothing but a pair of cut off sweats. I stopped a good ten feet from him, neither one of us making the effort to close the distance. "Jacob," I acknowledged. He was working hard to keep himself calm and that much I could appreciate.

"So you're the leech that's been staying with Bella. Jasper." Jacob's mouth curled around my name with dignified distaste.

"I don't want to see you any more than I have to, but I do have a bone to pick with you, if you'll pardon the expression."

"If this is about Bella, I already told her we wouldn't be friends," he hissed, his face hardening.

I had to force the words out. "She needs you."

Jacob's mouth dropped open in surprise, his face twisting into one of shock then quickly morphing to hurt and longing. "I can't," he whispered.

"Why not?" I ground out, quickly losing patience.

Jacob's face took on a disgusted look as he growled, "I'm not allowed to."

His anger wasn't directed toward me, something I was surprised to find. I took a different angle. "Don't do this to her," I told him gently. "She's been hurt enough."

Jacob's face tightened, his jaw clenching. "That filthy bloodsucker," he muttered, gripping a tree has tremors ran throughout his body. He fixed me with a glare then. "Why are _you_ here?"

I opened my mouth to respond, but couldn't find it in me to give a good answer, so I merely shrugged. "The same reason you are."

Jacob clenched his fists at his side, narrowing his eyes at me. "I _love_ Bella." Of course. He practically oozed it.

"As do I." Jacob wasn't the only one shocked at the words. I felt the emotion erupt from myself with the admission, and for a moment I wasn't sure if I had really said the words myself.

"What?" Jacob asked, the word coming out of him in a whoosh of air as though he had just been punched. I couldn't find my voice. Jacob grit his teeth, his hands visibly shaking. "Tell Bella bye for me." He turned to leave.

"Jacob." He stilled at my voice. "Don't think I don't know the danger you pose to Bella. Or that danger I myself pose to her." Jacob turned to face me then, his eyes guarded. "I just want to see her happy. And being with you makes her happy."

Jacob's face crumpled, pain becoming the dominant expression. "I know."

"I won't stop her if she wants to visit you," I told him, all the while hating myself for knowing that this was true.

Jacob's eyes snapped up to my face, searching it for signs of deceit. "I promised her that I wouldn't leave her," he told me softly.

"So did I."

Jacob was quiet, undoubtedly contemplating. His emotions danced from hopelessness to anger to defiance as I waited. "Okay." He looked me full in the face, brown eyes meeting gold, as we both searched the other for something; lies, honor, hate, I'm not sure. Then Jacob turned and stalked off into the forest. This time I didn't stop him.

* * *

**A/N: **Well...I know this must not have been the most interesting chapter, but I was fighting writer's block the whole way. I had to interject Jake into the story in a more prominent role; after all he'll more likely than not be playing a large role in the following events. If any of you remember, I mentioned earlier that I had written a chapter from Jake's POV; this will be the next chapter up. It was refreshing to write and is pivotal to getting the story moving. Of course you could gloss over it, but I find Jake to be a fun read.

As promised, Jasper and Bella's relationship will be reaching new levels of intimacy, especially once the story gets back on track after Jake's POV. But what do you guys think of it all? Was it good or bad? Are you okay with Jake or do you hate him? Please let me know what you guys thought of this chapter; it was difficult to write and I'm not exactly satisfied with how it turned out... :[

As always, if you have questions, comments, critiques, suggestions, please let me know! Thank you all! :]


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: **Hey guys, quick intro, this is from Jake's POV and goes back in time slightly. Enjoy! Or if you don't like Jake then please wait for the next chapter, you'll get to the same place. More later.

**Chapter Nine:**

My fist came down hard on the table, and from the corner of my eyes I saw Billy wince. I must have cracked it. But I didn't care; I was furious, my body trembling despite my best efforts to remain calm.

"What do you mean I can't see her?" I ground out.

Sam looked at me with those penetrating, authoritative eyes. "It is too dangerous."

He was thinking of Emily, that much was clear. The phone was ringing again, and I knew who it was. We all did. Bella was sick with worry, unwavering in her need to see me. I decided to change tactics.

"Look, I need to have this conversation with her. I can't just leave her high and dry." My mind flashed back to the Cullens, and I felt another hot flash of fury. Now I was no better than the bloodsuckers. "Look, I've managed more control in one day than most of you have in weeks. I can handle this."

I could see I was winning. What I said was the truth after all. "You can't explain to her about this," Sam allowed, and even in human form I could hear the thick layer of the Alpha wolf in his tone.

"Sure, sure," I bit back, my tone bitter.

I didn't have to wait long for this conversation with Bella, although when it came down to it I wished I had had more time to prepare myself. She looked worried. Probably because she thought I was mad that she hadn't been to visit me in such a long time. She noticed the change in my demeanor immediately.

"Jake?" she asked, climbing out of her truck.

"Bella." God, why did I have to sound so acidic?

Bella's brow furrowed as she noted my tone. "Is this a bad time?" she asked. She stepped toward me, and a sweet scent blew in with the breeze that ruffled her hair. It was thick, sickening. It was vampire. A growl escaped my lips before I could help it, and I saw Bella step back in fear.

I silently berated myself for that little slip-up. We were still standing outside the house, just in front of her truck. The curtains in the house were drawn, but I could feel all the eyes and ears straining to catch this little scene.

I sighed, frustration getting the best of me. Just when life had been going so great, _this_ had to happen. I was finally getting closer to Bella, and then life reminded me just how unfair it was. I reached up to twist my hair but grasped air; it still took a while for me to remember that it was cut short. "Bella, I can't see you anymore."

Her mouth dropped open, and my heart died a little. "What do you mean?" she asked, her face beginning to crumple.

Please, no tears, not now. "Exactly what I said," I threw back, hating myself all the more.

Bella looked around, her face pained. I could see her hand snake its way up to her chest, clutching at her heart. She really wasn't going to take this well. "Jake?" she asked me, her eyes watery. I was silent; there was nothing I could say. Nothing I was allowed to say.

"You should go," I tried to tell her as gently as I could. My heart felt hollow. Bella just stared at me.

"Jake, I don't understand. What is going on?"

God, the look of hurt in her eyes nearly undid me. I dropped my new mask and fell back into being her Jacob. I closed the distance between us in one stride and gathered her into my arms, squeezing her tightly against me. "I don't either," I murmured into her hair. "I'm sorry, Bella." I wouldn't cry, even though I felt like I was ripping my own heart open with razors as I hugged her goodbye. I pushed her back gently then spun around and started walking back to the house. "Go home," I called back. It came out more harshly I had intended, but I was shaking now, unable to stem the intense emotions rolling out from me.

I didn't look back as I slammed the door shut behind me.

**

I paced my room all night after I returned from visiting Bella. Her room absolutely reeked of vampire, but I did my best to focus and tell her what she needed to know. Bella was smart, she would figure this all out, I tried convinced myself. I flopped onto my bed as best I could, exhaustion stealing over me. The only problem would be her reaction once she did.

Moments later the door slammed open, and I lifted my head up groggily. Light was streaming through my window. I couldn't remember falling asleep. My eyes slowly focused in on Bella's form.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to wake you," she mumbled, blushing and edging out my door. "I'll just wait outside."

I let my head fall back into the pillow then, it's soft comfort so welcoming in my sleep deprived state. But then my mind kicked into high gear, and I shot up, scrambling off my bed to pull on some clean clothes. Bella was here. That meant she had figured it out.

A lump of worry and anxiety settled in my throat as I walked out my door.

"She's outside," Billy told me as I passed him. He didn't seem too happy.

I nodded at him as I made my way out the door, dread filling me up with every step. I saw Bella there, standing in the little bit of sunshine that we had today, and my heart melted for a moment, all the fear washing away as I fell back into being her Jake again. "Bella," I said, and she jumped, startled at my sudden voice.

"Sorry I woke you," she told me, though her eyes didn't quite meet mine.

I shrugged. "Do you want to walk?" I asked. I didn't like how there was this new tension between us, and my body tensed in response.

"Yeah." We walked in silence down to the beach, but I didn't hold her hand like I normally would have. At last Bella stopped and sat down on a large log. I was careful not to sit too close to her. I followed Bella's example of staring out at the water. "So you're a werewolf."

"Yes," I replied cautiously, staring at her in my peripheral vision. She swallowed once, trying to wrap her mind around this.

"Okay."

"Okay?"

Bella looked at me. She took a deep breath and smiled at me. "Okay."

My heart was speeding now, joy beginning to surface. "You mean you're okay that I turn into this huge, scary monster at will?"

Bella looked surprised for a moment. "No full moon?"

I laughed, a short bark really. I was too happy; this was too good to be true. "Movies don't get much right, I thought you knew that Bella."

Bella half smiled at me.

"So you're really okay with this?" I asked her, trying hard to beat down the hope in my chest.

"Why wouldn't I be?"

It was too much. I scooped Bella up in my arms and twirled her around me, laughing. It was as if a huge weight had been lifted right out of me, the bitterness and anger I had been feeling for the past month dissolved into nothing.

"Jake, I can't breathe," Bella gasped out.

"Oh sorry!" But we were both laughing.

"You're really hot," Bella told me.

"I know I am. But thanks for the compliment."

Bella flushed, a nice pink coloring her cheeks. "I meant your skin! Are you sick?"

"Easy Bells, I was just joking. I'm not sick, it's just a werewolf thing."

"Werewolf thing, huh?"

I grinned at her, still in an incredible high from her acceptance. We spent a long time talking, just catching up, until I remembered something that caused me to frown. "Bella, who is the vampire that keeps visiting your house? I thought all the Cullens were gone."

Bella practically jumped out her skin the moment the word Cullen was out of my mouth. She shifted around uncomfortable and my frown deepened. "Bella," I insisted.

Bella's eyes searched mine for a while. "Don't get mad," she asked me. I nodded my head, unable to promise anything. "It's Jasper, Edward's brother."

I felt like the wind was knocked out of me. "What?" I stared at Bella like she was crazy. "And what, he just stays over every night? Does Charlie know? Does anyone?"

"Yes, no and no." Things started to get blurry around the edges. This was not good. "Jake? Jake, listen. It's not like that. I mean, we're friends, and well, Jasper has actually helped me out of a few sticky situations." Bella wasn't getting anywhere. It was her hand on mine that stilled my trembling body. "Jake, please. I trust him. He won't hurt me."

This was too much. Bella was absolutely mental. So that's what had been going on, and for all this time. I stared at her, and I could feel werewolf Jacob kick in. "I'll be right back," I told her abruptly, then jogged into the forest.

"_I hope Emily makes muffins again."_

"_I'm starving man."_

"_Stop talking about food, Paul!"_

"There's another vampire in Forks." It was absolutely silent after I made this revelation.

Sam's sharp voice cut in at last. _"What?"_

"I'm talking to Bella. One of the Cullens is back."

"_I told you not to tell her anything."_

"She figured it out on her own." In werewolf form I could hear everyone's exasperated response to my newest revelation.

"_Which one?"_

"Jasper. One of the brothers." We were silent as we waited for Sam to consider this.

"_Jacob, you can't be friends with Bella. It's too dangerous. He doesn't seem to have broken the treaty, but I do not want any aggravation to spark something."_

"What? Sam, no! I just got her back. She accepts me, she doesn't care!"

"_It is too dangerous. You cannot be her friend if she continues to surround herself with our enemy."_

"She's not starting a war! You're blowing this out of proportion!"

"_Need I remind you that we already have at least one other vampire running loose in the area? With one of the Cullens back, things will just get more complicated. What if the two are friends? This means we can only kill on our land."_

I wanted to retort, say something to make Sam take back his words, but I couldn't. He was right. He always was. "But Bella-"

"_She is not of your concern. She has chosen her side." _I knew I was dangerously close to getting the alpha command turned on me, and I would do anything to avoid that.

"Sure, sure."

"_Jake-"_

I returned to my human form before Sam could get any further. This was beyond unfair. I finally got Bella back, with a new level of intimacy, and here I find out she's hanging out with a vampire all day long, and now Sam practically forbade me to be her friend. This really sucks.

My face must have reflected my cynicism when I returned to Bella, because her brow furrowed and she reached out to place her hand over mine. How could she do this? What did they have to offer that I didn't?

"Jake?"

"Why?"

"Why what?"

I snatched my hand away form hers and turned on her. "Why do you have to do this? Why can't you be normal, just have normal, human friends?" I was being unfair, but hell life was unfair!

Bella narrowed her eyes at me. "For your information, Jacob Black, if I was 'normal', I wouldn't be your friend, so I don't see what your point is."

"You know what I mean!" I growled, jumping up to pace.

"I'm not going to stop seeing him," Bella threw at me. I rounded on her, my body trembling with rage again. "Any more than I'm going to stop seeing you," she continued, sensing the danger.

She has chosen. She is not your concern. Sam's words echoed in my head like a mantra.

"Bella!" I had to take a few breaths to calm myself before I continued. "Bella, I can't be friends with you if you insist on spending all your time with my one, mortal enemy. The one thing that made me like this." I lowered my gaze to hers for a moment, and the look of pain etched on her face stabbed at my heart. "We can't be friends, Bella." It was silent for a moment. Bella's heart, just audible to my ears, was beating quickly as she tried to find a way to remedy the situation. It was hopeless.

"Jake, please."

I did my best to frown. "I don't think we can see each other any more."

"Y-you promised you wouldn't leave me. That you'd always be here for me." Oh god, she was going to cry. I had made her cry.

"Bella." My voice broke. I reached out to her, gathering her tiny frame into my own. I hugged her tightly, not wanting to let go. If I let go, she would slip away from me. Again. "Bella, stay with me. Forget about the vampire. Please." I was begging and I knew it. But I couldn't let her go. I needed Bella. I loved her.

"I can't," she whispered into my shirt, and the last piece of Jacob Black from before, the last shred of Bella's Jake, died within me. My arms fell loose from around her and I stepped back. I couldn't feel my own face, only the tension in my body, the mechanical movements, the bitterness returned. I looked at Bella again, the sun that was beginning to dip in the horizon highlighting the red in her hair. I tried to keep a memory of her, memorize every detail. Because things would never be the same. She'd no longer be my Bella. And I was no longer her Jake. The words came out before I registered them.

"Goodbye, Bella." My body moved on its own. I went from beach to forest in a moment, from Jake to monster in even less time. I didn't look back.

**

This was stupid. Absolutely ridiculous. I definitely had a death wish. If the bloodsucker didn't get the job done, then Sam would. One way or the other I wouldn't survive this night.

Bella had been crying, I could tell. God, but the place reeked of vampire. I almost turned around. Too late.

"Jacob."

If I were still in wolf form, my hackles would definitely have been raised. We were a good ten feet away from each other, as though an invisible wall separated us. He was just as tense as I was.

"So you're the leech that's been staying with Bella. Jasper." The name was poison on my tongue, and I wanted to spit. Did we really have to both have names that started with J?

"I don't want to see you any more than I have to, but I do have a bone to pick with you, if you'll pardon the expression."

I grimaced slightly. Of course I knew what this would be about. I repeated my thoughts to him, informing him that I already told Bella we couldn't be friends. Each little syllable that shot from my mouth was like a knife stabbing me.

"She needs you."

Well if that didn't just take the venom right out of me. Bella _needed _me. Just as much as I needed her? It didn't matter. Sam's earlier words came into my head unbidden. "I can't." It was difficult; I wanted to rip my tongue out and berate it for be so traitorous.

"Why not?"

Did he have to be so damn nosy? "I'm not allowed to," I growled, some of my earlier anger resurfacing. Suddenly the vampire's voice took a different tone. He was guilting me into staying her friend using his brother. Filthy, undeserving monster. Bella's Jake was resurfacing now, but it was Sam's Jacob that was trembling with indignation. "Why are _you_ here?" I spat out in an effort to distract myself. I would NOT let my self control slip.

"The same reason you are." He had the audacity to sound nonchalant.

"I _love _Bella." I can't believe I actually said it out loud. But it was true. Why deny it now?

"As do I."

_What?_ My mouth dropped open in surprise as an unpleasant feeling shot through me. My own expression was mirrored in his own. "What?" I stared at him, but the leech wouldn't say anything more. I clenched my hands, trying to control my breathing. So that's how it is, huh. Apparently good ol' Jake just can't compare to cold, lifeless bloodsuckers. I told him to send Bella my farewell.

But he wasn't done. He went on about how he just wanted her happy. Then he told me how I made her happy. _I _knew it, but to have someone else verify it, it was too much. I remembered Bella telling me about Jasper's powers, so I knew he couldn't be lying. I felt like I'd just been sucker punched. "I know."

"I won't stop her if she wants to visit you."

Was he serious? Would he really let me see her? Hell, I wasn't any more dangerous than he was, but weren't vampires supposed to be protective or something? I wasn't sure I'd let Bella visit him if the roles were reversed. It filled me with too much hope. "I promised I wouldn't leave her," I told him softly. Why was I telling him this?

"So did I."

It was hopeless. Despite everything, I knew Sam wouldn't approve. And I would have to tell him, the instant I became a wolf again he'd know. It wasn't fair! If Sam used his alpha command I'd stand no chance. Well, I would just defy him. Who cares? Maybe I just wouldn't turn into a wolf again. There were plenty of others, they could do without me.

I stared at the vampire before me, sizing him up, searching his motives. Jasper. Maybe he was more honorable than Edward. Jasper, at least, seemed more willing to do what made Bella happy than Edward. He would even let me see her, knowing full well what I was. It just might work. I nodded slightly, then turned to take my leave.

I would _make_ it work.

**

"What were you thinking?" Sam growled at me.

I narrowed my eyes at him. I didn't want to tell him, but I didn't really have much of a choice if I wanted to get him to understand. "I was thinking that I love her too much to let her go."

"You could have been killed!"

"I wasn't."

Sam let out a strangled yell of frustration, running his hands through his short crop of hair. "Jake, listen. I know you love Bella, I get it, I understand. But there is more at stake here! What if something goes wrong? What if he breaks the treaty? If a war breaks out, do you know which side Bella will be on?"

"I won't let anything happen to her," I snarled. The mere thought of Bella, cold and lifeless like any other vampire, was too much to fathom.

"Jacob, you have to stop this."

It wasn't a command, he was reasoning with me. "I _love_ her." Now that I'd said it once, I couldn't seem to stop. "I won't let her resign to any sort of fate that being with a vampire leads her to. Remember how heart broken Leah was? Well, I don't want to be like her."

I had hit a sore spot and I knew it. Of course I loved Emily, she was a hell of a lot more fun than Leah, and Sam knew I felt that way. But he still felt so guilty. Before he could retort, Paul burst in Sam's front door.

"Jared said he spotted one of them. The black haired leech, and a new vampire, someone we haven't seen before."

My heart nearly stopped. It couldn't be Jasper, could it? What if the two were friends? This would not be good. We waited until we just stepped into the forest before we transformed. Instantly we were all attuned.

"Where are you?"

"_Deep in the forest, just outside the boundary line. Probably ten miles from you."_

"_Stay where you are, and don't move. We'll be right there."_

"_Sure thing Sam."_

We raced through the forest, trees flying by as we quietly made our way towards where Jared and Embry waited. It took all of about ten minutes, then we circled close to peer through the foliage.

It wasn't Jasper. The black haired leech was there, but Jared was right, we'd never seen this other vampire before. He had brown hair, and he looked young. 17 maybe, or 18. His eyes were blood red.

We trailed them as they made their way deeper into the forest. This was dangerous. We were getting further from our land, and if we killed them here who knew what the repercussions would be? At last they broke out into a clearing, a meadow of sorts, full of flowers. It would have been beautiful, but the scene before me had my heart pounding in my ears and seeing red.

The two vampires entered the meadow, their skin sparkling slightly in the sliver of sun that was showing. Across from them stood Bella.

A low growl escaped from me, and I tensed, ready to spring into action.

"_Wait."_

I rounded on Sam. _"Wait?! They'll kill her! I won't let that happen!"_

"_You can't be sure."_

I nearly attacked Sam in my blind fury. How could he say this? If we waited, Bella might not live. A new scent entering the field stopped me dead in my tracks. I knew that scent. I whirled around and saw Jasper rapidly come up and push Bella behind him. A tiny piece of me eased, glad to know that she had at least some protection. But the fact that there were two vampires against Jasper snapped me back to reality. There was no way he would be able to fight and protect Bella from both of them at once.

"Jasper." It was the black haired leech. He stepped forward, his arms wide in a welcoming gesture.

Jasper stared at him, concentrating hard. Apparently he wasn't buying this sign of friendship, and neither was I. I crouched low, ready to come to action at a moments notice.

"Laurent." Bella was pressed up against Jasper, trying to disappear, and he stood crouched in a slightly defensive position himself.

"I wasn't aware that any of the Cullens had stayed behind." Jasper didn't answer. He was trying to maneuver Bella backwards while his eyes followed the circling motions of the two vampires before him.

"I thought you were in Alaska."

Laurent smiled wide, flashing his teeth. My fur stood on end. This was definitely not going well. "Well, I find it hard to stick so stringently to the 'vegetarian' lifestyle." He took another step closer to Bella and I took a step forward.

"_Jacob."_

I ignored Sam's sharp tone.

"Who is your friend?"

Laurent stopped for a moment, his eyes glancing over to the vampire next to him. "A newborn. His name is Dustin."

The new vampire, Dustin was it, smiled and took another step closer. "Hello. And who is your delicious smelling friend?"

Bella let out a little whimper, and another low snarl slipped past my bared teeth. "Bella! I'd nearly forgotten about you," Laurent joked, taking another casual step closer. They were only fifteen feet apart now, much too close for comfort.

"Sam?"

"_I don't think this is going to end well."_

"_What are we going to do?"_

Sam was quiet through the questions, but I was too focused on the scene before me to pay much attention.

"Now, I really do hate to do this, Jasper. And I don't want to hurt you, believe me. But you see, I'm on a mission. And here lies my goal, not ten feet from me. I'll have to ask you to step aside."

Jasper snarled along with me, and really crouched down into his defensive position.

Laurent sighed. "Now, Jasper. There are two of us and only one of you. How do you expect to win this?"

Jasper's lips curled up over his teeth. "Trust me, I've dealt with much bigger opponents than you."

There was a brief pause, a moment of absolute stillness and silence, then all hell broke loose.

Laurent lunged at Jasper, who reached forward to meet him, while Dustin leapt to the side, rushing at Bella. Fear held me frozen for a moment, and in that time span Sam and the others lunged forward as well.

Sam shot forward and hit Laurent in the side, rolling to the ground with him. Jarred and Embry rushed at Dustin and pinned him to the ground. It was Paul's movement that brought me back to life. He lunged straight at Jasper.

Jasper, surprised by the sudden turn of events, was unprepared, but Bella was more active. God! Only Bella would do something so stupid.

She jumped in front of Jasper, right in Paul's line of attack, his outstretched claws reaching forward to slash her to pieces.

**A/N: **Hey guys, I'm sooo sorry about the wait! My computer was being a jerk and so this took a long time. First things first, I'm really sorry but I probably won't be updating for two weeks this time, unless I can find time to write. I'm graduating from high school and I'll be really busy for the next two weeks. :[ So I hate to leave such a terrible cliff hanger, but :[

Also, the chapter I'm isn't quite where I want it to be, but I went ahead and posted this one so that I might get some inspiring reviews and/or feedback. But this chapter was done when I needed to break writer's block.

So I hope you guys will stick with me! I really am sorry for the long wait, and I'll try and squeeze in more writing in any downtime! Thanks!

Edit: Just fixed the bit where it was hard to read. Thanks Melinda.


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter Ten

Sometime throughout the night my nightmare started up again. Recently it had changed, though, it's main focus shifting from Edward to Jacob to Jasper, but now it had decided to settle on Jacob. But it wasn't my Jake that stared at me so coldly, taunting me with his inviting smile and open arms. It was Sam's Jacob; his face held the bitter mask firmly in place, anger marring his features.

I hadn't realized I was crying until I woke up, Jasper's cool hands cupping my face and wiping away the tears.

"Hey there," he greeted me. "Don't cry, darlin'. I'm right here."

In that moment I felt so overwhelmingly sad and lonely. I tugged Jasper down with me onto the bed, wrapping my arms around his neck and burying my face in his chest. Jasper moved his hands to my back, alternating between rubbing soothing circles and running his hands through my hair. It was relaxing to the point of making me sleepy again.

I pressed a kiss against Jasper's shoulder then twisted around to face my window, my back toward him. Just before the confines of sleep reclaimed me once again, Jasper's arm curled over me protectively, his other arm draped lazily over my pillow, his fingers twining with mine. I didn't have any more nightmares.

**

In the early morning I woke up feeling slightly chilled. At first I was disoriented; my blanket was wrapped tightly around me and my window was closed, so there shouldn't be any reason I was cold. I moved to stretch my arms, but found myself quite incapable of moving my left one because my fingers were still entangled with someone else's.

"Morning," a voice purred in my ear, and I nearly shrieked.

The pieces fell into place then. My fight with Jake. Jasper comforting me. My nightmare. Jasper comforting me again. Me pulling him down on the bed with me. And now this.

As my head slowly fit the pieces together, a slow smile spread across my face. He'd stayed with me the entire night, not having even moved on inch. Jasper allowed me to bring his hand down close to my face, where I held it against me cheek tenderly for a moment, before placing a kiss across several of his fingers. I used this position to curl myself closer to Jasper, and he helped me by using the arm still draped over my waist to pull me back a few inches.

Nothing had ever felt more perfect in my life…

Until a loud rapping at my door gave me the second start this morning. "Bells, you awake?"

"Yeah, Dad!" I cried, my voice an octave higher than normal as I struggled out of Jasper's embrace in my anxiety. It would definitely not do for Charlie to open that door and see me wrapped up in a man's embrace.

"All right. I'll be downstairs. I made eggs and toast."

I paused mid-step and stared at the door. Charlie had cooked me breakfast. I felt all choked up. "Thanks, Dad. I'll be right down." I turned back around to face the bed, my features undoubtedly softening further when they alighted on Jasper. "Morning," I said softly.

Jasper was grinning up at me, draped lazily across my bed. "Don't be late," he said simply.

I kicked it into high gear after that, grabbing a change of clothes and heading to the bathroom to wash my face and throw on the t-shirt and jeans. I dashed downstairs to join Charlie for breakfast before he left for work. The scrambled eggs were good, and the toast was only slightly burnt. I smiled at Charlie appreciatively before digging in. I knew he was making an effort to help me feel better about the whole Jake situation, and I wanted to let him know just how much that meant to me.

"Well, Bella, I'll see you later," Charlie said, draining the last of his coffee and folding the paper.

I swallowed my bit of egg before answering; it wouldn't do for me to go choking to death. "Bye dad. And…thanks again."

I was embarrassed and so was Charlie. He nodded his head at me before putting on his coat and leaving. I hastened to finish the rest of my breakfast and scrub the dishes before heading back upstairs to brush my teeth and comb my hair once more. Jasper was still spread out across my bed when I returned, his eyes closed and breathing deep and even as if he were really asleep.

I smiled as I dropped down next to my bed, resting my chin on my arms as I stared at him. I knew he was aware of my being there, but he didn't say anything. That was one of the good things about Jasper; he always knew when words would be too much, and he didn't have to know every single detail of my life.

After a couple of minutes I sighed, and Jasper turned to look at me. "I have to go to school."

Jasper gave me a small smile before sliding off my bed and scooping me up in his arms. "As you wish."

"W-what are you doing?" I shrieked in surprise.

"Taking you to your car," he told me, picking up my bag as he proceeded to carry me out of my room as if it were the most natural thing in the world.

"I meant," I said, calming myself a bit. "Why are you carrying me? I can walk."

"I'm cold. You're warm," Jasper told me, smiling at his own little joke.

Geez. I didn't argue with him anymore as he opened the driver's door and set me gently inside before heading around to the passenger seat and climbing in. I smiled at him for letting me drive, even though I'm sure he would have much preferred to do it himself. The ride to school was quiet, with just a few passing comments here and there. We were enjoying each other's company too much to ruin it with nonsensical talking.

We pulled into the parking lot with only minutes to spare. Luckily most students were already walking inside, so no one noticed Jasper sitting next to me. I turned to face him to say goodbye, and he brushed back some strands of my hair.

"Don't be home late," he asked me, a slight smile on his face.

I nodded my head, unable to properly think of a coherent sentence. I slid out of my car, glancing back over my shoulder. Jasper was outside, leaning against the passenger door, his eyes full of an intensity I hadn't noticed before. My heart skipped a beat, and I nearly stumbled as I made my way up the stairs.

Something had definitely changed between us.

I sat down next to Angela in my first period class that morning, glancing out the window. Jasper was gone.

"Bella?"

"Hey Angela," I said quickly, whipping around to face her.

Her brows were slightly scrunched, a look of confusion on her face. "Bella, was that Jasper Hale?"

My mouth dropped open in surprise. "W-what?" I asked, my face quickly heating up.

"I was looking out the window and I swear I saw him leaning against your truck." She looked outside again. "But now he's gone…Huh."

"Huh," I repeated, mimicking her motions. I just hoped she wouldn't ask Mike the same question. Luckily the teacher came in then to save me from an interrogation; Angela would have read right through any of my lies.

Today was autopilot day. My body went through the motions while my mind was elsewhere. Mostly I thought about Jasper. I didn't have any right to have these feelings about him. In fact, I should definitely not be feeling giddy and excited every time we touched. I simply shouldn't care just as much as I did that he spent nearly all of his hours in my company. And there was no way I should enjoy sleeping in his arms that much.

But I did. Undoubtedly and undeniably so. Wasn't there some sort of decorum, some sort of etiquette about this sort of thing? Then again, I highly doubted anyone had written a "You're Vampire Boyfriend Broke Up With You and Now You're Falling For His Brother" guide.

It just all happened so sudden. But there are more ways than one to love someone…and who's to say you couldn't love more than one person? This newfound revelation stunned me. Was I in love with Jasper?

"Bella?"

I jumped, startled by the voice. "Sorry, Ang. What?"

"Well, the bell rang a few minutes ago, but you've just been sitting there," she told me, her voice laced with concern.

"Oh! Yeah, I was just thinking…" I trailed off. Grinning up at her sheepishly I hastened to put my notebook away. At last school was over! That meant I would see Jasper in just a few moments. We walked out of the building together before we spilt to go in different directions. It was Ben's birthday, and Angela had prepared a special date for the two of them. "Good luck!" I called to her.

Angela grinned at me, her excitement clearly shining through. "Thanks!"

As I came within view of my truck, I noticed it was empty. That was definitely odd. "Jasper?" I called out softly, looking around. Nothing. Huh. I roared the engine to life and drove home alone. Charlie still wasn't home, not that he usually was at this time, but it was odd that Jasper was nowhere to be found.

My fears were eased, though, when Jasper opened the door for me.

"Welcome home, Bella." He took my bag for me and I started to follow him up the stairs. "No, wait here."

"Why?"

Jasper just smiled at me mysteriously, and was up the stairs and back down before I had time to protest any more. It took me a moment to realize that he was holding a wrapped package out to me. "For you," he told me, his voice like satin.

I flushed. "Jasper, you know I don't really like gifts."

He waved his hand dismissively. "It's more of a gift for me," he told me.

I eyed him skeptically for a moment, but then went about opening the package-this time without the slightest cut. Inside was a kite. I lifted it out and held it up, giving Jasper an inquisitive look.

"You'll find out soon. Come on, we need to get there before it starts to rain."

"Jasper, what are you talking about?" I asked, thoroughly confused.

But Jasper just gave me that sly smile again then lifted me up bridal style and carried me outside. He didn't start running until after he locked the door behind us, but by then my face was already buried in the crook of his neck in an effort to focus on something besides the incredibly swift speed at which we were traveling.

When I felt the absence of the wind whipping across my face I chanced a glance around. Jasper was strolling casually through a field of sorts, yet another hidden sanctuary I would have never found on my own. "Are you all right Darlin'?"

"Yeah. But can I walk now?"

Jasper set me down gently, but left his hand on the small of my back. "Do you trust me?" he asked.

What a silly question. "Of course I trust you," I replied.

"Then close your eyes. We're almost there."

I obliged Jasper's request, and held onto him tightly as he maneuvered us through the field. "What are we doing?" I asked, curious once again.

"You'll see. Are you ready?" I nodded my head. "Okay, you can open your eyes."

We were in the middle of the field, the tall grass blowing in the breeze. Laid out on the ground was a checkered cloth, a picnic basket, a metal tin and another wrapped gift. "I still don't understand," I told him.

Jasper just smiled at me and tugged me down to sit with him on the cloth. "You know how you're always trying to learn more about me?" he asked. I nodded once again. "Well, I thought today I could tell you a little bit more about myself." Here he reached for the metal tin. The round box wasn't very large, probably the circumference of a plate. Jasper removed the lid and began shuffling through the contents, pulling them out and laying them down for me to see.

"As you know I was a Confederate soldier for some time when I was human," he told me as I examined some of his medals. It was surreal, to actually be able to hold this piece of history. I picked up an old, faded photograph of a man and woman who appeared to be in their forties. "Those are my parents. People always said I looked more like my mom, but I personally think I looked more like my father," Jasper mused.

The next object surprised me. "Apple butter?" I asked, holding up the little jar to inspect closer.

Jasper sighed, smiling a little. "I used to love apple butter, from what I can remember. Just bits and pieces; toast with apple butter, muffins. One time I ate a whole jar by itself; my mom wasn't very happy."

I chuckled slightly at Jasper's anecdote. The next was a picture of Jasper in his Confederate uniform and medals. "Wow," I murmured. Jasper looked much like he did now, except for the ethereal qualities endowed on him by becoming a vampire. His hair was nicely groomed, but slightly shorter than it was now. His face was serious, but he was breathtakingly handsome nevertheless.

"That was when I was made a major."

When Jasper didn't seem inclined to say anything else so I moved on to the item. It was a letter from his mother. I decided against reading it, knowing it was probably personal. I picked up one of the last items Jasper had laid out and gasped. It was a photograph of a young boy. He was partially facing the camera, but his face was focused upward, staring at a kite he was flying. I stared at the picture, trying to commit it to memory. It was bewildering, seeing a picture of Jasper at a young age. He looked so very different, yet entirely the same.

"How old were you?"

"I was nine. And I loved to fly kites." I looked up to see Jasper remembering some old memory, his eyes gazing into the distance. "I had this light blue kite, and I would spend all the time I could outside trying to get it up in the air and flying. My parents used to complain that I spent more time with my kite than with them."

I stared back down at the picture. Finally it clicked into place. "Jasper, do you want to fly the kite with me?" I asked him.

He turned a shy smile at me. "I would love to."

"I have to warn you though, my total lack of grace means you'll be the one running around to get it flying."

Jasper just smiled wider, helping me to stand. "It would be a pleasure to do the running, ma'am," he told me, regressing to his southern drawl. The accent sent a shiver down my spine, and I turned away before I would get too lost in my fantasies.

Jasper kept true to his word and dashed around at what I was sure was a leisurely pace for him, but would put any sprinter to shame. It took all of thirty seconds for him to get the kite flying in the air, then he handed it to me.

"I don't know how to do this!" I exclaimed as he pressed the spool into my hand. Truth be told I was much more enjoying watching him run around with it.

Jasper came to stand behind me, placing his hands over my own, and pressing me close to him in the process. "I'll help you," he told me. He gently guided my hands, at times releasing more string, sometimes reeling it back in. I realized then how Jasper could spend so much time with this activity. Watching the kite hover there in the air, doing twists and turns like a graceful blue bird was entrancing. It was so wild and free, probably what Jasper had been thinking about each time he gazed at its spontaneous flight.

The kite fell twice, but Jasper got it back up again in no time, and resumed his former position behind me, even though we both knew that I now knew how to fly a kite. I leaned back against Jasper slightly as we watched the kite do fancy tricks in the air. I'd never felt so content in my life.

After a while, though, my stomach decided to growl. I couldn't really recall what I ate for lunch, but Jasper had prepared some food for me. I ate the sandwich slowly, watching Jasper fly the kite by himself for a while. It started to drizzle then, and Jasper jogged back over to me, where I was hastily putting away the remnant of my meal.

Jasper quickly placed his tin inside the picnic basket then wrapped the cloth around me. "You won't get too wet when I run," he told me. "May I?"

I stepped forward to Jasper and he leaned down to lift me, angling me so that I was straddling his hips, my face buried in his chest. He leaned down again to lift the rest of the items, then instructed, "Close you eyes." And we were off, the wind whipping past us as Jasper raced back towards home. I focused on inhaling his scent, drowning in the oddly familiar scent, far better than any cologne worn by any of the boys at school.

Charlie wasn't home yet, and for that I was thankful. Jasper didn't let me down until we got to my room, where he proceeded to unwrap me from the cloth. I sat at the edge of my bed while Jasper reached to the back of my closet to pull out a fresh set of clothes for himself; while I was dry thanks to the cloth, Jasper was soaked.

"Be right back." And he was, not thirty seconds later, dressed in a new pair of jeans and a dark blue polo. Jasper sat across from me on the bed, reaching behind him to grab the unopened present that I had forgotten about. He twirled it nervously in his hand for a moment, before looking up at me. "I got this for you too," he told me, his voice uncertain.

I bit my lip. My need to reassure Jasper was outweighing my aversion for gifts. "Thanks," I said, reaching over to grab the present.

Jasper started speaking even before it was unwrapped. "Well, I wasn't sure how you'd feel about it, but I thought this was kind of a nice thing to do. I mean, I like to do this, you know, memories…"

Inside the box was my own little tin, a blue color with "Bella Swan" painted in gold on the lid. "Jasper, it's beautiful!" I told him, grinning. Jasper seemed so relieved that I smiled wider, reaching forward to grab his hand. "Really, thank you." A thought occurred to me then, and I jumped off the bed to dig though my closet. I came back up with my camera from Renee, and placed a new roll of film in the canister before turning around.

"Smile," I told Jasper before clicking a picture of him. "Hmm…" I couldn't very well ask Charlie to take a picture of Jasper and I when he came home, so I'd have to do it myself. Since my camera didn't have a self-timer, I walked back over to the bed and scooted close to Jasper, raising my right arm to click the picture. "Smile," I said.

Jasper gave me an inquiring look. "Well, I want to fill up this tin with wonderful memories," I told him. "And you're definitely something I want to remember…" I stopped my sentence there, reminding myself of our agreed-upon theme: living in the present, in the here and now. I smiled at Jasper again. "I really do like this, Jasper. Thank you."

"I'm glad," he told me. He paused momentarily. "Charlie will be home in a few minutes, maybe you should start making him dinner?"

I groaned. It's not that I didn't love making dinner for Charlie; it's just that I didn't want to end my perfect day with Jasper. "You're right," I resigned. I stood up and stretched, placing the box and camera inside the drawer of my bedside table.

Jasper stood too. "I'm going to go for a run," he told me.

I nodded my head, but hesitated to go. I bit my lip in contemplation; better to do it now before I lost my nerve and regretted it later. I stepped across to Jasper and wrapped my arms around him, squeezing him with all my might. "I really loved today," I told him softly.

Jasper returned my embrace, leaning down so he could inhale my scent as I'd done to him earlier. "Me too."

Then Charlie called from downstairs. "Bella?"

"Hey Dad. I'll be right down," I called back. With one last squeeze I let Jasper go. "See you later?" I asked.

"Always," he told me, brushing the hair out of my eyes. Then he turned and leapt down through the window. I turned to face the door. Spaghetti definitely sounded good right now.

**

School on Friday seemed to drag on forever. Every time I looked at the clock it seemed to have gone backwards a few minutes instead of forward. But at last it ended. I was definitely excited for today because Jasper and I were going to go hiking to Edward's meadow. I knew that is still hurt him that I wanted to visit that place, but if I were to rationalize it in my own mind, I knew that I wouldn't really be okay with Edward until I got to visit his personal sanctuary once again.

I waited under the doorway for ten minutes before Jasper pulled up in my truck. He got out to let me drive and finally spoke once we had both settled. "Sorry I was late," he told me quietly.

I shook my head. "No, thank you for filling up my tank." I'd been running low on gas for a week now but wouldn't receive my paycheck from Newton's for at least another week. Much of the rest of the ride was spent in silence, at times comfortable, but I knew Jasper was brooding.

By the time we pulled off the road and got out of the truck I couldn't take it anymore. "Jasper?" I asked timidly. He turned to look at me. "I'm sorry. I really just want to see it once more, then we don't have to come back here ever again."

Jasper shook his head. "No, it's not that." His eyes canvassed the forest. "I just feel like something is wrong."

I furrowed my brows and went to stand next to him, staring into the impenetrable green forest before us. "What do you mean?" I could feel the hairs on the back of my arm standing straight up.

Jasper shook his head then twined his fingers with mine. It was more a cautionary gesture than one of affection. "I'm not sure."

I toyed with the idea of telling him we should just turn back, but decided against it. The sooner we found the meadow, the sooner I could put it behind me. To pass the time and ease the tensions I asked, "Jasper, will you tell me about your childhood?"

Jasper smiled down at me, his eyebrows raised as if questioning if I really wanted to know this. I nodded my head encouragingly. "I don't remember all that much of it," he told me. "I believe I was born in 1843, but I can't remember the exact date. I do remember my mom baking pies, though. Cherry, apple, peach; her pies were amazing, from what I can recall. I liked school a lot, as far as I can tell. And when I was seven I had my first crush on a girl. I just remember her having long red hair, always kept in two braids, and other children teasing her about her hair color, because no one else in the school had such a vivid shade to their hair."

Jasper paused in his story, trying to recall more. We were deep in the forest now, the thick canopy of trees blocking out most of the light. "I used to have a horse that I rode. My father taught me everything there was to know about horses and taking care of them, and that served me well when I joined the army. I think I attended my first dance when I was fifteen. The way my mother talked about it later, you'd think I'd seduced all the girls into dancing with me." Jasper laughed, the tone nostalgic and a bit sad.

"Do you ever miss them?" I asked. "Your parents."

Jasper was quiet for a long while, and I was beginning to think he hadn't heard me. "Not really," he answered at last. "I was already separated from them by joining the army, and while I did get homesick, I truly enjoyed my job. And then when I was turned, well, I was too busy to really think about them much." Jasper paused in his step and turned to face me. "Do you mind if I carry you? I think I might know where to go."

I nodded and let Jasper lift me onto his back. I secured my arms around his neck, knowing it wouldn't bother him in the slightest, and he started off on a mild jog, just bearable for my motion sickness. Jasper startled me again by continuing on. "Alice never asked me about my childhood. There was really no need," he said thoughtfully. "But when I talk about it, and think back, I do start to miss them a little bit."

I rested my head in the crook of his neck. "I miss Renee a lot," I told him. "I miss seeing her smile and hearing her voice, and getting her hugs."

Jasper didn't say anything, but he tightened his grip on me in what I took to be a comforting gesture and continued jogging.

I suppose I must have fallen asleep, because my eyes were still heavy when I heard Jasper calling my name. "Bella?"

He had slowed down to a walk, but I was still surprised I was still on his back; almost as surprised that I could have fallen asleep. "I think this is it."

My heart skipped a beat and I untangled my arms from across Jasper's neck. He set me down gently, and hung back a bit as I walked forward toward the thinning trees, stumbling just slightly thanks to my immobility for who knows how long.

I broke through the trees into the little sunlit meadow, and a wave of nostalgia hit me hard. It was still full of flowers, the long grass green and merry, shining in the sunlight that sifted through a break in the trees. I moved to go forward into the middle, my heart going a million miles an hour. My breath was short and I wasn't sure if the tears welling in my eyes were from happiness or pain.

But Jasper growled and I turned around to face him, surprised. His eyes were scanning the area again, and Jasper was shifted into a defensive position. "Jasper?" I asked softly.

His eyes snapped on mine, and I could tell he was worried about something. "Remember how I said I felt like something was wrong earlier?" he asked and I nodded. "Well I think I might know what. Bella, please stay here and don't move, don't make a sound. I'll be right back, I promise." Then he was gone. I stood rooted to the spot, staring at the space he had previously occupied. He mustn't have been gone more than a minute when a sound from the other side of the meadow alerted me to another presence.

I whirled around and my stomach did a flip-flop as I stared at the two figures before me. One of them I recognized, the other I had never seen before, but I would have been able to tell what they were, even if their skin wasn't sparkling in the shafts of sunlight the meadow offered. What really ignited my fear was the color of their eyes: a blood red, and standing out stark against their skin. My mouth opened in a silent scream as the vampires focused in on me, until I felt myself being pushed behind someone very familiar. It took me a moment to realize that Jasper had returned and that possibly I wouldn't die here.

Laurent stepped forward and greeted Jasper as if he were an old friend, and I could practically feel the growl building in Jasper's chest and I pressed myself close to him. My mind was stuck, frozen with fear, and I knew I should be trying to calm myself down because Jasper would have to fight off the emotional attack from my own side and a possible physical attack from the other two vampires.

I forced myself to focus; I had to be ready to do something, no matter how futile it might be. I heard Laurent introduce the other vampire as Dustin, and when Dustin joked about me I whimpered against Jasper, and pressed even closer to him.

Laurent was talking about some sort of mission, and despite the sluggishness of my brain's processing I knew he was talking about me. Oh god, he'd come back to kill me. But Jasper wouldn't back down, yet there were two of them and I was quite unable to fight against a vampire.

There was a moment of silence and my mind snapped into focus.

Laurent shot forward at Jasper while the other vampire, Dustin, moved from the side to try and get at me. But to my surprise, and the vampires' as well, huge, dark shapes came hurtling out of the forest and leapt straight at them. Laurent was hit from the side by a large, black shape, and Dustin was pinned to the ground by two others. But I was focused on Jasper, who stood still, quite shocked, and surprisingly blind to the fourth shape that was lunging straight at him, claws extended and teeth bared.

For a moment everything was in slow motion, and my options spread out before me in a vast array, but I did the only thing I could think of. I jumped in front of Jasper, straight in the line of attack of this beast headed straight toward us, and closed my eyes.

But instead of feeling the sharp claws ripping me open, something soft and very warm knocked into me, sending me flying back into Jasper's hard body. I registered dimly that I had hit my head and was quite possibly bleeding, and that maybe I was laying on the ground, but I couldn't be sure. Without even attempting to open my eyes I let the blackness consume me.

* * *

**A/N: **First and foremost a huge thanks to **JaspersBella** for all her wonderful feedback and encouragement for this story.

Second, I'm so sorry that this took forever! I'm not quite where I want to be with this story, but I had to update because I'm afraid you will probably only get one or two more because I'll be out of the country starting June 25-July 11 :[ I'm sorry!

Third, I know this chapter doesn't really tell you much about what happens next, but I hope you enjoyed it nevertheless! Thanks!


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter Eleven**

There have only been several moments in my life when I felt time stood still. The first I could remember was those three days of turning into a vampire; each moment dragged on into its own eternity and collapsed into the next until I thought I would be forever frozen into misery.

The second was when I walked into the diner and saw Alice waiting for me. She was sitting there facing the door expectantly, and the moment our eyes met for the first time everything else just froze into place and we stared at each other for what seemed an eternity.

The third time was when I kissed Bella. Everything else dissolved into nothing and even in my own infinite time, this one moment stretched on and on in its own universe of perfection.

And the fourth was as I watched the scene play out before me. One moment Laurent was rushing at me, the next he was on the ground. An awful stench burned my nose, but that didn't matter either. What froze me in place, would have made my blood run cold, was watching as Bella jumped in front of me, and an oncoming animal, wolf, lunging forward to tear her to shreds.

I thought about that for a fraction of a second or five hours, I'm not sure. I saw the sun glinting off those deadly claws, Bella's exposed torso, her hair whipping around her face, and I couldn't move for the life of me.

Then everything went into fast forward.

Another wolf, reddish-brown and huge, leapt in front of Bella just in time to absorb the fatal attack of the first wolf. The collision was brutal, and Bella didn't escape this part. She flew backwards into me, colliding against my body. She hit her head, and there was a good chance she was bleeding, but I was still focused on what was happening around me.

In the instant it took for the wolves to stand back up I bent down and scooped Bella up into my arms. Luckily I didn't smell any blood, and I placed her on my back so that we could make a speedy getaway if need be. With that option at the back of my mind I assessed the situation.

The wolves were standing up now, and to my intense surprise I noticed the reddish brown one stand in front of Bella and I as if he were guarding us. There was so much hostility and confusion in the air that I found it difficult to do much. The other vampires were pinned to the ground by the other three wolves, all of who were seemingly engrossed in the conflict between their pack mates. Laurent and Dustin still struggled, but the wolves paid them no mind.

A loud snarl from the wolf with dark silver fur brought my attention back to them. He took a step forward and so did the reddish brown wolf, a menacing growl escaping from his lips. Suddenly the dark silver wolf leapt forward to surpass the other and headed straight at me. I tensed, about to jump, but the reddish-brown wolf intercepted him again. Suddenly they both stopped, as if invisible chains bound them. I glanced towards the large black wolf, where the source of power seemed to be emanating, but his eyes were trained on the other two.

A change in emotion from the larger of the wolves in front of me caught my attention again. I turned to him just in time to see the wolf slowly receding back into a human form. With a jolt I gasped his name. "Jacob?"

"Sam, you can chew me out later," Jacob told the black wolf. "Paul, why don't you go help them with those two." Then he pulled on his shorts and turned to face me, a sour look on his face. "Jasper," he greeted.

I stared at him, still tense. "Don't kill them," I said. There were howls of protest. "I need to talk to Laurent," I explained. Despite everything that had transpired I still remembered what he had said about a mission, and I needed to figure this whole thing out.

The dark silver wolf, Paul I surmised, stepped forward again, a growl punctuating his movement.

"Dammit Paul!" Jacob ground out. "You take one step closer and I promise you won't be phasing for one hell of a long time." The silver wolf faltered for a moment, regarding Jacob, then stepped back. Jacob turned to me then, his face contorted into one of worry. "Bella?" he asked, his voice soft and worried.

My grip on her tightened before I forced myself to relax. Jacob and his pack had just saved us, they weren't a threat to Bella. "She's all right, just unconscious," I told him.

Still he stepped forward, his arms held out. Handing Bella over was one of the hardest things I've ever done, and I regretted it almost instantly. Jacob held her close, checking her head for any injuries. "If you want to interrogate the leech you better do it now," he told me, still not looking up from Bella.

Hating myself for doing so, but knowing Jacob was right, I turned back to the other vampires. The other wolves tensed as I approached, and I sent some calming waves over at them. It worked, but only slightly. "I just want to talk with Laurent." I looked over at Dustin and sneered. "You can do what you want with the other one."

Dustin let out a terrified hiss as two of the wolves dragged him away, and I crouched down next to Laurent. "Jasper," he half pleaded, renewing his efforts to struggle against the large black wolf pinning his arms down. Paul came over and immobilized Laurent's legs.

"Hello Laurent," I responded in a friendly tone, much as he'd used earlier.

"Jasper," Laurent said again, fear rolling off him.

"Laurent, what mission are you on?" I asked in my most persuasive voice. Laurent seemed to resist, so I added another layer to my tone. "Come Laurent, you can tell me." If there was one upside to my powers it was this.

"To find Bella."

I tried not to let the shock register. "Why?" Laurent clamped his mouth shut and shook his head.

"Dustin is a newborn isn't he?" There was silence and somewhere in the distance we heard a rip and a scream. Laurent's eyes opened wide and a thrill of fear emanated from him. "Did you create him?"

"No."

"Why are you back in Forks?"

Laurent struggled against the wolves futilely before turning back to me with a spiteful look. "As a favor."

I narrowed me eyes at the vampire as I processed this. Laurent was a nomad, but he did have a coven at some point. "A favor to Victoria." Laurent didn't say anything and I knew it was true. "Did Victoria create Dustin?" Again no answer.

The black wolf shifted slightly and Laurent cried out in pain. He didn't speak until the wolf retracted its claws from his arm. "Yes, and the others."

"Others?" I asked sharply. "How many?"

"I don't know. Five? Let me go," he begged.

"What is she doing? Why is she making them?"

The question didn't come from me, but from Jacob. He stepped forward a few feet, holding Bella securely against him.

"I don't know!"

My anger flared and I bit out, "This is getting us nowhere. I can see you're done talking." In a swift movement I reached down and grabbed Laurent's right arm. It made a horrible ripping sound as it separated from his body. "If you want this back," I told Laurent, dangling his arm in front of him as he screamed, "tell Victoria to come and get it for you."

I glanced at Jacob and he nodded. Jacob looked at the black wolf and jerked his head. The moment the two wolves released him Laurent was gone. I took a moment to cool my emotions before I turned back to the pack.

"Do you really think he'll take the message back?" Jacob asked me.

I nodded, grimacing at the arm struggling in my grasp to follow its owner. "If he wants his arm back." In the distance I could smell the burning ashes of something distinctly vampire. "In the meantime I think we ought to discuss this."

"I'll take Bella back to her home," Jacob told me. "We'll be waiting for you there."

I nodded and took off. It wouldn't do to keep a vampire's arm hidden in Bella's room.

**

Charlie wasn't home when I arrived at the Swan residence, but Jacob and another Quileute man were in the living room. It was with trepidation that I entered.

"Jasper, Sam. Sam, Jasper," Jacob introduced us.

We eyed each other evenly before I nodded. There was no threat coming from him, only tension and authority. Sam must have been the black wolf from earlier.

"First off, how do you know the vampires from earlier? And who is Victoria?"

I sighed, leaning against the wall as I thought of how best to answer Jacob's question. "It started with a baseball game," I began. I related the rest of the story to them and waited patiently.

"So, Jacob said slowly. "So now this Victoria wants to kill Bella?" I nodded.

"Why doesn't she just go after Edward?" It was the first time Sam had spoken the entire time.

"Mate for a mate," I said.

"But Edward left her," Jacob protested.

"Which is a fact that I doubt Victoria knows," I replied.

"Then why would she be creating more vampires?"

I frowned. I had my suspicions but I wasn't inclined to go into a detailed history of my past at the moment. "I can't say for sure, but I think it best if we keep patrol."

"We have been," Jacob pointed out, his tone a bit smug.

I nodded. "Yes, and I thank you for that. Otherwise things today may not have turned out quite so well." We sat in silence for a few moments. "Look, I think we should try drawing Victoria out in the open. If she's only got five newborns like Laurent said, then she'll be easier to take down than if we wait." I paused, searching their faces and emotions. "That is, if you would offer your help to this task." If they didn't then I'd have my work cut out for me.

I expected Jacob to respond first, but it was Sam who surprised me. "It is our job," he told me. "Of course we will help."

I was relieved, but there was one more detail I needed to work out. "When I first joined his coven and we moved to Forks, Carlisle told me about the treaty. I know there is a boundary line between our lands, but I think for the sake of strategy and convenience we should resolve that particular restriction for the time being. I won't hunt any of the animals on your land, but I would like to be able to cross over in case I catch Victoria's trail."

Sam nodded. "I was going to suggest that as well." He paused thoughtfully. "Am I right in assuming you are the only Cullen here?"

"Yes."

Luckily I was saved from divulging more by a sudden noise from upstairs.

"Jasper?" Bella called out in a frightened voice.

I was upstairs in half a second, kneeling by Bella's bed. "I'm here, Bella."

Bella was gripping the sheets so tightly her knuckles were white. Jacob bolted through the door then. "Jake!" Bella cried in surprise as he came to a halt on the far side of her bed. She looked between the two of us, her emotions going haywire, then took a deep breath. "What happened?" she asked finally, her eyes shut tight.

Jacob launched into an explanation, thankfully leaving out the more grotesque details. I pointedly ignored how he held Bella's hand the entire time. "So, Bells, I hope you're ready to spend a lot more time around me," Jacob said, grinning. Even without my power it would be easy to see the elation Jacob got from this fact.

Bella turned to look at me. "Jasper?" Her eyes searched my face. "I don't understand. Why does Victoria want to kill me?"

This was a point that both Jacob and I had wanted to avoid. I could tell he was just as thrilled to talk about Edward as I was. I took Bella's hand in mine before looking at her. "Because she believes that you are Edward's mate."

Bella looked like she had been slapped. Her mouth hung open and her hand went limp in mine. "B-but I'm not," she said, her voice shaky.

"I know Darlin', but Victoria doesn't know that," I said gently, rubbing little circles on her hand. Bella drew her knees up to her chest and rested her head on them; if her hands had been free she would have clutched at her heart.

"Bells?" Jacob called softly. "Hey, look at me. Don't worry about it. I'll always be near, and Jasper won't be going anywhere, so you'll be safe." We all knew we were trying to avoid the other issue.

Bella nodded her head against her knees, but both Jacob and I knew she was starting to cry. In the distance I picked up on Charlie's cruiser. "Jacob, Charlie is going to be home soon. Unless you want to explain to him what you and Sam are doing here, maybe we should continue this later."

"Sure, sure," Jacob said dismissively. "Bella? Can I get a hug? You know, a 'thanks-for-saving-my-life-you're-awesome-Jake' hug?"

Bella laughed a little. She rubbed her eyes on her sleeve and turned to Jacob, throwing her arms around him. "Thanks Jake. Really," she said softly. I had to look away then.

"Jasper," Jake said.

"Jacob." I nodded in farewell. Then he breezed downstairs and, along with Sam, left. I turned back around, sitting on the edge of Bella's bed and sighed. "Bella, you are entirely too reckless," I told her.

"Why?" she asked.

"Jumping in front of a werewolf, honestly. You could have _died,_" I told her, stressing the last word. "And then I don't know what I'd do…"

Bella bit her lip, refusing to meet my eyes. "I was scared of losing you too. I wouldn't know what to do either." She finally looked up and there were tears in her eyes again. "I was so scared Jasper."

I reached over and pulled Bella close to me and she buried her face in the crook of my neck. "I'm sorry," I told her. "I didn't mean to make you worry." She sniffled and nodded her head, tightening her arms around me. "Are you hurting? Do you want me to get you some ibuprofen?"

"Please? My head really hurts," she told me. "And I need to cook Charlie dinner."

I disentangled myself from her and rose to get her the medicine and a glass of water. "I think there are some leftovers in the fridge still," I told her. "You should take it easy for now." I was back before she could answer, and just in time to hear Charlie pull up to the driveway. After Bella swallowed the pill I helped her stand up and walked her to the door.

"Bella?" Charlie called from downstairs.

"Hey Dad!" Bella called back. "I'll be right down." She turned to me, giving my hand a squeeze. "Thanks."

I retreated back into Bella's room after I was sure she made it downstairs safely then crossed to the other side and through open the window. "Jacob," I called. A movement in the trees alerted me to the presence of a large reddish-brown wolf. I jumped down and walked into the forest where a now human Jacob was waiting for me. "You didn't leave," I stated.

"Would you?" he asked.

My mouth quirked into a half smile. "No."

"The pack knows now, and we'll be patrolling the borders. Lately hikers have been disappearing, but now that we've scared off Laurent I think that problem will stop for a little while."

I sighed. Clearly I wasn't the only one who found the vegetarian lifestyle difficult.

"Are you going to let the rest of them know?" Jacob asked me. "The Cullens?"

I hesitated as I thought about this. "No," I said finally. "It doesn't really concern them," I explained. Jacob looked surprised and I let the spite fade from my voice. "I haven't talked to them since Edward left." Jacob looked like he was going to ask more questions, so I hastened to change the subject. "I think I should teach the pack how to take down newborns. They're much stronger for the first year of their life, but they have no skill, only brute strength."

Jacob nodded. "The other leeches today we've been tracking for a while. We almost caught the young one a few times, but the black haired one has always slipped past us."

"Not surprising. Laurent has three hundred years of experience under his belt and Dustin looked like he was only about three months old."

"I don't want Bella to be alone for even a moment," Jacob told me then.

"I agree," I replied. "Actually, I was thinking of making my reappearance," I told him.

Jacob gave me a sharp look. "What do you mean?"

"It's not very difficult to protect Bella while I'm hiding, but if I suddenly showed up out of nowhere to protect her, people might start to wonder," I told him. "You know how small towns gossip. But if I'm back in Forks to pack up a few things from our old house, per say, then it wouldn't be so surprising. Everyone knows that Bella spent a lot of time with us, so I don't think they'd be suspicious if Bella and I were seen together."

"I don't know," Jacob said slowly.

"That and Mike has already seen me," I told him.

Jacob rubbed his temples. "You know, for as hard as you bloodsuckers try to fit in and be secret, you sure don't do a good job of it," he told me. "Well, alright. But Bella has to come on the reservation any time she's not with you."

I nodded. This would be a good idea, especially when I had to hunt. "After you talk to Sam and the pack let me know when we can arrange our first meeting. I know a few techniques that are very helpful when trying to take down a newborn."

Jacob nodded and Bella called my name from inside. "Take care of her," Jacob told me. "I'll contact you soon." He walked into the forest a little ways and then transformed.

"Jasper?" Bella called again.

I scaled the tree near Bella's window and leapt in through the window. "Feeling better?" I asked her.

"A little," she said, sinking back down onto her bed. She was already in her pajamas, so I guessed must have gone through her nightly routine. She patted the spot next to her and I moved to sit next to her, leaning against the headboard. I reached over and clicked off the light. "I'm scared," she told me.

"It'll be all right, darlin'. I won't let anything happen to you," I assured her.

Bella turned to me, biting her lip. "Not for myself, for you. What if something happens?"

I laughed a little. "Bella, I'm more than capable of handling any vampire, werewolf or other threat that you attract to yourself," I told her. A small smile tugged at the corner of her lips.

"I still worry," she told me, yawning. She winced slightly. "My head still hurts," she mumbled. She fumbled about in the dark for the glass of water and ibuprofen but in the process managed to swipe her hand across something sharp. Bella inhaled sharply. "Damn." The cut was small and really didn't bother me; I'd long ago decided that I'd rather Bella didn't die due to my lack of control. But she brought her hand up to her mouth and cast fearful eyes in my direction.

I stopped her hand just before she could put her finger in her mouth and held it before me. The smallest drop of blood had risen to the surface and beaded, like a tiny ruby. Slowly, watching Bella the entire time, I brought her finger to my mouth and licked away the drop of blood. Bella's heartbeat doubled but this time it wasn't out of fear.

"Bella," I sighed, drowning in the sweetness of that single drop of blood and the emotions she was eliciting in me. I kissed her wrist, her scar, and slowly made my way up her arm until I reached the area where her shoulder met with her neck. I suckled lightly, careful not to break her skin, and Bella's hands knotted in my hair. After ensuring that I would leave a mark I kissed along Bella's clavicle to the hollow of her throat and she threw her head back urging me on.

I kissed up her throat, along her jawbone then the corners of her mouth. Bella surprised me shifting on top of me and devouring my mouth with hers. She traced my bottom lip with her tongue and I opened my mouth to let her in. For the briefest moment surprise registered on Bella's features, but she quickly refocused on exploring my mouth, tasting every corner and pressing into me in a very compromising manner.

"Bella," I moaned. God if she kept this up I wouldn't be able to stop. Bella pulled back panting and stared at me. I closed my eyes but the image was already seared into my memory, weakening my resolve. Bella shifted slightly, reminding me that she was still situated on top of me and damned determined to make me lose control. "Bella, if you don't stop I can't promise that I will," I told her.

I opened my eyes to see comprehension dawn in Bella's. "Oh!" she gasped, flushing a nice red. She scrambled off of me, embarrassed, and slipped beneath her covers as though they were a force field.

I took a moment to ground myself in reality and calm my body before I shifted down so that I was lying next to Bella. I poked her through the covers. "Hey there Miss Caterpillar," I said. Bella didn't respond so I pulled back the covers to reveal her eyes. "Bella?" She just stared at me. "What's wrong, darlin'?" I asked.

"I'm confused," she told me. "And embarrassed." She took a deep breath then sat up a little. "I," she began, but her voice hitched. Bella's brow furrowed and she tried again. "I…" Again she faltered. Frustrated she grabbed my hand, holding it against her heart. The next moment all other emotions dissolved into something tender, sweet, intense. It took me a moment to recognize the feeling myself. Love. "Do you understand?" she asked me, not quite meeting my eyes.

I nodded, then pulled Bella close, wrapping my arms around her. "Bella," I said as she hid her face in my chest. I let down my barriers so that I could show her how I felt. I heard her gasp then she looked up at me, her eyes watery. "Do you understand?" I asked her. She nodded.

It was confusing and wonderful, disorienting and the only thing that was right. My love for Bella muddled my love for Alice just as surely as her love for me blurred the lines of her love for Edward. But how could something so perfect, something I wanted so much, be a terrible thing? If I was a terrible person for loving Bella then so be it. I gripped her closer, washing her in my feelings and feeling the same reciprocation coming back from her.

We didn't say it, but we felt it. And it was enough.

**

The sun broke through the window the next morning and cast its warming rays across the bed. Bella shifted slightly my arms and I tightened my grip on her, for once cursing the cool temperature of my body as it prevented me from holding Bella as close as I wanted. In exchange for slipping under the covers with her Bella had to put on sweats and a sweater so that my embrace wouldn't chill her. A cloud moved, allowing the sun to beat down into the room fully and Bella's face scrunched up against the unwelcome light.

I drew Bella in closer and whispered into her ear, "Morning Sunshine."

Bella moaned a little, unwilling to leave the confines of sleep and tried to bury her face in my shirt. I stroked her hair, combing my finger through it, and loving the feeling of it as it slid through my fingers. Bella sighed contently against me. At last she decided to wake up. "That feels good," she told me as my fingers ran through the length of her hair. "Jasper?"

"Hmm?" Bella placed a kiss against my shoulder and let her feelings of affection flow. I smiled. "Me too," I told her. I continued running my hands through her hair as I explained about the meeting between Jake and I last night.

"And the pack is okay with this? You're really going to teach them how to take down newborns?" Bella asked me.

"Yes. I'm just waiting for Jacob to get back to me."

"Jasper," Bella began, hesitation thick in her voice.

"Yes darlin'?"

"Well, you said you wanted to make a reappearance. What exactly do you mean?"

"I want to be able to be seen with so that I can better protect you. I'll say I'm back to pack up some things from the house and go over some details concerning its care. And that way people won't be suspicious when they see us together."

"Together," Bella repeated, a slow smile creeping onto her face. "I think I might like that," she told me shyly. Then she frowned. "Won't people talk if we're walking around holding hands?"

I shrugged. "I don't care what they think or say, Bella."

Bella smiled, relieved. "Good. Because I don't want to have to fight girls off of you if they think you're single."

I chuckled. "On that note, why don't we put this plan in action? Charlie's downstairs, so why don't you get ready while I go about making my reappearance. Then we can just happen to stumble upon each other at the store."

"Around what time?"

"Let's say eleven," I told her. "Don't worry, I'll be there."

Bella smiled and disentangled herself from me. "It's a date then."

**

I'd often been glad that I couldn't read minds like Edward, but at this moment I couldn't have been more grateful. My first moment out was met with shocked stares and gaping mouths, then hushed whispers as I walked by. Of course I had never bothered to make friends while I was going to Forks so I walked by silently, nodding my head to the few who said hello.

My first encounter was with Jessica Stanley and her mother. Just my luck.

"Jasper!" Jessica cried in surprise then quickly glanced around as if Alice was going to materialize out of thin air as well. I was never seen without Alice.

"Hello Jessica," I replied. "Mrs. Stanley."

"Jasper, dear, what are you doing back here?" she asked me, her tone friendly, but I could feel the double edge to it.

"I'm back in town to pack up a few things from the house and settle some other matters," I told her, doing my best to smile convincingly.

"Oh, that's nice of you," Mrs. Stanley replied. She'd always like me the best of the Cullens. Probably because I was the one who handled most of the monetary issues. "Where's Alice?"

I stiffened considerably. "I'm here alone," I told her. I rushed on before I could help myself. "Alice and I haven't been together for quite a while." If it wouldn't have made me seem crazy I'm sure I would have slapped myself right there. I allowed myself a mental sigh. At least this was some sort of platform for when I began escorting Bella.

"Oh, I'm sorry to hear that," she told me, though she wasn't sorry at all. A new level of interest soon interrupted the Stanley women's emotions.

"So have you seen anyone yet? We could all get together and hang out," Jessica babbled. "After all, you all left so suddenly. We didn't even have time to plan a farewell party or anything."

I gave Jessica a condescending smile, but she couldn't tell the difference. "I haven't, actually. Perhaps sometime later. If you'll excuse me." It was almost eleven and I needed to head to the grocery store.

"Yes of course. Please, stop by sometime," Mrs. Stanley told me. I smiled and nodded my head like a good Southern gentleman before making my escape.

It was already five minutes past eleven by the time I arrived at the store. Bella's truck was already in the parking lot. I walked up and down the aisles, trying to appear casual, and grabbing a random item to carry. At last I saw her, opening the fridge door to grab some milk.

"Bella!"

More than one pair of eyes turned to my exclamation. But when Bella saw me her face split into a grin and she began to run toward me at an alarmingly unsafe pace for someone as clumsy as her. "Jasper!"

I opened my arms in time to catch Bella as she jumped up and wrapped her arms around my neck. I laughed as I twirled her around. "And here I thought you were a bad actor," I whispered to her.

Bella grinned up at me, her cheeks flushed with excitement. "Who said I was acting?" she replied quietly.

We made a show of explanations before Bella and I returned to her cart and we continued to shop for groceries. "So Jasper," she asked me as we strolled down a deserted aisle, "are you really going to buy that women's shaving cream?"

I glanced down at the object in my hands in horror. I hadn't realized what I'd grabbed in my haste to find Bella. "No!"

Bella laughed, holding her hand out. "That's all right. I needed to buy some anyway."

Embarrassed I tossed it into her cart. "You could have told me sooner," I muttered. "I've been walking around with that for ten minutes."

Bella squeezed my hand. "Sorry, it was funny."

"Ha ha."

"Jasper, would you like to come over for dinner tonight?"

I raised an eyebrow at her. "Dinner?"

Bella noticed her fumble and flushed. "Oh, you know what I mean," she told me hotly. "Well, I was actually wondering if you'd make dinner for Charlie and I. I'd like for you to meet him."

I'd never met Charlie personally, or officially, and truth be told I was quite nervous. "Doesn't he hate the Cullens?" I asked her.

"You're not a Cullen," she pointed out. "As I recall your last name is Whitlock. Besides, I'm sure you can charm him."

My mouth quirked into a smile. "I'd love to."

**

Bella drove home to put away her groceries while I continued with my show. Mrs. Stanley and Jessica had been efficient in their gossiping and by now most people weren't surprised to see me but curious. Around two I headed back to the Swan house. I knocked on the door but no one answered. I grabbed the spare key and let myself in.

_Jasper,_

_Jake called. He wants to meet with you._

_Charlie and I are in La Push._

_Meet me by the beach; I'll be with Jake._

_Bella_

I folded the note and placed it in my pocket. It was good that I'd resolved that border restriction with the Quileutes. I ran down to La Push, slowing as I reached the border. I took an unnecessary deep breath and stepped over onto their land. I'd never been to this side before, so everything was new, and teeming with wildlife. But I'd promised not to hunt on their land; I'd have to hunt soon if I was going to be around so many humans.

I raced down to the beach and slowed as I caught Bella's scent. She was sitting on a large log, Jacob next to her, his arm draped over her shoulders to keep her warm. Jacob noticed me before Bella did. "Bella," I called out as I neared.

She turned toward me, a smile breaking across her face. "Hello Jasper," she called, standing up.

Jacob stood up and nodded. "Jacob," I greeted.

"I think our plans will have to wait for another night," Bella told me as I sat down next to her.

"We found something while we were out patrolling," Jacob informed me. He held out a piece of cloth to me. It was soft and silver but that wasn't what interested me. "It smells of vampire. I thought we should ask you first."

I lifted the ripped fabric to my nose and inhaled the scent. Jacob was right; it was definitely vampire. As the scent registered my brain froze.

"Jasper?" Bella asked, her concerned features swimming in my peripheral. "What is it?"

I turned to Bella and tried to hold onto her face as everything else came crashing down around me.

"Alice."

* * *

**A/N: **GASP! Well, I hope that this was an enjoyable chapter for all of you! I wasn't sure where to take this, where to end it, but instead of leaving it off at their revelations of love I went ahead and continued on to where we are now. Well, the confrontation with Alice is near at hand; it was inevitable really. Everything led up to it.

But I want to know what you guys think! Do you like how Jasper and Bella's relationship is going? What are your feelings on this? Was it cheesy or stupid, the way they let each other know how they felt? I thank all of you for sticking with this story for so long. I hope you'll continue reading and reviewing!

I'll do my very best to update once more before I desert all of you lovely readers for two weeks.

And as always, so very many thanks to **JaspersBella** for all her encouragement in helping me continue this story. I can't thank you enough!


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter Twelve**

I think I went into cardiac arrest. One moment I was just fine, breathing normally, the next I felt like I had exploded. I swayed where I stood and felt strong, warm arms wrapping around me.

"Bella?" Something cool was touching my face, a hand perhaps. I struggled to force my eyes open.

"Alice?" I whispered. Jasper nodded and I finally took him in. He looked just as hurt and lost as I did. I needed to be strong for him. "Jasper," I sighed, bringing my hand up to his face as he slid to the ground as though physically exhausted. Jake freed me from his grip and I sank down next to Jasper, pulling him close and running my hands through his hair. "It's going to be okay," I told him, more for my benefit if I was being honest. I wrapped my arms around his neck as he hugged me close and kissed his forehead.

After a few moments he struggled to look up at Jake. "Where did you find this?"

"Embry found it near our border. He caught the scent of a vampire, but she was gone by the time he got there. I think it got caught on a tree as she fled," Jacob explained.

Alice was here. My brain tried to compute this but it never got past her name. Alice. Alice. Alice. It ran through my mind like a mantra. The ramifications of her presence were beginning to bubble up inside me and a look at Jasper told me he was thinking the same thing. I sat there helpless. I had no clue what to do.

Jacob seemed to be the only one with his wits still about him. "Maybe we should head back to Emily's and sort things out there. The pack will be there later, so we'll have some private time."

Jacob gently lifted me off the sand and set me on my feet. When Jasper didn't seem inclined to get up of his own accord Jacob groaned. "Why do I always have to be the responsible one?" he muttered darkly. I would have laughed if I weren't so devastated. Jake pulled Jasper to his feet. Jasper's golden eyes searched around until they found mine. He reached his hand out and I intertwined our fingers. Jacob gently took my other hand and led Jasper and I along like a teacher with kindergarteners.

The walk to Emily's was just a muddle of absolute numbness and dread. But the moment we stepped into the warm kitchen my mind seemed to click on and then work in hyperspeed.

"Bella!" Emily called, surprised to see me. She frowned when she saw Jasper and then even more deeply when she saw the looks on our face. "What's wrong?" She came over and led the three of us to her couch.

"Is it all right if Jasper and I talk privately?" I asked Jacob and Emily as they sat staring as us. "We'll just take a walk outside." I stood up and Jasper mimicked my movements. I took him by the arm and looked up into his face. It was still unreadable. "Come on Jasper," I said softly. The cool air was welcome relief from the warm, stuffy kitchen.

I walked us out to a crest overlooking the ocean and stood there with Jasper, my hand locked on his. "I don't know what to do," he told me finally. I nodded, feeling exactly the same.

The truth of the matter was that with Alice back in the picture, who knew what would happen with us? Jasper and I had just taken that next step and everything got mixed up in the very next moment.

"I think we have to see her," I told him.

He looked at me sharply. "Bella," he began then stopped, trying to find the right words. I stared at him, knowing what he wanted to say and afraid of it too. "Bella," he began again. "My feelings for you, the way you make me feel, it's so new and wonderful and deep." He pulled me into a hug, taking a deep breath, inhaling me scent. "I don't think I've felt so strongly about anyone before.

"You don't know what you do to me; every moment I spend with you muddles how I feel, or think I feel about Alice. I know that I love you," he said, his voice hitching for a moment at his confession, "but I know I love Alice too. And I don't think I'm ready or that I even want to give up what we have if she comes back into our lives. I-I love you," he said, floundering at the end, unsure of what to say.

I buried my head in his chest, cursing the hot trail the tears were leaving down my cheeks. I wanted to agree with him, argue with him and everything in between. I'd thought this through a million times as I considered my own feelings for him, and I had to tell him how I felt about it all rather than rehash it with myself and rationalize everything.

"Jasper, I could say the exact same thing about Edward and I. I've never felt more cherished and loved, more free and happy than I do whenever we spend time together. Edward was my first love, Alice yours. And I worry that if Edward ever was to come back that I might want to go back to the sweetness of that first love, but then I think about you and I can't fathom why I would. I'm worried that if I see him again I might remember why I loved him so much, but I wouldn't want to give you up.

"And it's not exactly fair to anyone." I closed my eyes and squeezed Jasper, not wanting to let go. "I don't know what's going to happen if we see Alice. You might want to go back to her, and that would be fine. I mean, I wouldn't be fine, but I would become fine, after a while…" I trailed off knowing that my argument was weak.

"Bella, I-"

I cut him off. "Jasper, please, lets not promise anything. You don't know how you'll react when you see Alice any more than I know how I'd react if I were to see Edward again. So lets just…face this together. Lets live in the right now for as long as we can," I told him. I took a deep breath, steeling myself for what I was about to say. "Because I think I love you too much right now to have a promise that we're not sure we'll be able to keep. Or want to keep."

Jasper stared down at me, his face tortured. He knew exactly how I felt and what I meant, because the same could happen to him. He bent down slowly and kissed my forehead, my eyelids, my nose, my cheeks, my mouth. It was gentle and longing at first, but the sweet turned into passion as we realized that this could be our last kiss. We clung to each other desperately, our kiss breaking into little splintered ones as I fought to force the air into my lungs between kissing and crying. At last I pulled back, unable to continue as my tears overpowered me and I grew dizzy from lack of air.

"I love you," I whispered to Jasper.

"I love you," he told me, and whether the glow I felt inside was due to his words or his powers I really didn't care.

Someone called our names then and reluctantly we turned back to the house. Jasper held my hand firmly in his own, refusing to let me go, and I held on just as steadfastly. The pack was in the house, except for Paul who was running patrol.

"I already explained to them about Alice," Jacob told me quietly and I flashed him a wobbly smile, giving his hand a squeeze. Tensions were still a bit high in the room, as Jasper was in no state to use his powers to calm everyone down.

Sam, who seemed to pick up on the situation at hand asked in a kind tone, "Do you want to go ahead with your lesson plan for tonight, or would you like to speak with her first?" I was a bit surprised at Sam's understanding, but then I vaguely remembered Jacob telling me a story concerning Sam's own troubled love life.

Jasper shook his head, slowly coming back. "No, it's alright. I have no doubt that I'll be seeing her soon enough. We can meet tonight if you like. Where would you like to meet?"

"We know of a clearing just outside of the reservation. We'll meet you there around midnight."

"I'll lead you there," Jacob said. "Bring a blanket and pillow for Bella."

I looked at Jacob in surprise, then at Jasper as he nodded. But then I guess I was always surprised with how open and honest both Jake and Jasper were when it came to everything concerning me. Edward had been much more…secretive.

The boys spent the next hour or so going over the logistics of it all while I helped Emily cook up enough dinner to feed an army.

"Charlie and Billy will be coming over," she told me.

"Oh." I was too preoccupied to think much on how I'd normally feel very awkward around someone I barely knew. But Emily was kind and warm and she made me feel comfortable, much like Jasper had the first time I met him so many months ago.

It didn't occur to me until I heard Charlie's voice calling my name that he didn't yet know Jasper was back. With fear gripping me I glanced at Jasper who nodded, his mouth set in a line. "In here, Dad!" Charlie walked into the kitchen and did a double take.

For a moment he stared at Jasper, his face slowly turning darker. "Aren't you one of the Cullens?" he asked gruffly, walking forward in front of me as if he could shield me from harm's view.

Jasper smiled and stepped forward to shake Charlie's hand. "Jasper Hale. It's nice to meet you, Chief Swan." Even I was partially affected by the calm mood Jasper was emanating. "Bella talks about you all the time." I shot a look at Jasper but he merely smiled back at me.

Charlie slowly deflated, seemingly embarrassed. "Hope it's only good things," he mumbled, shaking Jasper's hand. Charlie opened his mouth again but closed it just as quickly, a frown marring his features. I knew he wanted to ask about Edward.

"I'm back in town for a bit to pack some of our things from the house and settle a few unresolved matters," Jasper continued on. "The rest of the family is still in Los Angeles."

Well, most of them at least, I thought as an image of a pixie-like vampire danced around my head.

"Right. Well, send Dr. Cullen my regards," Charlie told him.

"Of course. He'll be delighted." Charlie made his way to the kitchen where the pack was already piling their plates.

I sighed, the tension leaving my body. Jasper came over and linked my pinky with his. "That went well," I told him. Jasper laughed. "Much better than I could have hoped for," I amended.

"You should get something to eat," Jasper told me.

I grimaced. I wasn't really hungry, not after everything that had happened today, but Jasper was right. He followed me into the kitchen where I piled some spaghetti onto my plate and grabbed some water. We headed outside to where everyone else was already settling in.

After dinner I helped Emily with the dishes while the men socialized outside; well most of them anyway. Jasper took it upon himself to dry the dishes. There was an easy contentment hanging over the three of us despite Emily's aversion to vampires. Jasper and Emily even shared civilized words, and for a few moments I was able to escape from the grim reality that was facing us.

But time ran out quickly and around nine Charlie mentioned that we ought to be heading home. I nodded mutely, a sudden panic welling up inside of me. Alice wouldn't come to La Push, she probably didn't know that the treaty line had been suspended, but she could be waiting back at the house.

The panic on my face must have shown through because Jake came and put his arm across my shoulder. "It'll be okay Bells," he told me quietly. "I'll be here, no matter what. And as much as I hate to say it, I don't think Jasper will be leaving anytime soon either."

I smiled up at Jake through my anxiety. He brushed a lock of hair off my face and stared at me. For a moment desire lit his eyes on fire, but he reigned it back in the next moment, deflating the tension by patting my head. "Now be a good little human while you're away," he told me.

I tried to give him a convincing smile. Thinking about how much I was hurting Jacob was definitely something I didn't need to think about right now. Instead I gave him a spontaneous hug and mumbled, "Thanks Jake. For everything." I squeezed him again to emphasize my point.

"You're welcome," he breathed, holding me close, and this once I let him hold me intimately. It was the least I could do. I broke away when I heard Charlie honk the horn.

Jasper stepped up to Jake and I, speaking low. "I'll be running along, following after you," he told me.

I nodded, unable to find the words I wanted to say.

Jasper lifted my hand to his lips and gave my palm a kiss. "Be safe. We'll get through this."

Jake escorted me back to Charlie's cruiser and held the door open for me. He seemed to be fighting with himself. "What is it Jake?" I asked. "Watching you acting like that is painful even to me," I joked.

Jake gave me a small smile but it was fleeting and didn't reach his eyes. "Charlie, can I have a sec?"

"Sure thing."

Jake closed the door and turned around to face me. He took a deep breath and stared at me until I met his eyes. "Bella, I know that it isn't the right time. But I figured what the hell? Now is as good a time as any. And especially with everything that's been going on I just…" Jake faltered on his words. He sighed and took my hand in his, playing with my fingers for a moment as he tried to collect his thoughts. "Bella," he said finally, staring into my eyes once again. "I don't think you'll even know just how much I care for you."

I stared at Jacob, my mind working to decipher his meaning, and suddenly I grew self-conscious. "Oh Jake," I mumbled, tears welling up in my eyes.

Jake shook his head. "No, it's okay, you don't have to say anything. I feel the way I feel and you feel the way you feel. I just…I wish things were different, you know? That your life had taken its natural path and we'd end up together and Bells you'd be so happy." Jake sighed, his face turning bitter. "But I know what you're going to say and I don't want to hear it. I just, well I wanted you to know. Because I'll always be here for you in any way you let me. Bella, just promise me one thing?"

I hesitated, unsure what he'd ask. I didn't want to make any promises I couldn't keep. "What is it?"

"Just promise me that you won't stop seeing me. No matter what happens, don't leave me alone. Even when I'm a jerk and you get sick of me. I just…I don't want to go through life never seeing you."

I squeezed Jacob's hand. "Jacob Black, even if I tried to stay away from you, I don't think I'd manage for very long," I told him. "No matter what I'll keep visiting you. I promise."

Jacob pulled me into a warm embrace for a few moments before letting me go. He pulled open my door for me and closed it after I climbed in. As I stared at him getting smaller in the distance I could swear he wiped his face on his sleeve. I frowned. It was hard enough for me to hide my tears as Charlie slowly drove us home.

I tried not to think the whole ride back. I didn't think of Jacob. I didn't think of Jasper. I didn't think of Edward. And I didn't think of Alice. When we arrived home I went straight to my room to grab my toiletries bag and go through my nightly ritual. Sitting back on my bed a few minutes later I was highly surprised that Alice hadn't yet shown up.

I threw open the window and stared into the night. "Jasper?" I called. For a while nothing happened. My heart sped up as the moments ticked by and my breath stopped in my throat. I called his name again. Nothing.

Numb I went to sit down on my bed, crawling under the covers and hugging a pillow to me. It was okay. I would have to get used to this. The alone feeling. There was a creak as my window pushed open and for once, instead of facing whatever it was head on, I ducked under my covers, content for fate to do with me as it saw fit.

"Bella?"

It was his voice. I let out a breath I didn't know I'd been holding. "Jasper?"

He tugged on the covers and I peeked out from under them. "What are you doing?" he asked.

"I'm letting fate do with me as it pleases," I told him.

"Can fate join you under the covers darlin'?" he asked.

I nodded and moved over. Once Jasper slipped under the covers I rested my head against his chest. For a long while we lay there in silence just thinking. At last I couldn't stand to be alone in my head.

"Jake told me he loved me," I stated.

"I know. I heard." I turned me eyes up to Jasper's face, marveling at how the moonlight slanted across his face, reflecting off his skin and giving him an ethereal glow.

"What do I do?" I asked, more for my benefit than his.

"Nothing," he said simply.

I lifted my head to give Jasper a sharp look. "Nothing?"

Jasper urged me to lie back down and ran his hand through my hair before he continued. "Yes, nothing." He was quiet for a few moments and I let my feelings do the talking for me. "I know, I know," Jasper sighed in reference to my tumultuous onslaught. "Darlin', sometimes you just have to let go with grace. In battle I often defeated other Majors, Generals, soldiers alike. Some of them fought till the end. Others just accepted the situation and, while it pained them to do so, conceded defeat. Jacob is bowing out gracefully sweetheart. He doesn't love you any less, he just wants you to be happy, even if it's not with him."

I was silent for a while, trying to process this. If I loved someone as much as Jacob seemed to love me, would I do the same? Would I let Jasper go if being with Alice made him happy? No matter the pain it caused me? I shook my head. "Why?"

Jasper let out a mirthless laugh. "Believe me, I don't know how he does it. I don't know if I could do it," Jasper said softly, his finger twirling a piece of my hair. "I don't know if I could give you up, no matter how happy you are. I think I'd be too thoroughly miserable," he told me.

I interlaced my fingers with Jasper's. "I understand." I was glad in that fact at the very least. The fact that maybe I wasn't the only one not strong enough to let the person I love go; let them be with someone else. "I love Jacob," I said aloud, and as I said the words I knew they were true. I did love Jacob; he brightened my very existence with his warm smile and humorous, lively, free disposition. Jasper's hand paused midway in its run through my hair. "But I don't think I love him enough."

I felt horrible. How could I ration my love like it was a candy bar? But that's exactly how I felt. Jacob held a nice chunk of chocolate, but Jasper held a bigger piece. Faced with the reality of the situation, not just Jacob's love, but the reality that Alice could take away Jasper, I finally realized just how much he meant to me. With the option of having him threatened, I was forced to make my choices.

"I feel horrible," I said quietly. "Selfish and cruel. But…I don't regret it. And I don't have any second thoughts." I glanced up at Jasper to find him staring out the window, a small smile on his face. I turned my view to the moon as well, noticing how the thin sliver was still clinging on despite how frail it looked against the vast, endless abyss of sky. Why on earth was I saying this all out loud? But I felt the need pressing down on me as I considered my situation once more. Now wasn't the time to hesitate.

"I don't have any reservations because I found someone who makes me even happier. Someone I would gladly spend the rest of eternity with," I said, yawning as the emotions of the day hit me with a wave of exhaustion. The world was slowly focusing in on that one crescent of a moon. But even that was fading to darkness now. "I found you."

I struggled to keep my eyes open and saw that Jasper was looking down at me. I gave him a small smile and he kissed my forehead. I think pain marred his features for a moment, but it was soon replaced by his swimming visage as my mind began to shut down on me.

"You should get some sleep. I'll try not to wake you when we meet with the pack," he told me. I just nodded, my eyes closed as exhaustion began to steal me from consciousness. Jasper was silent for a beat, and in that time I just barely hung on to hear his last remark. "I'm glad I found you too."

**

It was cold when I woke up. Cold and dark. But it wasn't the pitch black of midnight, rather the early darkness just before dawn. I shifted slightly, my back a bit sore and took in my surroundings. Trees lined me on either side of a clearing, and a large pack of wolves was staring intently at Jasper. It took a moment for everything to click, but finally I realized what I was doing here. A gust went through the clearing and I shivered, finally noticing that the blanket had slipped from around me during my sleep. Jasper had been very good with his promise of not waking me up and for that I was thankful. I was still utterly exhausted.

I pulled the blanket up around me, my teeth beginning to chatter, and my sudden movement brought everyone's attention to me. I gave a pathetic wave and a frail good morning. A large red-brown wolf trotted up to me, its tongue lolling out the side of its mouth, and reminded me of someone.

"Jake?" I asked as the wolf neared me. His grin widened, baring his shiny canines, and the wolf nuzzled my face with his muzzle. I shivered again and Jake curled up around me. I leaned against him, thoroughly enjoying the warmth that his body offered in the chill, damp pre-morning air. If I guessed right it was almost four am. Jasper was talking now to Sam. "Have you all been here this whole time?" I asked Jacob.

The wolf nodded, dropping his ears as though he were exhausted.

I scratched his head between the ears and Jacob's whine was one of pleasure. "You poor thing," I said. "I'll bet you're beat." I liked this Jacob, despite him being a wolf. I felt comfortable and content, just as if this was my old Jake, pre-transformation Jake, and we were just best friends sitting in his garage. Jake licked the side of my face and I laughed. "You're just like a dog," I giggled.

Jacob let out an indignant growl.

"Aw come on Jake, it's cute," I told him grinning. There were barks of laughter from some of the other wolves and Jake growled in response. I stroked his muzzle and Jake places his head in my lap. "Don't worry about them," I said. "You're definitely my favorite. Better than a dog."

"Bella." I looked up to see Jasper walking towards Jake and I, a slight frown on his face.

"Jasper," I grinned. Just the sight of him made me ridiculously happy. It must be my sleep deprivation.

"We're all done for tonight, Jacob," Jasper said, his eyes locking with those of Jake's. Jake countered his look from his position on my lap. "I'll see you Tuesday night."

Jacob nudged my hand with his nose and I scratched his ears. "All right Jake. You need some sleep," I said. He let out something strangely similar to a sigh and stood, placing his face on the side of my neck. I gave Jake a hug then shooed him off. The return of the cold was not welcome.

Jasper sat beside me, wrapping the blanket more securely around my shoulders. "Sleep well?" he asked, a frown still on his face.

"As well as can be expected," I told him. I searched his face. "You look tired. Was it rough?"

Jasper sighed. "Yeah. Combat training isn't exactly my favorite past-time, no matter how good I seem to be at it," he confessed.

But the frown didn't leave his eyes. "Jasper, what's bothering you?"

Jasper glanced up at me suddenly looking a bit guilty. "Nothing important darlin'?"

I narrowed me eyes at him. "You're not getting off just because you sweet talk me, Mr. Whitlock," I told him.

Jasper repressed a smile then sighed. "No, I don't suppose I will." He looked at me for a moment. "Are you cold?" I nodded; now that Jake had left I was subject to the brutality of the wind and mist. "I'm jealous."

"Jealous?" I asked surprised. "You're jealous because I'm cold?"

Jasper let out a short laugh. "No, I'm jealous that Jacob can make you warm and I can't. Jealous that you pet him and let him lie in your lap and that he makes you happy."

Comprehension dawned on me. "Oh. I'm sorry," I said suddenly feeling guilty myself.

Jasper took my hand in his and shook his head. "Don't feel guilty, I'm glad that Jacob can do those things for you. I'm thankful he can. I just don't like having to share you," Jasper explained.

I smiled, squeezing Jasper's hand. "Don't be jealous," I said. "You do those things too." Jasper raised his eyebrow at me. "Okay, well you're not an electric blanket or anything, but you make me happy. And you warm me on the inside. And you get to lie in bed next to me. I'd say that beats my lap any day," I told him, flushing.

Jasper laughed then scooped me in his arms. "Yes, I reckon it does," he told me, placing a kiss on my forehead. He situated the blanket around me, wrapping me securely, and I clung to the pillow underneath my cocoon. "Now lets get you home and into a real bed. I intend to make full use of my privilege."

I blushed, turning to hide my face against Jasper. The idea of Jasper in bed with me suddenly seemed very intimate, and not so innocent. My other thoughts were swept away with the wind. Jasper held me securely against him and his stride was sure and smooth. Finally I was getting used to traveling this way. My mind slowly slowed down as I grew comfortable, and sleep tempted me once again.

"We're almost there," Jasper told me over the rush of wind. I just nodded my head, sleep making me too lazy to try and respond aloud.

When Jasper stopped abruptly I jolted awake, adrenaline rushing my system. I struggled to turn and look up at him and saw Jasper frozen into place, his mouth slightly open. "Jasper?" I asked, reaching up to cup his cheek. "What's wrong?" Jasper didn't say a word, just continued staring straight ahead of him. My heart began palpitating as I considered the options, and I was almost too scared to move. My hand slid from Jasper's face to his shirt and I gripped it tightly, prompting Jasper to tighten his hold on me.

"Bella."

"Jasper."

The voices were musical and familiar, harmonizing together in a natural way that only a vampire could hope to achieve. I closed my eyes, willing myself to fall into a deep sleep or praying I would wake up from one. Their voices called again and this time they were closer. I pressed myself closer to Jasper, desperation clawing at me. I wanted to scream, to run. I wanted to go back ten minutes, five hours, two days; back to my comfortable world where I only had to worry about school; the world where Jasper and I were free to spend our days in blissful happiness.

"Bella." The voice was even closer to me now, the tone velvety and smooth, just as I remembered it to be all those months ago. I swallowed, trying to force my throat open so I could suck in some much needed oxygen. He called my name again and slowly I opened my eyes. I took in Jasper's visage first, a calm blank that I knew to be his guarded face; I'd seen that face just the other day when he faced off with Laurent and Dustin; but mostly I saw that face whenever we mentioned Alice. I wondered how my own face looked at the moment. Was it frozen into the same blank state as Jasper's? Was it petrified or happy? I couldn't be sure.

For the briefest moment Jasper glanced down at me. Our eyes met and that was all I needed. I knew. He knew and I knew and this time there was no escape. I closed my eyes again briefly, desperately trying to gain the nerve I needed to do this. Then I opened my eyes and followed Jasper's gaze to the two vampires that stood before us, blocking the thirty feet between Jasper and I and my house, our safe sanctuary from the world outside.

I spoke at the same time Jasper did.

"Edward."

"Alice."

* * *

**A/N: **O.M.E. Yes, it is Edward. Well my lovely readers, I hate to leave you here for two weeks without an update, but I wanted to go ahead and give you this chapter before I left. I know it's a terrible cliff hanger, but next chapter will hold the beginnings of the confrontations, so I hope that you can bear with me until then. In them many questions shall be answered, from "What is Edward doing here?!" to "Did Alice see any of what happened between Jasper and Bella?"

I want to thank all of you for your great response to this story so far! I am so glad that you all seem to enjoy it. And, if they happen to read this chapter, I wanted to leave a quick note to **j'adore jasper**: Thank you for your amazing review! I truly appreciate the criticism, and I am definitely going to work on getting Jasper his own character and bringing it out more. Thank you for letting me know :]

Until next chapter, all my love to my readers and wonderful reviewers, and especially **JaspersBella**. See you all in approximately two weeks!


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter Thirteen**

I was frozen in place, in time, staring at the two vampires before me. I would have been fine except for the unexpected presence. Alice I could deal with; I'd prepared for it, thought about it, steeled myself for the confrontation, but Edward? Edward was a most unwelcome surprise.

They took a step forward in unison and I stepped backward, my grip tightening on Bella. "Jasper?" she whispered. Her shock, her pain and desperation were overwhelming.

My eyes traveled between Alice and Edward and I tried to gauge their emotions. Relief, worry, anger, confusion, hurt; it was all too much. I opened my mouth to say something, but my throat was stuck. For all my charisma, I honestly couldn't string together two words right now.

"Jasper?" I looked down at Bella, her eyes wide and wet. She was shaking from silent sobs, shaking her head back and forth. I knew what she needed, even if she didn't. I used my power to put her to sleep and Bella fell limp in my arms. I couldn't let her deal with Edward this way. If it had just been Alice, sure, but Edward too? It would be too much. Hell, it was too much for me.

"Jasper." I hated how their voices melded together, a perfect harmony grating at my nerves.

I said the first thing that popped into my head. "I need to put Bella in her bed." I breezed past the two members of my family and deftly jumped through Bella's window. They followed behind silently. I took my time and great care in placing Bella in her bed, tucking her in securely and then placing another blanket on top of her. I brushed the hair off her face and was just able to stop myself from leaning forward to kiss her forehead. At last I couldn't waste any more time and I turned around to face them.

It took a lot of courage, but I finally looked into their eyes. Edward first; he was confused mostly. And happy. So happy. I knew why; Bella. I wanted to wipe that smile off his face.

Then Alice. My lovely Alice. It took all of one sixteenth of a second for her to leap across the distance and wrap her arms around me. I inhaled her scent and my body reacted without my mind, holding her closer to me.

"You're alive," she whispered, her voice trembling. "You're alive."

Bella moaned in her sleep behind me and brought me back to reality. Abruptly I set Alice down and stared at her. "Of course I'm alive," I said. "What are you doing here?"

"Alice had a vision and suddenly it went blank," Edward explained, staring at me curiously, his forehead wrinkled in concentration. It didn't escape my notice that he was sitting on the side of Bella's bed, too afraid to touch her but wanting to be close to her anyway. I realized with surprise intensity that this upset me greatly. I forced myself to keep my mouth shut and focused on Alice, careful not to think anything about Bella.

But it was too late.

Alice gave a sharp glance to Edward as he stared at me, his mouth open in surprise, and Alice was taken by a sudden vision. "Jasper," she said slowly, in a tone I didn't like. "I think we need to talk."

I hesitated, shifting on my feet. All hell was about to break loose, that much was for sure. I could already feel the storm raging in Edward, and the flurry of emotions begin to build up in Alice.

"Yes," I stated, more roughly than I'd have liked. But I wasn't about to leave Bella alone with Edward in case she woke up. "Can I borrow your phone?"

Edward handed his cell to me, his face a mixture of rage and disgust. I jumped down to the forest and ran just far enough away to keep an ear out for Bella. The phone rang twice before it was picked up.

"Hello?" Jacob's tired voice came floating through the line.

"Jacob."

Jacob shifted the phone, yawning. "Jasper. What's wrong? Did something happen?"

I sighed. "Listen, we've got some complications." Jacob waited patiently for me to find a way to explain. "Look, Alice showed up right after the meeting. But the problem is that Edward is with her." I waited out his string of curse words, feeling exactly the same way he was. "I know. Look, do you mind coming over to Bella's? I know you're tired, I'm sorry. But I'm going to have to resolve things with both of them, and I don't want Bella to be alone with either of them in the event that she wakes up."

"Yeah," Jacob said. "Yeah, give me ten minutes, I'll be there."

I sighed, relieved. "Thanks."

"You're welcome. And…good luck."

I smiled slightly as I hung up the phone. The little reassurance that Jacob was on my side was the small confidence boost I needed to be able to face Alice and Edward. I waited outside for a few minutes, trying to stall for time, but after five minutes Alice and Edward joined me. I returned Edward's phone and took in the set of his jaw.

Alice came up to me, craning her head to get a better look at my face, her own features set in hurt and anger.

Alice tugged my hand, urging me away from Edward and Bella.

"Stop it," Edward said quietly.

I narrowed my eyes at him, getting ready to tell him I could damn well think about whomever the hell I wanted, but Alice interjected, shooting a glare at Edward and tugging my hand again. "Jasper lets go talk."

I shook my head. "In a few minutes, I'm waiting for someone." The next four minutes were excruciating. The air was so thick with tension that I nearly buckled under the weight of it. Of course it didn't help that Alice and Edward were having a mental conversation.

Suddenly Alice gasped. "It's happened again!" she cried.

Edward snarled at something in the forest but I held up my hand. "Jacob?" I called. A moment later he emerged, tying the band of his sweats.

"Jasper," Jacob greeted, coming to stand beside me against Edward and Alice's crouched figures.

I turned to him after telling Edward that Jacob was going to stay with Bella while we all sorted things out. Edward growled. "Bella's asleep in her room. Charlie won't check on her; he's sleeping in late today." I gave Jacob a meaningful look and he clasped me on the shoulder as he walked towards Bella's window.

Edward let out a low hiss. "What is that dog doing here?"

I felt a surprising need to defend Jacob. "Jacob," I said, stressing his name. "Is here to watch Bella."

Edward opened his mouth to retort, but Alice cut him off. "Edward, don't. I need to talk to Jasper, and so do you. Go stay with Bella if you're so worried."

My satisfaction as I watched Edward sulk off lasted a fraction of a second as Alice called my name again. She began to walk deeper into the forest and I followed her, feeling a lot like a kid who got in trouble with his teacher.

After a while she stopped, not turning around to face me yet. "I thought you were dead," she whispered, and I could tell she wanted to cry.

"Why would you think that?" I asked, perplexed.

Alice rounded on me, livid. "Because one moment I'm just having these little flashes, whispers of visions of you and Bella, then the next I see Laurent and Dustin attacking you and then everything goes black!"

I cringed back from her as though she had slapped me. Alice had only yelled at me twice before, and things were not going well then either. "What do you mean everything went black?" I tried again.

"You're future! It just disappeared altogether!" Alice cried, her voice high. "Do you know how worried I was, how devastated? Jasper I thought you were dead!" Alice was heaving from her exertion. "But I come back and you're not. And I was so happy," she told me, her voice falling to a whisper.

"I was so happy. But then I find out this. This…" she shook her head, spluttering, trying to find a word. Finally she turned her eyes on me and they were full of hurt. It was as bad as if she had slapped me. "I thought they were just flukes, little flashes because I missed you so much. And I did as you asked; I didn't look for you or your future. But I'm so attuned to you I couldn't help it. I thought maybe I was going crazy, Jasper. Because why would you kiss Bella? Why would you hold her while she slept? Hold her hand and embrace her like you did?

"I tried to rationalize it. It was a combination of missing Edward, Bella and you, all mixed up and distorted into these false visions. Because you love me and you wouldn't do that. You wouldn't forget how much we mean to each other. How much I love you." Alice paused, eyeing me, giving broken, tearless sobs. "But they were all true, weren't they," she stated more than asked as my silence lengthened. "You really did kiss her. You lie next to her at night. You cook for her. You love her."

It wasn't the words but the tone that made me snap. Alice was accusing me.

"Do you want to know why I left, Alice?" I asked her quietly, folding my arms across my chest as a form of shield. "Why I had to get out of that house?" Alice stared at me, confusion and curiosity marring her distraught face.

"I left because I could feel it, just like I feel it now. The accusation, the despair. How you all pretended that everything was okay while our family fell apart."

"I never blamed you," Alice insisted, defensive.

I let out a mirthless laugh. "You didn't have to. But you felt it, and you can't deny it. Even now I can feel it. I know what you're thinking: What would have happened if Jasper hadn't tried to kill Bella on her birthday? We'd still be living in our cozy world; Bella and Edward would be happily trying to get through high school; the family would be just fine. But it's not fine. Even before I tried to kill her, things weren't going well were they? I could feel it; Edward was so unsure of himself, unsure of his love and his control. And luckily he got a scapegoat not too much later.

"I could feel it from everyone, no matter how silent they were in that respect. I could feel the accusation and blame emanating from them when they thought I wasn't there, when they talked in whispers about what to do. I'll be fair, I know that they still love me, that they didn't want me to leave, but I couldn't stay there knowing the one person I love most in the world was going right along with the rest of the coven, loving me on the outside but secretly blaming me."

Alice's face fell and she looked ashamed. "I'm sorry Jazz. I didn't know you felt that way." She looked so upset that I felt bad. "You know that I always do my best to help you with your control. It's just that I can't foresee everything, and the others were just upset. I was upset; Edward wasn't very happy and then I didn't even say goodbye to Bella; and everyone was unhappy. It's not that I blamed you-"

"Don't," I said sharply, and Alice stared back at me with wide eyes. "Sorry," I sighed. "I didn't mean to be so rude." Alice walked up to me, her eyes glistening and after a moment I wrapped my arms around her.

"I didn't mean to blame you. It was just a hard time for everyone," she told me quietly. "I love you so much Jasper, you know I do. And I missed you every day. It felt like a piece of me was missing. Everyday I wondered where you were, what you were doing. I wasn't sure if you were okay or if you were in pain. I felt dead." Alice looked up at me, her face bleak. "Didn't you miss me at all?" she asked.

This was not going the way I thought it would. I had expected Alice to be angry, to yell at me, not to act defeated and hopeless. And as I stared at her I could begin to remember why I loved her in the first place: her gentle demeanor, energetic personality, her crop of hair that exemplified all her best qualities.

"Of course," I said. "How couldn't I?" And as I said it a dozen memories rushed forward. Alice and I getting married. Alice stopping me from attacking a human. Alice unwrapping her birthday gift from me. Hundreds of little moments that were testaments to our love.

But even as these memories rose to the surface, other memories interrupted them. Bella sleeping. Bella smiling at me. Bella flying a kite. Bella cooking breakfast. Bella doing her homework.

"I love you," Alice told me. And I could feel it, feel the love radiating off of her, despite everything. My hesitation caught her attention. "Bella?" she asked, and at last her tone was a bit more indignant, on the verge of true anger.

I released Alice and took a deep breath. "Alice, you know I love you. God, I love you. But Bella is…god, she's fascinating. All the time I've spent with her is so precious to me. She understands me in a way that not even you do. And every moment that I've spent with her just confuses me, blurs the line of my love. I just…I need to talk to her."

In fact, the longer I was away from her the more worried I got. I couldn't bear to leave her alone for more than five minutes anymore. I looked at Alice for a long while and felt my heart melt once again. All the draw of first love was pulling at me as though she were a magnet. I love her.

"Alice, you know I love you. That won't ever change."

"How can you say that when you tell me you love someone else?" she whispered to me.

I felt awful. But what was I going to say? I loved Alice, but I also loved Bella. Bella knew this, just as surely as I knew she loved Edward as well as me.

"I can't apologize for loving Bella," I told her slowly, "but I am sorry that I've hurt you." And I'm sorry that maybe I don't love you enough anymore to forget about Bella. It was a slow truth to realize, that I was able to function without Alice. For a good part of my existence, my life was centered on Alice. Her optimism and jollity kept me grounded, gave me hope for the future. I depended on her to prevent me from making mistakes, from slipping up. Alice was my everything.

And yet I was surprised by how quickly, how naturally I fell in love with Bella. Being around her was like taking a breath of fresh air. I gladly centered my life around her; I didn't want to do anything else. And Bella's independent and erratic nature always brought me new surprises and peace; I never knew how she would react, and yet whatever the outcome I was always peaceful, as if this was natural and perfect. I didn't have to worry about the future beyond the time I had with her, because I was perfectly content as things were. And while Alice prevented my slip-ups, Bella saved me from them. She saved herself multiple times and even helped me gain control over my stronger urges. Bella completed me.

"Jasper, I don't understand," Alice told me softly. "Are you someone else now? Do you just need time? I don't know what's going on, I don't know what to do," she told me. I could bring myself to say anything to her and she let out another tearless sob, frustration and hurt battling for dominance. When I couldn't even bring myself to comfort her, Alice cried harder. At last she looked up at me, then stared at a spot just to my left.

"Okay," she whispered. "I guess there's nothing left to say. But Jasper," and here Alice looked at me. "Just know I'm here whenever you need me. I'll wait for you. I love you." Alice took my hand in hers, interlacing our fingers. "Come back to me," she implored.

We walked back to Bella's house like that, holding hands and in silence. I called Edward down while Alice took his position by Bella's bed. Jacob looked out the window, a frown on his face. Edward stalked toward me, the intensity of his feelings nearly overwhelming me.

"Jasper," Edward said, his voice cold.

I glanced up at Jacob who shot me a worried look. I shook my head at him and Jacob went back to Bella's bedside. "Edward," I greeted. I suddenly hated that this was happening, that my relationship with Edward was so thoroughly splintered. I started to head towards the forest but Edward stopped me.

"I'm not leaving the house," he told me.

Bella will be fine, I thought. Jacob will keep her safe.

"I'm not leaving Bella," Edward clarified, annoyed.

I grit my teeth and fought the urge to bring up a memory of what Bella looked like when Edward left her the first time. "Fine," I ground out. "Why are you here with Alice then?"

"I could ask you the same question," Edward responded. "Is there any particular reason you've decided to spend my entire absence in the presence of Bella without any of the family?"

I love her. My eyes widened as I completed that thought and I wanted to slap myself.

Edward's eyes widened and he gaped at me. "What?" he spluttered.

Well, everything was shot to hell now anyway. "I love her. I love Bella," I told him as evenly as I could while still preparing myself for a possible attack. "Why are you here? Didn't you promise never to interfere in her life again?"

"I left so she would get away from vampires," Edward told me, his tone acidic. "Not so that another vampire would insert himself in her life while I was away."

I scoffed. "You make it seem as though you were going to come back," I told him. "Do you even know what you did to her when you left? What kind of a state she was in?"

"She would get over it in time," Edward said, his face hard and body tense.

Do you want to see how well she got over it? I thought. Before Edward could answer my query, I dragged up an image of Bella when I first began to follow her all those months ago.

Edward gasped, falling to his knees. "Stop," he implored. I let it linger for a few more moments before I banished the thought from my mind. After all I was feeling a little bit sadistic; Bella would never let him know how bad she had been.

"That is what you did to her Edward."

Edward glared up at me as he slowly stood up, and I could tell he was shaken by what he'd seen. "So where do you come in? And Jacob?"

I gave Edward little snippets of memories, lingering on the conversation between Bella and I about Edward leaving her. And, just because I was feeling a bit malicious, I thought about little intimate moments we shared as well. Edward wasn't the least pleased about those.

"She honestly believes that I don't love her?" he asked, awed at the prospect. "That's crazy," he murmured.

"I suppose you did a professional job in lying to her that day in the woods," I bit out. Edward cringed and for a moment I felt satisfied, but quickly I was surprised. I was acting too much like a teenage boy fighting over a girl.

"Look, Edward, I love Bella. Every moment I spend with her is one of the best of my existence. And I just want her to be happy. And if it's with you, well, I'm still going to fight for her. Because I don't think I'll be able to give her up."

Edward glared at me. "You would turn her into a vampire? You'd take away her soul?"

"I would do whatever she wanted me to if it made her happy. Visiting Jacob makes her happy. Driving to school makes her happy. Going for walks in the forest makes her happy. And if becoming a vampire is what she wants, then I won't hesitate to grant her that wish; in fact I'd love to. It would give me so much more time to enjoy her in my existence. It's a win-win situation."

"Would you remain with her even if she was a human?" Edward challenged me.

I paused for a moment. I thought of all the possibilities, all the fun we'd have if Bella were a vampire. But then I thought of all her human tendencies and characteristics and I knew I'd miss them too. I gave Edward an even look. "I love her no matter what she chooses to do. If she wants to remain human, we'd just find a way to make it work."

"But you'd take away her soul?" Edward asked me, tortured.

"We live forever," I told him. "It wouldn't matter. There are worse things than not having a soul. But I honestly don't see how someone so wonderful wouldn't have soul. How Carlisle and Esme wouldn't have a soul."

Edward was quiet for a while, and I took this chance to gather my own thoughts. While I talked as if I were completely sure Bella would wake up and want to stay with me after seeing Edward, the truth is that I was not sure in the least. Even seeing Alice for a few minutes was enough to re-ignite my love for her; who's to say the same wouldn't be true for Bella? And I highly doubted that Edward wouldn't beg her to take him back.

Edward gave me a smug smile. "You don't even know if she loves you enough to want to stay with you," he said quietly.

I narrowed my eyes at him but kept my cool. "And you don't know if she even loves you anymore."

I could feel Edward's anger despite his best attempts to hide his emotions and smiled spitefully. What I really needed now was just a moment to think. Edward had the decency to grant me a few minutes alone, and we separated to think things over.

I had no idea what would happen next, and Alice certainly couldn't tell, at least not with Jacob around apparently.

I sighed, banging my fist against a tree. Okay. The things I did know then:

One: I still loved Alice.

Two: I love Bella.

Three: Alice still wants to be with me.

Four: Edward wants Bella back.

Five: I was wearing a white shirt.

I sighed and leaned against the tree. This was getting me nowhere fast.

The problem was that neither Bella nor I really knew what we wanted yet; I wouldn't know until Bella made a choice, and then things would have to go from there. But the truth of the matter was that I still loved Alice so deeply that even seeing her hurt ripped wounds across my still heart.

And Alice was being so calm and nice about it all! How could I turn down someone who was so in love with me she didn't have it in her to be mad that I had, for all technical reasons, cheated on her. If what Bella and I did was indeed cheating. What really defined the lines of fidelity in this case? And truth be told the love that Alice and I had was tempting beyond all reason. There's a certain confidence, security, in loving someone so long and deep as Alice and I have loved each other; it grows out of years of overcoming hardship and tender care.

And yet I was utterly enamored with Bella; with her scent, her hair, her eyes, her warmth, her personality, her love. Until I met Bella no one had even had a speck of the interest that Alice had. And then…I knew I would love Bella forever the moment I looked in her eyes and saw something entirely different.

Different from the way Alice looked at me. Different from the way Bella looked at Edward. It was how Esme looked at Carlisle, or Emmett Rose. It was one hundred percent, honest to god, pure unadulterated love. It was what I needed, what I craved, and exactly what I felt towards her too. I simply never believed I would find anyone who I would love even remotely as much as I loved Alice; it was just unfathomable.

And everything had been going so well! We were finally moving on, enjoying the ride and whatever Fate brought. Except Alice and Edward; this part of the coaster was certainly not enjoyable.

"Jasper!"

I knew that voice. Its melodic tone was hoarse with sleep, hair probably a mess from tossing and turning, and at the moment utterly terrified.

It took me all of one second to make it back to the house, scale the wall and jump in through the window. Edward was in one corner of the room, his hand held out towards her, his face longing, while Jacob sat as a barricade between the two. Bella sat behind him, eyes wide, hair slightly mussed, and mouth slightly agape.

I must have been slow; but then Edward had always been the fastest in the family. I watched as recognition filled Bella's face, her mouth rounding into an 'oh', as she slowly crept around Jacob's large frame. She stared at Edward, her gaze slowly becoming just as pining as his; longing and loving and sweet all at the same time. My presence went unnoticed.

"Edward," she whispered.

It was reverent, a caress, full of a love long buried and newly resurfaced. Bella stepped forward to meet him, and I felt my world crash down.

* * *

**A/N: **First and foremost, I want to thank all of you lovely readers for all your...enthusiastic! expressions from the last chapter, and I want to apologize for such a terrible cliff hanger for so long. I truly appreciated every review I came home to, and I just hope that this first confrontation scene lived up to your expectations...please let me know what you thought of it!

Secondly, a _tremendous_ thanks to **JaspersBella**, without whom this chapter would have floundered and died where it stood. Thank you for your continual support and encouragement!

Thirdly, for anyone that cares, Russia was amazing and while I do feel guilty about leaving you all for so long, I thoroughly enjoyed my trip and would highly recommend going to Russia to anyone.

I'll do my best to whip out a new chapter, but I'm still fighting my jet lag, so please be patient! Thanks all of you! 3


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter Fourteen**

It was one of those classic movie moments. The ones where time slows down and the lovers lock eyes and can't look away. The world around them goes fuzzy and nothing else matters except that the person across from them is staring at them as though they needed you to live. When everything else is just forgotten except the love they have for each other. Forget pain. Forget hardships. Forget time. Forget the past. All that matters is that he's looking at you like you're his only reason for existing, as though nothing could matter more. And you probably look exactly the same.

"Edward," I whispered again as I took another step closer. He matched my hesitant step, his arms held wide, and a look of pure longing on his face.

And then I was in his arms, his hand brushing my face, combing back my hair, inhaling my scent. I raised a trembling hand to his own face, feeling his perfect, marble skin, and he leaned into my touch. His tousled bronze hair, his strong jaw; all that my memories had failed to engrave correctly. And his scent, his spicy blend of perfection that only served to make me weak at the knees.

His perfect lips, looking so soft and welcoming. And getting closer. Inching slowly closer as my eyes fell shut. "Bella," he sighed. And Jasper's face crossed my mind.

I pulled back sharply, stumbling out of his grip and into Jacob's arms. I stared at Edward again as my world slowly realigned and I assessed the situation. I gripped Jake's hand painfully tight but he didn't flinch. "Edward?" I asked again, confused. "What-why-how…?" I shook my head, closing my eyes again. Maybe this was just a terrible dream come to haunt me; why else would Edward be standing in my room, staring at me like I was the love of his life?

But when I opened my eyes he was still standing there and still staring at me with such affection that my head hurt and my heart ripped open once more. I pressed my free hand against my heart and tried to take deep breaths. "E-Edward?" Something hot was burning my eyes, my cheeks, dripping onto Jacob's large hand. When did I start crying?

"Bella." It was a whisper, full of concern and love, and suddenly Jasper was at my side, wiping my tears away with his thumbs, cradling my face in his cool hands. I stared up at him blearily, just able to make out his dark eyes and set frown.

"Jasper," I whispered back, warring with myself on whether or not I should just throw myself into his arms and cry my heart out. I didn't know I still loved Edward this much.

"It's alright, darlin'. I'm here, Jacob's here, don't you worry," he murmured, pulling me into an embrace. There was a muffled cry behind me and I looked over Jake's shoulder to see Alice holding her hand to her mouth, her face crumpled in agony.

I bit my lip and took Jasper's hands in my own, removing them from my face and giving them a squeeze before releasing him. I could do this; I had to do this. For Jasper's sake and my own.

I took a deep breath before looking at Edward and was once again taken by surprise at the look of pure longing he wore. I disentangled myself from Jacob's grip and stood up awkwardly. I glanced at the three other mythical creatures in my room then back at Edward. I tried to speak and my voice came out in a squeak. I cleared my throat before trying again.

"Why don't we go for a walk?" I asked him. My mind betrayed me and flew back to last September, driving another nail into my fragile heart. Jasper shot me a worried look but I smiled at him, or tried to. I was going to be strong.

I allowed Edward to hold onto me as he jumped from my window, landing softly on his feet. Once my adrenaline faded a bit we walked out to the edge of the forest while I silently tried to brace myself for what was to come.

At long last I stopped and faced Edward, looking a lot more brave than I felt. "Hey," I said lamely.

He half-smiled at me. "Hello, Bella."

God did his voice have to be so wonderful?

"Edward-" But I didn't get to finish as the next moment he stepped forward and wrapped his arms around me once more, inhaling my scent and sighing as it burned his throat. And I let him. I was conflicted with emotions, but there was one truth I couldn't deny; I had missed Edward with all my heart, and my body and mind seemed more than willing to conspire against my efforts to be strong and independent, and just fall back into Edward.

"Bella," he sighed. "Did you know I miss you? Oh god I miss you," he murmured into my hair, his grip tightening around me.

I struggled out of his grip as the words started to register and my mind attempted working once more. Somehow Edward seemed more than capable of making all thought processes stop.

"You're here?" Did I have to sound so pathetic? "I mean-why are you here?"

Edward stared at me, his hands still on my waist, and against my better judgment, I let him keep them there. "Alice had this vision," he told me, his face pained, "of Laurent attacking you. And then your future going blank. So she called me and I came rushing home. I just-I couldn't believe it. I had to see for myself."

I shook my head, not quite understanding. "Why would it matter if I was dead or alive? I thought you weren't going to bother with my ever again."

Edward stared at me incredulously. "Not matter? Bella, you are the _only_ thing that matters to me."

I stared at him, my mind trying to accommodate his words. "You don't love me," I told him.

Edward stared at me for a few moments, a confused expression etched on his face before it was marred by guilt and pain. "Bella, I thought…" Edward tried but his voice faltered. He looked steadily at me and searched my eyes. "You don't honestly believe I don't love you?"

I meant to sound indignant, but the sincere look on his face had my tone faltering. "I just thought you made that clear last September," I whispered as my heart throbbed in response to the memory.

A look of fury crossed Edward's features for the briefest moment, and for once he looked precisely as dangerous as he was. I stepped back in alarm.

Edward's face softened when he noticed my fear and he held up his palms. "I'm sorry Bella. I was just angry with myself. I shouldn't have been so…convincing last September. Bella, I don't know how I can ever forgive myself or ask you to forgive me for those things that I said. But I just want you to know that none of it was true. After all that we've been through, all those times I told you I love you. I just never thought you'd be so easily convinced."

I interrupted Edward's tirade. "I'm no good for you." How could someone as ungraceful and awkward as I ever match up to his perfection. And yet I longed to believe him; his arguments made sense; and a large part of me did believe him. Because he did love me, whether before or now, I knew for sure that he loved me.

Edward looked tortured again and, bewildered, I reached my hand up to his face. He cupped my hand and held it against his cheek as he stared into my eyes. "I'm not too good for you," he said quietly. "It's you who is too good for me. I wish you could see that."

My heart accelerated as I stared into his eyes; after all this time I was still in love with him.

I shook my head in denial. "Bella," Edward sighed. "I will spend however long it takes to convince you of that, and to get you to trust me. Just don't take too long," he told me, inching closer, "I don't know how much longer I can stay away from you." And he leaned in for just long enough to give me a chaste kiss.

Even as my heart went into cardiac arrest, I couldn't help but think of Jasper. Of his smile, his voice, his arms around me. I placed my hand on Edward's chest and pushed away gently. He stepped back but kept one of my hands.

"I need some time to think," I told him. It was entirely too impossible to do that when he was in front of me.

Edward brushed my knuckles with his thumb. "Okay."

"Can you call Jake down?" Edward hesitated and surprisingly this annoyed me. "He's my best friend. I love him. He would never hurt me."

Edward still seemed reluctant but it didn't matter. Jasper and Jacob broke through the line of trees and stood next to us. I locked eyes with Jasper, who was troubled and looked just as confused as I did. Seeing him like that hurt me. I wanted to tell him "I love you", scream it, and write it all over my room. But I couldn't. Instead I just felt it, let it wash over me and extend to him. And after a moment a genuine smile broke the morose look on Jasper's face. I had to leave before I lost myself.

I walked up to Jake and took his hand, leading him away. We walked for a while in silence, and when Jake let out a big breath I knew we were alone. We wandered along the edge of the forest for a while and I found myself missing the beach and our driftwood log to sit on. At last w found a large stump to rest on, and Jake wrapped his arm around me, as I leaned against him. He was silent while I warred with myself.

Edward coming back and proclaiming his love was unexpected. It left me in a position of decision making that I didn't want to be in. Alice I could handle better. It would be up to Jasper, and I would have to live with whatever he decided. But now I had to answer some questions of my own.

Do I want to be with Edward?

Undeniably.

But do I want to be with Jasper?

More than I'd like to admit.

And then there was Alice. She'd always been a friend to me and I certainly didn't want to lose our friendship. Being with Jasper would break up the Cullen family. And besides, why would Jasper choose me over Alice? Of course we said we loved one another, felt it, but in comparison to all the love he and Alice shared it all seemed very foolish.

What Jasper and I had was perfect, but it was a dream. A dream of stolen moments and wishful thinking; a total separation from reality. It had to end sometime. The hard part was that it just seemed to be ending earlier than either of us anticipated.

"Hey Bells, don't cry," Jake said softly as he wiped my tears with his large hands. That only made me cry harder. Alarmed, Jake pulled me up on his lap and rocked me back and forth, rubbing soothing circles on my back.

Jake was too good for me. Here I was crying to him over other guys not three days after he told me he was in love with me. And yet here he was comforting me not 100 feet from his mortal enemies. He was definitely too good for me. Jake, Jasper, Edward-certainly they deserved someone not so pathetic.

I suppose I finally calmed down enough for Jake to attempt conversation again.

"Do you know what you want Bells?" he asked mildly, doing his best to keep me calm. I shook my head. I definitely did _not _know what I wanted. "Do you know what Jasper wants?" Again I shook my head. "I think you should talk to him. See if you guys can figure this out. Work things out, I don't know." Jake cupped my chin and forced me to look at him. "Because if you're not with me, I'd prefer you with him. As much as I hate to admit it, when you're with Jasper, you glow. You're happy and beautiful, and you smile." Jake looked at me sadly. "I miss your smile," he said softly.

I tried to stifle another sob. I was hurting everyone.

"Shhh, Bella. It's all right," he murmured, stroked my hair. "You know that I love you more than anything. And I will support you in whatever you do. Whoever you want to be with. Even if it takes me a while," he said with a slight smile.

I nodded me head and wiped my face on my sleeve. I have Jake the best smile I could muster and squeezed him around the middle. "Thanks Jake. I don't know what I'd do without you," I told him earnestly.

Jake just shrugged his shoulders and helped me stand. "Sure, sure. Now come on, lets get you back there before they come looking." Jacob held my hand the entire way, a comforting and natural gesture for us, but one Edward didn't appreciate in the least. I'd forgotten that Edward didn't exactly know about Jake and I's friendship. Luckily Jacob didn't spare Edward a second glance but instead led me straight over to where Jasper and Alice were speaking in low tones. Jake cleared his throat loudly and gave Jasper a meaningful look. Jasper ended his conversation quickly and came over to us.

He didn't say a word but lifted me in his arms and set off at a brisk jog towards the forest.

"Jasper? Can we go to the mountain?"

"Of course." I hid my face against Jasper's shirt as he broke into a sprint. Once the air around me slowed down I peeked around me again. "We're here darlin'," Jasper said softly. He walked up over to a large boulder and sat down. I tightened my grip around him and Jasper responded in kind. I pressed myself as close to him as I could, willing the tears to stay where they were.

"Some day huh?"

I let out a choked laughed and pulled back, wiping my face on my sleeve. "Some day," I whispered.

Jasper sighed, playing with the ends of my hair. "What are we going to do?"

I bit my lip and focused on the to button of Jasper's shirt. "What do you _want_ to do?"

Jasper looked down at me in surprise. "I—what do you mean?"

Jasper really was making this hard. "Who do you want to be with?" I asked carefully.

"Oh." There was a short silence in which I'm sure Jasper was able to feel the melting pot of emotions I was at the moment. "I'm just surprised," he said eventually, "because I was going to ask you the same thing."

I looked up at him sharply, fully intending to tell him he was absurd and of course I wanted to be with him, but the words died in my throat. I did want to be with Jasper, but I wanted to be with Edward. Seeing him here solidified that fact for me. And Alice wanted to be with Jasper, of that there was no doubt. But I wanted Jasper too. As foolish as our love had seemed a few short minutes ago, when I was here, with him, in his arms, it didn't seem frivolous at all. It felt real and it hurt.

"I guess I don't know," I said at last. Jasper looked at me hopelessly and I tried to explain. "I want to be with you, but so does Alice. And I'm afraid that if we stay together we'll both lose her forever and it'll break up the family. And I-I still love Edward. I don't think I could bear to lose him again, but I don't know if I'll be able to survive losing you."

Jasper smiled at me sadly. "This isn't going to turn out well, is it?"

I shook my head. "Probably not." I still hadn't heard what he wanted and told him as much.

"I'm not entirely sure either," he told me. "Every time I see Alice I remember how much I love her, but I never forget how much I love you. I don't want to lose her or Edward for that matter, and I love my family. But god, Bella, if I lose you, I don't know what I'd do." Jasper traced my cheek with his finger, dragged it slowly along my jawbone, and I felt myself melt. "I don't know how you do it darlin'," Jasper sighed as he leaned in, his sweet breath confusing my senses in the most amazing way, "but whatever it is, I just can't seem to stay away from you."

I reached up to close the gap between us, though it wasn't very far, and sighed when our lips finally met. All over I felt the completeness, the perfection that Jasper inspired in me and I knew I wouldn't want to give it up. The kiss wasn't passionate, but sweet and loving, and it ended too soon. Jasper pulled away and leaned his forehead against mine, his eyes closed.

"As right and as wonderful as this is," he said, his voice hitching, "I don't know if we can keep it."

I nodded my head, tears welling in my eyes. Of course he was right. "I know," I said, my voice wavering. "I know." We couldn't do this to Edward and Alice, to the rest of the Cullens. Our dream had to end. I squeezed my eyes shut against the flow of tears; I didn't know if I'd have any left after this was all over. Over. What a terrible word.

"Bella, sweetheart, could we at least have one more day?" Jasper begged.

A little sob broke free and I nodded my head. One last day would make the hurt so much worse, but if I didn't have it, I wouldn't have the strength to see Jasper ever again. "Of course." I buried my face in the crook of Jasper's neck and he did the same, his body trembling against mine, matching my own sobs, minus the tears. It was hard to fight against the despair clawing at me, but I fought through it to pull up another emotion, my favorite emotion. I focused on it and forced myself to forget all other feelings so that Jasper would feel it too.

When he held me tighter and kissed my neck I knew he did. "I love you too darlin'. Always."

**

I didn't remember what exactly happened afterward or the jog back down the mountain. My mind was entirely focused on what was coming. Jasper set me down when we reached the edge of the forest and took a moment to kiss my forehead and comb my hair with his fingers. I probably looked horrible anyway; a messy hair wouldn't be such a big deal. I interlaced my fingers with Jasper's and we walked through the last line of trees together.

_I can do this. I can do this. I can do this._

I repeated the mantra through my head the entire time, up until the moment I looked up into Edward's face. I looked around for Jacob but couldn't find him.

"Jacob just went home. He asked for you to call him later," Edward told me. I nodded my head, taking a deep breath.

_I can do this. I can do this. I can do this._

I looked at Jasper for the briefest moment, and he mirrored my actions. I gave him a watery smile and nodded my head. He was going to talk to Alice and I was going to talk to Edward. I squeezed his hand and let go, walking towards Edward, who was waiting anxiously in front of me. Jasper and Alice disappeared into the forest and I felt the tension settling in around me.

"Edward—" I choked before I could say more. How exactly could I say this? I repeated my mantra once more before I went on. I took in Edward's face, his body language, the way his jaw was set. Of course he expected the worst. I stepped up to him and threw my arms around his neck. He pulled me close after a moment, inhaling deeply.

"Edward," I began again. He looked down at me, his face worried. I wanted to smooth it all away, and brought my hand up to his face to do so. "Don't look so sad."

"I don't want to lose you," he told me, his voice heavy.

"You're not," I said. We were both surprised by my words, but then a slow grin split across Edward's face, and I felt my heart melt. I love him, I really do. Edward gave me that crooked smile and I felt my resolve lessen even more. God I missed him. But I had to continue.

"But I want one more day with Jasper."

Edward's smile faltered. "One more day?"

I nodded my head, hating to see Edward look quite so upset. _I can do this. I can do this._ "One more day," I reiterated.

Edward struggled with himself for a moment but then brushed some hair behind my ear and kissed my forehead. "I can wait one more day," he said.

I hugged him and stepped back. I had some questions now. "Are you all going back up to Alaska?"

"No. Alice and I contacted Carlisle and we decided to move back down. After a little chat with Jacob I learned some very disturbing information," Edward said, his nose scrunching.

For a moment I panicked. What on earth could Jake and Edward have to talk about other than me? "W-what?"

Edward sighed, hugging me to him again. "Bella, my danger magnet, you seem to have quite a few vampires after you these days."

I nearly cried in relief. Of course that wouldn't be the most natural response, so instead I just sighed. "I know. They just can't seem to stay away," I said lightly. I definitely didn't want to think about this.

Edward frowned down at me. "You aren't scared?"

"Of course I am. But for now I'm happy. I just want to focus on right now." And right now wasn't so bad. I missed Edward, missed his smile and his voice. It felt like the part of me that had a hole drilled straight through it was being filled up every moment that I spent with him. Never mind the other two holes that were already drilled in my heart. At least Jake's was healing; I wasn't sure Jasper's ever would.

"Edward, we should help the family pack so we can move back down here," Alice said, startling me. She was the only one I hadn't yet talked to, and now that she was here I didn't know what to do or say. I felt incredibly awkward.

Edward nudged me forward and I forced myself to look at Alice. It would be better to get this over with now rather than later.

"H-hey Alice," I stuttered. Great.

But a small smile graced her lips and Alice greeted me back. "Hello Bella." Her voice was the same beautiful tinkling as ever, her features graceful and refined. No wonder Jasper wanted to stay with her.

_Stop it._ I listened to the voice inside my head and dropped that line of thought. I smiled back at Alice and felt Edward squeeze my hand.

"We'll be back tomorrow," Edward explained. "The family will be here several days after us."

I nodded my head, suddenly anxious for them to leave already. Every moment we stood here was another moment I couldn't spend with Jasper. Mercifully, Alice turned to say goodbye to Jasper, giving him a quick peck. I turned back to Edward, who gave me a small smile despite the look on his face.

"What's wrong?"

"I just hate to leave you again so soon after I get you back," he told me.

I stood on my tiptoes to give him a peck. "You'll see me soon," I said. Alice came up then and stood next to Edward.

"Be safe," he implored.

"You too," I responded. Edward gave my hand one last squeeze before he let go and set off with Alice. Jasper and I watched them as they disappeared into a shiny silver Volvo parked at the end of the road. I hadn't noticed it there before. Then they were gone.

Jasper came up behind me and enveloped me in his arms. "What do you want to do today?"

"It doesn't matter," I said. "Anything. As long as we can do it together."

"Well then, we better set up an alibi for Charlie," Jasper said, lifting me into his arms once more.

In all the excitement of the morning I had completely forgotten about my father. It almost seemed insignificant now, but I couldn't let Charlie worry. I didn't want to bother with dragging other friends into this, so I decided on a lone trip up to Port Angeles for the day. I wrote out the note quickly then took the quickest shower of my life. I didn't want to waste any more time than need be.

After toweling my hair and throwing on the first pair of clothes I could find I ran downstairs and grabbed a granola bar. I left the note on the fridge and managed not to kill myself in my haste to find Jasper outside. He was standing next to the driver's door, waiting for me.

"I think maybe you should drive," I told him.

Jasper walked to the other side of my truck and held open the door for me. "In that case, do you mind if we make a quick detour?"

I shook my head and buckled in while Jasper came around. We headed down a familiar road until we pulled off into the hidden driveway of the Cullen house. I hadn't been back here since that fateful birthday and I noticed the little changes. Weeds were growing up through cracks and attempting to take over the house. We pulled up to the garage and Jasper parked my truck inside, next to an unfamiliar dark blue car.

"I decided to rent this for the time being while I made my reappearance," Jasper explained. "I haven't had the time to buy a real car yet."

I smiled at him. "It's a beautiful color." And it really seemed to fit him.

Jasper reached behind me and grabbed a bag from the back of my truck. "I hope you don't mind, I brought a change of clothes for you for later," Jasper said, looking a bit embarrassed.

"Oh. Thanks, I think," I said, laughing.

Jasper seemed relieved and held the door open for me before climbing into the driver's seat. Jasper driving was in ways new and exciting. I'd only ever seen him drive my own vehicle but the car we were in now seemed to fit Jasper just right. He was very mindful of my anxiety about speeding and never went over 90 mph. The whole time we held hands and I felt entirely peaceful. Peaceful enough to have fallen asleep, I suppose, because when I woke up next the clock read 11 am, two hours after we had first set out.

I stared at my surroundings for a while, trying to figure out exactly where we were. At last we pulled into a large driveway and followed it up to a large house. Jasper went inside for a few minutes while I watched the raindrops race across my window. At last Jasper returned with several baskets, but wouldn't answer my questions, just smiled and said, "You'll see."

Jasper parked the car in a little clearing about a mile away from the house. Jasper opened my door for me and then helped me into a raincoat. As we walked closer to the greenery that surrounded us I realized where we were and what we were doing.

"Strawberry picking?" I asked surprised. I didn't know how much fun it would be for Jasper who was quite unable to enjoy the sweet treat.

"I hear you talking in your sleep once," Jasper explained. "You and your mother once went strawberry picking and you really enjoyed it."

"We did, a long time ago. I was ten and my mother was going through a fruit craze. Apples, oranges, strawberries, you name it. But somehow I always loved strawberries after that."

Jasper smiled at me, taking hold of my hand and leading me over to the strawberries. We decided to forgo the nearest strawberries for the ones deeper in. It was a good choice. The strawberries were a mix of bright to dark red and incredibly sweet. We had fun competing to find the largest strawberry then the smallest, and very soon our baskets were full. We stopped to rest in a picnic area, and Jasper set up an umbrella to shield me from the ongoing drizzle.

"Is this why you use strawberry shampoo?" he asked me while I snacked on our bounty.

I paused to consider. I hadn't really given much thought to the whole thing, but unconsciously I did seem to prefer things strawberry. "I suppose. But I know that now it will be," I told him, ducking my head shyly.

Jasper smiled, his happiness seeping through the barrier to his powers to affect me as well. While I ate Jasper moved to sit behind me and ran his hands through my hair. "I'm going to miss this," he mused aloud.

I could barely find it in me to respond; I absolutely loved the feeling of someone playing with my hair. "You're going to miss my hair?" I asked.

"Yes." Jasper proceeded to trying to braid it and failed miserably, so he went back to running his fingers through it. "Your hair is so soft and long," he sighed. "It's absolutely wonderful."

I leaned back into his touch and closed my eyes. Edward had never played with my hair, other than brushing it off my face or tucking it behind my ear, and I was definitely going to miss Jasper's soft touch. I forced myself to focus on what he was doing rather than the fact that this was probably the last time he'd be able to do it.

After a while the rain started to pick up again and Jasper asked if I wanted to leave. I agreed, beginning to get chilled and slightly damp, and we packed up and made our way back to the car. Jasper handed me a towel and carefully placed the strawberries in a cooler while I attempted to dry my hair. I made sure Jasper was turned the other way before I changed into the extra shirt he brought me.

"You seem to be prepared," I observed.

"I've actually been planning this for a while," he told me.

But then things got messy.

Jasper turned on the heat once we started driving again and set out for the road. "Do you have any direction in mind?" I asked after we had driven for fifteen minutes.

"None at all," he replied.

"Let's just drive then," I replied. Time seemed to be running away from us.

"Tell me about your childhood," Jasper asked.

It was kind of a tough subject. "Well, there's a lot I guess. Um, I think one of my favorite memories is having tea parties with my mom. I used to have this pink tea set and she would fill up the pot with apple juice and she'd make peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and we'd dress up my dolls and stuffed animals every Saturday and have a little party."

Jasper smiled at my anecdote, rubbing little circles on my palm as we coasted along the ocean. I spent much of the next hour reliving some of my favorite memories with Jasper, until at last he turned and began to head back to Forks.

As we entered the town limits Jasper turned to me with a nervous smile. "I've been thinking," he began. "I'd still like to make dinner for you and Charlie. And since I don't think I'll get another chance…"

I squeezed Jasper's hand. "That would be lovely."

"I was thinking I could call over and leave a message for you via Charlie, since you're gone in Port Angeles for the day anyway," he told me. "And as much as I hate to leave you for even a moment, I'd need a couple hours to get things ready. That would give you enough time to get home and ready too, wouldn't it?"

"A couple hours," I repeated reluctantly. I hated to be separated from Jasper for any amount of time, but this was important to both of us. "I'm sure I'll survive," I said at last. Jasper smiled, brining my hand up to kiss.

"Thank you dalin'."

Jasper pulled out his phone to call my house and ended up talking to Charlie on the phone.

"Hello Charlie, this is Jasper Hale. We met the other night down in La Push," he greeted. "I'm doing fine, thank you."

I knew my father was always awkward on the phone and reverted to asking platitudes. I smiled imagining his face now.

"I was just calling to invite you and Bella over for dinner at my house. Yes, that sounds fine. Please just have her call me when she gets in. Goodbye Charlie."

I looked over at Jasper expectantly. "So?" I prompted at last.

"You're not in yet, but dinner sounds like it would be great. But he has to check with you and you'll call me when you get in."

I grinned. "Well I better hurry home then," I said.

I was excited and nervous all at the same time. I knew Charlie wasn't exactly happy with the Cullens, but I was glad he was making the effort to make amends with Jasper. We pulled into the Cullen driveway soon after and Jasper helped me out once again. But before I could move to get in my own car Jasper placed a hand on either side of me, trapping me between him and his car.

"Bella," Jasper said his gaze intense. My heart rate accelerated and I found myself unable to breathe properly. Jasper slowly lowered his head, brushing his lips against mine. The dark of the garage made everything else besides Jasper invisible to me though he wouldn't have the same problem. The dark also intensified my feelings, fueling the fire that was beginning to build inside me. I reached up to kiss Jasper again and he responded in kind, pressing me against his car as he returned my kiss. Things were beginning to get out of hand fast.

Jasper kissed along my neck and placed a cautious hand on my hip. I urged him on, reaching behind him to knot my fingers in his hair and pull him closer. Jasper's hand moved slowly from my hip and crept up to the edge of my shirt, pushing it away as he lightly traced my side. I pulled his mouth back up to mine and moaned when Jasper's other hand began its own exploration of my other side, ghosting over my ribs.

"Jasper," I panted as he pulled me closer and growled in response. It was amazing and I didn't want him to stop. But there was something off, something that was bothering me. "Jasper," I tried again, pulling away. "Your phone is ringing."

Jasper paused, his mouth hovering over a spot on my neck where I was sure he had already left a mark. "Damn," he swore, a growl immediately following his words. He glared at the caller for a moment before answering. "What?" he growled. I could hear the sound of another male. "Yes, she's fine. She'll call you later. Alright, but you have thirty seconds."

Jasper handed me the phone and I said hello. "Bells?" It was Jake. "You didn't call, I was really worried."

"Sorry Jake," I said. He sounded so relieved to hear my voice that I felt bad. "I just got busy. Is it alright if I talk to you tomorrow? I promise I'm all right."

"If you don't call me tomorrow I'm heading over to your house," Jake threatened.

"I promise Jake. I'll call you tomorrow."

At last I appeased Jake and hung up, though I was afraid to give the phone back to Jasper, because he seemed liable to break the poor thing. I reached up and kissed his jaw, watching the tension melt away.

"I guess you should go home," he relented. "The sooner you go the sooner I can see you again," he said aloud as an incentive for both of us. He stepped back from me and opened the door to my truck. "I'll be ready at six," he told me.

"We'll be here," I responded, closing my door.

It was hard to leave Jasper, even for that short little time. Charlie was waiting for me when I got home but thankfully didn't ask about my trip.

"Jasper Hale called," he told me. "Invited us over to dinner. But I told him I'd ask you first," Charlie said gruffly.

"That sounds great," I replied, and my enthusiasm must have spilled over because Charlie smiled a little.

"Right, well, I reckon you should call him back and let him know we're coming," Charlie said.

I headed to the kitchen and picked up the phone, dialing the number Jasper had written down for me just before I left. He picked up on the first ring.

"Hello Bella."

I smiled. "Hello Jasper. I was just calling to let you know that we'd love to come over for dinner."

"Well, I'm certainly glad you can join me," Jasper responded. "Six o'clock?"

"Six o'clock."

"See you soon darlin'," Jasper said, his voice lowering.

"Not soon enough," I replied. I walked back over to Charlie to let him know dinner was going to be at six and that I was going to take a shower and get ready. I took time to shampoo my hair, finally appreciating the scent. I toweled off and did my best to dry my hair before I gave up and just blow dried it. I didn't bother with makeup, knowing I would botch it anyway, and went to find something to wear.

I stared at the contents of my closet for a good five minutes. It was fairly scant and I could see everything that it held, including the shirts and jeans that Jasper had bought for himself so many weeks ago. I lifted one out and held it up to my nose. It smelled like him, and I felt tears spring to my eyes. I took my time folding the clothes and placing them neatly on the shelf. I rifled through my closet again before alighting on an article of clothing I'd all but forgotten.

It was the dress Jasper insisted I buy that same day. Without really knowing why I pulled it down and slipped into it, enjoying the soft feel of satin. I glanced at myself in the mirror and decided I looked decent enough. After deliberating for a moment I walked over to my bedside drawer and pulled out my camera. Lastly I put on some lotion then headed downstairs to where Charlie was still cheering on a game.

I glanced at the clock. 5:15.

"Dad, don't you want to get ready?" I asked. Charlie turned around but paused when he saw me. I fidgeted self-consciously, shifting awkwardly. "What?"

Charlie shook his head and cleared his throat. "Nothing. You look beautiful."

I flushed slightly at Charlie's comment and then pushed him towards the stairs. "Don't take too long," I instructed. I was already getting anxious to see Jasper again.

The next half hour seemed to drag on forever. I heard Charlie wash his face and shave, then spend about fifteen minutes trying to decide what to wear. At last he crept back down in a nice dress shirt and slacks. I grabbed my jacket from the hook on my way out and jumped in my truck. Charlie climbed in beside me, not knowing the way to the Cullen house by himself.

"So, you and this Jasper good friends?" Charlie asked after a couple minutes.

I tried my best to hedge the question, not inclined to profess my love for Jasper to Charlie. "You could say that. We're very close," I replied.

"Huh."

Luckily Charlie didn't ask many more questions the rest of the way. At last I pulled up to the house, parking in the driveway. A quick glance around told me that Jasper had pulled most of the weeds. Jasper opened the door before Charlie had the chance to knock.

"Good evening Charlie," Jasper immediately greeted, shaking his hand. Then he turned to me, his eyes raking me over then widening slightly. "Bella!" he greeted, his voice an octave higher than usual. Jasper cleared his throat then smiled at me charmingly. "You look absolutely stunning, darlin'," he told me.

I blushed, feeling too self-aware from his praise and the fact that Charlie was still standing next to me. Not to mention that Jasper looked pretty good himself in his own formal wear. I decided then and there that Jasper in a vest was one of my favorite things ever.

"Hi Jasper," I squeaked out.

Jasper invited us in, taking our jackets, and led us to the dining area, still conveniently furnished for its lack of real use anywhere else. We were all silent as we settled in, though Charlie kept shooting furtive glances between Jasper and I. I wanted to kick him under the table, but that would have been too suspicious. Instead I clicked a picture of him, to which he grumbled.

Jasper returned form the kitchen carrying two plates of salad. "The main course isn't quite ready yet," he informed us. "But please enjoy this for now."

I nearly giggled at Jasper's formality and server-esque attitude and stopped myself by taking a forkful of salad. Caesar, my favorite. "Jasper, can I take a picture?" I asked, fiddling with my camera.

"Anytime," he responded before smiling for the camera.

Jasper sat down across from me and watched Charlie taste his salad. He glanced at me once more then made an uncomfortable face. I mouthed "what?" while Charlie questioned him.

"So how are Dr. and Mrs. Cullen doing in Los Angeles?" Charlie asked.

Jasper frowned. "I'm afraid Esme doesn't quite like such a big city. I'm almost certain they will be moving back down here very soon," he responded. Jasper then glanced at me and rubbed a spot on his neck.

Confused I raised an eyebrow at him and he pointed to the same spot on my own neck. It took a moment but then I realized what he was on about. I had a hickey.

I choked back my expletive while I excused myself to go to the restroom. On the way out I heard Charlie asking, "But I thought you were here to pack up a few more items."

I rushed to the bathroom and shut the door behind me, going straight to the mirror. I touched my neck gingerly in the place Jasper had indicated, feeling a thrill run through me. I'd never had a hickey before. And apparently I had two, I noticed as I looked higher up my neck. It's a wonder Charlie didn't notice before now.

I hadn't brought any concealer or powder with me, so I was left to make do with brushing my hair to the side, in front of my shoulder. It worked well enough; as long as I didn't accidentally brush my hair back, Charlie would never have to know that I had any hickeys. I smiled slightly as I made my way back toward the dining room, where Charlie was sitting, waiting for the main course.

Jasper returned moments after I did, carrying another two plates. The aroma permeated the room and I saw Charlie sit up straighter in anticipation. Jasper smiled as he set down Charlie's plate then walked over to me. Filet mignon with mashed potatoes. Jasper ought to open his own restaurant.

He timed it just right so that while Charlie was busy cutting his filet, he could place my plate down and kiss one of the marks on my neck while he whispered, "I missed you."

I smiled at him as he returned to his own seat.

Charlie looked up from his meal and frowned at Jasper. "This is great," he complimented. "Aren't you going to eat?"

"I'm a vegetarian," Jasper responded. I choked back the urge to laugh. "And I'm enjoying playing the host."

Charlie shrugged after that. Edward had never eaten with us at dinner either. The rest of the evening was spent in light conversation, ranging from a Forks update to the supposed bear problem; I knew better than to think they were bears now.

Desert was a pleasant surprise. Chocolate dipped strawberries. "Fresh picked this morning," Jasper informed us. It was perfect to see Jasper walking in carrying the silver tray laden with fruity goodness and I clicked another picture.

After dinner Charlie excused himself to the bathroom, giving Jasper and me a few moments alone.

"Bella," he sighed, brushing his hands through my hair before pulling me into a hug. "God, you look gorgeous darlin'."

"You're one to talk," I mumbled.

"I must say, Bella, I like what you've done to this side of your neck, but the other side looks quite bare," he teased in a low tone.

My heart began to pump faster at his suggestion, but I played along. "Oh, well, it's not a one person job," I informed him. "I'm afraid I need someone to help me decorate the other side too."

"I'd be happy to volunteer," he told me, bending down to place a kiss on my neck. I was about to respond in kind but then Jasper released me and walked halfway across the room. I was confused until I heard Charlie's footsteps approaching. I brushed my hair over my neck once more and fought to calm myself.

"Well Jasper," Charlie started awkwardly. "That was a fine meal."

"Thank you Chief," Jasper responded.

"Dad, would you mind taking a picture of Jasper and me?" I asked, handing Charlie the camera. I went to stand by Jasper, who reached around to place a hand on my hip, drawing me close to him. I smiled at the camera just before being blinded by the flash.

"I'll get your coats," Jasper said after the photo. He topped it off with a nice wave of calm, and Charlie's awkwardness disappeared instantly.

"Thanks again," Charlie said on his way out.

"My pleasure," Jasper responded. "See you tonight?" he asked me quietly as I followed Charlie.

I nodded, my throat constricting. Our last night together.

* * *

**A/N:** Let me cower in fear for a moment while you all take our your rage that Jasper and Bella are splitting up. Now...hopefully that's over and I'll move on. I'm terribly sorry for the delay; I thought summer would give me the leisure to write as much as I pleased, but in fact I seem to be fighting for the time to write. But I hope you guys enjoyed the chapter, it's longer than usual and I cut it short to switch POVs.

Please don't think this is the end, there are many more chapters to come I'm sure, but this is a necessary path that they must walk down. To leave things short I hope you all enjoyed the chapter, and I wanted to give a thanks to **AlyNiki **for her awesome shout out in her story **All's Fair.** And of course, so much love to the wonderful **JaspersBella** for reading my rants.

Thank you both and thanks to all my reviewers! I really appreciate all your encouragement and comments!


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter Fifteen**

As soon as Bella and Charlie left I made quick work of washing dishes. Time was running out quickly and I couldn't wait to see Bella again; especially after seeing her in that dress. And particularly because I didn't want to leave her alone with the dangers after her. I stored the leftovers in the fridge and decided to just go over and wait for Bella. I opted to drive to the Swan residence, parking at the end of the block so as not to be noticed.

Bella and Charlie were already home when I reached the house, and I took no time in scaling the trees to reach Bella's window, letting out a sigh of relief that they had made it home without any interruptions. The window was closed, but Bella entered the room a moment later, hanging her jacket on the hook behind her door. I tapped lightly, startling her.

"Jasper," she smiled as she threw open the window to let me in.

"Hello darlin'," I drawled, once again taking in her appearance. I knew there was a reason I was so insistent she buy that dress. I picked her up and twirled her in my arms, inhaling her scent.

Bella giggled when I set her back down, holding onto me for balance. She sobered up quickly as she looked at me though. "I really missed you," she told me softly.

"I know," I responded in the same soft tone. I opened my arms and Bella stepped forward for another hug. For several minutes we stood there quietly just reveling in the feel of one another until Bella stepped back.

"I'm going to change and get ready for bed," Bella told me, wiping her eyes. She excused herself to the bathroom to go through her nightly rituals while I waited impatiently for her return. I kicked off my shoes and grabbed an extra blanket from her closet, noting the neat pile of clothes that I usually left at her house waiting to be picked up and leave forever. This small reminder of our parting nearly undid me. I walked slowly back to the bed, feeling for all the world like giant weights were dragging me down.

But then Bella stepped back into her room dressed in her sweats and sweater and I smiled again. She wasted no time in climbing into bed and turning off the light. Bella settled under the covers and grabbed my hand squeezing it lightly.

"Thanks for dinner," she told me quietly. "Charlie really enjoyed himself. I think you've won him over."

I laughed. "Well they do say the quickest way to a man's heart is through his stomach. I'm just hoping he asks me on a date soon," I teased.

Bella punched me lightly, grinning. She moved from her position against the headboard to lie against my chest. "I like you in a vest," she said after a while. I raised my eyebrow at her and she shrugged. "It's kind of sexy."

"I wish I'd known sooner," I told her, running my hands through her hair again, "I'd have worn a vest every day." Bella sighed and leaned into my touch. "Have I told you yet how amazing you looked tonight, darlin'?"

"Only about a million times," she replied, eyes closed.

"Not nearly enough then," I declared. Bella smiled but didn't reply. "You can sleep sweetheart," I told her after a while.

Bella bolted upright, catching me by surprise. "Sleep!" she cried in a hushed whisper. "Why would I waste my time doing that? Besides it's only…nine o'clock."

"Alright then, what is it you plan on doing exactly?" I asked her, grabbing her hand once more.

"Reveling," she said, bringing our hands up to her face and rubbing her cheek on the back of my hand.

"That does sound like a good plan," I conceded, bringing our hands to my lips to kiss her hand in response. I reached over to click off the light as Bella relaxed once again. I carefully lifted Bella closer to me, inhaling her scent. My throat was constricted with emotion; this would be our last night together.

"I'm sad too," Bella told me quietly, pressing closer to me.

"Sorry darlin', I didn't mean for you to know," I told her, trying and failing to put up my usual barriers. "It's just so hard."

"I don't want it to end," Bella whispered and I could smell the salt of tears.

"Me neither," I responded, rubbing circles on her back.

It was quiet for a while as we both tried to get our emotions under control. Soon Bella began to fidget. "Can we go somewhere or do something?" she asked. "I can't stand just lying here letting time tick by."

"What would you like to do?" I asked, glad now that I had decided to drive.

"I don't know. Let's…stargaze or something. It doesn't matter really." Bella sat up, swinging her legs over the side of her bed. She grabbed her camera and turned around to face me.

I grabbed the two blankets off the bed and a pillow before motioning Bella to me. I wrapped her in the blankets and handed her the pillow before lifting her in arms. "The mountain?" I asked, heading toward the window. It would be a lot easier to jog up there than take the car. I paused to consider for a moment. It would probably still be quite chilly to Bella despite her two blankets. "Do you have any matches?" I normally carried a lighter around with me, but matches would be better to start a fire.

"Yeah, in the bathroom," Bella replied. She paused after I let her down. "Is Charlie asleep?"

"Yes, he's been asleep for about ten minutes," I told her. "As long as you're quiet he shouldn't wake up." Bella nodded and tiptoed out of the room to retrieve the matches. When she returned she let out a sigh and I smiled at her before picking her back up. "Very stealthy. Quite unlike you," I teased and Bella rolled her eyes. "Are you ready then?"

Bella nodded, anxiety welling up in her once more. I kissed her forehead as she closed her eyes then jumped out the window and began the trek up the mountain. Bella's heart rate soon returned to normal and she had even chanced a look around by the time we arrived at the mountain. I set her down and laid out one of the blankets on the ground for Bella to sit on.

"I'm going to grab some wood for the fire," I told her. I quickly gathered some dry pine needles, not the easiest thing to find in rainy Forks, small twigs and lastly had to break off some large branches. Bella was staring at the sky by the time I returned and began to set up the fire. I cleared an area and set some rocks around as a precaution before setting up the dry tinder and twigs in a teepee fashion, before lighting a match and sticking it under. The flames licked up easily and when a nice sized flame was going I went ahead and added the larger branches.

Once I was sure the fire would survive I walked back to Bella and lay down next to her. She reached over and grabbed my hand as we stared up at the black skies, littered with a sea of stars.

"The clouds make them kind of hard to see, but they're still beautiful," she told me. "And they make me feel very small and insignificant."

"You're definitely not insignificant," I told her.

Bella turned to look at me. "But I'm small?"

I grinned at her. "Maybe a little."

Bella huffed. "Well we can't all be six foot three Greek gods," she grumbled.

"You a six foot Greek god? Now that doesn't sound attractive at all," I told her.

Bella blushed, turning back up to stare at the stars. "Mr. Whitlock, I daresay you're coming on to me," she breathed.

"Well Miss Swan," I drawled, "I do believe you were the one who insisted she needed help decorating the other side of her neck. What's a poor boy to think?"

Bella opened her mouth to respond but the scarlet face she sported hinted at her inability to speak. Instead she hastily whipped her face back up to the stars.

"Sorry," I chuckled.

"No you're not," she told me.

"Not one bit," I conceded. When Bella didn't respond I got a bit worried. "Bella? Are you mad at me?" I asked, sitting up to lean on my arm and stare down at her.

Bella's eyes fell to the fire, now crackling merrily but not giving off quite as much heat as I wanted. "No," she said after a while. "Just…conflicted."

"Hmm?"

"Well, I do want to kiss you," she explained, refusing to look at me while blood pooled in her cheeks again. "But I don't know if I'll be able to handle all of the…consequences."

"Edward? Alice?"

"Oh! That too," Bella began, rushing forward to her explanation. "But I'm just worried that if I kiss you now I won't be able to stand seeing Alice kiss you and I wonder if I'll think about it all the time, and it might hurt too much later on." Bella took a deep breath, sitting up and letting the blanket fall off her shoulders. "And then I wonder if maybe it's cheating, even though we asked for one more day to be together even though we know we'll be going back to Alice and Edward soon, but I really want to, and to hell with all the consequences!" she declared, making up her mind as she ended her tirade and surprised me with her lips.

I reacted instantly, snaking my arms around her and pulling her closer. The kiss was charged with need and want and urgency. A desperation that we were both feeling at this being one of the last times we would ever kiss, ever hold each other. Bella broke off the kiss long before I wanted it to end and for once I cursed her human need to breathe. Once she caught her breath I leaned in again to kiss her, but this time it was sweet and not rushed; I wanted to take whatever time left I had to explore whatever part of her I could.

Bella wound her fingers in my hair, puling me closer to her as she deepened the kiss, her tongue going on its own exploration voyage. When Bella ran her tongue across the roof of my mouth I moaned as my lust returned full force. I broke from her mouth with the determination leaving my mark on the other side of her neck and possibly other places.

I suckled at a spot on the right side of her neck, careful not to graze her with my teeth. That was one mark that I'd really rather not leave her with.

"It's not fair," Bella moaned when I finally moved to another spot on her neck. I made a questioning noise, unwilling to leave my current occupation. "I can't give you a hickey, can I?"

I finished off leaving my mark before I pulled back to grin at her. "Probably not, but I won't stop you from trying darlin'," I told her, my voice rough.

Bella bit her lip, self-conscious but then, after a small deliberation with herself, shrugged and leaned in to kiss me. I was fully ready to deepen our kiss, but Bella surprised me by moving her lips to my jawbone then slowly making her way down to my neck. I shivered when she found the spot she wanted to try and began her ministrations, lightly sucking at the spot then moving to grazing it with her teeth. When she nipped the spot I couldn't help but moan, encouraging her to continue.

At last, after several minutes of no result, Bella pulled back, huffing at the spot. I moaned again at the loss of her mouth and opened my eyes to see her looking slightly annoyed. I pulled her back closer to me, kissing her gently.

"Trust me darlin', even if you haven't left a physical mark, I won't forget that for the rest of my life," I whispered.

This had the unintended effect of causing tears to spring to Bella's eyes as the reality of our situation seemed to crash down on her again. Furthermore, it effectively killed the mood.

"Sorry," she mumbled, wiping at the tears that were escaping. "It's just that every time I think about it I can't help myself."

I pulled Bella close to me so that we were both sitting facing the fire. I wrapped the blanket around her when she shivered and readjusted my arms around her as she leaned back against me. "Don't be sorry," I told her. "I only wish I had the same outlet as you. Sometimes I honestly miss crying."

Bella hugged my arms closer to her, kissing one of them. We watched the fire for a while as it popped and cracked, sending its heat towards us and casting Bella in a gorgeous light.

"Oh!" Bella cried, "let's take a picture." She reached over to grab her forgotten camera and I took it from her hands.

"One, two, three," I counted off before clicking off a picture. I set the camera off to the side and wrapped my arms around Bella once more. For the next couple of hours we alternated between light conversation, stargazing, and sweet kisses.

After yawning for the millionth time Bella tilted her head to look at me. "Don't let me fall asleep," she requested.

I shook my head and smiled at her. "I like watching you sleep," I told her. "It's interesting. And besides, you have school tomorrow."

Bella groaned. "You've got to be kidding me. I totally forgot," she complained.

"What are you dreading so much?" I asked her after a moment.

"I just remembered; everyone knows you're back in town. They're bound to ask me questions. And now your story has changed; the family is moving back in."

I groaned internally. Bella was right; I now had to fix my story, 'deliver the good news' if you will. And not to mention, there went all my plans of being public with Bella. The Stanley women also wouldn't be too happy to learn that Alice and I were back together the day after I tell them we've broken up. What a mess.

"No wonder you're dreading school," I agreed. "But you should still sleep. I'll carry you back."

Bella jutted her chin out stubbornly. "I don't want to," she said firmly.

I just smiled at her. "Anything you say darlin'," I told her, resting my chin on her shoulder.

Despite her adamant protests, Bella was slowly slipping into sleep. She fought it off for another hour, but around two-thirty she couldn't keep her eyes open any longer. I held her for a while, listening to her steady heartbeat, perfect in its rhythm, and just held Bella for a while longer. After a while she began to mumble in her sleep, just bits and pieces, mostly from our events today. Every time she said my name was pure bliss and utter agony. Her face contorted at one point and I smoothed the hair from her face. It had the effect I wanted and Bella relaxed into a smile.

At about three thirty the fire died out and Bella began to get cold. I gathered her in my arms and shook out the other blanket before wrapping it around her. I sandwiched the camera and pillow between us and began a light jog back to Bella's house. She slept peacefully enough the entire way and only woke up when I tucked her back into bed, getting a fresh blanket from the closet to replace the one covered with leaves.

I lay down next to her and she turned towards me, curling up. She opened her eyes and blinked blearily before smiling.

"I love you," she sighed.

I felt my throat constrict and sadness wash over me. "I love you too darlin'," I told her. Bella smiled and snuggled closer to me, promptly falling back to sleep. I wished time would slow down, grant me this one moment of happiness to last a little longer, but it was cruel. The minutes ticked by in less than sixty seconds each and each hour turned after only ten minutes, or so it seemed. Because one moment Bella was mumbling about strawberries and rain, and the next her alarm was ringing.

Bella groaned, turning over to hit the snooze button. She snuggled back in the covers and sighed contentedly. It took her twenty-seven seconds to bolt upright and whip around to look at me.

"I fell asleep," she moaned, upset.

"Good morning to you too," I said, opening my arms.

"'Morning," Bella said sheepishly laying back down and allowing me to envelop her in my arms. We were quiet for a long while as we waited for the inevitable to come.

Right on cue Charlie came knocking on Bella's door. "Bells? You awake?"

"Yeah Dad."

"All right then." His footsteps shuffled down the stairs.

"I guess I should get ready," Bella said reluctantly.

"I'll be here," I told her.

Bella bit her lip and nodded her head, jumping out of bed and grabbing her toiletries bag and a change of clothes. While she got ready for the day I stretched out across her bed, hugging a pillow to me. It smelled of her, but nothing compared to actually holding Bella in my arms. Edward was one lucky guy.

All too soon Bella returned, her face heavy. Neither of us said a word as Bella gathered her bag and put on her jacket. We waited until Charlie pulled out of the driveway before heading downstairs hand in hand. I took one last glance around as I left, walking over to Bella's truck. I made to get in the passengers side but Bella shook her head.

"I don't think I can drive right now," she whispered, tears making her eyes glisten.

I nodded and helped Bella in before heading over to the other side. We didn't speak the entire way but held hands. I drove slower than normal, probably even slower than Bella normally drove. Our arrival at school marked the end of…everything. By the time school was out Edward and Alice would be back and Bella and I would no longer exist in that sense. It took all my will power not to purposefully crash the truck or somehow break it down. Delaying our arrival wouldn't stop the inevitable.

All too soon we arrived. Bella and I sat in her truck quietly as students milled around us. We just stared at one another until the bell rang, an ominous sound. It sounded more like a knell than a school bell. I reached up and wiped some tears from Bella's face, and she leaned into the touch.

I kissed her once more, and she clung to me desperately. I pulled back quickly, unable to handle everything.

"I love you darlin'," I told her helplessly.

"I love you Jasper. I love you," Bella replied, her eyes closed in an effort to stem the flow of tears. She took a deep breath and looked at me one more time, her eyes roaming my face, searching my eyes, before she opened her door and stepped outside. Bella glanced back once just before she entered the school, and then she disappeared, swept away by the sea of students forcing their way inside in a rush to get to class.

But I understood the question in her eyes, the uncertainty in her face. I'm sure it was reflected in my own demeanor. As I stepped outside into the downpour of rain I let the question we were both thinking hit me as mercilessly as the rain.

Had we made the right choice?

**

I felt as though I regressed back to last October. Stalking Bella from afar really sucked. I climbed to my old vantage point in a tree that usually gave me a good view of wherever Bella would be. I focused in on one room, craning my head to see through the window to where Bella usually sat and was surprised to find she wasn't there. And neither was Angela. Alarmed, I focused on trying to hear her voice.

At last I located it. I jumped to another tree to get closer to the faint sound and in doing so felt an overwhelming wave of sadness and sympathy.

"Bella, what's wrong? What is it?" I heard Angela say, worry lacing her voice.

Bella, however, was quite incapable of speaking, as evidenced by her quiet sobs. I imagined Bella with her face in her hands, trying her best to stop her tears. After ten painful minutes of listening to and feeling Bella's heartache, Angela mercifully tried again.

"It's alright Bella. Do you want to talk about what happened?" I figured that Bella nodded because Angela continued, "Was it something at home? Charlie?" A rustle as Bella shook her head and sniffed. "Your mom? No? Uh...is it a guy? Really! Is it, um, Edward?" There was another muffled sob from Bella. "No? Someone else?" Angela's voice was incredulous and I couldn't blame her; Bella hardly interacted with her friends, let alone potential love interests.

Bella cleared her throat and sniffled. "Jasper," she managed to get out as another wave of pain emanated from her general direction.

I knew I really shouldn't be eavesdropping, but I couldn't help it. I dropped down and ran to sit against the building,not 10 feet away from Bella. I was again grateful for the downpour, as it assured me protection from being spotted by human eyes.

"J-Jasper?" Angela spluttered. "As in Jasper Hale? Edward's brother?" Angela's curiosity was getting the better of her now, but she fought to keep it reigned in. "Do you want to talk about it?"

There was a few moments of silence before the words gushed out of Bella's mouth.

"Well, I guess it all really started in January. Jasper...showed up one night, and we got to talking. You know how much I miss them, I was more than happy that Jasper was back here. Well after that Jasper and I began to talk more and more. I...told him about what happened with Edward, and he told me that he and Alice had broken up, or taken a break, a few months ago. And-oh Ang, he's just really great. It just felt right, in spite of everything else. When I'm with him everything is perfect. I can't describe it; he makes me so happy." Bella laughed a little. "Ugh, I sound like Jessica."

Angela giggled. "You sound like you're in love," she observed.

Bella sighed. "I am."

"Then what's wrong?" Angela prompted. "He doesn't love you back?"

"He does," Bella whispered glumly, and I could smell the salt of new tears. "But we can't be together."

"Because he's living in Los Angeles?"

"No. It's...well, we only found out yesterday for sure, but the Cullens are moving back," Bella informed her friend quietly. I wondered if Angela would catch the double meaning.

"Oh," Angela breathed, comprehension dawning on her. "Alice and Edward will be back." There was a silence. "Are you getting back together with Edward? Or is Jasper going with Alice?"

"Both. It's really complicated. But we just decided that it would be best for everyone if we didn't see each other anymore. But now I don't know what's right and what's wrong."

"Why?"

"I still love Edward, and Jasper loves Alice," Bella explained. "I want to be with Edward. But...when I think about Jasper with Alice, think about life without him, I can't even...I just...Ugh. But if we were to stay together, how awkward would family dinners be?"

"Pretty awkward," Angela agreed.

"I said goodbye to him today. I don't know if I'll be able to handle seeing him for a while."

"Oh Bella," Angela sighed. "I know it's going to be hard, but try and be happy when Edward comes back. You two were really great together, and I know he makes you unbelievably happy too."

Bella sniffed again. "I know," she said, voice wavering. "That I can stand. Seeing Jasper with Alice is another story."

I left then, before Angela could go into all out "cheer-up-Bella-with-reasons-she-loves-Edward" mode. I walked slowly over to the protection of the trees and located my cellphone from within my jacket, flipping it open and pushing number nine on my speed dial.

It rang for a long time before anyone picked up. "Hello?" came the rough voice of Jacob Black. Didn't he go to school anymore?

"It's Jasper," I told him.

There was a shuffling as Jacob readjusted the phone. "What's going on?"

I opened my mouth to speak but the words stuck in my throat. I cleared it before trying again. "I just wanted to inform you that Edward and Alice have returned. The rest of the family are also moving back."

Jacob was silent for a few moments. "You didn't," he said at last.

"Didn't what?" I asked, confused. Jacob's vague attitude was doing nothing to help my mood.

"You and Bella. You're letting her go back to Edward? After everything?" I clenched my jaw. I knew Jacob was right, but it was complicated. And running over there right now to show Jacob exactly _why_ he shouldn't be talking to me in that incredulous tone really wasn't the most strategic move.

"It's what was best," I said automatically. Because it was, wasn't it?

Jacob sighed heavily. "I guess I just can't win," he muttered. "How is she?"

I grit my teeth. "How do you think?" I asked acerbically. For as intelligent as Jacob normally was, he was acting really stupid.

"What bad huh. And how are you?"

"I-what?"

"How. Are. You?" Jacob reiterated.

"I heard you the first time. I just--" I let out a deep breath. "Terrible."

"I'm sorry," Jacob said quietly.

"Me too," I agreed. Silence reigned and ate away at me. "Don't you have school?" I asked eventually.

I could practically hear the grin on Jacob's face. "The elder's don't much care whether or not I go everyday. Just as long as I pass."

I shook my head but a smile found it's way to my mouth anyway. Leave it to Jacob Black to make even his natural enemy feel better. "Well look. I've got a couple more hours before Alice and Edward return, but then I'll have to meet with them. I don't know what Bella's going to do after school."

"Don't worry, I got it covered. We still on for tomorrow night?"

"Yes. But warn your pack; I have a feeling there will be more than one Cullen attending."

"As long as Edward keeps his distance I'll play nice," Jacob growled.

"I'll make sure he gets the message," I told Jacob. I hung up the phone, storing it carefully back in my jacket to protect it from the rain. I was still reeling from the fact that Jacob Black and I were having civil conversations. I guess it was true--the enemy of my enemy is my friend. And Jacob and Edward were definitely enemies.

But Jacob was right in his questions. Was it really the right thing to do, going back to our former mates?

I didn't know. The only thing I knew for sure was that every moment away from Bella was killing me more and more.

**

A hunt was necessary at this point. It had been too long, and the oncoming stress would make me far more liable to attack a human. While Bella's blood didn't call to me anymore, that didn't exclude everyone else's. I couldn't be expected to act normally around humans if all I was thinking about was the sweet pulse of blood just beneath their skin.

Nope, it was definitely time to hunt. The only problem was that the rain drove most of the animals inside of their homes. I had to run fairly far North before I was lucky enough to come across a small herd of deer. Even my normal distaste for animal blood seemed amplified. Of course it could have just been my terrible mood exacerbating things.

After my second deer I stopped, despite knowing that I really ought to have one more. I would have just felt too nauseous by the repugnant taste had I still been able to feel it. All the same I discarded the bodies and began my run back to Forks. I was slightly worried, having left Bella for so long.

I stopped in my tacks. I couldn't be worried anymore. Bella wasn't mine to worry about.

But that didn't seem right either, so I compromised.

I wouldn't worry about Bella anymore...._after_ we got rid of Victoria and Laurent.

A little voice added something about every other entity that was surely bound to find its way to Bella and want to cause her harm, but I ignored it. As Bella constantly said, we should focus on the present.

Which included my phone vibrating. I stopped near the edge of Forks and answered.

"Jasper." Ahh, Alice. Her voice was still one of the loveliest things I'd ever heard.

"Hello Alice. Are you back now?"

"Yes, we've just arrived at the house. We've got some things to unpack," she informed me.

"I'll be there soon," I told her. I couldn't help but stop by the school just to make sure Bella was doing as well as she could. She was doing slightly better. I could distinguish Mike Newton's voice among the rest doing his best to cheer her up. It seemed to be working a little, and I had to give him credit for that. Unfaltering Mike Newton. Maybe he wasn't such a bad kid after all.

I returned to the Cullen house to find Alice and Edward unpacking boxes from Edward's car and a rental truck. Alice danced her way up to me and grinned up up at me, her eyes searching mine. I smiled back down at her. She grabbed my hand and led me over to the boxes.

_Edward_, I thought as I passed him by. He nodded his head towards me.

Alice loaded some boxes in my arms before grabbing some for herself and leading the way inside. "Emmett and Esme will be here tonight," Alice bubbled. "Carlisle and Rosalie will be here tomorrow afternoon."

My mouth was moving before I realized it. "Do they know?"

Alice paused mid-sentence and her mouth puckered into a displeased circle. "As much as they need to," she clipped, continuing her walk up the stairs.

I shifted the boxes into one arm and tugged the back of Alice's shirt gently. "Alice."

"I didn't see the need to tell them now that it's done, and neither did Edward," she said, not turning around.

Didn't see the need because they figured that what Bella and I had wasn't real anyway. I could feel myself frowning but didn't bother to hide my displeasure. I started walking again, heading for the old room that Alice and I shared. I set down the boxes I was carrying and began opening them as Alice walked to the closet and opened her own boxes.

The clothes in my first box were unfamiliar. "I bought you new clothes," Alice called from inside the closet where she was hanging her own.

New clothes. My mind jumped back to the mall trip Bella and I took. The clothes were still at her house.

"You can pick them up when we're done unpacking," Alice suggested. "Bella decided to visit La Push after school."

I nodded my head, immediately feeling guilty. I wasn't making this easier for either of us, and Alice really was trying. I walked over to the closet and wrapped my arms around Alice's tiny frame. "Thank you for the clothes," I said softly.

Alice hung up the dress she was holding then twisted around to hug me back. "You're welcome." We embraced for a while, and I felt all the old feelings of love and hope begin to return.

"I missed you," I told her.

Alice stood on her tiptoes to kiss me. "I missed you too."

I smiled down at her. This was natural, easy. I could get used to it once again.

* * *

**A/N: **I'm so incredibly sorry for the long wait! I was in Hawaii and I didn't have any internet, which totally threw me off. But here you go! I hope you enjoyed the chapter.

Now I know there's a lot of anxiety and upset feelings when it comes to the fact that Jasper and Bella have broken up. All I can say right now is not to lose hope, because I am totally Team Jasper.

Thank you to all my reviewers, I'm sorry I can't reply to those not signed in/non-members, but I read all of them and appreciate all your feedback! **JaspersBella**, you know that without you I'd be a sorry mess. Til next time!


	16. Chapter 16

**Chapter Sixteen**

School was insufferable. I didn't even make it to first period, which was spent in an empty classroom with Angela, crying my eyes out about Jasper, and the rest of the day was a blur. Lunch was tolerable because Mike did his best to make me feel better, and I was surprised to find that I did for a little while.

And that is precisely why, sitting in my truck in the parking lot, staring at Edward as he walked casually into the school's office, I felt even worse. Now was definitely not a good time for Edward to see me. I probably looked terrible and I definitely needed a couple hours to straighten myself out before I could really be happy that he was back.

If I even was in the first place.

I shook my head. No. Of course I was happy that Edward was back! It's what I'd been wanting since he left...until Jasper...

I grit my teeth against the sharp stabbing pain and forced myself to think of something else. Like Jake. Jake would be a great distraction from...everything.

I peeled out of the parking lot before I changed my mind and drove automatically to Jake's house. For some reason I wasn't surprised to find him standing outside his door when I pulled up to his house, a big goofy smile plastered on his face.

"Hey Bells!" he called, jogging over.

I couldn't fight the grin that found its way onto my own face. "Hey Jake," I replied, stumbling out of my truck. Despite everything Jake was still my best friend, and I couldn't help but be happy whenever it came to him.

"Great timing Bella. I was just getting ready to come kidnap you," Jake told me, crushing me in a hug.

I gasped for air for a moment before Jake loosened his grip. "Believe me,"I told him in short breaths, "I would have gone willingly."

Jake frowned at me as he set me down and grabbed my hand, tugging me over to his garage. "You've been crying a lot," he observed.

I sighed. There was no point in hiding anything from Jake. "Yeah. I'm just wondering if we made the right choice is all," I explained, following him through the door of his garage and sitting down on the chair he kept in a corner while he began to work on his car.

Jacob frowned at me. "I still don't understand why you made the decision to go back to Edward," he told me gruffly. "After everything that he put you through."

"Because I love him," I responded instantly. "And it would be better and easier for everyone if we just go back to how things were before."

"Love isn't easy," Jacob told me, focusing on using his wrench somewhere in the hood of his car. "Love takes work and dedication. The challenges are what make it so much fun and worthwhile."

I couldn't _not_ defend my decision. "Loving Edward isn't easy," I countered then backtracked. "Okay, that came out wrong. I mean that it's not...well, it's just-" I quit before I started spluttering.

"Sure, sure," Jake replied, shrugging at me and going back to his car.

"I'm just saying that loving Edward is fun and worthwhile too. He's a really great guy, he's perfect and he's sweet and he really cares about me."

"And I'm just saying that Jasper is ten times better than Edward. Jasper wouldn't leave you just because he thought it was less dangerous. He'd probably stay by you no matter what," Jacob said heatedly. "Though of course neither of them are better than me," he added, winking at me to soften his previous words.

"Jake!" I cried frustrated. "You're supposed to distract me from this all, or at the very least not make me feel like I made the wrong choice."

Jacob sighed. "Okay, okay, calm down Bells. You're right, since I can't not do the other, I'll at least do my best to distract you."

I slumped down in the chair feeling guilty. "Sorry Jake. It's just been a rough day."

Jacob came over and lifted me so that he could sit down and pulled me onto his lap, hugging me. "I know. Do you want to talk about it?"

I shook my head. "I'm all talked out. I actually told Angela everything. Well, except for the whole mythical creatures part of it."

Jacob laughed, the sound sending vibrations through me. "I bet you never thought you'd get caught up in any of this nonsense, huh?"

I smiled at him. "No. But I'm glad I did. Usually."

"Is Bella Swan finally seeing that there are some downsides to surrounding herself with dangerous creatures 24/7?" Jake asked ruffling my hair.

"Oh ha ha," I said sarcastically, but smiled genuinely. Because I really was happy. "Big brother" Jake was finally back, and I definitely needed him.

**

Charlie noticed something was off at dinner that night, and he waited until the end to ask me about it. After his last not so furtive glance I sighed and asked him to go ahead and spit it out.

"Well Bells," he began, "you just seem a bit off. I was just wondering what was wrong," he asked uncomfortably.

I felt just as uncomfortable, but I didn't want to worry him. "I've just been doing a lot of thinking lately," I told him evasively. I paused and Charlie looked at me expectantly. "And I' m not sure I quite like all the conclusions I've come to," I added.

Charlie raised an eyebrow at me. "Would this have anything to do with that Hale kid?"

I choked on my lasagna and had to take a quick swig of milk to clear my throat. "Dad," I complained.

"Well, Bells, I'd say he seems pretty all right," Charlie said. "He was nice the other night. And probably a lot better than Edward." Charlie muttered the last bit, more to himself than me, but I still paled.

"See, that's what I'm not sure about," I said softly. Charlie turned to me sharply and I gulped nervously. Jake and I had decided it best to break the news to Charlie before Edward started to unexpectedly start escorting me around again, but now that the moment had come I felt as if I had a million butterflies in my stomach. I knew how much Charlie disapproved of Edward.

"Bella?" Charlie prompted.

"Well, I was talking to Jasper yesterday and he gave me some news. Um, well, they're moving back into town, the Cullens." Charlie's mouth dropped open. "I know, he didn't even know until yesterday either, and I don't know all the details anyway, so don't bother asking me," I hastily explained. I knew I was a pretty bad liar.

Charlie gave me a stern look. "Don't tell me you're going to get back together with Edward," he said gruffly.

"I love him," I said simply.

"I just thought that maybe you and Jake were, well, you know..."

I tightened my grip on my fork as a little pain stabbed my heart. "I know Dad, but we're just friends. I really love Jake, but not in that way."

Charlie glared at me for a moment but kept his thoughts to himself for which I was thankful. Suddenly he let a slow grin back on when he asked, "So why do you look so glum? You don't want to get back with Edward?"

I furrowed my eyebrows at him as I frowned. "I do," I told him. "I love Edward, it's just..." Charlie waited expectantly. "Dad, seriously, why are we talking about boys?"

"I'm only concerned for the welfare of my daughter," Charlie said innocently, taking the final bite of lasagna. He fixed me with a more serious look. "But, well, if you ever need to uh talk about it or anything..." he trailed off.

I gave Charlie a soft smile. "Thanks Dad."

I washed the dishes and said an early goodnight to Charlie. Without Jasper I had to face Calculus homework on my own, and that was proving to be fairly difficult I realized as I stared at the problems. After reworking the problems a couple of times I finally got it right and moved on to my reading assignment. Around nine o clock I finished up the rest of my work and got ready for bed. Before slipping under the covers I glanced at my ajar window.

Tonight was definitely not a night I wanted to face Edward, so I went over and shut it just in case. Although a locked window would hardly impede him, I hoped he would take the gesture to heart.

I clicked off the lights and tried to relax, which was an absolute failure. All I could do was think about Jasper and Edward and Alice. I hadn't even had a conversation with Alice, and truth be told I just wanted to avoid her. Although she was a vampire she was still a woman, and most women don't take kindly to their friends practically dating their...husband. I groaned. How could I ever face her, let alone any of the other Cullens. Maybe Emmett I could face. He was usually pleasant and friendly.

In fact as the night wore on I found myself tossing and turning in bed as I imagined all the terrible scenarios that might take place. Edward deciding he didn't want to be with me after all, Esme and Carlisle disapproving of me, Emmett deciding he wouldn't want to even speak to me. But one of the worst was the reality of the imminent situation, the fact that I would indeed have to see Jasper when I came over to the house. I doubted I could avoid such a trip for long, and I couldn't very well live my life in La Push.

At around one I finally drifted into an uneasy sleep of disapproving looks and breakups. I wasn't mentally or physically prepared for school in the morning, and I definitely wasn't prepared for Edward's silver Volvo parked in my driveway as I prepared to dash to my truck through the drizzle.

But there he was, leaning back against the passenger side, his hair and clothes surely damp from the rain, and that crooked smile that made my heart stop plastered on his face. God I missed him.

I walked slowly up to Edward and glanced up at him. "Hi," I said meekly.

"Hello," he replied. Edward hesitantly reached a hand to my face and lifted my chin so that he could look into my eyes. "Hello," he said again, a mix of passion and longing infused within his greeting. His hand dropped to my waist and he pulled me into a hug, breathing in deeply as my scent assaulted him. "Bella," he sighed, pulling back to open the door for me. I glanced at it nervously but couldn't come up with a plausible reason about why I should drive myself to school, so I relented and ducked inside.

Edward held my hand on the drive to school, which was quiet but for the soft classical tunes that his stereo emitted. We pulled into the parking lot and as Edward got out to open my door for me at human pace I took the few seconds to steel myself. Because I wanted this, I wanted Edward, and it didn't matter that he had left me with a lie and a broken heart. He was back and he loved me and that was all that mattered. The curious Forks High students were nothing. The fact that Edward was pretending nothing had happened was nothing. Edward was everything.

So why was I so irked at his gallant display of chivalry. It wasn't like I was incapable of opening my own damn door.

I took a deep breath, mentally conjuring up an image of a calender. Maybe I was so emotional because it was nearing that time of the month. Yes, that must be it.

Everyone stared in shock as Edward and I walked together to class, and the whole day was miserable. Angela shot me sympathetic looks and every time she did Edward would frown and squeeze my hand slightly in a reassuring manner. Facing Alice was just as difficult, but she seemed to be taking the "I'm going to pretend the whole thing never happened" route, so I decided to play along. I still felt incredibly uncomfortable in her presence.

I was actually thankful when Mike asked me to help him with his Calculus assignment during lunch, as it gave me an excuse to leave Edward and Alice for a while.

Mike gave me a concerned look as I sat down next to him, grabbing my graphing calculator out of my bag. "You okay Bella? You look like someone killed your dog."

I sighed. Leave it to Mike to be all perceptive today of all days. "Just a little stressed is all," I said with a slight smile. A little stressed was a big understatement.

Mike was quiet as he took out his assignment and took a bite of his pizza. "So you and Cullen are back together? I was surprised when I saw him back here yesterday," Mike observed.

I made some noise that Mike must have taken as agreement. "You have to take the integral of this equation, Mike, not the first."

Mike quickly erased the wrong answers and rewrote the problem. "What about Hale?" he asked abruptly.

I choked on my lemonade. I swear, if the men in my life didn't quit asking me questions about...the men in my life...well, I was going to seriously injure myself via choking. "W-what?" I spluttered.

Mike scratched his head as he attempted to work out the math problem. "Well, I just figured that you and Hale were together, seeing as he wasn't with Alice anymore, and well, you know, that one time you kissed him." It must have taken a lot out of Mike to say that because his face turned sour.

I cleared my throat uncomfortably. "Don't forget to write 'plus C' at the end. The integral doesn't have any limits, so you need to account for any possible constants that the original equation may have had." I took another sip of my drink. "And well, I kinda don't want to talk about Jasper," I said apologetically. Why on earth was I apologizing? It must be how grateful I was to be able to escape for a while.

Mike was kind enough to refrain from any more uncomfortable questions an observations for the rest of lunch and even walked with me to my next class, much to Edward's displeasure. He seemed just as regretful as I did to leave my side when the bell rang.

I paid little attention in class, something I knew I would regret later, as I focused my energies on making a mental list of reasons I was happy to be back with Edward. It was a long list. And Edward helped to solidify it after school when he took me out to get ice cream and regaled me with an adventure he had when he was still a human. It was thoroughly interesting; I didn't know very much about Edward's life when he was human beyond the few days he had leading up to his becoming a vampire.

It was strange and wonderful to hear the memory, and I found myself falling back into the easy, familiar relationship I had with Edward before...the incident.

"And that's precisely why I never ate ice cream again," he told me with a sigh. I giggled and smiled at him, licking my spoon clean.

"That was a lovely story," I told him, and Edward smiled his crooked smile at me. His expression then turned a bit sad. "I miss your laugh. And your smile. I missed you so much Bella. I could barely function without you." Edward traced my hand with his fingers as he looked at me helplessly.

My throat constricted as I was forced to relive all my previous feelings of despair when Edward left. "I missed you too," I told him. "So much."

"Bella, I love you. I have never stopped loving you. Please believe me," Edward told me quietly.

I nodded my head, unable to say anything. I was conflicted; all at once I wanted to wipe away the desperation in his voice and yet I wanted to slap him. I wasn't sure where all this blind fury was coming from, but the bit of me deep inside did. I was angry because he was expecting me to reaffirm my love for him and make everything seem okay.

My ego fought to balance the id and superego and I ended up giving him a tight smile and squeezing his hand. I glanced at the clock to my right and sighed. "I have to go home and make dinner for Charlie," I told Edward. "And do my homework."

While this was true I also wanted to get home and be alone so I could sort through my thoughts and feelings. Edward drove me home, informing me that Esme and Emmett had returned yesterday and were anxious to see me again, and that Rosalie and Carlisle weren't far behind.

I gulped nervously at that. I wasn't quite sure what would happen if I saw them, and I wasn't sure I wanted to. What I wanted was to talk to Jasper, to discuss what we would do and figure out what to say to them.

Charlie wasn't home yet and Edward gave me a soft kiss on my doorstep. My heart accelerated, but I was too surprised to formulate any other response. Which was just as well, as Edward pulled back quickly after that. I stumbled inside and shut the door quickly behind me, willing myself to take deep, slow breaths. After a minute or two I calmed down enough to start moving again and I climbed the stairs to my room and took out my calculus homework. I was starting to get really tired of integrals, but related rates wasn't my favorite thing either.

By the time I was finished with that it was time to start dinner for Charlie. I settled on chicken pie, as it was one of my favorites and I definitely needed a pick me up. I was surprised when Jacob and Billy showed up not long after Charlie for dinner. I knew Jake would still be hungry so I hastened to whip up a batch of brownies for dessert and fixed up a salad as well.

Jake found me in the kitchen, sniffing the air appreciatively. "That smells great Bells. You'd make a great wife," he said.

I raised an eyebrow at him but couldn't find it in me to contest him. "Hey Jake," I said instead. "Dinner will be ready soon."

Jake walked up next to me and ducked his head to whisper, "Are you coming tonight? We're supposed to have another training now that the rest of the Cullens are back, and well, if you don't then one of the pack will stay by your house to watch you."

I looked up at Jake in surprise. "So soon?"

"Well, we can't exactly sit around and wait in case she comes looking for you Bells. And since they're all together now, we might as well get on with it," Jake said with a frown.

I bit my lip in frustration. I didn't want to take any of the pack away from something so important, but I wasn't sure if I was ready to see Jasper again so soon. I barely survived my first day without him, seeing him now and not talking to him, or seeing him with Alice, or me with Edward, or whatever would happen, would just be rubbing salt in the wound.

You can do this, you can do this, you can do this.

"You don't have to go," Jake said, stilling my hand and turning me to face him. "I know it'll be hard to see Jasper, and I could come guard you tonight."

I shook my head. "No, this is important. I'll go," I said.

Jake still looked at me worriedly. It was easy to tell how much I didn't want to go. "How about I keep you company then? You could come sit with the pack, I can even be your own personal blanket and pillow."

I smiled up at Jake, feeling my heart swell. I hugged him tightly and muttered, "I love you, you know that right?" into his shirt.

"Sure, sure," Jake said, hugging me back and kissing the top of my head. "Now quit torturing me with your sweet words," he sighed and I pulled back quickly, feeling guilty.

"I'm sorry," I mumbled. I had forgotten about Jake's feelings.

"Well, I suppose I could forgive you since you are feeding me tonight," Jake said seriously.

I hit him playfully and he broke out into a grin. "Just go set the table," I replied, smiling back.

**

Jake and Billy stayed for a while after dinner to catch up and on the way out Jake whispered, "I'll pick you up around one."

I raised my eyebrow at him wondering how on Earth he'd pick me up in the Rabbit without alerting Charlie. Charlie helped me clean up and then we said goodnight. I set my alarm for one but didn't fall asleep. After tossing around for an hour I gave up on sleep entirely. Something just didn't feel right, and it took me a while to realize that I was missing Jasper's presence. Upset I stumbled out of bed and headed toward my computer, waiting impatiently for it to start up. To pass the time I decided to get a head start on my history paper. I was actually fairly engrossed in my work and was bewildered when I heard a tapping at my window. I glanced at the clock and sighed in relief when it read one am. It was probably just Jake.

I peeked outside and there he was, standing under my window, tossing pebbles in the air. "Hey Jake," I called down quietly.

"Hey Bells. You might want to grab another blanket. It might start to rain," he called back up.

I grabbed the blanket off my bed and stared back out the window. "I'll be down in a minute," I called.

"Just jump," Jake responded and I looked at him like he was crazy. "Really Bella, it'll be okay. I'll catch you."

"You're crazy!" I hissed.

"Bella, honey, I'll catch you. This way, as long as you don't scream, there's zero chance of you falling down the stairs, slamming the door or making any other noise to wake up Charlie."

Jake had a point, but jumping out my window? I just had to trust him, and I did. I gripped my blanket tightly and bit down on it as I climbed to the window's ledge. Jake stepped back as he adjusted how I would fall and after mentally counting to three about twenty times I closed my eyes and jumped. The air whipped around me for the briefest second, and I was luckily too afraid to scream.

But the next second I landed unceremoniously in Jacob's arms and he held me while I hyperventilated. "Told you I'd catch you," Jake said, laughter in his voice as he set me down, keeping his hands on my waist to steady me.

"Yeah, yeah," I muttered. I looked around suddenly noticing the absence of any car. "Didn't you drive here?" I asked him, suddenly getting an ominous feeling.

"Nope," Jake said proudly. "I ran."

"Then how exactly are we getting there?" I asked him.

"We're going to run," Jake said with a smile. "Or at least I am."

I shook my head, willing myself to come to another conclusion. I didn't. "Do you mean to say that I'm going to...to ride on you or something to get there?"

"Oh don't worry Bells. It's just like riding a horse, except I much quicker and more comfortable." I stared at him, my mouth hanging open. "Come on, lets not be late," Jake said. "Just uh, stay there for a moment okay? I'll come back in a sec."

Jake disappeared into the forest and reappeared in a couple of seconds in wolf form.

It still took me a moment to get used to seeing him like that, and Jake gave me that before trotting up to me and kneeling down.

"Climb on?" I asked dumbly. Jacob whined, nodding his head in response. I could just imagine what he was thinking, _Come on Bells, it doesn't take a genius to figure that out._ I hesitantly climbed on and fisted my hands in Jake's soft fur, wedging the blanket between my chest and his back so that it wouldn't fall. Jake gave a warning growl and I shut my eyes as he took off. The wind assaulted me on all sides as Jake made his way expertly through the forest, but his stride was smooth and sure, and I wasn't hit by any stray branches, for which I was thankful.

When at last we started to slow down I peeked open my eyes and glanced around. The trees were thinning out on either side and we broke through the line of trees within the minute. Jake jogged to the left of the field where his pack was waiting. I was a bit afraid to glance at the other side of the field. I suddenly wished I could speak to Jake in his wolf form so that I wouldn't be put through the misery of not knowing which vampires were here already.

I kept my eyes focused on the pack and climbed slowly off of Jake's back. He stretched before lying down in a slightly curled position and looked at me expectantly. I noticed that without the warmth of his body the night was indeed chilly. I wrapped the blanket around myself and curled up next to Jake who nudged me with his nose and licked my cheek. I scratched him between the ears, too nervous to tell him that his kiss was all slobbery but I still appreciated the thought.

"Bella!"

It was a voice I hadn't heard in such a long time I looked up in surprise. There was Emmett, waving his arms over his head and grinning like an idiot. Next to him Rosalie looked slightly displeased and just as amazingly gorgeous as I remembered. To their right were Esme and Carlisle, both of whom were waving hello and smiling at me, and Edward stood next to his father, his mouth set in a frown as he glared at Jacob. To Rosalie's left was Alice, looking as happy and bubbly as ever, and of course, standing on her tiptoes to whisper something in Jasper's ear.

Jasper.

Even looking at him hurt like hell and I clenched my fist in Jake's fur more tightly, willing myself not to break down. Jasper looked at me when he felt my distress and I quickly averted my eyes back to the others, waving hello back. Neither side moved to meet. The vampires because they weren't particularly fond of the smell of werewolf and didn't want to alarm the pack, and me because I didn't think I would be able to be in such close proximity to Jasper for more than a split second. So we just grinned at each other like idiots and waved our arms.

Jacob nuzzled his muzzle against my neck when and gave me a look that I interpreted to mean, _Don't worry. Everything will be okay. I'm here. Why don't you go to sleep now?, _when Jasper stepped up and walked in between the two groups.

So I let myself drift into the first blissful sleep I had since the last time we had had one of these training meetings. In it Jasper and I were picking strawberries.

* * *

**A/N:** Sorry again about the wait, but I'm falling back into schedule. Indeed, I've finally made an outline for the rest of the story and anticipate about 7 more chapters. Hopefully now I will be able to write faster, since I've got a plan!

Sorry to the reviewers I was unable to respond to, the site is being weird and won't let me D:

Again, many thanks to **JaspersBella**, as well as the many reviewers and readers that have stuck with me. We'll get through this together. And hopefully before I start college! Til next time :D


	17. Chapter 17

**Chapter Seventeen**

I couldn't help the smug smile that graced my face when Jacob made a show of trotting in with Bella and snuggling up against her. There was absolute shock coming from most of the family, but Edward was radiating pure fury. There was no doubt in my mind that Edward wanted nothing better than to run over there and cause Jacob some bodily harm, take Bella away and keep her in his protective embrace. But I had warned him for Jacob, and we really did need the help of the pack.

I busied myself talking to Alice and to keep my mind off of Bella until I felt a strong stab of pain coming from her direction. It got worse when I glanced up at her, and I was upset to find she quickly looked away. Jacob was worried about her and tried to comfort her, especially when Bella had to say hello to the family again. None of them made a move closer, and I was both happy and angry at that fact.

_Focus Jasper_, I told myself.

Bella drifted off to sleep quickly and I took my spot as instructor. I was a bit nervous to be teaching the family, especially when Carlisle set his attentive gaze upon me. Alice gave me an encouraging smile and I smiled back, taking a deep breath and beginning.

"I know that the pack has seen the basic moves and techniques on how to kill newborns, but if you don't mind I'd just like to go over them once again for the others." I looked again at Alice who obliged to help me with my demonstration. "I know it's been a while for us, but when we were newborns we were incredibly strong. However, I'm sure you'll agree that we had absolutely no technique, no instruction on fighting. Therefore, if you know what you are doing, it's fairly easy to take down a newborn."

I nodded to Alice who grinned back up at me and ran forward, locking my arms around her neck, but stopping in time to keep her from harm. "There are several ways to incapacitate a newborn, but I'll tell you now-you need to kill them before they kill you."

The rest of the demonstration went on in the same way. After showing basic techniques, I invited Emmett up to show the pack some more refined moves. Emmett had always been one of my favorite sparring partners, and he was quite useful in this sense as well because he was much more focused on using his strength as opposed to technique. Emmett and I had a good time sparring but I needed to move on and show the pack a bit more refinement.

_Edward?_ I asked. He stood and walked over to where I stood while Emmett jogged back to Rosalie. _If you don't mind, I'd like to show the pack more skillful and creative ways to take down a vampire._ Edward nodded at me and, without a second thought, charged.

I ducked to the left and made to attack him, but Edward jumped up and over me. I swung my legs, knocking him to the ground, but Edward grabbed my right leg and pulled me down as well, growling.

I rolled to the side, barely missing a punch from Edward and used my legs to kick him backwards. In the split second it took for me to stand up, Edward slammed into me from the side, sending us flying towards the pack. I growled at him and managed to disentangle myself first to punch him, but Edward caught my fist and I had to block his other hand with my free one.

This was no longer a friendly fight. This was all about releasing pent up tension and anger over the past events. Suddenly using this "demonstration" was just a clever way of fighting without causing alarm.

Alice, however, caught on quickly. "Jasper? Edward?" she called softly, and we stopped mid-fight to look at her. She raised her eyebrow at us and we slowly stepped away from each other. Thank God Bella wasn't awake for this.

Edward shot me a dirty look at the last thought and strode back over to Esme. I took a deep breath to calm myself and turned to face the pack and continue with instruction.

The rest of the lesson didn't last long, as it soon began to rain, making it hard for the pack to make out the quick movements. So we called it a night and I quite deliberately avoided Jacob, who was pulling the blanket over Bella with his teeth to shield her from the rain, and walked over to Alice.

"Great fight, man," Emmett said when I walked up, clapping me on the back. "You and Edward were really into it."

"Thanks Emmett," I said simply. Alice was definitely not pleased with how that fight went, or what it meant, and I was feeling guilty about it now. It didn't help things when Edward walked over to Jacob and argued with him quietly over who would take Bella home.

"We'll meet you at the house," Esme said touching my arm. She smiled at me and, along with Carlisle, Emmett and Rosalie, began running back to the house.

"Ready to go Jazz?" Alice asked, lacing her fingers with mine.

I brought our hands up and kissed the back of Alice's hand. "Almost. I just need to talk with Sam for a minute."

I left Alice for a moment to jog over to where Sam now stood in human form. I stopped a few feet short of him and he nodded his head. "That was a good lesson, Jasper. The pack should be fine now, instruction wise, but if we need another meeting we'll call you."

"Thank you," I replied. "Just let me know." Sam nodded and turned to head off, motioning for Jacob to follow him,

Jacob growled in response, then directed another growl up at Edward, who was now holding Bella in his arms. So he had won the argument this time. As I turned to leave I heard Bella shift in Edward's arms then sigh. "Jasper," she breathed.

Edward froze, but I kept jogging back to Alice. I could feel Jacob's mirth mingle with my own secret joy the entire run back to the house.

**

Alice dropped a magazine on my desk, interrupting the book I was currently engaged in. I looked at the cover, noting the fancy cars.

"I think you should get a car," Alice said. "I've decided to get one myself."

"All right," I told her, placing the magazine to the side and getting back to my book. If there was one thing I detested, it was someone interrupting me when I was engrossed in my current activity.

Alice made a disapproving sound and informed me, "Carlisle is coming to talk to you in two minutes and twenty one seconds," and haughtily left the room.

I raced to finish my chapter before Carlisle arrived and was a page away when he did. He knocked on the door to alert me to his presence. "Hello Jasper," he greeted.

I bookmarked my page and met his gaze. "Hello Carlisle. Please, come in."

I stood up to let Carlisle sit on my chair and took a seat on the bed facing him. "Edgar Allan Poe?" Carlisle asked, glancing at the cover.

"Yes, I quite enjoy his stories and poems," I admitted.

Carlisle nodded, feeling comfortable but uneasy. "How have you been Jasper?"

"Fine," I responded automatically. Carlisle raised an eyebrow at me and I sighed. He may only be three years older than me in human age, but Carlisle had centuries on me. Of course he wouldn't believe such a weak lie. "I've been..." How have I been? I wasn't sure. The past several days had been a whirlwind of emotion, from incredibly ebullient to devastated, and everywhere in between. "I don't know," I said at last.

Carlisle nodded his head, hesitating to speak, not sure what to say. At last he settled on, "Jasper, I know that you don't always feel a part of the family, and that you've been through a lot of things both in your human life and that as a vampire, and I don't think you've ever really been able to talk about these things. But I wanted to let you know that I'll always lend an ear if you need it."

I nodded my head, unable to speak. Carlisle was right, I did have feelings of isolation and was sometimes desperate to talk about my feelings. Which I wouldn't concede to without prodding, something Bella had been expert at. Furthermore, Carlisle was having a serious talk to me about...me. It really touched me and I had the sudden urge to tell him everything about Bella and me.

Carlisle waited patiently, as if he expected me to do just that, but the words wouldn't come. I tried to force them out, but couldn't bring myself to do so. At last I just said, "Thank you Carlisle," berating myself for my wavering voice. Carlisle looked slightly disappointed but smiled back at me and excused himself.

I turned back to my book to finish up the story I had nearly finished, _The Oval Portrait_. I read, enraptured, to the last sentence, _"She was dead!"_ and sat shocked. The story had been tragic, that of a radiant beauty who had fallen in love with a painter who loved his art more than his wife. She had obliged to be painted, and he had grown so engrossed in his work that his love lost life, lost spirit, and at last died.

It wasn't so much that I was upset with the self-centeredness of the painter; no, it was the fact that the young woman had died. Died. Sometimes I forgot the pure mortality of humans. And if truth be told, it only made me worried about Bella. What if Edward never turned her and I lived the rest of eternity with only my memories of her. A Bella who wasn't mine was better than no Bella at all.

These thoughts were swirling around my mind and wouldn't let me rest. I had no one to talk to this about; Jacob really wasn't an option, I couldn't imagine having such a heart to heart with the boy. Alice and Edward definitely weren't possibilities either. I'm sure Esme would have been very understanding, but it was Carlisle I decided on. I had wanted to tell them anyway, but now that Carlisle had offered I wanted to take the easy way and perhaps win some advice and understanding in the process.

I stood to make my way across the hall to Carlisle's office, but the moment I stepped out the door Alice was in front of me, her arms crossed over her chest and an annoyed look on her face.

We had a silent conversation, we often did. She would show me how she was feeling and I would make decisions based on that. And right now she was definitely upset with my decision to talk to Carlisle. But this was something I wanted to do, and for once I wouldn't fold to her.

Alice narrowed her eyes at me and then closed them, searching whatever decisions she would make, trying to find an outcome that would work for her. After a minute or two she finally looked back up at me. Her face was still unhappy, but now it was a look of hurt that she gave me. I was hurting her, but I was hurting too. She brushed past me to enter the room and shut the door behind her.

I sighed and walked over to Carlisle's office, knocking on the door.

"Come in," he called, and I pushed the door open. "Hello again Jasper," he said with a smile, setting his book aside.

"Do you think we could go for a walk?" I asked him. I wasn't quite ready for the rest of the family to know about Bella and me yet.

Carlisle smiled at me, standing up. "Of course," he replied. We stepped over to his window and jumped out, landing softly on the ground.

We walked for a long while until I was sure we were out of ear shot of the family. There was no easy way to edge into the topic, so I went ahead and dove in. "I love Bella." Damn, I didn't mean to start off with that.

Carlisle looked at me, thoroughly shocked, but trying to understand. "Romantically?" he wondered.

"Yes," I sighed. "It didn't start like that. I left the family because I needed to get away, I...I felt the blame. I know the family didn't mean for me to feel blamed, told me they didn't blame me, but I could tell, I could feel it. And Edward, everyone really, were suffocating me. I just wanted to take a break, so I went out on my own for a bit. I'm not sure why, but I decided to stop in Forks, just to check up on Bella."

"She was that bad then?" Carlisle asked.

I nodded my head gravely. "But it wasn't like I was in a straightjacket when I was around her. I could actually use my powers to help calm her and soothe her pain a little, or make it numb I guess; unlike in Alaska." I paused, not sure what to say next.

"So how did you two start talking again?" Carlisle prompted.

"Bella went to Port Angeles with Jessica Stanley. And she was being really stupid," I said, slightly amused. "I hadn't really hunted a lot, and Bella was getting into trouble with a group of men. I sort of lost it and, in defending her when the men got too close, let Bella see I was there. I ran away to hunt after that; I couldn't face Bella in the state I was in."

I paused again, looking up at the stars. It was clearing up now, the sky lightening, but the stars were still visible. My mind flashed back to stargazing with Bella. God I loved stars.

"It was a rocky start at first," I told Carlisle. "Bella is incredibly clumsy, and there were a couple of precarious incidents, but in the end they brought us closer. Bella and I became good friends; well I suppose we would have to, we spent all our time with each other. And then one day...I don't know. Things changed. And I realized how right it was, being with Bella. I wasn't worried about making the wrong decision, or that I might accidentally kill her or someone else. Bella trusted me completely, and it was something I was missing.

"Of course we felt really terrible for a while. Alice and Edward. But we decided to focus on the present. I was really getting to know Bella, getting her to trust me, and, despite myself, I started to love her. And she felt the same. I realized just how much I cared for her when I finally took a long hunting trip. Bella and I had been together for most of the day every day, and taking this trip was killing me. But then so was the whole not hunting for a long time part too.

"Things had finally gotten really good. I was happy, so unbelievably happy. And the love I felt for Bella just kept growing exponentially. But then Laurent came with Victoria's plan. And suddenly Alice was in the area. And Edward.

"I still love Alice. She means the world to me, I owe her so much. She brought me joy and hope in my worst times. And Edward has been my brother for so long. But there was just something about Bella. The way she worries her lip when she's upset or nervous, how she cries when she's mad, her ability to trip over thin air."

I paused to take an unnecessary breath and look around me. We had stopped walking and were standing deep into the forest, the thick canopy of trees blocking out the morning light. "I thought, _we_ thought, Bella and I, that breaking up, going back with Edward and Alice was the best thing. I mean, being together, it would break up the family, and I've already done enough damage there. But when I saw her walk away, knowing that she no longer will be mine to hug, to hold, to kiss, to even love...I don't know anymore. I just...don't know."

I let out a deep breath and sank to the ground, my back resting against a tree. Carlisle was quiet, absorbing all the information, shock still radiating off of him, but it was lessening. He sat down beside me, face turned up to the patch of sky we could see through a small break in the trees directly above us.

"Jasper," Carlisle began at last, his voice soft, his tone careful. "You know that I love all of you like my own children. You've all brought me so much joy when I thought I would never be able to be happy in this existence. If it's not too cliche of me, I really do feel like your father. And as a father, I want all of my children to be happy. But most of all, I want you to be true to yourself. It's never good to live a lie, it only makes everyone miserable. I've seen it happen too often in both humans and vampires. But those that did what they felt deep down was right, those were the happiest people I've seen.

"I don't know if being with Alice is what is right for you, or for her, or for anyone. I don't know if Bella being with Edward is right. And I don't know if you being with Bella is right either. All I can tell you is to make your choices, and be happy with them. Make your decisions for yourself, not because it'll please everyone else, or because it's what is expected or demanded of you. Make the choices you won't regret, the commitments that you know you want to make.

"When I created Edward, then Esme, Rosalie and even Emmett, I wasn't sure if I should. I didn't know what to do, I didn't have much time to decide. But I did what I felt was right. I don't regret any of those decisions because they've brought me so much joy. And I don't regret they day that I welcomed you and Alice into the family; that was another decision that I would make all over again if I could.

"What I'm trying to get at here is to let you know that no matter what happens, no matter what choices you make, as long as they are what you think are right, and make you happy, then you'll have my approval and happiness for you. Alice is a wonderful creature, and you've had so many brilliant years together. And Bella is a quite the treasure as well. I hate to see any of you hurting, but in love someone always gets hurt. Just keep that in mind Jasper."

I nodded my head, taking everything in. It was good to know I had Carlisle's blessing, if you will. No matter what happened, whether Alice and I stayed together, or I begged Bella to take me back, the fact that I had at least one person supporting me gave me the courage to make whatever decisions needed to be made when they came along. I glanced at Carlisle, who was watching a ladybug crawl all over his hand, and grinned. He really was a great father.

* * *

**Alice POV**

"Jazz," I called. He looked up from his book. "You haven't decided yet," I reminded him, holding up the car magazine.

"I haven't," he confirmed.

I was quick to hide my irritation, having long been able to practice such reflexes. I made my way over to Jasper and bent forward to place a kiss on his cheek. He smiled at me, and reached up to stroke my cheek. I sighed happily. There was no doubt that I'd been missing Jasper.

I stood up and had only taken one step when I was taken by a vision.

_Edward and Bella stepped through the doorway and he led her into the kitchen. She was nervous and kept fidgeting with her clothes. _

_The family was waiting for them, Esme taking a batch of cookies out of the oven, Emmett and Rosalie playing cards at the table and Carlisle sitting on a chair at the island's counter, leafing through a newspaper. I was hanging back with Jasper, who was reluctant to be near Bella._

_At last Bella stumbled through the doorway, Edward's hand on the small of her back, guiding her. The second she stepped foot in the kitchen, Esme turned to her with a smile, balancing a cookie on her spatula._

"_Bella!" she grinned. "I've made chocolate chip cookies." _

_Bella smiled at Esme widely. "Hello Esme. They smell great!" She reached out for one and used eating the cookie as an excuse to hide her nerves. This was the first time she and the family were meeting since her birthday party._

"_Bella," Emmett greeted, standing up and grinning at her, his arms opened wide. _

"_Hey Emmett," Bella mumbled, glancing up at him and throwing a sidelong glance at Rosalie, who was shuffling the cards and ignoring her. Emmett stepped forward and scooped Bella up in a hug, carefully holding her though she felt it as a bear hug. _

"_I've missed you, kid," Emmett told her as he set her down but kept his arms wrapped around her. "What sort of embarrassing things have you been doing since I've been gone?" he asked with a wink._

_Bella turned pink and stammered. "W-what? Nothing."_

"_Emmett," Esme chastised. She glanced at Carlisle who folded the paper and stood up._

"_Hello Bella," he said. "How have you been?"_

_Bella smiled in greeting. "Fine," she said simply._

_Edward tugged Bella's hand, leading her away. Bella waved goodbye to the family and they made their way over towards the stairs, where Jasper and I were standing at the bottom. _

"_Hello Bella," I heard myself greet, a small smile plastered on my face. _

_Bella forced herself to smile once more. She looked at me before her gaze flicked to Jasper, then back to me. "Hello, Alice," she answered. She gripped Edward's hand tighter when she looked back to Jasper._

"Alice?" Jasper asked, looking up at me from his seat.

I clicked back into the present, drawn out of my vision. I always told Jasper about my visions, this time was no different. "Bella's coming to visit," I told him, my voice unnaturally cheery, even to me. "I'm going to go rearrange Emmett and Rosalie's closet," I told him, making my way out of the room and leaving Jasper to his thoughts.

I knocked on the door and Rosalie answered, unsurprised. "I knew you'd love to help," she said, smiling.

I grinned back at her, twirling my way into her room and closet. "Don't worry, I know what to do," I called to her.

"Thanks Alice."

I set to my task, pulling shirts down from shelves and stripping them from hangers. Some outfits I left on the floor to be donated, some were matched with different articles to create a new outfit, and some were simply moved around.

As I worked I was taken with little visions here and there. Some were clear but most were blurry. They mostly involved Jasper and Bella: hugging, kissing, fighting, talking, stealing looks at each other. I knew it was Jasper considering different things he might do when she visited. After a particularly vivid scene in which Jasper and Bella reunited with a passionate kiss I had to take a break from Emmett's clothes. I took several deep breaths in and out, and was reassured slightly when the latest vision was one in which Jasper merely glanced at Bella then ignored her. There were no more after that one and I let out a big breath.

That Jasper was thinking so much about Bella truly hurt. It was hard to be Bella's friend when I resented her for inspiring feelings in Jasper. He was my life, what I'd been waiting for so that we could join the Cullens together.

But I wanted to be her friend. The visions I had when Edward first met Bella, visions of our friendship were wonderful and something that I truly wanted to keep. I sighed as I tossed another shirt of Emmett's to the floor, holes in it from being ripped by a bear fight I could make this work. I had to..

Several hours later I heard Edward's Volvo crunching the gravel of the driveway. Jasper tensed and I twirled my way over to him knowing exactly what to do.

"It's okay Jasper, we don't have to really see them," I told him.

Jasper nodded, trying to relax. "So tell me, where are we going to be then?" he asked with a small smile.

I grinned up at him, glad that he was indulging me in my love for telling the future. "We'll be standing at the bottom of the stairs. Everything will be perfect." I reached up and kissed Jasper on the cheek before tugging him down the stairs.

Esme was willing the cookies to hurry up and finish baking while Carlisle feigned calm by flipping through a newspaper; Emmett and Rosalie were actually into their card game, and everything was going perfectly as predicted.

Bella nervously greeted the family, just as I saw, and the entire time Jasper held my hand a little more tightly than normal. I pushed away the negative thoughts because of that and did my best to smile at Bella when she walked by.

"Hello Bella," I greeted, and the smile came a bit easier than I expected. Perhaps actually seeing her there, holding Edward's hand just as she normally would, must have more of a concrete effect than a vision did.

"Hello Alice," Bella squeaked back, her voice a bit high. She glanced at Jasper and suddenly everything was not going according to plan. "Hello Jasper," she forced out, but her eyes screamed a different story.

"Bella," Jasper replied, and suddenly...

_Jasper reached across and brushed some hair off of Bella's face. "I love you," he told her, kissing her forehead. "I love you," he said again, kissing her nose. "_I love you," _he said a final time, and captured her lips with his own._

_Bella's tears slipped down her cheeks, her sigh melting into a loving kiss and her hands eagerly pulling Jasper forward, wanting more._

_"I love you Jasper Whitlock," Bella murmured, resting her head on his chest as he wrapped his arms securely around her. "Always."_

"Alice," Edward said sharply, snapping me back into reality. He tilted his head to the side, wondering what had just happened.

I forced a smile back on my face, years of practice making such a task a little easier. _Jasper or Bella were thinking of taking another path for a moment_, I thought.

Edward narrowed his eyes slightly and wrapped his arm around Bella's waist possessively. He gave Jasper a severe look before he ushered Bella upstairs, closing the door to his room behind him with a little more force than necessary.

I turned to Jasper to see him staring guiltily at the floor.

"Jasper," I choked out, feeling the burn in my eyes that should have filled with tears. "You still can't decide," I half accused, half begged. He reached out to me but I turned away. My perfect world was shattered.

* * *

**  
A/N:** Hope that the Alice POV didn't throw you guys off too much. I was having a hard time with the ending of this chapter and wrote from her POV to clear things up, but it was too short to be it's own chapter so I added it on. I am so sorry for the delay, I was very engaged this week in many distractions. Namely stories by **AlyNiki**, my first concert, and the book _Pride and Prejudice and Zombies._ All three of which I would highly recommend to all of you.

Thank you to all of my wonderful reviewers, you all really make my day. I hope you enjoyed this chapter. It was a bit of a turning point, what with Jasper talking to Carlisle. As usual, all my grateful thanks to **JaspersBella. **I'll see you guys next time!


	18. Chapter 18

**Chapter Eighteen**

The next week was a blur of activity, Edward, and placating Charlie. The first time I brought Edward home after he returned was definitely not pleasant. Charlie saw his face and immediately went purple.

"He's not happy," Edward whispered in my ear as I fumbled with my key.

I stopped just as I fit the key in the lock and looked up at him. "How bad?" I asked.

Edward was silent as he listened to Charlie's thoughts. He smiled slightly and placed his hand on the small of my back, opening the door and guiding me in. "We'll survive," he told me. "Hello Charlie," he called.

"Hey Dad," I said as he walked into the kitchen. "You remember Edward?"

Charlie gaped at us, his mouth opening and closing as he tried to think of something to say. At last he ground out, "Yeah, I remember him," and stormed off, plopping down on the couch and abusing the remote.

We sat at the table and pulled out homework. I noticed Edward wince a few timed and at last asked him what was wrong. "Charlie really isn't happy that I'm back," he sighed. "And he keeps thinking about…how you were after I left."

I groaned. I hated any time that Edward would have to see how I had been. "Don't listen to him," I implored.

Edward gave me a wry smile. "I don't really have a choice," he told me.

I frowned at the back of Charlie's head. "Do you want to go somewhere else?"

Edward looked at me with a pained smile. "If it's all right I think I'll head home until Charlie falls asleep," he told me quietly. "I'll come back later tonight."

I nodded my head and pushed my chair back from the table. I walked Edward to the door and, when Charlie wasn't looking, he gave me a quick kiss goodbye. My heart still stuttered and I smiled goofily at him. "See you later," he murmured in my ear and was gone.

After a few minutes the initial high of Edward's kiss wore off and I was staring at my Calculus homework, frustrated. I was really trying my best to make things work out between Edward and I, and Charlie's blatant disapproval really wasn't helping. Wasn't it bad enough that I was missing Jasper nearly all the time? Charlie's behavior was just rubbing salt in the wound, and I let him know as much when he walked into the kitchen to grab a beer.

"Did you have to be so rude?" I asked bluntly.

Charlie looked a bit taken aback by my tone of voice. "Well yeah. The guy leaves you Bells, you're a miserable wreck for months, and when you're finally getting better, making friends again, he comes back in to ruin things." Charlie said this all in a matter of fact way as he popped open his can. Clearly he'd been wanting to have this sort of conversation for a while.

"Edward makes me happy Dad. Don't you want me to be happy?" I asked crossly. I was definitely throwing a tantrum now, but I couldn't seem to help it. Things hadn't been good the past few days and it was all just building up inside.

"Jacob makes you happy. And it seems like that Jasper kid makes you happy too. I don't see why you don't go out with one of them," Charlie told me. "Jacob is a great guy, he's known you for ages and he wouldn't do anything like Edward. Leave you and never bother to call or anything. Hell, Jasper seems like a better choice and I barely even know the man. Proper and charismatic, makes a great meal and friendly too. Sorry Bells, I just don't know what you see in Edward."

My mouth dropped open as if he'd just slapped me. In fact it felt just as if he had. It wasn't as if I could retort. All he had said was true, but that didn't change the fact that he didn't know Edward like I did. Didn't know how kind and wonderful he was. "I love Edward. He's...everything. He's perfect. And he's the one that I'm going to be with." Even as I said the words I was trying to convince myself.

"Isabella, I do not want you to see Edward Cullen anymore," Charlie demanded, his hand clenched tight around his drink and his face red.

"I'm not a child anymore!" I cried, entirely beyond reason at this point. "I'm tired of being treated like one! I can make my own choices and my own decisions, and I am deciding that I am going to be with Edward whether you like it or not," I ground out waspishly before turning heel and heading out the door, slamming it for effect.

I stomped over to my truck, ignoring Charlie's threats behind me. I knew I was being unreasonable, but I didn't want to listen to Charlie; didn't want to hear him validate the same thoughts I had been thinking every time I was with Edward.

I was so incensed that I had made it all the way off my driveway and down the road before I noticed someone sitting next to me. I screamed and stomped on the brakes, my heart pumping adrenaline through me.

"Geez Bella, no need to shout," Emmett cried, covering his ears with his hands.

I stared at him, my knuckles white as I gripped the wheel, and tried to slow my heart and control my breathing. "What are you doing here?" I asked at last.

Emmett grinned. "I'm watching you," he told me nonchalantly, as if he did this every day.

Of course he was watching me, someone had to with a couple of crazed, vengeful vampires trying to kill me. I sighed and started driving again, glad no other car had passed us. "You could have at least given me a warning," I muttered. I was embarrassed. Emmett must have heard everything I said to Charlie.

True to his character Emmett decided to talk about the one thing sure to embarrass me more. "Wow Bella, didn't know you had it in you. You sure put Charlie in his place," he told me, winking.

I sighed. "I probably shouldn't have said all those things."

Emmett slung an arm over my shoulder comfortingly, going into big brother mode. "Why not? You were just expressing how you felt," he told me.

"I was throwing a tantrum," I countered.

Emmett's booming laugh reverberated in my chest. "Sorry, sorry," he amended when I shot him an annoyed look. "What's wrong?"

I didn't, couldn't, exactly tell Emmett what was wrong. Apparently the only ones who knew about Jasper and me were Edward and Alice. Emmett wasn't exactly the best person to tell about the dilemma. "I don't really want to talk about it," I said quietly. "It's just been a rough week."

Emmett squeezed my shoulder lightly. "Don't worry, everything will work out," he told me warmly. We sat in comfortable silence for a while as I drove. At last Emmett broke the silence. "So Bella," he began, elongating the first word. "Are we going somewhere private to make out?"

I turned my head sharply, blood rushing to my face and making Emmett laugh. "W-what? No!"

"Then I think you ought to know that you passed our driveway about half a mile ago," he told me, grinning widely. I cursed under my breath and made a U-turn on the road. "Well I'd personally love to, Bella, but I'm not sure that Edward and Rosalie would be too happy if we did," Emmett told me seriously.

I stared at him in confusion for a moment until I realized he was making a reference to my use of a certain expletive that connoted intercourse. As my face turned bright red Emmett broke out into a laughing fit and was barely able to control himself by the time we pulled up to the Cullen house.

"Thanks Bella, that's the most fun I've had in a while," he told me, giving me a bear hug.

"Yeah, yeah," I replied, still pink in the cheeks but in a considerably better mood. Emmett walked me to the door where Edward was waiting. "Hey," I said meekly.

"What's wrong? Did something happen?" he asked me before turning sharply to Emmett and probing his mind.

I was a bit irked by his lack of letting me answer for myself and placed my hand on his cheek to bring his attention back to me. "I got in a fight with Charlie and left," I explained.

Edward sighed, relaxing into my palm. "Bella," he muttered shaking his head slightly. "Come on," he said, grabbing my hand and leading me up to his room as if I didn't already know where it was. What little tolerance I had recovered thanks to Emmett's good mood evaporated when I caught a glimpse of Alice and Jasper curled up on the couch.

After Edward closed the door to his room I tugged my hand out of his and walked over to his stereo and began fiddling with it. He was listening to classical music again and I searched his collection for something more befitting of my mood.

"Did you finish your homework?" he asked me at last.

"No," I replied, opening the case of a CD that held the promise of angry music. Linkin Park never disappointed.

"Did you bring it over?" he asked instead, clearing floundering in how to deal with my bad mood.

"Maybe I don't _want_ to finish it," I snapped, turning up the music.

I looked up to find Edward staring at me, his brows furrowed. He'd never dealt with me in such a mood before and didn't know how to react. "But we have school tomorrow," he reminded me.

"Really?" I asked sarcastically.

At last Edward took a more aggressive approach. "Bella, what's wrong? Why are you so angry?"

I glared up at him. "Maybe I don't like being treated like a child who can't think for herself and is perceived as incapable of handling her own problems."

"I never said you were any of those things," Edward responded.

"You don't have to say it when your actions clearly do," I muttered.

Edward took a deep breath and pinched the bridge of his nose, letting it out slowly. He looked at me with soft eyes. "Bella, love, what's really wrong?"

What's wrong is that you treat me like a child more often than not. What's wrong is that you left me heart broken in the forest with no hope and no will to live life. What's wrong is that you came back just when I was finally moving on and finding my own true, wholesome happiness. What's wrong is that everything Charlie said only consolidated my own insecurities and doubts.

Sometimes I really wished Edward could read my mind. Because I wasn't sure I could do this anymore.

I stared at my shoes, unable to look Edward in the face for fear of being unable to speak my mind. He had the special ability to make me completely forget any reason why I was mad at him or should be mad at him with just one beautiful, breathtaking, crooked smile.

"You left me," I whispered, tears rushing to my eyes.

I didn't look up to see the expression on Edward's face, but I'm sure it wasn't pleasant. "I'm back," he told me quietly, placing his fingers under my chin and urging me to look up at him. "I won't ever make that mistake again."

I stepped back from him, feeling my back press against the wall of his music collection. I shook my head. "Making it once destroyed me," I told him, my eyes staring at a shiny cover. "Whose to say you won't make it again when you think things get too dangerous? I survived once, I don't think I can survive a second time."

"Bella, I'm here. I'm not going anywhere," he told me, stepping forward and trying to embrace me.

I wrapped my arms protectively around myself and finally looked up at Edward. He looked confused and frustrated, not the least bit sorry. "You don't understand," I said, my voice rising slightly. "You. Left. Me. Do you even-do you know what it did to me? I couldn't eat, I couldn't sleep. I was...a zombie. An empty shell, Edward, absolutely nothing but a waste of flesh. I didn't invite death but I didn't shun it. I lived like that for four months. _Four months._ And do you know what finally helped me?"

Edward's mouth was shut tight, drawn in a line as he waited for me to continue.

"_Jasper,_" I breathed, the name falling pleasantly from my lips all the while cutting at my heart. "I was finally happy again. I was living, I was me. And then you just come back and expect everything to be peachy keen, but it's not!" My voice was dangerously high and I was certain the rest of the family could hear our argument. For a moment concern crossed my mind, but it evaporated quickly in my hurt and resentment.

"Maybe I don't _want_ to make things work," I said at last.

Edward took a step toward me and looked desperate and lost, hurt and broken. For the briefest moment I was satisfied. At last he felt some of the intense pain I'd been feeling for so long, and I was happy. But it quickly turned into disgust. I was purposefully hurting him now, and that wasn't what I wanted. I just wanted...I wanted Edward to understand, to accept things, to make everything better.

I wanted Jasper and flying kites and passionate kisses and apple butter toast.

I wanted my fun friendship with Alice without the awkwardness of both wanting the same man.

I wanted a whole and happy family not torn apart by the mess that was created on my eighteenth birthday.

Truth be told, I didn't know what I wanted. Because everything was inverted and wrong and contradictory.

"We can work things out Bella. We can make things work," Edward told me, his arm outstretched.

I shook my head slowly as the tears that had been threatening to fall all night finally let loose. "No, Edward. I'm not sure we can," I said softly, turning away and leaving the room, trying to find my way to the stairs through the blur of tears.

I stumbled down the stairs, somehow not falling, and noticed someone waiting at the bottom. "Bella," Jasper breathed, his face contorted with worry, blond hair falling into his eyes as he held one hand stretched out, reaching forward towards me, asking me to come back to him. I looked at him, his honey eyes focused solely on me and not the shocked faces around us, his other arm poised in just a way that he would easily be able to pull me into his arms if I let him.

But then I heard Edward call my name behind me and saw Alice let out a little sob and I turned away, pushing past him and out the door. I fumbled with my keys, trying to find the one that would start the engine when a cool hand wrapped around my own, steadying me.

"Would it be alright if I drove you home tonight Bella?" Carlisle asked in his calm, soothing voice.

I nodded my head dumbly, unable to come up with any reason why he shouldn't, though there were probably plenty. He helped me into the passenger seat and waited until I buckled my belt before roaring my engine to life and heading down the driveway. I was ashamed and embarrassed and didn't want to look up from my hands, so it took me a while to realize that we weren't driving to my house.

"Carlisle, where are we going?" I asked, sniffling and rubbing my face on my sleeve.

Carlisle took a handkerchief from his pocket and handed it to me. I accepted it gratefully and rubbed my runny nose. "Nowhere in particular," he told me. "I find that driving when I'm upset helps me to calm down."

I nodded my head and was silent for a moment, wringing the kerchief in my hands. At last I sighed. "I'm sorry about what happened back there," I forced out, unable to look at Carlisle.

"It's quite alright. That's one of the most wonderful things about being human Bella, being able to so easily express your emotions."

I nodded my head, biting my lip. This was my chance to tell someone about Jasper and me, and Carlisle certainly would be understanding. The only thing I wouldn't be able to stand is if he was disappointed in me and began to disapprove of either of his sons seeing me.

Carlisle chuckled. "Whatever it is that's causing you to make such a pained face, please feel free to share," he told me.

I grimaced slightly. "I'm just worried about how you'll react," I confessed.

"After as many centuries as I've been through, I'm sure that not much will surprise me," Carlisle told me reassuringly.

I took a deep breath while I tried to organize my thoughts and get my story straight. "Well, it's about Jasper and Alice, me and Edward, and, well...Jasper and me," I said. Carlisle nodded his head and patiently waited for my story. "After Edward left, I...wasn't myself anymore," I said evasively. "I had my parents and friends worried, it was really bad. But then one night I saw Jasper. I thought I was going crazy. After all, why would Jasper be in Port Angeles protecting me from drunken men?

"But it was him. And after a rocky start, and many close calls," I added, thinking of the paper cut and ice incident, "we formed a very close friendship, and I spent nearly all my time with him. Then one day...the line between friendship and love just broke, and I found myself..." here I tried to think of a word strong enough to convey what I meant. "I was inexorably in love with him," I said quietly. "And the problem is that I think I still am."

"But you're worried about Edward and Alice," Carlisle prompted gently.

"Yes. I still really love Edward, and I love Alice. She's been such a wonderful friend, and I know how much she loves Jasper." I took a couple of deep breaths to calm the burning in my throat and eyes. "Jasper and I decided it would be best to go back to how things were before. So I've been trying really hard to make things work with Edward. And I've been having such an incredible time with him."

"But?"

"But...I don't think my heart is really into it," I finished lamely. I couldn't believe I just had a conversation with Carlisle about my love life. What was wrong with me?

Carlisle smiled slightly at me as we pulled up my driveway. It was late now and Charlie was either asleep or afraid to see me after our fight. Carlisle turned to face me and placed his hand on my shoulder in his fatherly fashion of affection.

"Bella, you know that I think of you as one of my daughters. And like all my children all I really want is for you to be happy. My only advice to you would be to do what you know you want to. And I know deep down that you already know what that is. Your hearts have made their decisions, I think it's time you and Jasper make up your minds as well," Carlisle advised me. "Pretending never ends well, and you've lived in misery long enough. Whatever you choose, you are always welcome in our family."

I nodded my head, biting my lip and feeling a few more tears slip down my cheeks. "Thank you Carlisle. For everything."

Carlisle smiled at me and handed me my keys. "You're welcome. If you need to talk anymore I'll be watching you tonight, so just call out and I'll be there," he informed me, opening the door of my truck and stepping out.

I followed his actions, stumbling in the dark, and looked up, surprised, when Carlisle came over next to me and crouched down defensively, protecting me. "Carlisle?" I asked, feeling the beginnings panic stirring. "What's wrong?"

Carlisle was silent for a moment, his eyes scanning the forest and undoubtedly listening for any disturbances. At last he stood up cautiously and turned around to face me, though he was alert and worried. "Charlie is fine, he's sleeping soundly in his room."

"Carlisle?" I asked again, unable to control the panic swelling in my chest.

Carlisle wrapped his arm around my shoulder, probably afraid I was going to faint. "The scent is everywhere," Carlisle explained. I looked up at him, focusing on his honey eyes to control my fear. "Victoria's been here."

* * *

**A/N: **Hello! I'm so sorry about the long wait, but I hope you'll forgive me. I had to drive 16 hours up north for college, which starts tomorrow, so that is why this has been delayed...anywho, I hope that you all enjoyed this chapter, I want to say I'll stay on schedule for the story, but I don't know what college is like! And I'm scared! Haha. Anywho, moving the story along...

I want to thank all my reviewers and readers, especially those who really let me know what they think ;] You know who you are, and also I'm sorry if I didn't get back to you coughdracolovertfcough. And all I can say is **JaspersBella.** I hope that connotes all the love and thanks it deserves. :]


	19. Chapter 19

**Chapter Nineteen**

After Bella stormed off an awkward silence reigned in the house. Edward stood at the top of the stairs, his mouth slightly open from shock as he stared at the door. Emmett and Rosalie had stopped their video game, their characters slowly being killed by the enemy as the looked between Edward, Alice and myself. Esme stood in the kitchen, her hand poised above the counter she had recently been cleaning. Alice was sitting on the floor in the far corner of the room, her body shaking with silent cries. Everything was a mix of confusion and shock, hurt and anger.

At long last Emmett broke the awkward silence. "Well, that came out of left field," he said, his voice faltering.

"Does anyone care to explain what the hell just happened?" Rosalie asked, standing up from the floor and facing Edward and me.

"Why don't we go to the dining table," Esme agreed.

Edward, Alice and I didn't move a muscle. After a few moments of inactivity, Esme headed over to Edward and took him by the hand, tugging him to the next room.

Emmett walked over to Alice and bent down. "Hey there Alice. Why don't you give Emmy Bear a hug?" he asked, reaching forward to lift her up. I was quick to notice that the nickname she had given him didn't bring a smile to Alice's face as it normally would have. Emmett picked her up carefully and carried her over to join Esme and Edward.

Rosalie looked at me for a long moment, "I'm not carrying you," she deadpanned.

I wanted to crack a smile but my face felt frozen, my entire body did. I stared at her helplessly and she walked over to me, placed her hand on my shoulder and forced me to look at her.

"Come on Jasper. We'll get through this together," she told me quietly.

I let her take my hand and lead me to where the others were waiting. She sat in between Emmett and me, while Edward, Alice and Esme faced us across the table. When no one took the initiative to begin the conversation, Esme cleared her throat.

"Is there something going on that we don't know about?" she asked mildly,all motherly concern.

I didn't want to open my mouth, suddenly dreading the family discussion. I forced away such feelings and took my opportunity to explain to the family about Bella and I.

I began with why I left in the first place, and how I went to visit Bella. I explained my reasons for staying with her for so long, and how our friendship started to form. Another round of shock ran through the others when I informed them about my feelings for Bella and her reciprocation. When I was through I turned to Edward, who was to explain the scene that had just occurred.

"Bella just...exploded," he said at last. "She was angry, I'm not sure about what, and I don't think I handled it very well," he admitted. There was a silence again as we absorbed this information. "Look, I'd really rather not discuss this any further. Bella and I-"

Edward cut off suddenly, his attention focusing on Alice, who was staring blankly into space. As soon as he heard whatever it was he needed Edward jumped up from the table and sprinted out the door.

Alice snapped out of her vision, and just before she could tell us what was going to happen, my phone rang.

"Carlisle?" I asked, slightly panicked.

"Jasper. Victoria's been here. She's not here now, but who knows when she might come back. I'd like-"

"I'll be right there," I interjected, flipping my phone closed and heading out the door. Edward had the advantage of being faster than I did, and arrived twenty seconds before me. Carlisle had his arm around Bella's shoulder as she tried to keep calm.

"I haven't checked the house yet, but I can hear Charlie snoring in his room," Carlisle informed us.

I nodded, throwing a glance at Bella who was studiously memorizing her shoes. I turned away quickly, scaling her wall and entering through her window, Edward right behind me.

Victoria's scent was strongest in Bella's room, although it was all throughout the house. I peeked in at Charlie to find him unharmed. I was both incredibly surprised and grateful for this. After determining that there was no danger Edward and I called down to Carlisle. He lifted Bella in his arms and she closed her eyes as he brought her up to her room.

Edward was sitting in the chair across from her bed, and I took post near the window, leaning back against it and crossing my arms over my chest. I hadn't expected to be back here, and the memories were beginning to flood in. Edward hissed at me and I did my best to focus on Carlisle placing Bella on her bed and sitting at the edge of it.

"Jasper?" he asked me.

"I'm not sure what it means. Victoria's behavior raises a lot of questions," I told him. "Why is Charlie alive? What was she doing here? Did she expect to find Bella or know she was gone?" I looked to Bella who was hugging a pillow to her chest, her knees drawn up as well. "Bella, do you notice anything different? Edward and I didn't disturb anything."

Bella took a good look around and then shook her head. "No, everything seems like it's in it's place."

I frowned again, trying to figure out what was going on. There was a thump near the window and Bella brought her hands to her mouth to stifle her scream. I opened the window and Emmett jumped in.

"Sorry Bella, didn't mean to scare you," he said, taking in her look of fear. "The others are staying home," Emmett informed me as he traipsed around the room. "Nice room Bella."

Ignoring Emmett's antics I pulled out my phone and hit nine on the speed dial. It rang twice before it was picked up.

"Hello?"

"It's Jasper. Is Jacob there?" I asked.

"Hold on," Billy replied. In the background I heard him yelling for Jake.

Jake sighed irritably as he picked up the phone and immediately began talking. "Look Quil, I've told you a million times. Bella and I are just friends, and if you keep calling I swear I'll pulverize you," he threatened.

"I'll be sure to give Quil the message," I told Jacob, unable to hide the hint of amusement.

Jacob cursed as he realized who he was talking to. "Jasper? It's pretty late. What's up?"

"Victoria has been to Bella's house," I informed him.

"What?" he yelled. "Is she okay? Let me talk to her. Jasper I swear to god-"

I handed the phone to Bella who took it quickly and began soothing Jacob.

"Jake? I'm fine, I promise. I wasn't even home. Yeah at the Cullen house. Yes, Charlie is fine. I'm fine. Jake, stop. Seriously don't have an aneurism, I'm perfectly okay. Yeah, I'll see you tomorrow." Bella handed the phone back to me and for the briefest moment our fingers brushed. I almost reached out to hold her hand, so sweet was the contact, but now definitely was not the time.

"Hello?"

"Jasper. We need to talk and figure out what we're going to do. This really isn't good," Jacob ranted.

Emmett was searching through Bella's bedside drawer and pulled out the camera. "All right!" he said, turning the camera around so he could take a picture of himself. "There you go Bella, you can get that one enlarged and put it on your wall, make all your friends jealous," he told her.

"Emmett!" Bella chastised, reaching out for the camera.

"Oh all right," he grinned, ducking down to bring himself level with Bella and snapped another photo. "If you wanted one with me so much you should have just said so."

"When do you want to meet?"I asked him.

"Tomorrow. It's Friday anyway, after school just bring Bella down and we can figure this out. I'll have my dad invite Charlie over after work, but for now one of us will watch him."

"Alright," I agreed, once again getting distracted by Emmett's antics. "Tomorrow it is."

"Carlisle, pretend you're a ballerina," Emmett begged. "Come on, it'll be great!"

Carlisle refused, but pulled Bella up next to him and let Emmett take a picture. Carlisle chuckled and bent down to reassure Bella. "Remember, even when things are going terrible, it's good to laugh," he told her. "That's the only reason we keep Emmett around," he joked and Bella finally giggled.

"Hey!" Emmett cried indignantly.

"Shhh, not so loud, you'll wake Charlie," Carlisle warned, a smile still plastered on his face,

Emmett laughed quietly and ducked out the door.

"He's gone to take a picture of Charlie," Edward explained, a small smile on his face.

A moment later Emmett returned, his large grin on his face. "Got it," he whispered conspiratorially. I shook my head slightly, a smile gracing my features. This was exactly why Emmett was my favorite sibling, no matter what he could always lighten the mood.

Emmett surprised me by taking a picture while I was distracted, and while Edward was laughing at my misfortune Emmett clicked a picture of him as well. After a few more minutes of Emmett's photo shoot, he turned to Bella looking sheepish.

"Sorry Bella, I used up all the film," Emmett told her, grinning.

"That's all right. I've been wanting to get these developed," she told him softly, giving me a quick glance. Bella glanced down at the bed again, fiddling with the camera in her hands. "Um, I'm really tired."

"Of course," Carlisle agreed, standing up. "We should go." Carlisle paused for a moment, considering her. "I think it's best if one of us stays with you tonight."

Bella nodded up at Carlisle, waves of gratitude coming off of her. She was still frightened about Victoria's surprise visit. I wanted to go to her, hold her in my arms and soothe away her worries.

Edward stepped forward, his palms facing her and looking rather meek. "Bella?" he asked hopefully.

Bella hesitated, glancing at me. Deep down I could tell she was still upset with him and when she looked at me all I felt was overwhelming desire. Whether it was her own or mine, all I knew was that I longed for nothing more than to step up to her, grab her in my arms, and kiss her senseless.

But I didn't move, couldn't move. I'd never wanted to do anything more, but here I was unsure and hesitating, not knowing if this was right or wrong. Carlisle had said do what I want, what was right for me, but was Bella right for me?

And she looked away, her mood considerably down, and she gave Edward a halfhearted smile. She nodded and didn't look at me as I followed Carlisle and Emmett out the window.

I let them run ahead of me, and soon after I slowed from a run to a walk to slumping against a tree. I was so frustrated with myself. This had been my chance to win Bella back, claim her as my own, and yet my own self-doubts had once again prevented me from claiming happiness. I had tried with Alice, but the past few days simply hadn't been anything like the days I spent with Bella. Everything Bella did was interesting, from attempting Calculus to talking in her sleep, everything was new and wonderful. And here I let is slip through my fingers once again.

_Stop it,_ I told myself severely. I wasn't going to mourn my wasted chance. There was still hope for me, despite Bella allowing Edward to stay with her. The look and feelings she gave me were proof of that.

I consoled myself with the thought that for now I would focus on destroying Victoria, Laurent and any other man or creature that stood in the way of keeping Bella safe.

Then I would win Bella back.

**

The following day was more troublesome than I would have liked. Carlisle finally went back to work, and I had to make another appearance in town, dealing with financial issues.

"Jasper dear!" Mrs. Stanley cried when she saw me. "How are you? Now I heard that your family moved back in," she said with a wide grin.

I forced a smile on my own face. "Yes, it was quite the surprise. But Esme really doesn't like Los Angeles," I told her, per the story we agreed on.

"Yes, how lovely. Oh, I've forgotten myself. What can I do for you today?"

"Carlisle asked me to donate some of the money from his account to the hospital," I informed Mrs. Stanley. "Ten percent of his account. With the bonuses he got working in Los Angeles, the hospital will be able to update its technology and purchase more supplies."

Mrs. Stanley tapped away on the computer. "Yes, how very nice of him. So, I hear Edward and Bella are back together," she mused aloud.

I pursed my lips. "Hmm," I said in hopes of making a non-committal answer. My real hope was that Bella and I would be back together soon. But I knew where Mrs. Stanley was going with this. She used Edward and Bella as a segue into the relationship between Alice and I.

Sure enough the next thing out of her mouth was, "So are you and Alice back together?"

I knew she was asking in hopes I would say no and that Jessica would have a chance. "You might say that," I responded vaguely. I didn't want to outright say we weren't together, because technically we were, and give the Stanley's hope, and yet I couldn't claim my unending love for Bella either.

Mrs. Stanley finished writing up a receipt and handed it to me. "There you go hun. Well I'll be sure to talk to Jessica. I know she was talking about that party she mentioned last time we talked."

"Thank you ma'am," I responded, edging out the door. I made a quick getaway and then headed to the store to pick up some groceries for Esme, who insisted that she didn't have enough on hand in case Bella got hungry when she was over.

I picked up a half gallon of milk, some cherry Nutri-Grain bars, a jar of peanut butter and some pretzels. Near the checkout line I saw fresh strawberries, so I grabbed some of those as well.

"Thank you Jasper," Esme said as she helped me put away the groceries.

"You're welcome," I replied. She came over and gave me a hug. "What was that for?" I asked, surprised.

"Because I love you," she replied, a smile on her face as she rinsed off the strawberries.

A small smile worked its way onto my face as I watched my surrogate mother work in the kitchen. It was surprising how such a small gesture could make me feel so much better.

Around two thirty I took the rental car to Forks High. I was still undecided on which car I would eventually buy, but Alice hadn't bothered me about it for a couple days. Still, after having this car for a few days I realized just how handy it was when it came to escorting Bella around.

I pulled up next to Edward's Volvo and waited the few minutes for the bell to ring. Edward strode towards me, a frown on his face.

"She doesn't need to be down there," he said quickly in a low tone.

"All of us are going to be at the meeting, it's important. You should be there as well. And we can't leave Bella by herself," I responded in a calm tone. Fighting with Edward now would get me nowhere.

After a second's deliberation Edward conceded. He turned around and opened the door for Bella, who got in without even a glance at me. I carefully controlled the way my heart ached and got out to open the door for Alice, but she gave me a dirty look and said, "Don't bother."

Sighing I slipped back into my seat and turned the car back on, following Edward down the road towards La Push.

The silence was eating away at me, the tension in the air thick. "So, how was school?" I asked stupidly. Where had all my charisma gone?

"Fine," Alice replied, not bothering to look away from the scenery flying by. "You're going to buy a Jaguar. This color," she told me after a moment.

"Sorry?" I asked surprised. "Why?" I hadn't really even been looking much into buying the car.

Alice's voice was tight and she crushed a rock into dust, one I hadn't noticed she was even holding. I really was slipping away from her. "Because Bella will say she likes it," she responded.

"Oh." What else was there to say. Of course it made sense now. All I wanted was for Bella to enjoy whatever we did together, and if she liked a dark blue Jaguar then of course I would buy one.

The rest of the trip was spent in uncomfortable silence, so far from the easygoing companionship that normally flowed between Alice and I. After my first attempt of inducing calmness, and Alice's resulting hissy fit, I didn't bother to try and make things better and suffered the rest of the way.

Edward was holding Bella's hand when Alice and I got out of the car, whispering something to her that made her giggle then hit him playfully. I wanted to rip that smile off his face.

"Jasper, buddy!" Emmett called from near the house where the rest of the family were standing. He waved his huge arms at me, a goofy grin on his face.

I made my way over to him, noting how Bella kept her adoring eyes glued on Edward, and immediately scrunched up my nose, in perfect unison with the rest of my family as Jacob and another Quileute exited from his house. Jacob and his friend likewise twisted their face in disgust and stood a polite distance away from us.

"Jasper," Jacob greeted, the hint of a smile on his face. "Emmett," he greeted as well, having taken an odd liking to the biggest of my brothers. I wasn't sure whether it was because they had found a fun sparring partner in each other, or their mutual love to tease Bella, but Rosalie wasn't happy in the least. I glanced over at the other boy and raised an eyebrow.

He noticed and grinned. "I'm Quil," he told me, though he didn't offer his hand. "Newest addition to the pack." He said it with such a ridiculous sense of pride that I couldn't help but smile and congratulate him.

Jacob looked over to find Bella speaking in low tones to Edward, who was frowning and shaking his head. At last she pulled away from him, and in a mad sprint, started to make her way over to Jacob. Jacob jogged out to meet her, no doubt afraid she would trip and hurt herself, and scooped her up in his arms, laughing. He twirled her in a circle, inhaled her scent, then put her back down, kissing the top of her head.

It was a tense moment for Edward, who didn't relax again until Bella made her way back to him, smiling guiltily but shining nonetheless. Jacob winked inconspicuously at me and I smirked. I looked away soon afterwards when Jacob glanced back and I could feel jealousy and longing ache through him. He was still in love with her.

Jacob jogged back over to us and became serious. "I think it's best if we head to Emily's house. Charlie will be down here after work, and he might find this gathering a little suspicious."

Carlisle nodded his consent. "Will someone be staying to watch Charlie?"

"I will," Quil said, puffing out his chest a little. "Don't worry about a thing."

Carlisle, Esme, Emmett, Rosalie and Alice piled into the Mercedes, and Bella once again joined Edward in his Volvo. "Sorry man, but I'd rather run there," Jacob told me apologetically, his nose still scrunched.

"Not at all," I replied. I wasn't eager to have werewolf scent lingering in my car either. Jacob arrived at the house first, followed by myself, Carlisle and Edward. Inside Emily was finishing making a dozen sandwiches and a batch of cookies for the pack.

I said hello to her politely as I passed by and went to the dining area, which was exceedingly crowded with all the present company.

"Jasper," Sam greeted, nodding his head. "Why don't we move this outside?" he suggested in that same calm, authoritative manner that Carlisle possessed.

"Bella, do you mind helping me? I'm afraid I might burn something with all that I've got going on," Emily muttered.

Bella nodded and left the rest of us to our devices outside.

The pack didn't need a repeat of what had transpired the night before, and we dove straight into tactics and plan options. It was agreed that the wolves would work best if they were to surprise Victoria and ambush her followers, while we would draw her out into the open. The only point of contention was the idea of using Bella as bait. It went on for long enough that Esme and Alice retired to the kitchen to help Emily and Bella finish up the cooking.

"There's no way in hell we're leaving her out there, vulnerable to a bunch of bloodsuckers," Jacob growled at Sam.

"As much as I hate to, I have to agree with Jacob. I won't allow for Bella to be used as bait. It's too dangerous, even with all of us ready to protect her," Edward argued, concern lacing his tone.

"I understand the gravity of this. But how else are we to lure her out if we hide the object of her mission?" Sam responded.

They argued for a few minutes more until Jacob turned to me. "Jasper, there's no way you'd allow this," he half begged, half assured himself.

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, sending out a wave of calm to the party. As soon as the tensions eased I opened my eyes, frowning.

"I can't say that I like this any more than you do," I told him. "But from my experience, this is usually the most effective method in luring an enemy out." Edward hissed at me while Jake opened his mouth to protest. I held up a hand to silence them. "We won't leave her out in the open as Sam proposed," I continued. "But if we were to leave her scent somewhere, stage it as if she were out for a hike by herself, then Victoria will likely take the bait. She wants this finished as much as we do."

There was a clatter from inside the house, and after a moment Edward turned to me, defeated. "Alice had a vision," he told us. "Apparently she's far away enough from the pack," Edward explained to me when I shot him a confused look. "The plan will work. She didn't see much, just Victoria catching on to Bella's scent and following it to a clearing where we were waiting."

I sighed, relieved. At least that would work out well. We took a recess in which the women, excepting Rosalie, brought out the food. After the wolves scarfed down the food, Emmett taunted Jacob into a sparring match, which Rosalie watched with a frown but hidden amusement.

Carlisle secretly bet her that Jacob would win, to which she scoffed and placed her money on her husband.

The battle was a deadlock, and Jacob and Emmett were soon lost in whispers. The next thing I knew I was thrown to the ground, the bulk of Emmett lying on top of me. I reacted immediately, kicking him off and he landed in a crouched position some thirty feet from me. Before I had time to ask what the hell was he thinking, Jacob's shaggy wolf form hit me from the side.

"Come on Jazzy," Emmett howled with laughter. "Don't let the big bad wolf win!"

I grinned slightly and rolled over, dragging Jacob by the tail. He yelped and bounded away, nudging Emmett who accepted his tag and came after me again. Emmett meant to slip behind me and surprise me into submission, but I quickly scaled the nearest tree and dove at him from above. I landed into him with a loud crack, and Jacob's barking laughter resounded through the trees.

"Yeah, yeah, well then why don't you take him on pup?" Emmett called, popping his shoulder back into place.

But Jacob was laughing too hard and merely shook his head, trotting off to where Bella sat with a slightly amused smile, Edward's arm curled protectively around her.

Jacob lolled his tongue out at Bella and she giggled at him. He nudged her hand with his nose and she stared at him confused.

"He wants a cookie," Edward explained.

"Oh does he?" Bella asked wonderingly. "Normally dogs perform tricks before they get a treat," she teased.

Jacob, who was in an exceedingly good mood despite Edward's presence, laid down and rolled over, then played dead. He stood on his hind legs and hopped forward a few times, much to everyone's amusement.

"All right, all right, enough already," Bella laughed. She took the largest cookie from the plate and let Jacob eat it out of her hand. With a cheeky grin at Edward, Jacob leaned up and licked Bella right on the mouth.

"Eww Jake, gross!" Bella squealed, laughing. Jacob took off running, his barking laugh echoing behind him, and Bella did all she could to prevent Edward from chasing after him.

"Jasper?" Emmett called from my right.

I focused my attention on him and he gave me a shrewd look. After a tense moment I asked him, "Ready for a rematch now?"

Emmett just shook his head, grinning, and jogged back to Rosalie who was arguing with Carlisle that no one had won because neither had betted on me. Emmett looked back just once, a worried look on his face, but turned away quickly when he noticed I was still watching him.

The frivolity ended soon after, as Charlie called up to Emily's and told Bella he was heading on home, having eaten dinner with Billy and wanting to go to sleep. We departed soon after, Edward driving Bella home, and Alice joining me this time.

The ride home was silent once again, and my good mood was rapidly deteriorating. Just as we turned onto the Cullen driveway, Alice turned to me and asked me to stop the car.

"Jasper," she said softly, and I turned to look at her reluctantly. When I finally saw her devastated face I felt my heart sink, and all the feelings she'd been trying to block from me assault me at once. I gasped slightly at the pain and my hand tightened on the steering wheel.

"Alice," I pleaded, staring at her hopelessly, wanting to make her stop. Not just for my sake but for her own.

"I can't do this Jasper," she told my quietly, her eyes glistening. It was taking all she had not to break down right here. "I love you so much," she told me after a prolonged silence.

"I know," I replied. "I'm sorry," I whispered after another pause. "I'm sorry I couldn't make this work. Sorry that my attempts were so pathetic. I've had such a wonderful life with you Alice. You brought me out of such great despair that for the longest time I could see nothing _but_ you."

Alice laughed bitterly. "I know. I've always known." She fiddled with the stereo for a bit, flipping through the channels until she paused and listened to the intro of a very familiar song.

Alice and I were silent as we listened, and I could feel her resolve and heartbreak increase as every moment passed.

_For all we know this may only be a dream_

_We come and go like a ripple on a stream_

_So love me tonight, tomorrow was made for some_

_Tomorrow may never come for all we know_

The musical interlude filled up the car and suddenly I was standing back there in that half empty diner in Philadelphia, defeated and alone.

"The song that was playing the first time I met you," I whispered to Alice, who had her eyes closed, probably reliving the experience herself. I had only heard it a few times after that, sometimes from Edward's room, and sometimes when Alice took the fancy to sing it.

Alice finally opened her eyes and looked at me, though it was slightly unfocused. She reached up slowly and cupped my face in her small hands. She kissed me softly once, twice, then pulled back slowly, her eyes trained on my own, searching them for some sort of hope, some defiance against what she was about to do. But she found none.

"It's been over a long time, Jasper," she whispered to me, her breath hitching. "I just couldn't admit it to myself."

Alice stared at me for a long moment, the music serenading us in the background, and she brushed the hair off my face, giving me a small smile. "I love you," she said softly. "I will always love you."

Then the music ended and Alice left the car, walking slowly through the drizzle of rain that had started up, and disappeared into the mist.

* * *

**A/N: **First off, I'm sorry this took forever. I have no other excuse for not updating sooner other than school and a general lethargy. Please forgive me. I also wanted to bring up that the following chapters will probably be taking a bit more time than usual. I really want to write them well, and it's taking me longer than I would hope to get things right. So I hope you will be patient, and I will do my best to get them out there as soon as I can.

Thank you so much to my wonderful reviewers and JaspersBella. I truly appreciate everything.

Oh, the song is _For All We Know_ by Nat King Cole, just in case anyone was wondering.


	20. Chapter 20

**Chapter Twenty**

Edward wasn't it the best mood after the La Push visit. Undoubtedly Jake's easy show of affection had turned on his jealousy. At last I couldn't stand his silence anymore and sighed loudly. "Edward?"

He turned his attention to me, away from the road. I panicked momentarily but quickly worked to fight that. Nothing was going to happen, Edward was an excellent driver.

Edward took stock of how I looked and sighed, reaching over and grabbing my hand. He drew circles into my palm and looked back at the road. "I'm sorry Bella. I know I'm worrying you and being upset. It's just been difficult. I've missed you so much and I just want to spend every moment I can with you. I don't want to share you," he told me guiltily. He flashed me his signature crooked smile and I felt my heart stutter for a moment. "Please don't be mad at me, love," he implored.

I squeezed his hand lightly. "I'm not mad. I've just been concerned."

He reached up and brushed some hair behind my ear, glancing at me and smiling. "Do you want to do something before we go back home? Charlie will be asleep by the time we get there anyway. Or are you too tired?"

I looked up at him curiously. "I'd love to hang out. Where do you want to go?"

Edward smiled at me, exceedingly happy that I had agreed. "Just another one of my haunts," he replied, accelerating on the gas.

While we drove I began to ask Edward questions I'd never had the nerve to ask before.

"Do you remember much about your human life?"

"Not very much," Edward confessed. "I was already delirious because of the influenza. But I know I wanted to fight. World War I was practically over, but there was still a lot of patriotism hanging around. And I was taken with the notion of winning some war medals and coming home a hero."

I interlaced my fingers with Edward's, somehow not quite used to his slightly smaller and more delicate build. _Don't you dare think about Jasper, Isabella Swan._ And I forced myself not to, I was still too upset with him.

"Do you remember having any past girlfriends?" I asked him mildly, granted I was still a bit curious and somewhat awkward.

Edward smiled at me and leaned in close. "Only you," I whispered in my ear. I felt a shiver run down my spine. It happened a lot when Edward got too close.

"Y-yeah," I stuttered and Edward chuckled softly. He pulled off the road to an exit and we headed down a seldom traveled road.

"What was your favorite food?"

Edward frowned. "I can't remember. I haven't really thought much about human food for decades. It's revolting," he told me apologetically.

I shook my head at him, a slight smile still on my face. "Did you ever want children?"

Edward was slightly taken aback by the question and it took him a moment to answer. "I'm not sure. I was still a bit young back then to think of it, and now it's not really an option. So I wouldn't mind having them, but I'm perfectly fine not having them also."

I nodded my head pensively. This could turn into dangerous territory if Edward asked me the same question back. But I think I was on the same page with him. Luckily I was saved from any questioning by Edward pulling his car to a stop and getting out to open my door.

"It's a bit chilly out," he said, shrugging out of his jacket and draping it over my shoulders.

I took a look around. We were a short walk away from a lake, and it was gorgeous. The moon reflected in its serene surface, various water plants newly growing and blooming to complement the reflection. Edward held my hand and guided me over to a large tree, sitting down with his back to the trunk and pulling me up against him.

I loved being close to Edward, it was enthralling. A small voice deep inside haughtily countered that nothing could compare to Jasper, and I told it to shut the hell up. I was going to enjoy this moment. I sighed and leaned more fully back against Edward.

Edward ran his fingers through my hair and I felt myself relax even more. I was putty in the hands of anyone who played with my hair.

"I love it here," Edward said quietly. "I found it the last time we lived here. Back then it was sort of the place for couples to go, but it's been deserted since then."

"So who'd you bring with you whenever you came?" I teased.

Edward chuckled lowly, his chest rumbling against my back. "My most beloved stuffed bear," he replied.

"Emmett?" I asked, faking surprise.

Edward sighed dramatically. "Well the cat's out of the bag now," he said woefully.

I laughed along with Edward and we settled into silence. I tried to assess the past couple of days, but my mind kept straying to thoughts of Jasper. I was undoubtedly upset the other night when Victoria's scent had been all over my house, but what cut me the most that night was how Jasper seemed so distant and cautious with me, just as if all those months had never happened. Maybe he really didn't want to be with me anymore. The thought disturbed me greatly and I switched my thoughts over to the pack.

I hadn't really hung out with Jacob much recently, nor Emily. I came to the decision that I was severely deficient as a friend and needed to remedy the situation right away by spending time with them tomorrow.

Edward shifted behind me, and I glanced back at him. He was staring at me intensely, his eyes slightly darker than normal, but of course that might have been the lack of light. His unwavering gaze made me nervous and I licked my lips before bringing in the bottom one to chew on. Edward followed the action with his eyes before snapping them back up to my own.

"Bella," he asked slowly, and his voice was huskier than usual.

"Hmm?"

"Can I kiss you?"

My mouth dropped open in surprise. Edward had never asked before, and truth be told the fact that he did now, and looking at me like he was, really was setting me on fire. I nodded mutely and the next instant his lips were on mine, his kiss urgent and needy.

I responded almost immediately, needed a second to get over the shock of it all. I twisted around in Edward's embrace so that I could better face him and not strain my neck with its being turned at an awkward angle. I brought my hands to Edward's face and tried to pull him closer, urging him on.

Edward seemed to hesitate, sending a first warning flag off in my mind, but I didn't listen to it. I attempted to pull him closer again and licked his lower lip, seeking for the never granted entrance.

I had gone too far this time. Edward snapped back, breathing heavily, and leaving me thoroughly unsatisfied and miffed to say the least.

I stood up from him angrily and glared at him accusingly. His continual refusal at my advances was definitely on my last straw. "Dammit Edward, if you're going ask to kiss me you should at least do that!" I cried angrily.

Edward stood up quickly, his temper rising slightly with his frustration. "Bella you know why I can't. I don't have nearly the self control necessary," he argued.

"Bullshit," I spat. Edward took a step back in utter surprise of my use of expletive. My mouth started running before my mind could make it shut up. "You always go on and on about how you don't have the self control to kiss me. But you're always so self-rightous when it comes to your control around humans, and you know what? You can never trust Jasper with his control. Well, Edward Cullen, for someone who had 'so little' self-control, Jasper sure does a hell of lot better in kissing me than you do!"

I was heaving with my exclamation while Edward stared at me in complete and utter shock, and not just a little hurt. t wasn't soon before my mind came to and I clapped my hands over my mouth, utterly shocked at what had just spewed forth. I did my best to keep my feelings of guilt at bay and return to my anger. It was easy enough.

"I'd like to go home," I said quietly. I turned around and head back to the car without waiting for an answer.

Edward followed behind me I presume, and still intended to open my door for me, but one dirty look was enough to keep him away. Childishly I slammed my door shut.

The ride back was definitely not present, and it soon began to pour heavily, the heavens opening up and letting loose upon the earth with no mercy. I was feeling quite guilty by now, but I couldn't bring myself to talk to Edward. I handed back his jacket without a word and ran to make it inside.

I kicked off my boots and shrugged out of my own jacket, throwing it over a chair in the kitchen. I made my way upstairs as noiselessly as I could, already able to hear Charlie's loud snores coming from his room.

Once I made it back to my room I resisted the urge to slam shut the window and instead closed it quietly and locking it. After going through my nightly routine I flopped on my bed, still quite angry. The rain had picked up outside, beating down on the house and alternating between thunder and lightening. I was undoubtedly in a bad mood and I hoped, rather vindictively I must admit, that it was Edward who was outside watching me tonight, stuck in the torrent. Not that it would bother him much.

I was too riled up to sleep and instead spent my time on the computer going through the emails I had neglected for a long time. Renee's obsessive desire to update me on every new event in her life and check up on me was often overwhelming. I spent the better part of an hour reading and replying to her lengthy emails until the room filled with unnatural light, a clap of thunder resounded loudly and the power cut off.

I sat there for a moment, hoping it would come back on, and slightly annoyed that I would have to rewrite my email, but nothing happened. I clicked the power button but it was still dead. I stumbled my way across the room, banging into my bed, and tried to turn on my light, but to no avail. The power was dead.

A tapping at the window alerted me to someone's presence, and I nearly jumped out of my skin. I stood there for a moment with wide eyes, frozen in place with fear, until I saw someone's golden eyes shining out at me. I breathed a sigh of relief and flipped open the lock and stepped back to allow in the large form of Emmett.

"Hey Bella," he greeted quietly. "I'm gonna grab towel," he told me before disappearing and returning with several towels. "Don't look," he told me, winking and faking an embarrassed tone.

I shook my head at him, snorting and felt my way back to my bed, my eyes still not yet adjusted. When Emmett alerted me to his decency I looked back to find him with a towel around his waist and one over his shoulders.

"Sorry, I didn't want to get your room all wet," he told me grinning. He looked around and frowned. "You can't see very well right now, can you? I'll be right back."

I pulled my knees up to my chest on my bed and waited for his return. He came back not a moment later carrying some candles. He flipped open his lighter and lit the candles, placing them throughout the room to illuminate it should I choose to walk around. I studied the lighter he left on my bed. It was a shiny silver Zippo lighter with a confederate flag on it. It reminded me violently of Jasper.

"Emmett?" I called. He looked up from placing the last candle near the window. "This lighter..."

Emmett grinned widely. "It's pretty cool, huh? I won it from Jasper after a wrestling match a couple months ago. Boy was he mad. He's been trying to win it back ever since."

"Huh," I said. Of course it was Jasper's. It was so him. "Sorry about your clothes," I said, feeling a bit guilty. "If I knew it was you who was watching I would have asked you in."

Emmett laughed loudly. "Don't worry about it. I like to walk around half naked in front of ladies, but don't tell Rose." He wiggled his eyebrows at me suggestively and I threw a pillow at him. "Shhh," Emmett laughingly said. "Charlie just woke up."

Emmett ducked into my closet, not an easy task for him, and we waited for Charlie. After about a minute he knocked on my door and poked his head in.

"Hey Bells. Power go out?" he asked.

"Yeah," I said, gesturing around at the candles.

Charlie looked at me for a moment then asked, "What are you doing?"

I suddenly realized how odd it must look for me to be simply laying on my bed and staring around. I colored a little and replied, "Just thinking."

"Hmm," Charlie agreed. "Well, goodnight."

"Night Dad," I called as he closed the door. After another minute Emmett came back out and in a few more he could discern Charlie's snores again.

"What's the matter Bella?" Emmett asked, sinking down on the bed next to me. I moved over to make room for him.

I sighed. "I'm just in a bad mood," I confessed.

"Date with Edward didn't go so well?" he guessed. I nodded my head in affirmation. "Bad kiss goodnight?"

I snorted. "You could say that," I replied, somewhat embarrassed that I was discussing this.

Emmett chuckled lightly, throwing his arm around my shoulder. "Don't worry about it Bella. Edward's always been a prude. You'll just have to work harder to seduce him," he winked.

I shook my head and yawned. "Are you watching me all night?" I asked.

"Jasper's supposed to come near morning," he told me. At my sudden alarm he hastened to add, "But I don't mind staying all night."

"Sorry I'm being so selfish," I told him quietly.

Emmett gave my arm a squeeze. "Don't worry about it. I'll just flaunt it around that I got to sleep with Bella Swan. That'll make them all jealous, especially in town."

I shoved Emmett playfully and flushed while he laughed. "You will not," I said.

Emmett chuckled some more. "Okay, okay. Maybe just around the house," he told me with a wicked grin. I shook my head. This was definitely a lost cause. Emmett ruffled my hair and said quietly, "Why don't you get some sleep?"

I agreed and he went to blow out the candles and sit on the rocking chair, grabbing a book off the shelf. "Night Emmett," I whispered.

"Night Bella," he replied.

**

When I woke up the next day Emmett said a quick goodbye and I went to take a shower. Afterwards I met Charlie downstairs for breakfast and was pleased to see the power running again.

"I think I'll hang out at La Push today," I told him.

"Sounds good. The game is on, I'll watch it with Billy," Charlie replied. Good. At least he would be protected.

I washed my dishes then called Jake to let him know we were coming down. He agreed heartily and couldn't wait to see me. He was getting sick of being forced to watch games with Billy.

I brushed my teeth and gathered my things before meeting Charlie downstairs. We decided to take the cruiser.

Jake opened the door when we arrived there a while later and smiled at us widely. "Hey Charlie," he greeted. "Bella," he said, holding his arms out to me. I smiled, feeling stupidly giddy for no apparent reason other than Jake made me ridiculously happy. I stepped into his hug and he asked me what I wanted to do.

"I'd actually really like to visit Emily," I told him. Jacob readily agreed; there was always food ready at Emily's.

Jake drove us there in the Rabbit and Sam came out to greet us, concerned. "Did something happen?" he asked as he let us in.

"Smells good Emily," Jake called. "Nothing happened," he then explained to an impatient Sam. "Bella just wanted to visit."

"Hello," I greeted. I always felt somewhat shy with Sam, him being the leader, but he turned to me with a warm smile.

"Hello Bella. How have you been?" he asked as we walked into the kitchen where Emily was baking brownies.

"Oh you know. Going to school, struggling with Calculus, vampires hunting me. The usual," I replied nonchalantly.

Sam laughed. "Good then?"

I grinned back at him, put at east with his friendly demeanor. "Good," I replied. "Emily," I greeted as she came over, wiping her hands on her apron.

"Hey Bella!" she greeted enthusiastically. She hugged me tightly and I noticed something that wasn't there before. I looked down at her stomach before looking back up to Emily. She positively glowed as she walked over to Sam and kissed him. "Three months now," she informed me.

My mouth dropped in surprise. "Wow! Congratulations!" Sam looked at Emily adoringly and placed his hand on her stomach, his smile growing in brightness.

Emily and I visited while Sam and Jacob went out to run patrol. "We've been wanting kids for a while," Emily told me when I gave her my congratulations again, "so we're so happy. You should have seen Sam when I first told him, I thought he was going to faint!" she giggled.

I laughed at the thought of Sam nearly fainting. He was always such a serious, strong looking man.

Emily then turned thoughtful, casting her eyes upward. "We haven't really told anyone, but I think that Sam is considering stepping down when I give birth. We'd both really like to start a family," she told me, her eyes shining.

I smiled at her, though my mind was going somewhere else. Emily was so excited about starting a family, having children and settling down. It caused a bunch of 'what ifs' within me. If I was turned into a vampire I wouldn't be able to have any children, not that I'd cared much for them. But my maternal instincts sometimes longed for kids. Then again, forever with the man I love was fairly more tempting than raising children.

Emily sighed happily and stroked her stomach, smiling goofily at me.

I grinned at her. The sheer amount of love that poured out of her whenever she talked about or was near Sam was impossible to dismiss. "I'm so happy for you two," I told her again. "That's really great."

Emily smiled and handed me a glass of lemonade. "So Bella," she told me with an expectant look.

"So?" I asked, drawing out the word.

Emily rolled her eyes. "What happened with Edward and Jasper? And don't lie to me, I know when a girl is lying about love."

I groaned internally. "Nothing. Absolutely nothing is happening. I'm with Edward, Jasper is with Alice."

Emily shook her head disapprovingly. "I guess I should ask you what you intend on doing. Don't try to pretend, I could tell how much you wished it was Jasper sitting with you and not Edward yesterday," she prompted, her tone melting into one of concern.

I groaned out loud this time and wiped my face with my hands. "I really don't know what I can do."

"Well, who do you want to be with?" she asked me, all in suspense.

I took a moment to think about it. Of course I loved Edward. I had missed him while he was gone, despite falling in love with Jasper. The memories we had had together, Edward and I, were so sweet and I honestly longed to return to them. But at the same time I realized just how deeply I cared for Jasper. At times it was stifling, and yet so filling that I thought my heart would burst just from the thought of it.

"I don't know," I told her honestly. I was silent for a few moments before hesitantly adding, "But would it be very bad of me if I said that maybe I would like to be with Jasper?"

Emily smiled at me and patted my hand. "I would have thought you utterly deceived if you hadn't said that," she told me.

We spent the better part of the morning engaged in conversation and around noon I helped her make up sandwiches for all the boys. She expected most, if not the entire pack to be there. It was almost a daily occurrence.

We had just finished up when said pack filed indoors, laughing loudly and shoving each other. Jake lead them in and reached around me to grab several sandwiches off the plate.

Quil whistled and winked at us. "Geez Jake, why didn't you tell me you and Bella were an item?" he asked cheekily.

Jake grabbed a magnet off the fridge and threw it at him. "Shut it Quil," he warned, giving me an apologetic look. I just smiled at him, embarrassed and amused at the same time. We moved to sit around the table and I was just finishing up my own plate when the phone rang.

"Would you mind getting that Bella?" Emily asked. She was currently engaged in cutting up the brownies and passing them out to the boys.

I hastened to the phone and picked it up on its third ring. "Hello?"

"Bella?"

"Edward?" I asked confused.

"Finally," he sighed relieved. "I called your house but you weren't there. So I had to call the Black's and they said you were at Emily's house."

I remembered my anger at him but it had dissipated in the hours since we'd been apart, and I couldn't bring myself to bring it back up, especially when he sounded so alarmed.

"Yeah. Um, what's wrong?" I asked hesitantly. Surely he wasn't mad that I had come to visit my friends.

"It's Alice. Her vision changed," he told me quickly. "She saw Victoria at the border of the reservation, and you were just leaving it in Charlie's cruiser."

"What?" I cried. "Does she know when?"

There was a silence for the briefest moment. "Today," he said at last.

My heart went cold with dread or fear, I'm not sure which. Victoria was waiting for me at the border? How could she be so bold? Why would she even think of such a thing?

"Bella?" he asked, concerned. I noticed how it suddenly was very quiet in the room.

"I'm here. Do you know what time?"

"Sunset."

Jacob came up behind me and took the phone from me. I leaned back against him and started hyperventilating. This was not good, this was definitely _not good._ Charlie was here. We weren't prepared for her this soon. What if someone got hurt?

"Yeah, we'll see you soon." Jake hung up the phone and walked me over to the couch, where Emily sat down with me. He turned back to the pack and spoke in low terms of what had just happened. I sat there in more than mild shock, my mind playing over the conversation again and again until I heard Sam open the door.

Emily held my arm and we followed the pack outside to where Jasper and Sam were discussing what to do. After much deliberation they decided to have me drive out with the cruiser with the pack running along in the forest behind me and the Cullens waiting just behind them, deeper into the forest. When the wolves began their attack, the Cullens would join them, luring the Victoria away from public sight.

"Charlie?" I managed to force out when it seemed as if all deliberation had completed.

"I'll call my dad and have him as Charlie to stay the night. They can go fishing or something tonight and tomorrow morning so that they won't be in harm's way," Jake soothed me, brushing my hair behind my ear and giving me a smile. I nodded gratefully, still unable to speak.

Alice came up to me then with Esme. The former grabbed my hand and the latter wrapped her arm around my waist. "Don't worry Bella, we'll take care of you," Alice told me quietly.

I nodded at her, taking in her worried smile and I couldn't help it. I started to cry. I cried because I felt terrible about the strained relationship between not only her and Jasper, but Alice and myself. I hugged her tightly and Alice rubbed my back soothingly.

"Shh Bella. It's okay, don't worry," Alice murmured. Esme was running her hand over my hair, petting my soothingly.

"I just, I just really want to be friends," I told her as quietly as I could.

Alice smiled at me, and for once I could detect a hint of the old her. "I do too," she told me simply.

I wiped my face on my sleeve and sighed. Even if everything else went utterly wrong, at least I had reconciled, to some degree, with Alice. At the very least I could rest in easier peace.

The next few hours were incredibly nerve wracking for Emily, Esme and myself, though most everyone seemed at ease, and some were even excited for the upcoming battle. Charlie called me to inform me that he would be staying over at Billy's so that they could have an impromptu fishing trip and I told him that was completely fine, to be safe and that I loved him.

Finally, as the sun began its descent in the sky, we all moved into position. Instead of taking Charlie's cruiser it was determined that I would drive Jake's Rabbit out. I only hoped that this didn't change things too much, in addition to worrying that everything would be okay.

"Bella," Edward called softly, grabbing my arm as I prepared to get in the rabbit.

I looked up at him nervously. I didn't even bother trying to speak.

After a moment of intense deliberation and staring at me, Edward bent forward and captured my lips with his own, kissing me thoroughly, and with so much passion I almost wished we could escape somewhere else.

"I love you," he told me quietly. "Be careful."

I nodded my head, still a bit dazed at what had just transpired. Jake came over, a large scowl on his face, and told me how to best work his car before disappearing into the forest. I looked around and I was alone. Everyone was in position.

I started the car and kicked it into gear, driving away from Emily's house. I looked back and she waved at me, her face scrunched up with worry.

I had only been driving for about a minute before the passenger door opened and someone hopped inside. In a panic I let go of the wheel and stared at the intruder. "Jasper!" I gasped, placing my hands over my heart.

Jasper smiled at me and grabbed the wheel, steering until I reclaimed it. "What the hell were you thinking?" I grumbled, suddenly self-conscious and worried and in love.

Jasper stared at me for a while before answering. "I couldn't let you go alone," he told me softly. I glanced at him and noted how his hand was just a few inches away from my own. How I wished he would grab my own and hold it tightly.

"Thank you," I squeaked.

"Just take a deep breath and relax. You can do this," Jasper told me. "If you squeak anymore I'll be inclined to think of you as a mouse."

I huffed at him. "Easy for you to say," I replied. I bit my lip worriedly. "Do you think everyone will be okay?" I asked. We were getting very near the edge of the reservation and my panic was returning full force.

"They're all ready. Just worry about you," Jasper told me. I nodded my head, still unable to look at him. My grip on the wheel was painful and I couldn't help but glance out the window into the forest every other second. "Ready?" Jasper asked quietly as the sign came into view. His voice was tense and it alerted me to just how nervous he was too. "They're here," he told me.

I gulped, nodding my head. "Uh huh."

Jasper grabbed my free hand and held it tightly in his. "You'll be fine," he reassured me once again. "And Bella?" He waited until I turned towards him before he leaned in quickly and gave me a kiss right on the lips. "I love you," he told me.

Not a second later the car came to a violent halt. Victoria stood before me, her red hair whipping in the wind. "Bella," she sneered, her lip curling. She turned to Jasper with another violent smile, her soprano voice tinkling with laughter. "Jasper. I've got a friend whose been dying to see you again," she told him.

Jasper left the car and was at my side instantly, pulling open the door for me. I stumbled out and hid behind him. Jasper stiffened as two other vampires walked out to meet him. Jasper grabbed something from within the car and sneered at the approaching form of Laurent.

He threw something at him which Laurent caught with his remaining arm. It took me a moment to realize that Jasper had thrown the arm he had ripped off back to its owner. "How else would it be a fair fight?" Jasper taunted. Laurent hissed at him.

"I see your manners are still the same," came a silky voice from behind Laurent.

This time Jasper stilled completely and he took a step backwards, closer to me. A woman vampire stepped into view, her olive skin pale and her dark hair blowing softly in the breeze. Behind her I noticed at least a dozen other vampires waiting tensely in a line. These must be the newborns.

"Maria," Jasper hissed.

She walked right up to him, passing her glance over me and licking her lips, a smile breaking out on her face.

"Hello Jasper," she whispered, her accent much thicker than Jasper's own. She struck him across the face and I screamed.

* * *

**A/N:** Okay, I was alerted to this story called _Cold Desert_ by my-heart-is-just-as-silent. Things are a little confusing at first, but by chapter 4 you understand what is going on, and oh the angst kills you! It's a Jasper/Bella story, and it has a very interesting idea put to it, that I haven't read about before. I would definitely give it a shot, and let the author know what you think!

Also, thank you to the usuals, namely **JaspersBella **and **Sunshine and Chocolate.** I am sorry I've not really gotten back to you, but believe me I appreciate everything. And I'll get my butt working on the story. Thank you to all my reviewers. As slow as it might be I promise to finish the story.


	21. Chapter 21

**A/N:** Quick note, in case you get confused, this jumps from Edward's POV to Jasper's.

**Chapter Twenty One**

The pure fear that flowed through me when I heard Bella scream was indescribable. The wolves ran forward, leaping on the newborns with a vengeance, and taking them quite by surprise.

Carlisle, Emmett, Rosalie, Alice, Esme and I rushed forward then to find out what was going on. Victoria clearly hadn't been expecting the pack, and she wasn't quite sure what to do at first.

I took the briefest moment to canvass the scene. Jasper was locked in a battle with someone who I knew from his thoughts to be Maria, and Jacob was standing defensively in front of Bella, fending off attacks from Victoria.

Sam was likewise engaged with Laurent, drawing his attention away from Bella and attempting to rip his throat out. I saw Carlisle rush forward to tackle a newborn that had taken Esme by surprise, and they were then engaged in a battle. _I don't want Esme to battle,_ Carlisle thought desperately, blocking a blow and countering with his own, reaching forward and incapacitating the newborn.

Emmett was having a grand time fighting with two of the younger newborns, ducking and escaping quickly enough that they ran into one another with a resounding crack.

Rosalie was likewise enjoying the fight, taunting one of the young male vampires with her looks before going in to rip off his head.

_Edward what the hell are you doing!_

I looked in Jacob's direction, where the thought had come from, to see him have to jump in front of Bella just in time to stop a newborn from attacking her from the side. There was another sickening crack and a howl of pain from Jacob. His arm was broken.

"Jake!" Bella cried, reaching out to grab him.

"Bella don't!" I shouted and she paused, turning to look at me. In the moment it took her to do so I ran forward and ripped off several appendages from the newborn. I turned in time to see Victoria lunge at Bella, but Paul intercepted her, biting down on her arm.

I took her moment of distraction to sneak up behind Victoria with the intent of breaking her neck, but she noticed me before that and ran to the opposite side of the field.

"Alice!" I called. She was engaged in a battle with a clumsy female vampire. Alice took a couple of hits before she was finally able to sever the female newborn's head and throw it onto the growing pile.

_I'll watch her,_ Alice responded, flitting over to Bella and standing in front of her protectively.

Bella was frightened and looked at me with wide, alarmed eyes. "Be safe," she whispered.

I gave her a smile and took off after Victoria, who had decided to find an opponent in Rosalie. The latter sensed me before Victoria and thought, _She's all yours_, backing off to help Emmett with a particularly strong male vampire.

Victoria and I circled each other for a while. She knew she might not win the battle, and I was more than eager to catch her and finish the job. I pursued Victoria with confidence. But I had to have some answers.

"Why were you at Bella's house?" I asked, as if genuinely interested. "And you didn't kill Charlie."

Victoria's lip curled into a sneer. "Like I'd tell you." But she thought about the reason and that was good enough.

"So you thought you'd scare her? Let her know you were coming? That still doesn't explain why Charlie was alive," I said quietly.

Victoria's eyes widened. She must have forgotten that I could read minds. But she wasn't good at blocking me from her thoughts, and when I said the name Charlie her mind flashed to what appeared to be a young Victoria and an older man with red hair. Her father? They were laughing together and picking flowers, and the man scooped Victoria up and kissed her all over her face. She hugged his neck with her small arms.

"I see," I said. Victoria just hissed at me.

Every step I took forward she edged backwards, until we were right next to Jasper and Maria.

I felt a strong wave of hatred as I neared them and nearly buckled over from the severity of it. Jasper was livid, absolutely furious. He wanted nothing more than to kill the vampire that had cost him so much, caused him so much pain.

Jasper lunged forward, but Maria stepped to the side, hissing at him. She whipped around to punch him but he caught her fist in his hand, turning her arm in hopes of breaking it, but Maria jumped up and twisted in the air, landing behind Jasper, her arm free.

A million things were running through Jasper's mind all at once. Memories of when he was still in Texas helping Maria, all the newborns he slaughtered, the human lives he took as he fed greedily, and Bella. Every thought and action was motivated by an urgent desire to keep her safe. I had to look away.

There was a howl to my left, and suddenly the pack's frantic thoughts crowded my mind.

_Help him!_

_I can't!_

_He's hurt!_

_Get the leech!_

I looked to the right to see Paul lunging at Laurent, who was standing over Sam's body. Sam was breathing heavily and the pack was in a frenzy. Paul grabbed Laurent's arm in his teeth and ripped if off with a satisfying pop.

Embry joined him in his attack, grabbing onto Laurent's other arm while Paul managed to clamp down on his leg and they pulled in opposite directions. The effect was desirable; Laurent retained only his one leg and his head, which was currently screaming in agony and asking for Victoria's help. Jacob, limping on his bad leg, came up to Laurent while the others held him down and ripped through his neck, tossing it away with disgust.

"Alice!" Rosalie yelled, and the family turned to look. With a new burst of fear I saw Victoria grab Alice by the neck and toss her to the side, her sights trained on Bella. A cruel smile found its way onto Victoria's face as she leapt forward.

I started to run, but my body felt heavy, a sinking feeling dragging me down. I couldn't lose Bella. Not now, not after everything.

I stared with horror as Victoria stretched her arms out, reaching for Bella's fragile neck.

And all of a sudden Jasper was there, snarling at her, and delivering a swift blow to her face. Victoria flew backwards, landing heavily and looked up at Jasper. He was so preoccupied with Victoria that he didn't notice Maria charge at him from the side.

With a burst of adrenaline I leapt forward and intercepted Maria, tackling her to the ground. Alice appeared at my side with a mortified look. _I'm sorry Edward._

I nodded at her reassuringly and struggled with Maria. Alice stared down at her and suddenly realization dawned on her. Alice hissed at Maria. _You get Victoria, Jasper wants Maria for himself,_ Alice thought. Alice raced back over to Bella, placing a hand on Jasper's shoulder. Jasper looked away from Victoria finally and spotted me. He straightened up and in the same moment we switched spots.

Jasper began to fight in earnest with Maria, leaping at her and pinning her to the ground. He began to dismember her, taking quite a few hits of his own. When Maria bit him Jasper lost it. He grabbed her face in his hands and twisted. In a few moments Maria would be no more.

I set my sights back on Victoria for the final time. I wouldn't let her get away from me again. I wouldn't let her get near Bella ever again.

* * *

**Jasper POV**

I'd never felt so enraged in my life. As I sat there, ripping Maria to shreds, I finally felt some sick form of satisfaction, her screams and pleading only heightening my want to get rid of her at last. All these years she's plagued my thoughts, creeping back in at the most inopportune time. Never again.

At last I was able to throw her body parts in the large pile. A few newborns were still locked in battle with Carlisle and several of the wolves, but for the most part the only threat left was Victoria, and Edward could do away with her himself.

But there wouldn't be any harm in helping him. After all that bitch got too near Bella one too many times.

_I'm coming to help you Edward,_ I informed him. I moved into into a deeper part of the trees, behind Victoria. I scaled one tree and perched on a branch, ready to drop down onto her. _Chase her this way, I'll catch her. She's too distracted right now to notice me._

Through a small break in the trees I saw Alice hovering around Bella, her stance defensive. She was feeling terrible about letting Victoria get so close to Bella, and had renewed her vigor in watching her.

Edward finally found an opportunity to chase Victoria in my direction and he charged, frightening the red-haired vampire and sending her right at me. As I anticipated she didn't have a clue I was there until I was pinning her to the ground. She struggled ferociously but to no avail. I lifted her off the ground and held her arms behind her back as Edward stalked up to her, his bloodlust raging. He wanted her dead.

He gave her a sardonic smile, one that would win the hearts of many a girl. "You just don't know when to quit, do you?" he whispered, fingering a lock of her wild hair.

I could feel Victoria tense up, frightened. She knew what was about to happen.

Edward had no reserves in ripping her apart limb by limb. We brought the pieces back to the pile together.

Jacob had just finished ripping apart the last newborn and he and the pack were carrying the pieces to the pile. I knew Emmett had wanted to set the thing on fire, but he was currently preoccupied. One of the young newborns had taken him by surprise and ripped off his arm before Emmett knew what hit him. Of course he retaliated by biting the bastard several times before finishing the job.

"Rose, ow!" he whined as Rosalie fixed his arm back on.

"Oh shut up and quit complaining you baby," she replied. Emmett muttered under his breath, but they were both in a good mood after fighting. I wondered if Emmett had seen the whole thing as a chance to live out a video game in real life rather than a life-threatening experience.

Edward snorted next to me. "He just didn't want to admit it to you," he told me.

I shook my head, smiling slightly. I threw the body pieces on the heap and stalked over to Emmett, holding out my hand. "Lighter," I asked.

Emmett sighed, reaching into his pocket to retrieve my lighter. He looked at it longingly for a moment before he handed it to me. "I'm not getting it back this time, am I?" he asked morosely.

"Nope," I replied, snatching it out of his hand.

Carlisle retrieved a can of gasoline from the local gas station and doused the body parts. I picked up a random body part and lit it on fire before throwing it on the pile. The entire thing lit up in a blaze, thick smoke immediately beginning to curl from the top of the pile.

I watched the flames, too afraid to face Bella. What she must think of me now. Now that she'd seen me murder another vampire so cruelly. I glanced back when I noticed Edward move from his place and walk slowly towards Bella who was hiding behind Alice.

"Carlisle!" Jacob called, his voice panicked. I looked over to him to see the pack leaning over Sam who remained in his wolf form.

I joined Carlisle over by Sam and the others. They were all standing over him in their human forms, their faces worried. Sam was breathing heavily, his tongue lolled out and his eyes closed. Carlisle kneeled down next to Sam and felt his heartbeat. His hand came back up covered in blood.

Sam whined and Edward, who was in earnest conversation with Bella, cut off his sentence and called out, "He wants you to phase so that he can talk to you."

It was directed at Jacob, but the whole pack did it anyway. Before phasing Jacob looked at Carlisle, his mouth set in a frown, and glanced down at Sam. Carlisle shook his head grimly. Pain emanated from Jacob and he quickly phased.

I knew they were talking to one another, listening to Sam's thoughts. Sam knew he wasn't going to make it either, and must have told them as much, as another round of panic and fear rippled around the pack.

Jacob was growling at Sam, but Sam shook his head. Sam must have said something because Jacob was suddenly the one shaking his head, backing up slightly. The other stared at him intently.

Edward walked over then, Bella slightly in front of him and Alice slightly behind. It took one look at the morose faces for Bella to know what was happening.

She dropped to her knees and scooted closer to Sam. Tears started to pool in her eyes and it wasn't long before they were slipping down her cheeks. Bella was stroking Sam's fur and she whispered, "I'm sorry. Oh god I'm sorry. This is all my fault. Oh god. I'm sorry," over and over.

After a few moments Jacob walked slowly over to Bella, nudging her away, and she wrapped her arms around him, sobbing into his fur. Sam whined once more and looked up at us.

"You did wonderful," Edward said quietly. "Thank you so much for everything."

Sam sighed and suddenly his form receded into his human one. When the clouds shifted over and pale moonlight bathed Sam's body in a faint glow I finally realized how late it was. Sam looked up at the moon and stars before taking another look at all of us. "Emily," he sighed. He smiled at the pack one last time and took his last breath.

The wolves let out a long, wailing howl.

**

The family decided to wait until the fire died out before joining the pack at Emily's. Bella was inconsolable and wouldn't talk to or even look at anyone other than Jacob. She was exuding guilt and sorrow and refused to be consoled. At last Jacob, back in his human form, lifted her in his arms and held her to him as he carried her to his car.

After they were gone and the family heading back as well, Edward took me aside and stared at me seriously. He didn't say anything, but he didn't have to. His emotions were in so much of a mess that the message was clear enough without him saying it.

"If you ever hurt her," Edward whispered dangerously. "I swear I will rip you apart limb by limb and burn each piece separately."

I didn't know how to react. Whether the hypocrisy of _him_ asking _me _not to hurt Bella was lost on him or not I wasn't sure. But I knew he was serious in his threat, and that it pained him more than he'd admit to anyone, even himself, to let go of Bella. I didn't know what had changed in him, and right now I didn't really want to ask. The mere fact that he had admitted defeat and was essentially giving me his blessing astounded me.

Perhaps Edward heard my internal monologue, because suddenly he gave me a half smile and pulled me in for a quick hug. When he pulled back he was serious again. "And if you do hurt her, just know that I will be there waiting to win her back." Then he turned and left, leaving me to think about what he had said, and how he had changed.

I liked to think that he was finally and honestly putting Bella's feelings first, not just her welfare physically but emotionally, and letting her come back to me with grace. It inspired in me a newfound well of brotherly love and washed away my previous anger and jealousy towards him. All that mattered now was Bella.

When we reached Emily's house both Bella and Emily were crying noisily while the pack let silent tears flow down their cheeks. It was intrusive and I took Jake aside to say that we would leave them to mourn.

Jake only looked at me with unfathomable eyes, and we stepped outside to talk in low tones. We stood in silence for a while, staring at one another as though we'd never seen each other before.

"Sam said I'm the new alpha," he whispered, fear and sorrow lacing his voice. "I don't-I can't..."

In that moment Jake looked so lost, so much like the 16 year old boy he was, that my sorrow was increased ten fold. I placed my hand on his shoulder and he didn't even flinch, just looked at me as if I had the answers.

"Jake," I said quietly. "You've been through so much. But you can do this. Just give yourself, and the pack, time to heal. Sam chose you for a reason. Don't let him down."

Jacob nodded his head and rubbed his eyes. He cleared his throat and then looked at me expectantly. I raised my eyebrow at him.

"I'm only going to tell you once. If you don't march in there and claim Bella as your own then I am. She's been through enough, and if you're not man enough to do it I won't hesitate to let her know I am."

I stared at him in surprise for a moment before laughing and lightly punching his arm. Jacob groaned and rubbed his tender arm. Carlisle had had to re-break and set it for him and it was still very sore, despite being on its way to healing nicely.

We walked back inside and the family all stood by the door. They nodded at me. "I'll be there soon," I said. They quickly exited the building, though Alice tugged my hand and I followed her out.

"I told Bella," she said immediately.

At first I was confused, but then my eyes widened slightly. She had told Bella that we were over. "How...What...What did she say?" I asked weakly.

Alice shook her head sadly. "She wasn't processing things. She's dying of guilt and sorrow," Alice explained. She paused then gave me a serious look. "Jasper, you need to talk to her. Please. For the family, for Edward, for her...for me. Don't let her go. You could be so happy," she said, stressing the last sentence. I nodded my head and she looked at me a little longer, regret, longing and sadness flowing from her, but she turned away and followed the family. I couldn't even begin to describe how hard that must have been for her.

So I stepped back inside Emily's crowded house to find her asleep, and Bella still crying softly in Jacob's arms, him stroking her hair and whispering words of comfort to her.

I walked up to him and the others followed me with dull gazes. This was suffocating, I had to leave. Jacob lifted Bella a little bit and I gathered her into my arms. She wanted to protest but couldn't find the strength to. I took her outside and walked for a while before slowing down and sitting down on a log. At last Bella turned her face up to mine.

"Bella," I whispered, her name so pleasant on my tongue that it hurt.

"Jasper," she said just as quietly. She sat limply in my arms and that's when the fear started to set in. I stared at her quietly, trying to probe her feelings, but she was shutting down, guilt and sorrow the only emotions that she would allow herself.

"Alice talked to you?" I asked.

She nodded her head, still not breaking out gaze.

"Bella," I sighed. This was a lot harder than I expected. I just ripped several vampires apart for god's sake, then burned the bastards. This shouldn't be difficult. And there she was, just staring at me, as if I was a piece of fruit sitting in a bowl. Not interesting at all. Fuck it, I was just going to tell her.

"Bella," I began again, determined. "I love you. And I don't want to do anything else but be with you and spend every day with you, spend eternity with you. I don't care when you want to change, or if you don't, or anything, I just lo-"

Bella cut me off suddenly. "I can't." She said it simply, as if it made the most perfect sense in the world.

It didn't.

"Why?" I implored. This shouldn't be happening. I canvassed her feelings again but they were still the same. And she was being serious.

Bella stood up then, and I was desperate at the loss of her against me. It had been too long. This wasn't fair.

"Because, Jasper, because I need to be independent. I can't, I can't depend on you or Jacob or anyone else for the rest of my life. Don't you see what happens when I do that? People get hurt, they _die_. Sam is dead, and it's my fault." I was about to protest but she held up her hand.

"Whether or not you think it's my fault, the fact remains that he died trying to protect me against things that shouldn't even exist. I shouldn't...I shouldn't be in this world. Edward was right. I should have stayed away; I have no sense of self preservation, and I'm just tired of it all. I'm tired of always putting the people I love in constant danger, causing them grief. Charlie, Jake, Emily. It's not fair. I can't do it anymore."

Bella paused and I knew I wasn't going to like what she was going to say next. She stared at me for a long time, then pain finally broke through and love, just a little bit, but enough. Any love from Bella was always enough.

"I need to start living my life the way I was meant to," she whispered brokenly. "Even if that means giving you up." She stared at me for another long moment, and I knew she was searching my face, looking for acceptance to across it. But I couldn't accept it. Not now, not ever. I stared at her, and she stared back. I don't know what she saw on my face, but at last she turned away and headed back to Emily's house.

I don't know how long I sat there, hours, minutes, days? But I couldn't do anything but replay the conversation with Bella in my head over and over; as if the record was broken and skipped back to the beginning just at the end. It didn't move forward, wouldn't go back anymore, it just repeated it over and over. _"Even if it means giving you up. Even if it means giving you up. Even if it means giving you up."_

Eventually Alice found me and took me home.

* * *

**A/N: **Ahem. You must all be wondering where I've been and I have no excuse other than laziness. But in celebration of my 18th birthday and finishing my Calculus midterm I am updating. And my goal today after school is to come home and write the next chapter, which may or may not be the last, but it's looking like it will be. The story is just about over, and I've enjoyed it, I hope you have too.

Thank you to all my lovely reviewers, I am sorry for not responding to your reviews. I read all of them, of course, and I am very happy to receive them, so thank you. Also, thanks to **Jasper's Darlins** for giving me a shout out on their page this past Wednesday. I was thrilled! Of course, so much love to **Jasper's Bella **and **Sunshine and Chocolate** for all their wonderfulness.

Sorry for the pathetically short chapter. I'll go now. Thank you all again!!


	22. Chapter 22

**Chapter Twenty Two**

Time began to slip away again, between lurches and lulls. And this time Jasper wasn't there to numb my pain. Not that he hadn't tried. He had, multiple times. But I held fast to my resolution and asked him to leave each time.

School was now incredibly painful. The first day was an absolute blur. I think I remember Alice trying to talk to me, Edward trying to guide me to class, but I started to go out of my way to avoid them. It really wouldn't help my resolve if I hung out with them all the time after I'd sworn off mythical creatures.

So I started to hang out with Angela more. Angela and Ben and even Mike. It was weird. They could tell something was off, but they were all very polite and never asked me about it. Angela tried to get me to talk a few times, but I just shook my head and told her I didn't want to talk about it. So she gave me a sympathetic smile and a hug and said that was okay.

The first time I really remember coming back to any sort of sense was when Jacob came barging down our door and practically kidnapped me. I hadn't spoken to him since that day and he was furious.

"Isabella Swan," he ground out, "What the hell?!" I stared up at him blankly. A large part of me was trying to break free, to explode and feel things again, to breathe in the fresh air and soak in the warmth that was Jake, but then I'd see Sam lying there, blood soaked and eyes closed, and I closed off.

"You don't call, you don't answer the phone, email, the Cullens said you won't even look at them. You can't do this. It's not fair to them. It's not fair to me." Jake paused in his ranting and pacing and kneeled down next to me where I was sitting on my bed. "Don't do this to me," he whispered.

And I looked at him. _Really_ looked at him. Jake looked tired and just plain worn out. He wasn't vibrant like he always was, he was sad and lost. It was the first time I really realized that others were probably taking this whole ordeal just as hard if not harder than I was. Jake being a clear example.

I cupped his face in my hands and he looked up at me, his warm chocolate eyes searching my own for...love? Companionship? Help? I did love him, he was such an intimate friend, despite everything that I'd put him through. And companionship...couldn't I at least offer him that after I'd forced him through all these things? Help...I didn't know how to help him. I didn't know what was wrong. But he looked so lost. Sam had been his mentor, his guide. And it suddenly dawned on me that with Sam gone someone else needed to take up as the leader of the pack. It was probably Jacob.

Jacob was going through a lot more than I was and he wasn't locking himself away from the world.

"I won't," I said at last, answering his earlier statement. "I'm sorry. I'm here." I reached my arms behind his neck and pulled him into a hug. Jake leaned his head on my shoulder and wrapped his large arms around me, warming me up considerably. And he cried. I could feel him shaking slightly, feel the hot tears soaking my shirt, and hear Jacob's ragged breathing.

I tried to soothe him but I knew there was nothing I could say to make anything better. I could only be there for him like he had been there for me. And I realized that even though Jake was some sort of mythical creature, he was very much still human. And hurting. And the part of me that had rationalized staying away from Jacob as being in line with avoiding all mythical creatures broke. Because Jake wasn't some random monster running around. He was Jacob Black, my friend. And I loved him.

Jake finally calmed down and quickly let go when he noticed I was starting to sweat. He blushed a little, ashamed to have broken down in front of me, but I took his hand in mine and gave him a smile. Then he smiled back and a little piece of my world that had been out of orbit came crashing back into place.

Jake and I talked for a long time. It was subdued, not our usual laughing and banter. We talked about things on the Reservation, how Emily was doing and the pack. And I felt guilty. I hadn't even so much as called Emily since that day.

"When is the funeral?" I asked finally.

"Next weekend," Jake told me. "Are you coming?" I knew I should go, I knew that Charlie was going. But I didn't know if I could manage being there. I frowned, shrugging. "It would mean a lot if you came," Jake said simply.

I nodded my head. He wasn't trying to guilt me into going, but I still felt guilty. Or maybe it was just the guilt I was already feeling.

After a while Jake said he had to go, but that he expected to hear from me more often. I walked him to his car and just before he left he turned to me and stared at me long and hard. "You should talk to Jasper. You shouldn't be doing this to him either," he told me sternly. Then he got in his car and drove away.

After a few minutes I walked slowly back into the house. Charlie gave me a smile, his way of encouraging me and telling me he loved me, and I started to make dinner. Again I started to notice the little things that I'd blocked out completely since the fight.

Charlie smiling at me more and complimenting my cooking, even though it was just spaghetti. Asking me how my day had been. I wondered if he'd been doing this the whole time, and what I had said in response. And I realized that Charlie had always been like this, and I'd just neglected him. Finally realizing this left me warm and, for the first time in a while, happy. Another piece of the puzzle finally found its place.

**

Once I'd actually given them a chance I came to realize just how much I enjoyed hanging out with Angela, Ben and Mike. Before I had been deluded by my own perception that they would never compare to being friends with a vampire, but they had their own idiosyncrasies that I found I loved.

Angela always had a smile ready for me and a hug waiting if I should need one. Mike would always come prepared with a homemade cupcake or cookie for each of us, and was actually kind of funny. And Ben, well he was my savior. I hadn't really noticed that I had gym class with him until we started playing tennis and he valiantly agreed to be my partner.

And I hung out with them after school sometimes too. Going out and doing things. We went to the movies, the beach. I had a lot of fun doing normal, everyday things. And they all had their dreams and aspirations, for college and life. And it got me thinking about my own. What I would want to do after high school. It wasn't something I had really considered before and I wasn't really sure what I would want to do now.

Life was starting to look up. Except for the prospect of the funeral looming ever closer. I never quite knew what to do with myself late at night though. And I found myself thinking a lot about...things that made me cry. Namely Jasper. And Edward. And that day.

After the fight Edward had come over to me and canvassed how I was feeling. Afraid? A little bit. Upset? Not that Victoria was dead. And then if I loved Jasper?

_I stared at him for a long moment, my mouth hanging open in surprise. _

_"Bella, please just tell me the truth," Edward said softly. _

_I gaped, opening and closing my mouth. I looked over to where Jasper was talking to Emmett, holding his hand out for something, and I cracked. Yes, I loved him. I loved the way his hair fell casually into his eyes, I loved how he had a southern drawl, how he smiled at me beautifully whenever I traced his scars. I loved his passion, his personality, how he had no reservations when it came to how he felt about me. _

_I nodded my head. "Yes, I love him," I said quietly, watching Edward's face attentively._

_A look of pain shot across Edward's face, but he quickly schooled it. "Do you want to be with him?" he asked in the same mild tone._

_I looked down at my shoes, and noticed that my jeans were torn and dirty. Edward's clothes too were ripped and smudged with dirt and grass. Edward was everything I wanted. He was perfect...but that wasn't fair to say. Because he wasn't perfect. And as much as I loved him I knew that I might just love Jasper more. Because Jasper had worked his way into my heart not just as a lover but as a friend. An aspect that Edward and I had seemed to gloss over. I knew that if I was talking to Jasper this wouldn't be quite so hard._

_And I knew too that I did want to be with Jasper, more than I wanted to be with Edward. Because Jasper knew a whole other side of me. Jasper knew all of me. But how could I tell that to Edward?_

_Edward touched my hand gently and I looked up at him. I bit my lip, wanting to tell him what I really wanted but afraid all the same. But I didn't need to. Because Edward already knew the answer._

_"It's okay love. I already know, I just wanted to see if maybe you'd changed your mind," he said sadly. He looked down quickly and took a deep breath. Then he looked back at me and searched my eyes. _

_"Bella," he said slowly. "I know I've done a lot of reprehensible and questionable things, but I've always just wanted you to be happy. And safe. I know how happy you are when you're with Jasper; I see it in his mind all the time. And after today...after seeing him fight for you, place all his energy in making sure you'd be safe, I can't doubt any longer that he would never hurt you. I may not have his talent for emotions, but I know without a doubt just how much he loves you._

_"And so...that's why I..." For a moment Edward lost his eloquent articulation skills, and I knew that what he was saying was causing him a lot of pain. "I want you to know that as long as Jasper is the one that makes you happy and keeps you safe, then I'll be happy for you. And I'll always be here for you if you ever need me, for anything. I love you more than you can ever fathom, and I always will. And whatever form of reciprocation you have for me, well that will be enough."_

_I stared at Edward, my mouth slightly open, completely astonished. Edward wanted me to be happy with Jasper. I felt like a large weight was taken off of my shoulders. My eyes filled with tears and I wanted to hug him. So I did. Edward held me back, even if it tore at his heart to do so, and sighed against me. "Thank you," I whispered. "I'll always love you," I told him after a moment. It was true. I would always love Edward. But not nearly so much as I love Jasper. It just wasn't possible._

I fidgeted with my jacket in the mirror. The thing was, after I saw Sam lying there, dying, dead, I couldn't bring myself to want to be selfish and take Jasper away. It just didn't seem as important as to what had just happened. That our friend was dead because he had been trying to protect me. And it was all my own fault. I'd been warned time and again not to mix myself in with mythical creatures, and I just didn't listen.

So when Alice told me that things were over between her and Jasper and that she wanted me to be with him, to be happy with him, I wouldn't listen. Because how could I grant myself happiness when everyone else was so miserable? When Emily lost the love of her life, with a child on the way no less. It wasn't fair. I couldn't bring myself to do that.

I sighed and went back to my room, deciding that the jacket looked fine with my jeans. Not that it really mattered anyway. I wanted to set my hairbrush on top of my dresser, but it was currently cluttered with books and scraps of paper from my homework, a glass of water and some rings. So I opened the drawer to stuff it in there, but something caught my eye. A couple things, really.

The first was my camera. It was full, I remembered, because Emmett had gone on a photography spree. I had yet to get the film developed. After some debate I figured I might as well. If I couldn't be friends with the Cullens I could at least have pictures to look at them.

The second was the blue tin that Jasper had given me. After a few moments to gather myself while my heart throbbed painfully, I opened it, surprised to find something in there, as I hadn't put anything in it yet. It was the picture of Jasper as a child, flying his kite. On the back, written in his script, _I love you. -Jasper_

I felt a few tears slip down my cheeks and quickly brushed them away. I needed to quit crying like this. It was my own fault we weren't together. So I really didn't have a right to be upset about it. So I replaced the picture and put the tin back inside the drawer. I grabbed the camera and my keys and wallet, heading downstairs.

"Dad, I'm going to the store. Do you need anything?" I asked Charlie, who was sitting at the kitchen table, filling out some papers.

"I think we're low on milk," he told me absentmindedly. I went to the fridge to check. He was right, we only had about a fourth of the gallon left. So I grabbed a couple dollars from the grocery jar and stuffed them into my wallet. Then I headed to my truck and slipped inside.

"How long are you going to keep avoiding us?" I screamed and turned around sharply to see the owner of the voice.

It was Alice, sitting casually in my passenger seat, buckled in and ready to go for a ride.

"I-What are you doing here?" I asked surprised.

Alice smiled and snatched the camera from my hands. "I wanted to see the pictures. Emmett took some funny ones." She looked up at me innocently.

I stared at her dumbly. How on earth could she even stand talking to me? I'd been so horrible to her.

Alice sighed. "Bella," she said softly, placing the camera in her lap and taking my hand in hers. "I really do love you. No matter what. We all do, and it's killing everyone. Esme, Carlisle. Even Rosalie seems a bit upset. I don't need to tell you how it's making myself, Edward or Jasper feel."

I felt guilty, and tried to hedge the entire thing. "So Emmett's glad that I'm gone?" I asked lightly.

Alice giggled a bit, rolling her eyes. "Oh he's ecstatic about it." Alice frowned. "No, he sits around sometimes with a frown and wonders whether or not he ought to just kidnap you for a day. He really misses you." I frowned. "Bella, I really want to be your friend. I love Jasper so much, I want him to be happy. It's hard for me to say it, but being with you makes him happy. Happier than he could be with me." Alice paused for a moment, trying to giver herself the courage to go on. "And so I want him to be happy with you. And I want you both in my life. Forever is a long time to not be with the people you love."

I sighed. Maybe I was being stupid about not letting myself be around the Cullens. I'd been starting to somewhat question myself about that too, as of late. "I'm sorry," I mumbled.

Alice smiled at me. "It's okay. But no more avoiding Edward and I at school. It's just no fun," she said. "Come on, let's go to the store." She shuffled back into her seat, making herself a little bit more comfortable.

I roared my truck to life and got on the road. Alice got excited talking about Prom coming up and what dress she wanted to wear, and how she knew the perfect dress for me. And just the right hairstyle and makeup to go with it. I nodded my head and made objections at times, but I was slowly won over. Alice was making such an effort to be happy despite everything that had happened. I admired her for that.

Alice gave me a sad smile. "It's because life doesn't always go the way we want it to. Sometimes bad things happen, or things we wish didn't. But I can't live my life being sad and depressed. It's good to be happy, because you make others happy. And when other's are happy then I'm happy." She looked at me for a moment and I think I understood. Alice had spent almost all of her human life, what she could remember, being sad and afraid, depressed most likely. So now she just wanted to be happy. She already knew how unfair life could be, so she wanted to make the best out of whatever happened now.

Alice's smile brightened as we pulled into the parking lot. "I'm going to go drop these off at the one hour photo and you can go get the milk," she told me, practically twirling her way into the store. She waved hello to a few of our classmates. "Oh, and you're going to need more peanut butter too, so you might as well get it now."

"Thanks Alice," I said as she danced away. I walked through the aisles, grabbing the peanut butter and heading to the milk section. I got another gallon of skim milk and headed to the front to pay. Alice was waiting for me at the end, a small smile still adorning her features.

"I'll come back for them later and drop them off at you house," she told me. "I miss Charlie. Is it alright if I visit with him?"

"Uh, sure," I said. Alice grinned at me and we walked back to my truck together. And it was nice. Alice was my friend again, and the world was starting to look up. It seemed as if the pieces of my life were slowly being patched back together.

* * *

**A/N: **Uh hello! I know I promised an update to all of you a million years ago, and this one isn't even technically the complete chapter, but thanks to the insistence of so many readers, and that lovely girl **Sunshine and Chocolate**, I decided to go ahead post this just to let you guys know that I have not given up on this story! It will be completed. Now this is also a surprise to **JaspersBella** who didn't get to see it before hand because of it's random post, so I hope you enjoy it too! I will work on the next chapter, it's been started. And I'll not wait three months for an update this time either. Have a lovely winter!


	23. Chapter 23

**Chapter Twenty-Three**

Alice visited with Charlie for a little while, which he was delighted about. After an hour or so she said she had to go but that she'd be back to see him again sometime soon. I made Charlie and I some lunch then; just peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. Alice was right, we were just about out of peanut butter. I was glad she told me to get a new jar.

I sat with Charlie on the couch and watched the end of a game with him. Forks had had a short day today, the teacher's needed to have a meeting or something, and for the first time in a long time Charlie had the day off.

"So, the funeral's at five this Saturday," Charlie told me.

I nodded my head. I thought of poor Emily and the pack, and I felt guilty all over again. But after everything that had been happening, I really thought that I ought to go. Even if just to say goodbye to Sam once more. And tell him thank you again. "I think I'd like to go," I said quietly.

Charlie nodded his head and patted my hand. "Alright," he replied. "Alright!" he cheered as one of the teams scored. After it ended I slipped up to my room and found Edward there. I gasped, grabbing my heart.

"Sorry Bella," he told me with a smile. My heart skipped a beat.

"That's okay. You just surprised me," I said softly. I sat down on my bed and Edward followed.

"Can I hug you?"

My eyebrows shot up in surprise. "Of course." I was suddenly enveloped in his arms.

"Bella," he sighed. "You refuse to talk to me for days on end and yet now you act as if nothing had happened."

"Oh." Ashamed I ducked my head a bit more. "I'm sorry. I've been trying to sort things out."

Edward pulled his head back but didn't let go. "I know. Though I must admit I am a bit miffed that you chose to talk to Alice before me."

I flushed. "She ambushed me," I defended.

Edward grinned. "I know. But still."

There was a silence as we sat there just staring at each other for a while. It was uncomfortable.

"So, um, how is...everyone?" I asked at last.

"They miss you," Edward responded immediately. "Esme frets about you all the time, Emmett often thinks about you, even Rosalie has shown some sort of regret over your isolation."

"Oh," I said, surprised. I guess they really did care a lot about me. I almost asked about Jasper, but found I couldn't breathe when I thought of him so I didn't. But Edward informed me anyway.

"Jasper mopes all day," Edward said as nonchalantly as he could. "He often stays in his room, or when he's tired of that he'll go outside and fly his kite."

"Please stop," I said quietly. Edward reached out and held my hand.

"I'm sorry love. I just wanted you to know," he mumbled.

"I know. I'm sorry. I know this is hard for you too," I said quietly. "I just-I don't want to..." I sighed. I couldn't even make a coherent sentence when it came to Jasper.

Gratefully Edward changed the subject. "So this means that you'll allow me to sit with you at lunch tomorrow? And in class?"

I rolled my eyes. "Well yes, I suppose so."

Edward grinned, giving my hand a light squeeze. "Thank you, Bella, for such an honor."

Edward spent the next couple of hours with me. We talked a bit, and he helped me with some homework, but when the sky darkened to night he left.

After dinner I waited for my computer to slowly turn on, then logged onto my email. It had been a couple of days since I had emailed Renee, so I figured it was about time. I tapped the keys slowly, not quite sure what I wanted to say, what I _could_ say, but suddenly the words came to me in a rush.

_Mom,_

_Sorry it's been a while. Things have been a bit busy here; I've been hanging out with Angela and Ben more, along with Mike and Jessica a bit too. Charlie has also been a bit more paternal, which is, you know, weird. But nice._

_Edward and I broke up. Well I guess maybe I broke up with him. I was really sad about it for a while. But I just...I think I really needed a break. I mean, when he left I just felt so...so devastated. Like I didn't want to do anything, like I was incapable of doing anything. _

_But the funny thing is that I started talking to his brother, Jasper. _

_I know what you're thinking Mom. You're thinking I'm crazy for talking to my ex's brother, that it's silly and wrong. And maybe it was. But I just realized how much I really...well how much I really love him. It's not like we fell in love instantly, like Edward and I did. It was slow and steady, like it should be. I mean, he was my friend first, and I don't really even know when our feelings changed from platonic to romantic. _

_Things were really great. I mean, Jasper and I were having a great time together and I just...I love him so much. And for some reason he loves me too. But then Edward came back._

_So, well, I tried to work things out with Edward. I mean, what else could I do? I loved Edward with every ounce of me; he was perfect and wonderful and just too good for me. But...after a while I just realized that...that he wasn't all those things. Well not to the extreme that I put him in. Edward _is_ wonderful and good and just...I love him. I know I do. But...I think I realized that maybe I loved the idea of him more than I actually loved him. Or something silly like that._

_Edward is like that perfect, unattainable man. And even when I had him I felt like any moment I would do something wrong and he wouldn't want me anymore. I spent a lot of time worrying about that. Enough so that we never really had a healthy relationship or whatever._

_But with Jasper it was so different. I knew instantly that he cared for me, that he didn't hold me to some high standard, and honestly I didn't hold him to high standard either. Because I know he's flawed and makes mistakes and messes up...but I love him for all of that. I love him because he has these mishaps but he works through them; we worked through them together. And...god it was just so amazing._

_I realized that I loved Jasper more than anything. More than Edward. Because as much as I love Edward, and as much as he'll always hold a place in my heart, I know that the love I have for him will always be shadowed with doubt and uncertainty. But the love I share with Jasper is pure and wonderful. I want to be with him. And he wants to be with me too. But then stuff happened, one of our mutual...friends...died. And...I just couldn't deal with it. So I pushed Jasper, and everyone else, away. _

_But now...Well I think things are getting better again. I talked to Edward today for the first time in a while. And things were...good. They were good. For the first time I wasn't sad or upset. In fact, I felt...happy. Is that wrong? It just seemed like...like everything sort of fell into place. Like Edward was always meant to just be my friend, someone I was close to, but...not my love. You know?_

_Well anyway. I don't know. I haven't talked to Jasper for...even longer. And I think I know what I need to do now. What I want to do. The hard part is just...doing it._

_Sorry this is such a long message. I've just had all these thoughts in my head and they decided to spill out now. Thanks for listening. I miss you. I love you._

_Bella_

I sent the message. I was nice to get all my feelings out there, even if Renee was getting a choppy, incomplete version of it all. I quickly skimmed through the rest of my email, all junk mail, before turning off my computer and laying down on my bed.

I knew I shouldn't be thinking about everything once again, rehashing it in my head, but I couldn't stop. I was tired of it all, all the same conclusions and pointless what ifs. I was glad when there was a tapping at my window. Out of reflex my heart palpitated and fear washed over me, but then I calmed. Victoria was gone, I didn't need to worry about anything.

I heaved myself off my bed and opened the window. Alice gracefully stepped inside.

"Hey Bella!" she greeted, smiling. "Look what I've got. Sorry it took so long, but Emmett and I were fighting over them for a while. So I had to go back and get another set of prints so he wouldn't steal yours."

Alice handed me the photos and we sat together on my bed. I opened the envelope carefully, removing the glossy prints inside. The first was of Charlie sleeping, and I was surprised at how peaceful he looked, no worry lines marring his forehead.

Then the picture Emmett took of himself. I smiled at it because it was so much him. Behind it was the one he snapped of him and me. I cringed, looking at the surprised look on my face, my mouth partially open in protest.

"Carlisle has this one on his desk now," Alice told me as I turned to the next picture. It was really quite sweet. Carlisle with his arm around me and a disarming smile, while I laughed at how silly Emmett was being. I really liked it.

There was a picture of Edward that I didn't remember Emmett taking, then one of Jasper that made my heart ache. Some more candids of us as we sat in my room that night, and a few more silly photos of Emmett.

The next photos were difficult to look at. The first was of Jasper sitting on my bed, smiling widely, the day we had gone kite flying. The next was of Jasper and me, intimately close and both smiling happily, totally carefree.

The next made me smile. It was of Charlie the night Jasper made us dinner. Charlie looked a bit uncomfortable and entirely as awkward as ever, and I loved it.

The next was breath taking. Jasper carrying the silver tray laden with chocolate dipped strawberries, outfitted in slacks, a white button down and dark vest. He was breathtaking. I stared at it, loving the way his hair fell casually into his eyes, his handsome smile, the cut of his clothes on his body.

I went to the next photo before my thoughts turned less innocent. It was of Jasper and me, standing together in the hallway. His arm was draped around my waist, holding me close. It made me miss him violently.

The last picture was no better. It was the photo Jasper had taken on our last night together. We were both smiling lightly, but there was a definite sadness about us. The fire cast a bit of an orange glow across us, the sky black in the background. I couldn't help but run my finger across Jasper's face.

"Bella," Alice said softly. I startled, looking at her quickly. "Don't change your mind." I furrowed my brow, about to ask her what she was talking about. "You know what I mean. You've decided what to do. Do it," she urged.

I bit my lip, feeling suddenly unsure, self conscious, guilty. "Yeah..."

Alice kissed my cheek then stood up. "We're going to go dress shopping soon," Alice told me as she walked to the window. "I have the perfect dress for you." She gave me a wave then hopped out the window.

I turned back to the pictures, staring at them all for a while. At last I picked one out, the one of Jasper and I by the fire, and placed it in the tin. I grabbed my photo album off my book shelf, carefully adding the other pictures in there. After a moment I pulled out the one of Jasper and I sitting on my bed together and leaned it up against my lamp. I stared at it until I fell asleep.

0000000

Saturday dawned with overcast skies. Dark clouds were gathering on the horizon, the imminent threat of a downpour later in the day. I'd barely slept the night before, unable to rest easily with the funeral weighing on my mind. Still, I tossed and turned in bed for hours after sunlight started to peek through my window, not quite able to bring myself to get out of bed. Around nine Charlie knocked on my door.

"Hey Bells, you awake?" he asked, peeking his head in.

"Yeah," I replied, sitting up and looking at him.

"I'm gonna make some breakfast then head on over to the Rez. Do you want to come with me or drop in later?" he asked.

"I'll come with you," I said. "I'm just going to take a shower and get ready."

Charlie nodded and left me to my devices. I drug myself out of bed and headed to the shower, not really enjoying the hot water splashing against me. My mind was wrapped around the idea of seeing Sam for the last time, and, as selfish as it might be, the hope of seeing Jasper at the funeral.

I dressed quickly and headed downstairs, eating some cereal while Charlie finished his coffee. Soon enough we were out the door and heading down to La Push. Charlie stopped at the local florist and bought a small bouquet.

"They're pretty," I commented as he handed them to me to hold. "Emily will like them."

"Yup," Charlie replied gruffly. Still, I smiled at the kind gesture.

The rest of the ride to La Push was quiet, and when we finally pulled up close to Emily's house, her yard was mostly overtaken by cars, family and friends. It was easy to spot Jacob, as tall as he was, standing amongst much of the pack outside of Emily's house. Charlie and I wandered over.

"Bella," Jake sighed, a small smile finding its way to his face.

"Hey Jake," I greeted, letting him envelope me in his arms.

"You came," he said quietly, happily.

"I came," I agreed, hugging him back. "Is uh, is Emily inside? I'd like to see her."

"Yeah, come on," Jake said, holding my hand and gently leading me inside.

Emily was sitting at the table frosting cupcakes, surrounded by a lot of women. Confused, I shot a look at Jake who just shrugged.

"Emily," I called softly.

She looked up, eyes wet. "Oh, Bella. Hello," she greeted. "Would you like to help me decorate these cupcakes?"

"Um, sure," I agreed. I sat down next to her and grabbed some of her frosted cupcakes, adding sprinkles on top. After a few minutes silence I cautiously asked her why she was doing this.

"Oh, well Sam always liked frosted cupcakes, you know. And the boys like them too. It's always nice to have them ready in case they get hungry," she told me.

Concerned I grabbed her hand, stopping her from frosting another cupcake. "Emily?" She looked at me, a smile on her face, but not really there. "Emily, are you okay?"

She burst into tears. "I miss him," she wailed. "I miss him so much." She threw her arms around me and sobbed.

Unsure of what to do I rubbed her back. "I know," I murmured. The other women around us came over and started to dote on Emily, but she stayed firmly glued to me. At last she calmed down, pulling back and looking at the cupcakes in confusion.

"What am I doing?" she murmured to herself. Emily turned to me. "Sorry Bella. I didn't mean to-"

I held her hand. "No, I understand. I'm sorry I've been avoi-I'm sorry I haven't been around more. I know it's hard for you."

"The boys have been wonderful," she told me. "I don't know what I'd do without them. We miss you."

"I miss you all too."

Emily dabbed at her eyes, glancing around at the cupcakes once more. "Oh, well enough of that. Do you want to go for a walk with me Bella?"

I nodded.

Emily and I exited the house amongst concerned and sympathetic looks. "It's going to rain," she said glumly. Emily let out a big breath. "It's nice to be outside. I've been going a bit crazy staying inside so much."

"I hadn't noticed," I replied lightly.

Emily shook her head. "Sometimes I just start doing things before I really realize I'm doing them. Like the cupcakes. I used to make cupcakes for Sam all the time. Sometimes I still do things, thinking he'll just walk in the door any moment..."

I nodded my head, not sure what to say. We walked in silence for a while longer, Emily acknowledging those who said hi with a wave of her hand.

"How is Jasper?" Emily asked suddenly. "I know Sam actually thought quite highly of him, but we haven't...I haven't seen him for a while."

"I..don't know," I responded.

Emily turned to me. "What do you mean?"

"I uh, I wasn't just avoiding the pack. I've actually-I haven't seen Jasper in a while either."

Emily looked like she was going to slap me. "Bella!" she chastised. "Are you insane?"

"No! I just-I didn't think it was really-I mean, Sam and..." I took a deep breath. "I just-I needed some time to get my head on straight. Learn to be independent. I mean, I've spent so much time relying on everyone else, I just felt like I needed to be by myself for a while."

"I understand," Emily said at last. "But Bella, you ought to know how fleeting everything is by now. Don't let something so perfect, something I know you want more than anything, to pass you by. Jasper might not wait forever," she told me. Her mouth quirked into a smile. "Then again, seeing as he's a vampire, forever really isn't all that long, is it?"

"I do-I want to be with him. But now I'm just afraid that it's too late. I mean...I don't know how to tell him," I confessed.

Emily shook her head, a small smile on her face now. "Oh Bella. Just tell him."

"What, just walk right up to him and say 'Jasper, I love you and want to be with you.' Seriously? After everything I've put him through?" I asked incredulously.

"Why not? Maybe you should soften the impact with a kiss while you're at it," Emily said thoughtfully. I stared at her, flabbergasted. "Oh Bella. You know I'm being silly, but I really mean it. When you've found something that makes you happy as much as Jasper does, and it's right there within your reach, why on earth would you bother torturing yourself? See, that's what I loved about Sam. He never waited, hardly asked; he just did. He wanted to be with me and, well, he just...was with me. Sure, it was annoying at first, but I'm so glad he did it, because I was much too diffident when it comes to showing my affection."

A small smile graced my lips for a moment, listening to how much love seeped into Emily's tone as she reminisced.

"Emily!" We turned around at the voice to see one of the elder Quileutes was making his way towards us.

"Sorry Bella, I have some things I still need to attend to," Emily told me. She gave me a hug, whispering in my ear, "Quit being stupid and talk to Jasper. We all want you to. Sam would want you to." Then she pulled back and hurried away.

I sighed, staring after her. Emily was right. I needed to stop being so afraid and just talk to Jasper. I couldn't, shouldn't, keep living my life in fear and cowardice. Besides this was Jasper. I knew him, he knew me. It wasn't like he wouldn't listen to me. Why was I being so stupid?

"Hey Bella," Jake called, jogging up to me. "You wanna come on back? The pack would like to see you."

"Sure," I said, heading towards him. "I'd like to see them too."

0000000

It was somber. No one was smiling and there were tears in everyone's eyes. I hadn't been to a funeral since my grandmother's, and I suddenly remembered why I hated them so much. Nervously I played with my hair and fiddled with my clothes. Charlie noticed my fidgeting and patted my shoulder. I gave him a weak smile.

Emily had decided she wanted Sam buried by her house. The pack had dug a deep grave near her garden. Sam's body wasn't in a coffin.

"Coffins aren't something we really use, Bella. When our bodies decompose we'll return to the Earth, which has given us so much. We want to give back," Jake told me. He gave me a long hug, keeping his arm draped over my shoulders when he pulled away. "Thanks for coming," he whispered down to me.

"Yeah. I-I'm glad I came." Jake stiffened next to me for a moment and I looked up at him. "Jake?" I followed his line of sight towards the forest. My heart skipped a beat. Jasper and Carlisle were standing at the edge of the forest, watching the proceedings with solemn faces. When they noticed the attention they looked up and raised their hands in greeting, Jake nodding his acknowledgement in return.

Jasper's eyes snapped to mine and I froze, both wanting to say hello, I love you, I miss you, and any number of things and yet completely unable to do so. So I ducked my head, immediately hating myself.

Sam's body was lowered into the earth, some words were said, and Emily helped the pack fill in the grave. My eyes watered, a few tears slipping past, and I hurriedly rubbed my eyes.

"Bella." The voice made me jump.

"J-Jake!" I said, startled. Sam's grave was filled in, Emily placing flowers on it, and people starting to disperse back to the house.

"Go talk to him," Jake told me. I looked at him incredulously. "Jasper. Go. Seriously Bella."

"I-"

"Not gonna hear it. Go." Jake turned and left, leaving me standing alone by Sam's grave. I stood there in angst, debating myself. I couldn't do it. When it came down to it I couldn't do it. What if he didn't want to talk to me? I did ignore him for so long. I mean, I even told him to leave me alone every time he had tried to talk to me. He was probably upset with me anyway and didn't want to talk. Yeah. I should give him some time to cool off.

_You're being an idiot._

I was, wasn't I? Why not? Why shouldn't talk to him? This was _Jasper_for god's sake.

Taking a deep breath I steeled myself to just go over there and tell Jasper exactly how I felt. That I loved him and was sorry I was being so difficult and really hoped he would forgive me and ask him to be together. Okay.

I looked up.

He was gone.

* * *

**A/N:** Yes. I just updated. Let us all celebrate in knowing that this story was not abandoned, despite my claims of not taking another three months, I actually took six. However, I AM GOING TO FINISH THIS STORY! This was gonna be the last chapter but, as you can clearly see, it's not over. I want to say there's one more, but we'll see. A HUGE thanks to all of you darling readers who have reviewed and messaged me asking me to update. To **Sunshine and Chocolate**, who I want to give so much love and thanks to for all her encouragement and random messages, thank you. (Also, I can't seem to PM you back.. D:) And of course, my lovely, wonderful **JaspersBella, **without whom...well, let's just say we should all give her lots of love. Til the next one...


	24. Chapter 24

**Chapter Twenty Four**

"Are you alright Jasper?" Carlisle asked as we made our way through the forest.

"Yeah." One look at his incredulous face had me explaining. "All that grief. It was overwhelming."

"And here I thought it had something to do with Bella being there," Carlisle said lightly.

I frowned. "I'm just trying to respect her wishes and leave her alone," I said bitterly.

Carlisle laughed. "Oh young love," he murmured, grinning. I opted to stay silent. It was something I was good at. "You know, when I first created Esme, she wouldn't talk to me for two months. After I explained everything to her, that is. I dare say she was a bit...freaked out, if you will."

"What, and you just waited around?" I asked incredulously.

"Well son, women are very fickle. They don't always know what they want, or sometimes they just take a bit longer than they should to get around to going after it. Personally I've found persistence pays off," Carlisle said lightly, a small smile gracing his features.

"Hmm," I replied, preferring to be noncommittal.

As we neared the house I found Alice waiting outside for me.

"Jazz, that was a stupid decision to make," she chastised. "I just don't understand why."

"What?" I asked, caught off guard.

Alice rolled her eyes, taking a deep breath before continuing. "Don't tell me you didn't know how much Bella wanted to talk to you. Even with everyone else there, you're very in tune to her feelings."

Hurt. Jealousy. Longing. Exasperation.

I was also still very in tune to Alice's feelings.

"I believe she made it very clear how much she doesn't want to see me," I replied gruffly.

Alice frowned. "You're being 99.99% ridiculous. You know that." I shrugged. Alice's frown deepened and she closed her eyes, searching the future. When she alighted on something she seemed a bit pleased with, Edward's voice called down to us.

"Yes, I'll help you," he agreed, resigned.

Alice smiled, calling a thank you back. "You make things difficult, Jasper," she said lightly, patting my shoulder. "But it's alright. You can thank me later." With that she left me to stand there, perplexed as to what had just transpired.

"You can thank me later too," Edward's cheeky voice called down again.

Happy thoughts Jasper, happy thoughts.

0000000

I figured it was about time to buy a car. I'd been putting it off for such a long time, but with things how they were now I didn't exactly feel comfortable borrowing Alice or Edward's cars. Not to mention how possessive Rosalie was of hers. Carlisle used his for work, and well...there was no way I'd ride around in Emmett's jeep.

So I headed to the dealership, Rosalie agreeing to come with me. Upon reaching the place I immediately headed over to the Jaguar section, Alice's remark weighing in my mind. Bella would like a dark blue Jaguar. So of course I should get one.

"A Jaguar, Jasper?" Rosalie asked, a bit of a sneer on her face.

"Do you have a problem with them?" I asked her.

"Not at all. Just doesn't seem to be your style," she remarked.

"And what is?" I challenged.

Rosalie looked around the dealership before walking away, a casual wave of her hand telling me to follow her. She walked past the sports cars with carefully controlled longing, and led me over to a row of cars before pausing.

"Dark blue?" she asked. I nodded my head.

Rosalie glanced around, frowning. "Well, I could always just paint it for you," she told me. "An Acura. Sporty, of course. Now I know four doors are much more realistic, but trust me, a coupe just looks so much more fabulous. And besides, you don't really want to drive everyone around, do you? Perfect."

Rosalie smirked, turning to face the salesman that was making his way towards us. While she greeted the man I walked around the car, checking it out. It was a very nice car. A bit smaller than the Jaguar I was previously going to buy, but I liked the build more. It was more aesthetically pleasing. And besides, Rosalie was already halfway done haggling the price with the man.

"Trust me, you'll both love it," Rosalie told me confidently as we followed the man to his office.

"Alice doesn't exactly like non-convertibles," I replied. "Much like you."

"I wasn't talking about Alice," Rosalie said vaguely.

Huh. "And since when have has your distaste for Bella receded to such a civil level?" I asked her, both intrigued and bemused.

"Since I saw how happy she made you," Rosalie said lightly. "Now enough of this, you're pushing your luck."

I couldn't help but smile.

Through the paperwork. The payment. The drive home. The encounter with Alice. In my now, single, room.

Rosalie had given her blessing.

0000000

The days seemed longer than usual. I'd read all the books in my own library more times than I could remember, and there was really only so much yard work I could help Esme with around the house. I was going slightly insane.

Which is what I chalked it up to when I found myself in the trees outside of Bella's house in the dead of night. Because I knew she didn't want to see me, knew she really didn't feel like trying to make us work, but god I missed her.

I missed her smile, her blush, her scent, her hair, her lips. I missed her jokes, her general social ineptitude. I missed her laugh.

I was standing outside her window like a creepy stalker again. Guess old habits die hard after all.

She was asleep. I could sneak in for just a moment, see her, touch her again. She wouldn't wake up.

I hesitantly reached out to her window, holding my breath when it creaked too loudly, and keeping my eyes trained on Bella to make sure she was still asleep. She merely curled up a little bit more on her bed but otherwise remained immobile. I let out my breath.

Slipping silently across the floor was easy and familiar, but seemed a bit foreign after all these weeks of not being able to do so. She was so close now, if I just reached out my hand I could...

Stop it. I could look, I could definitely look, but I shouldn't touch her. If this was as close to Bella as I could get then so be it. She may want me out of her life but mine was nothing without her in it.

She was sleeping peacefully, for which I was grateful. I had been worried about how she might be sleeping since I wasn't around to soothe her. But she seemed fine. A bit sad, still guilty, but definitely on the mend. Her life was fixing itself. My lips quirked up into a smile at the thought.

I knelt down beside her and just stared at her. She was so peaceful, so beautiful as she slept. I had to grip the bed sheets as the urge to brush the hair off her face hit me hard. Control, Jasper, control.

Her nose scrunched up a little and she mumbled incoherently.

God I loved her so much.

She smiled then and I realized that she could feel my love. I didn't bother trying to reign it in. Because while I could lie to myself and the family and her when I had to, I couldn't bring myself to lie about it when I was alone and vulnerable. I just wanted to love her, plain and simple. In fact, I doubt there was anything I wanted quite as much as this right now.

I took a few controlling breaths then stood up to leave. This was too hard for me. As I walked silently to the window I felt Bella's mood change dramatically. Suddenly she was frightened and whimpering, caught in a nightmare. I hesitated for just a moment, but then she whimpered again and I was right by her side, brushing the hair off her face and calming her down. The latter was a bit unnecessary, but it'd been so long since I'd been able to do this I overdid it.

Bella calmed instantly, leaning into my palm and sighing. I couldn't help myself. I gently kissed Bella's forehead, staying as close as I could to wrap myself in the moment. She shifted, and I pulled back, frightened that she'd awoken.

Her eyes were open a bit, and she was staring up at me, a dazed, sleepy sort of smile gracing her face.

"Jasper," she mumbled. She smiled at me again, then sighed. "I love you." Bella dropped back off to sleep as if nothing has happened. As if we hadn't been apart for how many weeks, days, hours.

And she still loved me.

The thought both frustrated me and gave me hope. If Bella still loved me then maybe we could still be together and...no. No, when she woke up she wouldn't even remember. Things would go back to the way they were and she'd go on pretending I didn't exist, and I would let her. Sometimes you just have to know when to back down, and bow out gracefully, like Jacob. Maybe we could start our own little "Bella Doesn't Want to Be With Me" club, and hell, even invite Edward and Mike to join.

Ugh. Now I really was starting to sound like Edward with all the self pitying, do nothing attitude. That wasn't me. I was the go getter, the ruthless, do what I have to to get what I want type. Glancing back at Bella, I suddenly wondered where that Jasper went.

0000000

"Would you just go over there already? You're driving Alice and me insane," Edward grumbled from the doorway of the bedroom.

"What?" I asked, looking up from my book where I had been reading the same sentence for the past two hours.

"To Bella's. Your indecision is giving Alice a headache, and it's not doing me any favors either," Edward replied crossly, leaning against the doorframe.

"She doesn't want me to go there," I responded curtly, returning to my book with no intention to read it.

Edward scoffed behind me. "This isn't the Jasper I know," he told me condescendingly. "The Jasper I know rips the limbs off of anyone that tries to get in between him and his love. The Jasper I know has absolutely no problem stalking and forcing meetings between himself and the love of his life, despite her absolute resistance. Where did that Jasper go?"

He was taunting me, trying to get a rise out of me. Get me to shut the hell up, figuratively, seeing as it was in my head, and go do something about this. After all, this was the Jasper that had served in war, had fought off humans and vampires alike with no reservations or second thoughts for the woman he loved. This was the Jasper who would follow Bella to the ends of the earth forever just to be able to see her one more time.

"Yeah, well that Jasper is pretty damn tired of being told to go away every time he tries to plead his case," I muttered gruffly.

There was a long silence. I could feel Edward's disappointment. "Right. Well then, at least make up your mind about it." He turned to leave, but stopped just outside my door. "And remember that there are those who wouldn't give up on her love so easily if we knew deep down that we still had it."

Guilt trip. That bastard. I knew Bella loved me. I could feel it, even if she refused to let it show. I knew she loved me. I just wished she would admit it to herself.

There was a light knock at my door. "Jasper," Esme called softly from the doorway.

I sighed quietly, before turning around and standing. "Please come in Esme."

Esme smiled at me, walking across the room and sitting on the small love seat I had in my room. She looked around for a few moments, before glancing back at me. "I love this room," she told me.

I laughed slightly. "Well I should hope so. You designed it after all."

Esme grinned. "I meant to say, I love it because I feel it is so much more you than any other room you've had before."

I nodded, also looking at my room. Esme had furnished it in mostly wooden articles of furniture, modern but with a vintage sort of look. She also had a few actual antique pieces, from my time, and I had to admit when I first stepped inside I felt like I was home for the first time in a long time.

"Well you did a wonderful job," I replied quietly. Esme just smiled at me in that motherly way of hers. She really did know us better than we gave her credit for. We sat quietly for a few minutes, and it was refreshing. But it also gave me the inextricable urge to ask her advice. After all, I'd never been able to ask my own mother for advice on love, and Esme's maternal nature had me regarding her as a mother whether or not I, or anyone else, would really admit it to her.

"It's okay Jasper, you can ask me anything," she told me after a moment.

"I just, I don't know what to do about Bella," I sighed. "She refuses to talk to me and runs the moment she sees me. Now I admit that I've done my fair share of running from her, which I know I shouldn't, but after being scorned so many times, it's getting real hard to keep trying."

Esme nodded her head sympathetically, taking a moment to determine what she would say. "Jasper, when I was a young girl I remember liking Johnny Waters so much. He was my high school sweetheart. But then one day I saw him talking to Veronica Pike, and oh I just got so jealous. I absolutely refused to talk to him, see him, let him carry my books or walk me home. It went on for at least a month, probably more."

I raised my eyebrows at her, unsure why she was telling me this story.

"What do you think Johnny did that entire time, Jasper?" Esme asked me.

"I haven't a clue."

"Wouldn't leave me alone for a minute," Esme confessed, chuckling. "Followed me to school in the morning, back home in the afternoon, chased me around during lunch. Never a moment when that boy would give up."

Esme's smile suddenly turned a bit forlorn. "What happened to Johnny?"I prompted.

"I don't really remember," Esme replied. "I remember I finally forgave him, and we got back together and had a wonderful time. But I don't think my parents liked him very much. I don't remember; everything gets very fuzzy after that."

"I'm sorry," I said softly.

Esme shook her head slightly, turning back to smile at me again. "It was a very long time ago. I don't remember what happened, but I do remember that we cared for each other very much. And that for a long time we were together and happy. But to think, none of those wonderful things would have happened if he'd given up so easily." Esme stood then, and I followed suit. She leaned forward and up, kissing my cheek. "And don't even get me started on Carlisle's persistence," she laughed, walking out of the room.

I watched her exit, staring after her for a long while. She was right, after all. I was giving up too easily. I had to keep at it, no matter how frustrating and anxious it might make me. After all, mothers know best.

0000000

Esme had let me help her with her gardening this year, and some late spring flowers were in bloom. After gaining her consent I canvassed the flowers, breaking off the ones that were fully opened. I wasn't very good with flower arrangements, but the bouquet I picked looked decent enough, and I'm sure Bella would appreciate it more than if I had bought her one.

I patted my coat pocket, double checking that the letter was still there. I carefully laid the flowers next to the basket of strawberries I'd picked this morning. Maybe it was overkill but I couldn't help myself.

I tried to keep calm on the drive to Bella's house. I only hoped that this would go okay. That she would give me just a few minutes to try and talk to her. But even if she didn't I couldn't give up.

Bella wasn't home. Her truck wasn't in the driveway, nor was the cruiser. I walked up to the door anyway and knocked. No answer. I reached under the mat and grabbed the spare key, unlocking the door. Really though, under the mat was an awful place to hide a spare key. I left everything on the counter, placing the letter on top.

Disappointed I left the house. Charlie pulled up as I was leaving. "Jasper," he greeted, stepping out. "Haven't seen you in a while."

"Charlie," I greeted. "How have you been?"

"Oh I've been alright. Working. Keeping busy." Charlie paused for a while. "So you and Bella aren't..."

"No," I replied, uncomfortable. "But I aim to fix that."

"Good, good," Charlie agreed.

"Well, I should be going," I said, breaking the uncomfortable silence. "I'll see you soon."

"See you," Charlie responded.

When I returned to the house Esme was waiting on the porch. "She wasn't home," I told her. Before she could become concerned I added, "Don't worry. I'm not giving up."

"Good." Esme led the way into the house where Alice was lounging on one of the couches.

"She's going to love the letter," Alice called out. "So quit running away."

000000

Despite my fervid conviction to persistence and trying to win Bella back I couldn't help but lose confidence in the week following with no response from Bella. So now the get what you want Jasper was gone, replaced by meek, fold to everyone's whim's Jasper for an undisclosed amount of time. When finally Bella came to the house I ran out of there as fast as I could, claiming I had to hunt.

Which was obviously a lie, because who needs to hunt three days in a row after having drunk an entire bear the first time?

So here I was, sitting on a chair next to the woman I scorned, who was once again best friends, or as close as she could be, to the one person who I loved more than anything, while my rival stood poised in the doorway, a small smirk on his face. I couldn't help but glare at him as he listened to my train of thought.

"Alice, why am I going?" I asked, tugging at the tuxedo she had forced on me.

Alice paused, the mascara wand dangerously close to her eye, to glare at me. "Because, Jasper, this is my Senior Prom and there's no way I'm missing it. Now quit being a baby and go wait with Edward or something. But I swear to god if either of you mess up my hard work you'll regret it." Alice finished her makeup and rounded on me. "I'll be back at six and then we can go."

I sighed irritably. I really, really did not want to do this. Maybe I could somehow get in a battle with a bear and get my legs ripped off or...

Alice laughed. "Good luck with that, Jasper," she told me before she disappeared to god knows where.

"She's right. Emmett's already cleared out the bears in this area," Edward told me.

"Thanks for the help," I muttered darkly. I knew I was being unfair, but I couldn't help being grouchy. Not that it had anything to do with a certain human girl or anything ridiculous like that.

"Come on," Edward said, a hint of a grin on his face that I sort of wanted to wipe off. "Quit being a sourpuss. Emmett wants to challenge you in his new video game."

"Sourpuss?" I asked, my eyebrows arching high at the ridiculous term.

"Forgive me. Would you rather I had called you a-"

Oh shut it, I thought miserably, making my way slowly downstairs.

Edward followed me down, and we made our way over to Emmett who was currently sprawled out on the couch.

"You came!" he greeted cheerfully.

"Yes, well you wouldn't shut up about it, would you?" Edward replied mildly, grabbing one of the controllers. He picked the other one up and threw it at me.

This was utterly ridiculous. A war game. Seriously, as if we hadn't just had a real life battle. Sometimes I imagined how...enthusiastic...Emmett would have been had he been able to fight in a real war. Nothing seemed to daunt the man.

"Believe me, he's fantasized about it enough," Edward told me as I sat down. "Now quit being a child and enjoy killing the zombies."

0000

Alice was back promptly at six, looking her usual stunning self. However, when she saw my disarrayed hair and slightly wrinkled outfit she about threw a tantrum.

"I was gone for two hours," she muttered darkly, pulling a comb through my hair and trying to make it look as though I hadn't just spent the past couple of hours tugging at it in frustration whenever a zombie killed me. "And you!" she cried, shooting daggers at Edward, who was ironing his coat, "don't you dare move. We're going to be late now thanks to you two."

Alice tugged at my hair several more times before throwing her hands in the air. "I give up! You have three minutes to go iron your clothes while I work on Edward."

I rolled my eyes and headed to the hot iron, Edward and I trading places. I removed my coat and shirt, ironing them as quickly as I could, lest Alice decide to really throw a tantrum.

Alice had little success with Edward's hair either, and promptly just left the room.

"She'll be waiting for you in your car," Edward told me. I raised my eyebrow at him but he shrugged nonchalantly. "Honestly Jasper, she's just trying to make this night special," Edward replied. I wasn't sure if the bitterness I felt was his or my own.

"Sure, sure," I muttered, buttoning my shirt and throwing on my coat.

"Really, picking up habits from that dog now?" Edward chided.

I said something not so nice in my head but Edward merely laughed. Alice was indeed waiting for me in my car, and I slipped inside, waiting for Edward to come in as well.

"He's driving himself," Alice told me. For a moment I was confused, but Alice anticipated such a reaction and explained, "He's picking up Bella."

Oh. Right.

Edward had told me they weren't together any more, but it still stung. He got to see her, talk to her, laugh with her, _touch_ her, while I was kept at a firm distance.

Alice put her hand over mine. "Calm down Jazz. Don't worry about it," she murmured.

I felt guilty. "Sorry Alice. I promise we'll have a great night." Alice merely gave me a small smile. I brought the engine to life and pulled out smoothly, waving back at Esme who was standing on the porch with Carlisle, watching us leave. She always was sentimental about these things, regardless of how many times we'd all been to prom.

I wanted to make conversation with Alice, but let's be honest, Bella was going to be there, and I was a bit preoccupied with the different courses of action I might take. I'd been pretty good at avoiding her these past few times, but this one might be a bit more tricky. Of course, I could always do the man thing and say hello.

"Jasper?"

"Yes Alice?"

"Don't worry so much," she told me.

The witty retort died on my tongue as I glanced over at her. She'd really put a lot of effort into tonight, and she looked amazing. The old part of me that still loved her was overwhelmed with the desire to kiss her and tell her as much.

Alice laughed somewhat forlornly and gave me half a smile. "Thanks Jasper," she said softly.

"You're welcome," I told her. "I mean it though. You look amazing." I pulled into the parking lot of the school and turned off the engine. "And I'll do my best so that you enjoy this night as much as you should, because you definitely deserve it."

Alice leaned over and pecked my cheek. "Thanks Jazz, that means a lot."

I got out and opened her door, offering my arm. She took it and we walked to the entrance together, Alice handing over our tickets and heading us straight over to the dance floor. I decided against questioning why she skipped over the pictures, which were always the first thing we did, no matter how long it took, and merely followed her to the center of the dance floor.

Alice was always one of the first to dance, she always enjoyed it so much, and I was always happy to oblige. Of course, it was always more fun when Rosalie and Emmett were there so that we might change partners, but Alice was always a fun dance partner, so I couldn't complain.

We started off waltzing across the floor, but Alice soon decided she'd rather dance like the contemporaries, and broke away, mingling into the crowd, knowing full well I refused to dance in such an inappropriate manner.

I made my way off the dance floor, much more content to stand by the sidelines and watch rather than engage in dancing with people I didn't know. A few minutes passed in such a manner. Alice was dancing with some of her classmates on the far side of gym. The doorway got dark, signaling someone else entering, and my breath hitched. I turned slowly and saw Bella in all her splendor. Hair in soft waves, soft and flowing dress, holding onto Edward's arm and looking as uncomfortable as ever.

Edward leaned down to whisper something in her ear, and she blushed slightly, her cheeks blossoming pink, and she playfully slapped Edward's arm. He just smiled at her. My body was moving before I knew what I was doing. Edward glanced up at me and slightly scooted Bella forward. She looked up, confused, just as I arrived, stopping just short of her.

"Hey," I said breathlessly.

"Hey," she repeated. Her heart was fluttering and I knew I wasn't any better than her. My throat seized up and I couldn't for the life of me find anything to say. Because after running away from her so much, here I was, standing in front of her ready to profess my love and I couldn't say anything more elegant than 'hey'.

"Jasper," Edward said quietly, clapping my reassuringly on the shoulder before he walked away.

"Bella, I-"

"Jasper, I know I pushed you away, Refused to talk to you, was an absolute...an absolute brat these past few weeks," Bella started. "And, and I know I'm not very good at saying what I want to say. I usually jumble things up in my head so when they leave my mouth they sound even worse than they should."

Bella paused and looked up at me, and I gazed down at her, surprised and unable to reply.

"Okay. Well, I mean, it took me long enough to figure things out the first time around. And then things were great, and then everything went and got messed up, and I made bad choices, and then one thing led to another and one day I found myself sitting there realizing that-that..."

"Bella," I said quietly, holding a finger to her mouth to stop her. "You've refused to talk to me for weeks. Ignored my calls and talk to everyone else in the family but me." Bella mumbled something, but I shook my head. "I fought wolves and vampires and even humans for you. I conquered my thirst, made friends with my mortal enemy and even faced Charlie."

I released Bella and looked down at her hard. "Now darlin', you better have realized something damn important."

Bella stared at me for a moment, mouth slightly open, before she gathered her courage, squared her jaw, looking my right in the eyes. "I realized that even a forever with you would never be enough time. So why was I sitting here wasting it?"

I stared at her for a few moments, searching her face. She was anxious, determined, and damn full of love.

At last I smiled, cupping her face and pulling her close to me. Bella let out a squeak of surprise, but it was quickly smothered by my lips on hers. I ignited her passion instantly, and she knotted her hands in my hair slipping her tongue in my mouth. I eagerly allowed her entrance and drew her as close to me as I could.

At last Bella broke away, trying to catch her breath.

"I love you," she told me, the feeling bursting from her violently.

"For now?" I asked teasingly, letting my absolute love and adoration for this woman through.

"For always."

* * *

**A/N: **It's finally, finally done. I really hope that I have not disappointed you guys with this last chapter. I was so nervous and just unsure about how this would turn out. I always suck at last chapters. Anyway. I'm also so sorry for how long this took, but I want to thank ALL of you guys, especially everyone who emailed me and requested an update. The guilt you inspired in me has at last paid off. I just want to send a huge amount of love to **JaspersBella** and **SunshineandChocolate** for their support and help throughout this whole thing. And I just really hope you guys enjoyed the story. I love you all!


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